Chapter 3 Going to Die #3
“—in their lacy underthings.”
“In their delicates?” I choked on my beer. “Koa, you dog!”
“Shut up!”
“Apologies, my good bitch. No more kink-shaming, I swear.” I tossed a popcorn kernel at Casimir’s forehead. “Question is, what flavor of vengeance makes those harpies’ nipples hard? Were they trying to morph Seri into a hedgehog?”
Cas caught the next kernel mid-air. Crunched it thoughtfully.
“Not hedgehogs. No, no, too cute. And they can’t wear tiny hats. No hedgehogs, Z. I forbid it.”
“Five minutes ago, you wanted flamingos—”
“We do not keep secrets from our wife!” Cas bellowed as his fist hit the desk, rattling keyboards.
“She deserves the truth, Zane! Even if it…” His anger dissolved into a hiccup.
“Even if she cries. Which would be terrible. Terrible, Ko. Because her tears are… sparkly. And wet. They’re sparkly and wet, Zoodle.
And they… And they make my chest ache. I don’t want her to cry ever, ever, ever again. ”
His pupils were blown so wide, there was only a rim of green left. Ko and I exchanged a look.
“All right.” I pried the beer from his loose grip. “Bedtime for all little Valkyries.”
“Not tired. Do the buggies have tiny hats, too?” He slumped forward, forehead thunking against the desk. “Need to test Brummy.”
“Test him in what?” I paused. “Teeth puncture rates?”
“Test him as a protector. Prove he’s not… Prove he is…” A shudder ran through him before he roared, “Furry usurper!”
“Not this again,” Ko groaned.
“Excellent! Do you think we can find a way to use lasers?” I wiggled at the happy thought.
“No lasers.” Cas paused to yawn. “And my mother is Reginleif, dumbass! That’s why… Why… Why, what?” His eyes tearing up, he gave Ko a look of utter tragedy. “Koko. Why what?”
“Um, why it’s Leif?” our little brother suggested cautiously.
“Why it’s Leif!” Cas beamed. “Unner… unner… unnerwear, Dane Zorian?”
“Most days, Lasimir Ceif, if I can find clean ones.” With an enormous grin, I picked him up in a fireman’s carry. “I also underwear that your ass is drunk.”
“We are going to die.” Koa buried his face in his hands.
“Don’t be such a pessimist!” I cackled as I headed for the door. “I won’t let Seri kill you!”
“Seri? I’m more worried about him when he sees this footage.”
“Worry about yourself, Zoodle.” Cas giggled. Fuck. Ing. Gig. Gled. “You don’t have a tiny hat.”
#
Casimir
The world tilted sideways as Zane hauled me down the hallway. My head lolled against his back, every step jostling thoughts loose before they could fully form.
“You’re spinning the house,” I accused, fingers tangling in his shirt.
“Nope. That’s all you, lightning boy. Remind me to spike your drinks more often. You’re almost tolerable like this.”
“Y’know what’s strange?” I informed his kidney, which was uncomfortably close to my nose. “Gravity. Very peculiar phenomenon. Shouldn’t work indoors.”
“Just don’t puke on me, Spark Plug.”
“The ceiling is following us.” I squinted at the ornate molding undulating overhead. “Very suspicious behavior for architecture.”
“Totally normal curse after effect.”
“Not cursed.” I tried to straighten indignantly, but only managed to flail one arm. “I’m magnificent.”
“Sure, Cas. Magnificent like a jellyfish in a blender.”
“You have stupid.” My fingers found his hair and gave it a tug.
“Stupid what?”
“Yes.”
“You’re high as a satellite. Hahaha! If only Lucian could see his golden boy now.”
He shouldered open our bedroom door. Moonlight pooled around Seri’s form curled beneath the duvet, Brumous’ head resting on her hip. As Zane dumped me onto the mattress, my vision fractured into three wolves, twelve brothers, and a constellation of dust motes swirling like enemy combatants.
“Shhhhhhh,” I hissed, pressing my finger against Zane’s lips and missing by several inches. “She’s sleeping.”
“No kidding.”
