Chapter 21
Donovan
Even if we can’t be together right now, even if it’s not the right time for us, you’re fucking mine…
Stephen’s words from that night echo in my head every day.
He was right, I am still his. It’s been nearly five weeks since we broke up, and I haven’t even looked at another guy.
For a while it felt like I was just existing, going through the motions.
Jamie and Max have been amazing, looking out for me, inviting me to spend time with them, we’ve even gone to Prism a few nights.
I’d been reluctant at first, it took a lot of convincing, and Jamie gently reminding me that I didn’t have to hook up with anyone. I could just go and dance, make friends, be somewhere that I was safe to be myself.
And so I’d agreed, and I’ll admit we had fun. It did feel freeing to be out at a gay bar and not worry about who might see me there. I’m still not used to guys flirting with me, which happens more than I thought, but no one comes close to Stephen.
I glance over to his side of the room as I pack up my stuff, ready to head back to Tynerston now my semester exchange is over.
His side is empty, there’s nothing left of him there, but it’s still his side.
I’ve lost count of how many nights I’ve given in and left my bed for his, feeling closer to him when I sleep there. Fuck, that sounds really pathetic.
Once I’ve got everything packed, I let myself have a final look around. So many of my firsts happened in this room, it’s strange to think I’ll never be back here again, and sad to think that my time here was just as temporary as my relationship with Stephen.
My thoughts are interrupted by a knock at the door just before it opens.
“Didn’t think we were gonna let you sneak out on us, did you?” Jamie says, pulling me into a hug when he reaches me.
“Never,” I chuckle, “I was going to swing by, I promise.”
“Good, in fact, we have a surprise for you,” Max says.
“You do?” I ask, as he waves two tickets in my face. “What are those?”
“We’re coming with you!” Jamie screams.
“Uh, not permanently,” Max adds. “We’re going to Tynerston to watch Stephen’s first game tomorrow, so figured we’d travel with you today and stay overnight, if that’s cool?”
“Absolutely,” I say. “Hey, do you wanna meet some hot biker guys? There’s a gathering at the motorcycle club tonight to welcome me home.”
“Fuck yeah we do,” Jamie says. “Please take us to meet the hot bikers, pretty please.”
“Alright, don’t be too enthusiastic,” Max chuckles.
As we head out I feel lighter than I have in weeks.
I miss Stephen like crazy, but I’ve also missed Beth, and being able to hang out whenever we want will be amazing.
Not to mention the fact that the club members all know about me now, and they’re okay with it, so much so that it won’t even be an issue when I turn up with Jamie and Max later.
I’d cried down the phone when Beth told me the club was getting rid of their shitty rules, that all of the members know I’m gay, and that they still see me as family. As a result, she’s also worked things out with my brother, so they’re officially together and living at the clubhouse.
Even though technically I’m going home, it all feels brand new.
I’ve never spent time there as my true self before, and there’s a part of me that’s scared that even though they all accept me, they won’t actually like me.
But I left Tynerston alone, and now I’m going back with friends, which is more than I could have ever hoped for.
“?Quién es? Who is it?” The gruff voice of one of the club members greets us after I’ve knocked on the gate.
“Walrus, it’s Donovan, open up!”
The corrugated metal gate inches open, until there’s just enough room for us to fit through.
“These are my friends, Jamie and Max,” I say, “and this is Walrus.”
He doesn’t even look fazed by the fact that Jamie is wearing platform heels and a silk dress under a leather motorcycle jacket; after insisting we went by their place so he could get appropriate clothes for meeting hot bikers.
Max is dressed in his usual jeans and a plaid shirt, so he’ll fit right in.
Walrus grunts and disappears into the office again.
“Never mind him,” I say, heading into the yard, “he’s a man of few words.”
The place is full of bikes so everyone must be here, and I can’t wait to see them all. I lead us to the main door of the clubhouse, as soon as I walk in I’m met with a scream and a mass of wild red hair in my face as Beth leaps into my arms.
“It hasn’t been that long,” I laugh, swinging her around.
“It’s still been too long,” she says.
“Beth, this is Jamie and Max.” I introduce them, but Beth and Jamie are already hugging as she says hi to Max.
“I’ve heard so much about you both, I feel like I already know you,” Beth says.
“You too,” Jamie chuckles.
“Come on, I’ll introduce you.” She grabs Jamie’s hand and pulls him further into the bar.
