Chapter 25 Bambalina
Bambalina
I slip on the gold satin slip dress with trembling hands.
It’s not as racy as the Versace I wore on my birthday, but it’s cut for a figure like mine, hugging my ribs and rippling over my curves, making me feel sexy and expensive.
I’ve scooped my hair up into a messy bun decorated with tiny gold leaves.
Understated gold earrings emphasize my long, slim neck, leading to a décolletage shimmering with sparkling body oil.
I never got a reply from Nicolò, so I have no idea if he’s coming tonight or not. I’ve dressed for him anyway.
I thought I’d be prepared if I see him but now the night is here, my mind has gone blank and my body weak. If he does walk into the house looking disarmingly handsome as usual, words will be the least of my problems. I might have to grip something to stay upright.
Being apart from him for over a week has been harder than I’d expected.
And despite the fact he’s hurt me with his behavior, I haven’t stopped dreaming about him.
I’m still as smitten as I was. Only now, I’ve had time to cool off after finding out he’d read my journal, and heat right back up again at the thought he’s been inside my mind and knows exactly how I picture the two of us together.
The idea of standing before him now makes me feel naked.
Completely and utterly bare. And I wish that didn’t turn me on as much as it does.
I spend the early part of the evening helping Allegra and Antonia to top up drinks and chat with family. And at least half of that admiring, with an embarrassingly dropped jaw, the size and beauty of Tess’s diamond.
Cristiano and Trilby arrive, with Sera and Andreas following a short while after. Other capos are here too, but there’s still no sign of Nicolò.
I bring my photography equipment downstairs and take some nicely lit photographs of Tess and Benito.
Tess is wearing the most stunning midnight blue dress, and every now and then she looks into Benito’s eyes and he seems to melt.
Of all the Di Santo men, he’s the most battle-worn with the scar down one cheek, but his face lights up when he locks eyes with my sister.
It makes my stomach fold in on itself and I can only hope that one day, I’ll have a love like that too.
I return the equipment to my room, ready for the speeches, then make my way carefully back down the stairs. Papa doesn’t usually like us to wear our shoes in the house but exceptions are made for occasions like these, and I have four inch Louboutin gold heels on my feet.
When I enter the living room, everyone is standing, champagne flutes in hand, their gazes cast toward the far corner.
Papa is thanking everyone for coming, and preparing to give a speech.
I look around the room for Nicolò but I still can’t see him anywhere.
I didn’t think my heart could drop any deeper but it does.
Why couldn’t he have replied? It would be easier to know for sure that he isn’t coming. Instead, I’m left wondering, and that makes my heart ache and my nerves crackle. He should have told me. Even if it was to confirm he is seeing someone now. It would have been the kind thing to do.
But Nicolò Di Santo isn’t kind. He’s ruthless and cold. He’s thick-skinned and hard-muscled. He’s distant and unreachable. And now I know, with a clarity that could cut ice, that’s exactly why I want him.
This attraction isn’t healthy. Nicolò could hurt me. He’s already hurt me, but God, he could do worse if he wanted.
Papa is talking but I can’t process a word of what he’s saying through the collision of emotions in my chest. I want to cry at what I lost, what I never had. I want to scream at Nicolò for leaving so easily.
I wrap my arms around my front, and try to focus on the happy words being spoken at the front of the room, but the sounds blur around me.
Until one crystallizes in my ear.
“I’ve missed you too.”
My heart slams against my ribcage.
He’s behind me, and he’s so close I can feel the heat of his chest and stomach against my back, his thighs against my ass.
I feel the palm of his hand, hot against the right side of my ribs, then his fingertips drift down my side, before sliding around my waist and tucking beneath my folded arms, out of sight.
He draws me into him, until it feels as though his entire body is wrapped around me.
My eyes flick across the guests, nervously. I’m standing at the back of the room, but if anyone were to look round, they’d see me and my stepbrother standing inappropriately close together.
His breath whispers across my ear, his lips touching the shell in a soft caress.
“And I’m sorry,” he says. “I’m so sorry.”