“We must be…” I searched for the word, finding it after what felt like a year. Proud of myself, I shouted, “Quiet!”
“Shut up, Casimir!” Zane hissed. “You’ll wake her!”
“Wake who?” I asked, then remembered. “Oh. Our wife. Our beloved. Seri-berry. Berry-Seri—”
Zane’s hand slapped over my mouth.
“Sanguine mortis, if you wake her up, I will personally shave your precious golden locks while you sleep!”
I licked his palm. He yelped and shoved me away.
“That’s disgusting!”
“What happened to shhhhing?” I attempted to sound authoritative, but it came out more like I was gargling marbles. “And why’s the room melting?”
“It’s not. You’re hallucinating.”
“Am not.” I reached up to touch the dripping chandelier crystals. My fingers passed through empty air. “Oh. Maybe a little.”
Zane snorted, wrestling my boots off, and Brumous whined low in his throat as he pressed his cold nose against my palm. Rolling over, I face-planted into Seri’s pillow and tangled my fingers in her hair.
“Mine,” I slurred into her nape, vertigo warring with the sudden, overwhelming need to count her breaths. One. Two. Three. Steady. Alive.
Then she stirred, and my breath caught. If she woke— If she saw me like this—
Thank the night, she only sighed in her sleep, fingers brushing my wrist, and the lightning under my skin gentled at her touch. Less like being electrocuted and more like sparklers. Tiny, happy sparklers dancing under my skin.
“Rest, brother.” Zane’s palm covered my eyes as the world smeared into gold-lit blurs. “We’ve got the watch tonight.”
The door clicked shut, and somewhere between Seri’s exhale and Brumous’ inhale, I realized three devastating truths:
1. My fang-rotted pants were still on.
2. The wolf was closer to Seri’s ass than I was.
3. I wanted to cry over both.
“D’nt tell,” I warned the wolf. “That I… I… My tongue felt three sizes too large. “I’m immoxitated. Intoximated. Drunk.”
Seri mumbled in her sleep, cuddling into me. Something molten and terrifying expanded in my chest cavity. I squinted down at it, wondering if someone had replaced my ribcage with a hot air balloon while I wasn’t looking.
“She’s so small. How’s something so small contain so much everything?”
I struggled to prop myself on one elbow. Brumous regarded me with those too-intelligent blue eyes, head cocked like I was the most fascinating disaster he’d ever witnessed.
“Listen here, you, you, you dust bunny of sharp ends! I outrank you in the Seri protection hierarchy!”
The wolf huffed a laugh.
“M’serious! Very serious. Casimir Serious Cimmerian. That’s me.” I attempted to tap my chest for emphasis, but somehow ended up patting the wolf’s ear instead. “Hmm. That’s soft.”
I continued petting it and, with my free hand, attempted to pull the duvet over us. My arm refused to cooperate, however, flailing like severed octopus tentacles. After three embarrassing tries, Brumous took pity on me, grabbing the edge with his teeth and dragging it over us.
“Good boy.”
Then, like magnets, Brumous and I shifted closer—he from one side, me from the other—until she was safely sandwiched between us. My fingers found hers, and I watched tiny sparks dance across our joined hands, harmless now, pretty even.
“See that? Magic husband powers.” I smirked at the wolf. “Can you make sparkles? No, I think not. No sparkles for dires.”
He sneezed in my face.
“Rude.” I wiped slobber from my cheek onto Seri’s pillow. “Y’know what? You did good today, Brummy. When that thing came at her. You saved her.”
His eyes gleamed with pride as his tail thumped against the mattress.
“No, no.” I tapped my finger against his wet nose. “No wagging after midnight. S’against the rules.”
He tilted his head, his eyes narrowing, then he deliberately wagged his tail again, just once.
“Impudent animal. You think you’re so clever, don’t you? With your … your fluff and your heroics. Well, you’re not the boss here. I’m the boss. Of you. And of Seri. And Zane. And Koko. And… and probably the whole house! Maybe the whole world!”
He huffed again, his breath warm against my arm, and I wanted to argue further, but my eyelids went down and stayed down, and I had no choice but to let him win this round.