“I guess that’s them for the night,” Max says.
“Yeah, I figured they’d hit it off immediately. Come on, let’s get a drink.”
I go by the bar and grab us both a beer before heading to the table where everyone is sitting, Beth is already making introductions.
“Everyone, these are Donovan’s friends, Jamie and Max.”
The guys all lift their drinks in a greeting.
“Right,” Beth says, “are you ready for this? Here we go, around the table we have Diablo—my boyfriend—and we’ve also got Pretty Boy, Slim, Tank, El Jefe, and Tipo.”
She points them all out as she introduces them and the guys each nod and say hi.
“Well hi everyone,” Jamie says, “Donovan wasn’t lying when he said I’d get to meet some hot bikers tonight.”
“For fuck’s sake,” Max groans. “For the record, he’s my boyfriend so please just ignore him, you’re all safe, I promise. Unless any of you want to take him off my hands of course; though I warn you, he’s very high maintenance.”
Everyone laughs but Jamie is giving Max daggers and mouthing, “Fuck you!” at him.
“Get in here, sit down,” Tank says, his deep voice rising above everyone else’s as they shuffle their chairs around to make space.
“Why don’t you have a seat here, darlin’,” Pretty Boy says in his southern drawl as he winks at Jamie.
Who in turn smirks over his shoulder at Max and says, “Don’t mind if I do!”
“Oh my god,” Max laughs, shaking his head as he sits next to El Jefe.
I sit next to my brother who has his arm wrapped tightly around Beth, clearly loving the fact that they can be together in the open.
“It’s good to have you back, Donovan,” Tank says, “we’ve missed you.”
“Yeah, we were worried you were gonna ditch us for Winbrook permanently,” Pretty Boy says.
“No, I love it here too much. No offense,” I say to Jamie and Max.
“None taken,” Max chuckles. “You’ll have to come back to visit us though, nights at Prism won’t be the same without you now.”
“I will, don’t worry.”
“Ooh, can we all go for drag night?” Beth asks. She’s always hated that there isn’t a gay bar in Tynerston and is desperate to go to a drag show.
“Absolutely sweetie, it’s a date,” Jamie says, “and as long as you don’t mind sharing the sofa bed with Donovan, you can stay with us.”
Diablo clears his throat loudly.
“Really?” I ask, rolling my eyes at him. “You know I’m only interested in men, but you’re still jealous and possessive over the thought of us sharing a bed?”
“No, I’m just not spending a night away from Elizabeth. You can have the sofa bed; we’re getting a hotel.”
“Oh, you think you’re coming with us to drag night?” Beth asks.
“Why not?” he says.
Beth shrugs, desperately trying to hold back a laugh.
“What? What’s so funny?” he asks, his voice rising, but I can tell he’s not angry, weirdly this is him being sweet.
“Nothing,” Beth says, “I just can’t imagine you at a drag show, that’s all.”
“Yeah,” I chuckle, “Jamie makes us wear feather boas.”
“Okay, forget what I said,” Beth laughs, “you’re definitely coming if it means I get to see you in a feather boa.”
“What? You think I can’t pull that shit off? I can make anything look good, princess,” he smirks.
“Mmm, I know you can,” she murmurs, leaning in and kissing him.
“Oh my god,” I groan. “Hearing you two flirt is weird, please stop.”
“Now you know what we’ve been having to put up with,” Tank says.
“Fuck off! We’ll flirt as much as we want, especially if I’m gonna be wearing some feather boa shit for you all.”
“I’m gonna need you to take some photos of that, darlin’,” Pretty Boy says to Beth.
“Yeah, we can get it framed and hang it above the bar for everyone to see,” Tank laughs.
“Fuck all of you,” Diablo mutters, “just wait till you get girlfriends, then you won’t be laughing. You’ll be the ones agreeing to crazy shit just to spend time with them.”
“I dunno,” Tank says, “El Jefe is married and I’m ninety-nine percent sure he’s never worn a feather boa.”
“Don’t drag me into this shit… literally,” El Jefe chuckles.
“Oh my god,” Beth says, “I would pay good money to see you all in drag.”
“Yes!” Jamie claps his hands excitedly. “You should do it for Pride, I can see it now, leather daddies on bikes with feather boas!”
“Leather daddies? I like the sound of that,” El Jefe says.
“Uh… I think it means something different than what you’re thinking, El Jefe…” Beth says, a blush crossing her face.
