Chapter 10 With My Mates #3
“When was your last menstrual cycle?” Casimir’s clinical tone made the question slightly less mortifying than it might have been.
“I—”
I stopped, unsure how much of an answer I could give them.
“We should have had this conversation a week ago,” Zane rambled, scrubbing his hand through his hair until it stood up in wild stalks. “Who knew condoms would be harder to bring up than marriage? I mean, somehow, ‘Hey, let’s talk about latex barriers,’ felt too awkward and—”
“Calm down, Z,” Koa said, then turned back to me. “When we helped you unpack, beloved, we noticed you didn’t have any form of birth control among your things. Given everything else going on, it wasn’t relevant at the time, but—”
“But since we’ve become active,” Casimir finished, “it’s a concern we need to address.”
I twisted my fingers together in my lap, trying to find the words to explain.
“I haven’t had a cycle since…”
The sentence died in my throat, the familiar choking sensation of the whisperbind closing around my words like invisible hands. I couldn’t say “since Arabesque started siphoning me.” The silence shackle wouldn’t allow it. I swallowed hard and tried again.
“Since Papa died.”
They exchanged glances, one of those silent conversations they were so good at.
“October.” Casimir’s eyes darkened with fury. “It’s April. Six to seven months of siphoning?”
“That’s not natural.” Koa stood and started pacing. “To go that long without a cycle.”
“Actually, it is, under certain circumstances.” Professor Casimir was back, his voice dipping into that tone he used when explaining medical concepts.
“When a woman’s body fat percentage drops too low, she stops producing the hormones necessary for ovulation.
It’s essentially a survival mechanism. The body recognizes it doesn’t have sufficient resources to support a pregnancy, so it shuts down that system temporarily. ”
I glanced down at myself, at the body that was still too thin despite weeks of regular meals.
Arabesque’s siphonings had taken more than my magic; it had drained my physical health as well.
It didn’t help that what she considered sufficient rations had been far from it, and I’d given a third of that to Brumous to keep him alive.
I knew it bothered my husbands. Each of them ran their hands up and down my ribs at least twice a day, as if checking to see if they still jutted out as far.
“So what about future kids?” Zane’s concern replaced his usual silliness. “Is that… I mean, will Seri be able to…”
“Once she reaches a healthy weight, her cycles should resume normally,” Casimir assured us all. “Now that she’s no longer being siphoned and has access to proper nutrition, that should happen relatively quickly.”
“Huh. I didn’t think nature could turn fertility on and off like that.” Koa paced closer and brushed a strand of hair from my face with gentle fingers. “There’s another reason we wanted to have this conversation, though, beloved.”
“What’s that?” I asked.
“Shifter females undergo a change when they find their mates. Their normal monthly cycle stops and is replaced by a three-day heat once a year. It’s the only time they can conceive.”
“Since your mother was a wolf shifter,” Casimir picked up, “we’re not certain if you’ve inherited that trait. You didn’t get her wolf spirit or Moon magic, but you have other characteristics.”
“We just don’t know if that’ll happen for you or not.” Zane’s thumb traced circles on my thigh. “The whole mate-bond magical biology thingy is clear with full shifters. Half-shifters are more of a crap shoot.”
“We’ll find out within a year, I suppose,” Casimir said. “Either you’ll get a cycle once your body is ready, or you’ll have a heat.”
“In the meantime,” Koa finished, “we need to be more careful than we have been. We’re not ready for children right now.”
Children.
The word tugged at something deep inside me, a longing I hadn’t allowed myself to acknowledge until that moment.
I thought of Josslyn, my half-sister, now almost eight weeks old and hopefully safe and loved far away from what she was born into.
I’d learned through trial and error how to feed her, change her, rock her to sleep.
Despite the exhaustion of caring for a newborn while still managing all my other chores, there had been quiet, precious moments when I’d held her and felt a profound, aching love.
In those moments, I’d allowed myself to imagine having a child of my own someday, one born of love rather than manipulation and deceit.
A child with Zoodle’s mischief, Koko’s empathy, and Simmy’s quiet strength, my heart whispered.
But my husbands were right. I was just nineteen, and we hadn’t been married long. We were still learning about each other, still healing, still adjusting. Children would come later, when we were ready.
“You’re right,” I admitted. “It’s too soon.”
“You want kids someday, though, right?” Zane’s expression turned tender, something I rarely saw from him. “Little mini-mes running around causing chaos?”
“Night’s teeth!” Koa muttered. “Mini Zanes. Dark take me.”
“They’d be half Seri, too,” Casimir pointed out.
“Not sure even being half an angel can balance out being half a devil,” Koa scoffed.
“I want babies someday.” I smiled, warmth spreading through my chest. “I was just wondering who they’ll resemble the most.”
“All we can do is fill you up and let the wheel of fate determine which flavor we get. Irish, Scandinavian, or Hawaiian.” Zane pointed at himself, then Casimir, then Koa.
“I’m more curious about what they’ll inherit beyond appearances,” Casimir admitted.
“You mean like Zane’s singing, Koa’s tech genius, and your battle planning?” I teased.
“Well, yes, that, too, but I was thinking about magical abilities. Vampiric genes may be dominant in dhampirs, but we still carry our mothers’ DNA that could pass to our children.”
“Do dhampirs pass on any of the vampire genetics?”
“No. Not even recessively—”
“What if our kids are eternal?” Zane interrupted with a cackle. “Bat’s bones! Would the world even survive that?”
“What do you mean, eternal?” I tilted my head in confusion.
“Swan maidens and Valkyries are immortal like vampires,” Casimir answered. “Well, unless something kills them, like the sickness that took your mom. It devastated many supernatural communities, but avian species were hit especially hard. Bird shifters and swan maidens were nearly eradicated.”
