Chapter 12
Donovan
Skipping class yesterday with Stephen was irresponsible, but I’m not sorry; sneaking off to go and make out with my hot boyfriend, as if I’m going to say no to that.
And okay, so maybe we did a bit more than making out.
I don’t know what I was thinking, getting on my knees for him like that.
But I guess I wasn’t thinking, finally feeling comfortable enough to go with my gut instinct, which yes, in that moment was to suck his dick in a classroom.
I blush just thinking about it; the way he took control, used me, it was hot.
“What’s got you blushing, baby?”
Stephen’s voice makes me jump, coming out of nowhere. I look around, wondering if anyone can see us, if they’re noticing the way he’s leaning into me.
“Will you stop pouncing on me when I’m walking around campus? What if someone sees you?”
He chuckles, “I checked no one’s around. So, what is it?”
“What’s what?”
“What’s got you blushing?”
“Just thinking…” I murmur.
“About?”
“Skipping class yesterday.” Even if I didn’t know I was blushing, his expression would confirm it. He loves making me blush and he does it so damn easily.
“I’ve been thinking about it too,” he whispers, stepping back when a group rounds the corner of the building so they’re sharing the path with us.
Even though I was worried about people seeing us, having him move away is a reminder that we can only ever be friends in public, even the conversation we’re having is risky when it’s not behind a closed door.
“I did actually pounce on you to see if you’re free,” he says. “Jamie and Max asked if we wanted to meet them for coffee.”
“Oh, yeah,” I say, “sounds fun.”
We walk side by side, and as nice as it feels, it’s not the same as when we walked hand in hand on our date.
I miss the warmth of him, the sense of comfort from touching him, the closeness.
But I guess that’s what comes with keeping us a secret, and what I agreed to; I just never anticipated it being this difficult.
We’re not going to Java big and burly, with jeans and a plaid shirt—he’d fit right in.
“Latte?” Stephen asks, knowing my order but confirming it.
“Please,” I say, approaching the table.
“Hey, it’s nice to see you again,” Jamie says, as he stands to hug me.
“You too, how have you been?”
“Great, I’ve finalized my dance piece for the final showcase so now it’s just rehearsals, rehearsals, rehearsals.”
“Sounds exciting,” I say. “Is that part of your course?”
“Yeah, it’s a way for us to show everything we’ve learned, display our talents,” he chuckles. “It’s a smaller showcase than what you have at Tynerston though.”
“I tried to tell Jamie he should have gone to TU,” Max says, “with his talent he could have done a full Dance major—”
“But I’m happy here,” Jamie interrupts. “Besides, I wasn’t sure if I wanted to go down the route of professional dance, and I still don’t, so Exercise Physiology with a Dance minor made more sense.”
“You’re in the same classes as Stephen?”
“Yeah, we knew of each other in high school, so it was nice to see a friendly face, and that’s when we started being friends I guess.”
I nod, happy that they’ve found each other. Other than his family, they’re the only people who know about Stephen’s sexuality, and I like that he has people he trusts. I wonder if he’s told them about me…
Stephen returns with our coffees and sits next to me, keeping plenty of distance between us.
“What have I missed?” he asks.
“Just telling Donovan that I finalized my piece for the showcase,” Jamie says.
“Yes!” Stephen lifts his coffee in a toast. “That’s great news, I told you you’d figure it out. You both celebrating tonight?”
“No, we don’t need to cel—”
“We will be celebrating,” Max says, shushing Jamie. “This is a big deal and I’m proud of you.”
He pulls Jamie into him, nestling him perfectly at his side.
Their eyes meet and seeing them have that moment shows me again how in love they are, and they started out as friends.
I glance over at Stephen but he’s just smiling at them and sipping his coffee.
Is there ever a chance of being able to look at each other like that in front of his friends?
“What about you, Max? That class getting any easier?” Stephen asks.
“Comparative Politics? No, it’s still kicking my ass. But it’s a requirement so I just have to get through it.”
“If anyone can do it, you can, you’re the smartest person I know,” Stephen says.
“Thanks,” he chuckles.
“You’re studying politics?” I ask.