She’d never admit this to my brother, but I know for a fact she used to have a crush on El Jefe. She always did have a thing for older guys, and would have definitely enjoyed calling him Daddy, until my brother anyway.
“I don’t know,” Jamie smiles, “I think you’d make a great leather daddy, El Jefe… what does that mean anyway?”
“It means The Boss,” he says in his deep voice.
“Mmm, definitely a leather daddy,” Jamie chuckles.
“Oh my god,” I groan, putting my head in my hands. “I can’t cope with this. My worlds are colliding in the weirdest way.”
“Regretting inviting us?” Max asks, grinning at me.
“I definitely have regrets; I’m not sure exactly which part though… maybe everything?”
“We could do something for Pride though,” Diablo says.
“Really?” I ask.
“Yeah, I want to support you, make sure you know we’ve got your back.” He nudges Beth. “Don’t you know the people who organize it all?”
She nods. “Yeah, at least from the university side of things. If you want to do something I can ask them.”
“Definitely, isn’t there some parade or something?” Diablo asks.
“Kind of, it starts as a protest; everyone marches through the city center with banners and stuff before ending at City Hall.”
“We should join that, take up the rear on our bikes,” Pretty Boy chuckles and leans into Jamie. “Pun intended.”
“Oh my god,” Beth groans, but Jamie is laughing too much to hear her apology.
“I’ve created monsters,” I say, throwing my hands in the air in mock horror.
But in all honesty, I feel incredibly lucky.
A couple of months ago we’d have never been talking like this.
Having the guys not only accept me, but spending time joking and laughing with my friends, making plans to get involved with Pride.
I was so worried that they wouldn’t like me, but this is better than I could have ever imagined.
“That’s settled then,” El Jefe says, “we’ll join the protest. Not taking anything up the rear or being leather daddies though,” he adds, causing tears to run from Jamie’s eyes because he’s laughing so hard.
“This is the best night ever,” he pants between laughs, struggling to even breathe.
Instead of heading back to my old dorm room, or Jamie and Max booking into a hotel, El Jefe insisted we all stay in the guest rooms here. Slim, El Jefe, Walrus, and Tipo all have their own houses, but Pretty Boy and Tank live here permanently, along with Beth and Diablo.
We say goodnight and each head to our rooms, with me wanting to hide my head in embarrassment when my brother informs Jamie and Max that they’ll find complimentary lube and condoms in the bedside table.
“Ooh, better than a hotel,” Jamie says, nudging Max who chuckles as they push each other into their room.
“Night everyone,” I groan, desperate to get away from this crazy mash up of people.
“Night, little bro,” Diablo says, “it’s good to have you home.”
“Yeah, it’s good to be back,” I say, “and thanks for being so welcoming to my friends.”
“Of course, you’re family, and any friend of yours is a friend of ours,” he says, pulling me into a hug.
As lucky as I feel after I’ve crawled into bed, my mind wanders back to Stephen, as it always does when I’m alone.
He’s got his first official game tomorrow with the Warriors.
Max tried explaining it to me, something about pre-season games, so it’s not a part of the season, but that won’t matter to Stephen.
He’ll want to give it everything, proving to everyone why he’s on the team.
I know I have no right to be, but I’m jealous of Jamie and Max getting to see him tomorrow, even if it is from a distance.
I wish more than anything that I could tell him good luck, reassure him that he’ll be amazing.
But the last thing I want to do is message him tonight, it won’t be fair, inserting myself into his life out of the blue, not when he needs to focus on the game.
Still, it doesn’t mean I don’t miss him, and it doesn’t stop me wondering if he’s thought about me at all, especially when he’s alone at night.
Does he get hard thinking about me, like I am right now as I imagine him in his football gear, sweaty and rugged.
How he looks when he peels off the layers, revealing his perfect abs and chest. Fuck, I miss his abs.
I remember the first time I touched them, running my fingers over the muscles, licking them…
My hand is in my boxers, gripping my hard dick, but wishing it’s his hand instead.
Fuck it, the complimentary lube is for me too.
I reach into the nightstand and squeeze a load into my hand, before sliding it along the length of my dick.
Allowing my eyes to close, I imagine Stephen is here with me.
His voice is clear as day, telling me how pretty I look on my knees, how good I feel, how my body is made for him.
I quicken my pace, imagining him filling me as I grip his hair in my hand, and I come with his name on my lips, wishing he could be here to hear it.