He continued talking, but I could only focus on one thing: I could have immortal children. Immortal like Papa-in-Law and Sebastian.
At least they would be there to make sure everyone was okay after we were gone, I told myself, then a different thought struck me. How sad it must be, to watch your children age and die. I’m glad Papa has Sebastian.
“It will be interesting to see if our genetic contributions will blend or stay distinct,” Casimir said, drawing me out of my thoughts.
“Cruor!” Zane laughed. “A Punnett square would implode trying to map all of our bloodlines. Leaving aside the immortality thing, can you imagine what kind of magical mash-up our kid could be? We might have a wolf shifter, a witch, a Valkyrie, or a swan maiden. Haha! Knowing how fate likes to roll, we’ll probably end up with just a plain old Homo sapiens, right, Ko—”
I wasn’t prepared for Koa to spin and punch Zane right in the mouth. Gasping in shock, I scuttled away from them, and my nose was suddenly squashed in Casimir’s shirt as he put himself between me and them.
“You think I don’t know I’m half-human? You think I haven’t always known I’m—”
“Koa,” Casimir began, but I grabbed his wrist and squeezed it.
When he looked down at me, I shook my head. Whatever caused this pain, Koa had buried it for far too long and so deeply that his brothers hadn’t even known it was there. Let him lance the wound and drain the poison.
“Well, you don’t have to worry about it, brother!” Koa yelled. “I’ll abstain when she ovulates. Wouldn’t want my stupid human DNA to taint your children!”
Zane, for once, didn’t joke. Instead, he scrubbed a hand down his face and muttered, “Damn it, Koa. It was just a shitty joke. You really think we see you that way?”
Koa let out a bitter laugh.
“Don’t you?” His voice cracked at the end, rough with something deeper than anger.
“No, you idiot!” Zane looked like he wanted to reach for Koa, but wasn’t sure if he should. “We love you. Seri loves you. We’re talking about genes, not worth. But I get it. You don’t hear that, do you?”
Koa clenched his fists, jaw tight.
“Yeah. That’s what I thought.” Zane hesitated, then glanced at me. “Seri, you wanna tell this fool what he actually brings to the table? Because clearly, we haven’t done a good enough job in twenty-two years.”
Dropping Casimir’s wrist, I ducked around him and moved to stand right in front of Koa, the tips of our shoes touching. His eyes shone with unshed tears, and my heart ached for him.
“Seri, I don’t have any magic beyond normal dhampir traits.
I’ve tried to compensate for being the weak link by studying magical theory until I see the symbols burning behind my eyelids when I close them for the night.
I’ve tried to fill the gap I leave by integrating technology with magic, but the truth is, I have nothing special to pass to a kid.
I mean, what about me would you want your child to have? ”
I cupped Koa’s face between my hands, guiding his stormy gaze to mine. His chest rose and fell with ragged breaths, his body wound so tightly, I could feel the tremors beneath my fingertips.
“You,” I whispered. “You are what I would want our child to have, Koko.”
His throat bobbed as he swallowed hard, eyes searching mine as if looking for the lie.
“I don’t care if our child has magic or not. I care that they have you. Your heart. Your unshakable loyalty. Your brilliance. Your compassion.”
His brows knit together, his lips parting slightly, as if the words physically hurt to hear, and I traced my thumbs over his cheekbones, my voice growing softer.
“You see the world like none of us do. You take what exists and find new ways to make it better. You’re the bridge between magic and technology, between what was and what could be. That’s not compensating. That’s extraordinary.”
“Beloved…”
“If we have a child one day, I hope they have your kindness. Your patience. Your relentless drive to make things right.” I squished his cheeks between my palms. “Because I see you, Koko. I see you.”
For a long moment, he just breathed, staring at me like he was trying to memorize the way I looked when I said those words. Then his hands covered mine, warm and strong, and he turned his face just enough to kiss my palm.
“Serafina,” he breathed.
“I mean it. Every word.”
“Damn.” He exhaled shakily and let out a soft, self-conscious laugh. “I wasn’t planning on trauma-dumping tonight.”
“Yeah, well, you sure picked a hell of a way to do it,” Zane smirked, rubbing his jaw.
Koa rolled his eyes, but his shoulders relaxed. He pulled my hands away from his face and kissed each of my knuckles, then turned toward the dresser by the window.
“I need carbs.”
“What?” Casimir blinked.
“Carbs,” Koa repeated, rifling through the top drawer. “You expect me to go from existential crisis to raw-dogging emotions without a buffer? Nope. Absolutely not. I require a snack.”
I bit back a smile as he pulled out a package of cookies, ripped it open, and shoved one into his mouth whole.
“Right,” Zane snorted. “So sugar therapy first, and then we finish discussing Project: Keep Seri’s Womb Vacant Until Further Notice?”
As Casimir sputtered and I giggled, Koa held up a finger as he chewed.
“Sure,” he said after swallowing, “but only if you never say that again.”
“Deal. I’ll call it Operation: No Oopsy Babies.”
“That sounds like oopsy daisy!” I laughed, which made Zane grin, a real grin, too, and Koa held out the package for me to take a cookie. “These need milk.”
Casimir sighed, rubbing his temples.
“Um, not to be a nudge—”
“Why not?” Zane interrupted. “It’s what you excel at.”
“When your cycle does restart, Seri, we’ll need to be aware of your fertile window and use protection during that time since, um. Well, obviously none of us has anything resembling a pullout game.”
“Condoms at least during the time you could actually conceive,” Zane smirked. “So we’d better get in as much bareback boning as we can in the meantime.”
“Bareback what?” I blinked up at him.
Zane’s grin turned wicked as his hands moved to my shirt.
“Allow me to demonstrate, darling.”