My hair pulls a little as he drags his lips away from my ear and presses them to the back of my head. Each breath he takes is long and deep. I feel like he’s consuming me, inhaling my very essence.
“Your journal was private,” he murmurs, quiet enough that no one else in the room can hear, only me. “I shouldn’t have read it. I should have put it down the second I realized what it was and who it was about. But I didn’t, and I’m sorry.”
I maneuver my arms so I can close a hand over his.
I want to reassure him it’s okay, that even though it’s too soon for forgiveness, I know and appreciate he’s sorry.
Despite what he’s done, I haven’t stopped wanting him.
In fact, I want him more. I’ve had a taste of what life is like without him, and it’s empty and cold and just plain numb.
A few feet away, Allegra sneezes, sending a bolt of anxiety into my bones.
Allegra never sneezes just once. The first is always a precursor to an actual fit of sneezing and she will need tissues.
I can only hope she has some with her, because I don’t want her to turn around and see me and Nicolò like this.
And worse, I don’t want him to have a reason to pull away.
I press his hand into me and feel a strangled groan vibrate through the walls of his throat.
Then he continues to murmur quietly into my hair.
“I should have never allowed this to happen. I should have walked out of the shooting range, moved out of this house and stayed the fuck away.”
The shooting range? That was so long ago.
“I should have kept my back turned when our parents announced their marriage. I shouldn’t have watched your reactions like they were what I needed to breathe. I shouldn’t have allowed myself to consider following when you ran from the room.”
My breathing stills. I hated him that day. I hated everyone. But that was the day he noticed me?
“I know I’m going to hell, Lina. There are so many reasons why my resting place should be amidst fire and pain. It’s what I deserve.”
My tear ducts begin to swell. Why does he insist on punishing himself? I go to shake my head but his mouth presses up against it, making my head tilt forward a fraction.
A second sneeze in front of me sharpens my spine.
Another groan shakes his body. “I fucking loved reading your words. It’s wrong, it’s disrespectful and I should go to hell for it.
But Lina… My little fawn…” I melt into the floorboards.
“I felt like I was under your skin, inside your mind, and it’s the most beautiful, most seductive place I’ve ever been. ”
Every word he utters into my hair feels like a thread unravelling, the long sigh of a held breath, like he’s becoming lighter with every truth, every admission.
“Your words have done bad things to me. They’ve changed me.
I see you for who you really are.” His voice drops until it’s so low and breathy I can only just hear it.
“You’ve shown me how you feel things, what you do to yourself.
What you want, what you like. I know how to pleasure you, little fawn, exactly the way you want. ”
My knees weaken and the tiniest of whimpers leaves my parted lips.
A few strands of my hair flutter through another groan. “And these are things a brother should never know about his sister.”
His thick length presses against the small of my back with each confession he makes and I am filled with the kind of conviction that should elude a mere teenager. I want my stepbrother badly. I want every little thing he can give me, even if it is just a confession.
“Until I read those pages…”
A long pause makes me hold my breath.
“Right up to that point, you were this sweet little thing I couldn’t touch in case I broke you.”
His voice cracks with heavy emotion. “So beautiful. So vibrant. So perfect and funny. So damn stubborn.” A smile pulls on his lips and my hair. “And so innocent.”
I want to turn around and face him. I want to shove his hand between my legs to show him how un-fucking-innocent I really am, but Allegra launches into a stream of consecutive sneezes and I tense instead.
“Now I know how misplaced that prediction was. Because if I touch you, it won’t be you that breaks… It will be everyone else.”
My heart cracks in half.
“I can’t have you, Lina…”
His mouth presses hard against my head, containing a short, sharp growl of frustration, then his lips sweep past my ear.
“And maybe that’s why I want you so fucking bad.”
When I whip around, he’s gone. There’s no palm burning into my waist, no arousal pressed up against me, no hot breaths in my hair.
He’s walked away leaving me so hot between the legs I can’t move. He’s told me in not so many words that this is wrong. But with his scorching words still warming my ear and his hand print branding my stomach, I feel more haunted by my stepbrother than I ever did before.