“Yeah, Political Science,” he nods.
“You’re the smartest person I know too then,” I say. “Back at TU, we did some lectures on politics and it was too much for me, like a whole other language.”
“Journalism major, right?” Jamie asks.
“Uh, yeah,” I nod, surprised he remembers, or could even hear me at the club.
“Do you have a plan for after you’ve finished school?” he asks.
“I haven’t got that far yet,” I chuckle. “Honestly, I’m just trying to make it to graduation.”
“Us too,” Jamie says, before his smile drops.
“What’s going on?” Stephen asks.
Max sighs, “We haven’t said anything yet, because we haven’t decided what we’re doing, so didn’t want to make a big deal out of it.”
“But it is a big deal, it’s a huge opportunity for you,” Jamie says, looking at him proudly.
“So what is it?” Stephen asks. “Are you gonna make us guess?”
“Well, I got an offer of admission from a law school—”
“Ivy League law school,” Jamie says.
“Seriously?” Stephen asks. “Isn’t that the dream?”
“Yes!” Jamie says excitedly. “Will you please tell him to stop being so down about this?”
“I’m not down about it,” Max says, “I’m just… it’s across the other side of the country, it’s a long way from your family, there would be a lot for us to figure out.”
Sensing his discomfort I want to reassure him. “It’s a big move and a big decision, it’s okay to have conflicting feelings about it.”
Max gives me a small smile and nods. “Thanks, that’s exactly it. Of course I’m excited, and yes, it’s the dream, but there are other emotions going on there too, it’s not simple for me.”
Jamie nuzzles into him. “I know, I’m just so proud of you, and I support you one hundred percent.”
“I know you do,” Max chuckles, “you’re literally offering to leave everything you know behind for me, but that’s not something I want us to do lightly.”
“Okay,” Jamie nods against him.
Stephen and I stay quiet, letting them have this moment; it’s clearly been on both of their minds.
As much as I’ve enjoyed getting to know them more, it feels bittersweet for me.
It’s great to be out with people, to be myself, to get to know a gay couple who are both out and living their lives, but I can’t help but feel a little envious of what they have.
Seeing Jamie curled up against Max as they murmur sweet things to each other, knowing that Jamie is willing to move across the country for him, leaving everything behind as Max said.
I want that, that type of love, that type of connection.
It would feel so natural right now to rest my head on Stephen’s shoulder, or touch his thigh, even hold his hand; but I can’t.
I feel like I’m missing out, and as happy as I am, I can’t stop that sadness from creeping in.
The mixed feelings I had yesterday after coffee with Max and Jamie disappeared as soon as Stephen and I got back to our dorm; when he pressed me against the door and kissed me until I could barely remember my name.
As soon as we’re in our bubble, all my doubts disappear, it’s just us, together.
I wish we never had to leave; would anyone really notice if I skipped all of my classes? Probably.
“Donovan!”
I turn and find Jamie grinning and waving as he walks towards me.
“Hey!” he says, pulling me into a hug like we’ve been friends for years. “I’m glad I caught you!”
“You are?”
“Yeah, Stephen mentioned that you might want to spend some time together so we can talk about some stuff. Max is out tonight so I’ve got the apartment to myself if you wanted to come over now?”
“Oh, uh, yeah.” I forgot about Stephen arranging for me to talk to them, but I guess it’s better to get it over with. “That would be great.”
“Awesome, come on!”
He links his arm with mine and we make our way off campus. Their apartment isn’t far, and I’ve heard that other students live around here too if they want to get away from the dorms. It’s a large building and we take the elevator up to the fifth floor.
“How long have you both lived here?”
“Only this year,” he says, unlocking the door. “We both got sick of sharing dorm rooms with other people and knew we wanted to have our own space, so figured we’d get a place. I wish we’d done it sooner honestly.”
The space is simple but homey, and I can see both of them in it. Graphic art covers the walls, and the sofa is decked out with cushions and blankets. He puts some music on and heads to the fridge, returning with two sodas.
“Make yourself at home,” he nods towards the sofa.
“I love it,” I say, gesturing around the apartment.