Chapter Six #2
Her heart fluttered from his concern, and she appreciated his caring.
“I am quite well. Please don’t worry.” With a laugh, she accepted a savory hand pie from him.
It still retained a bit of warmth from when Cook had made it earlier.
“And before you ask, yes, I heartily enjoyed myself yesterday.” When one of his eyebrows rose, she sighed.
“To be honest, I can’t wait to experience that again. ”
“Neither can I… and not because you have a form that painters would rush to commit to canvas.” He winked and heat went into her cheeks.
Oh, he was marvelously handsome, but she especially liked him this way when he shed his jacket and rolled his shirtsleeves up to the elbow.
“But because I enjoy the thought of caring for you, of protecting you… of wishing that you were mine. After all these years or worshipping you from afar and in secret, it is a lovely thing indeed to put that into practice.”
“I quite agree.”
They ate in silence for a long time, no doubt lost to their own thoughts.
Then Caleb broke it by asking about her children.
“How is your son? Is he looking forward to taking the ducal title one day?”
“Oh, I don’t think so. He’s enjoying his time at university and intends to spend the summer in Rome with his friends.”
“I suppose young men will sow wild oats before settling down.”
She nodded. “Did you?”
“Ha.” Though he shook his head, there were secrets in his eyes. “That is a story for another day, my dear. Suffice it to say, I was introduced to many things by my peers, and those were wild, randy days for certain, but eventually, one grows tired of them and seeks out more meaningful pursuits.”
“Unless one is a rake or a rogue.” Would her son become that?
“Or a bounder,” he said in a softer voice, and they both knew he referred to her husband. “What of your daughter? What do you hope the future holds for her?”
“Oh.” She dusted her hands together then brushed the crumbs from her skirt. “I’m not certain, but I don’t wish for Sophie to marry in haste. I refuse to match her with someone much older or to a man with nothing in common.”
“Understandable.” His expression sobered. “And you don’t wish for her to marry a man like Tittleford,” he finished in an equally low tone.
“Exactly,” she said in a whisper while she took a furtive glance around the area. “No woman should need to survive that. He wishes to match her to associates or contemporaries of his, but I will fight that tooth and nail. I don’t want that life for my daughter.”
Caleb didn’t know what he could say that would relieve the maudlin mood Angelica had fallen into. The current conversation highlighted just how tenuous their relationship was as well as the fact she was still firmly anchored to the duke… the man who was her husband.
The man who had the right to every aspect of her life.
The man who isn’t me.
“I have every confidence in the fact that you will persevere.” He reached out and took her hand in his.
“The world is changing; England is changing, and I would like to hope that women will have more control over their own lives. Perhaps not in the next handful of years, but hopefully in decades. By the time you have grandchildren, they might live in a better world.”
The delicate tendons of her throat worked with a heavy swallow.
“We can only dream.” Then she brought his hand up and pressed his palm to her cheek.
When she looked at him with wide eyes and a myriad of emotions swimming in those mossy depths, his world tilted.
Never would he stop loving her. Now and forever, there was no one else for him, and he would do his best to make her happy regardless of how impossible their relationship was. “May I ask you a question?”
“I should hope so; I adore talking to you.” Then he roved his gaze over her.
The light blue muslin dress she’d worn today suited her figure and complexion, and the low bodice gave him an enticing peek at her cleavage.
Need fired through his shaft, tightening it.
“I adore doing other things with you, some of which we might indulge in right here among the bluebells.”
“Caleb, hush!” But her grin said everything her words didn’t.
When she took a sip from a bottle of lemonade, a drop clung heroically from her bottom lip, and when he would have leaned over and licked it from that plump piece of flesh, she did it herself.
“Why have you not married over the years? Surely, you have had cause to meet fascinating women who have interested you.”
“Some, I suppose. None who were worthy enough to hold my interest.” Heat crept up the back of his neck.
“However, I have thought about marriage, due to it being something society expects of us.” After taking a deep swig of his own bottle of lemonade, he blew out a breath.
“Truth to tell, there is one reason why I haven’t married. ”
“Oh? Why is that?”
He shrugged. “I’ve always been in love with you. No other woman can come close to what I feel for you, have felt for you over the years.” Did it make him sound like an idiot to admit such? Again?
Another blush went through her cheeks, and he rather enjoyed catching her off guard. “While that is flattering, I’m not free, Caleb, despite what we are doing now.” She squeezed his fingers. “You shouldn’t pause your life for me. Don’t you want children, a woman you can call your own?”
“I do, but I’m particular.” When he winked at her, he scooted a bit closer to her on the blanket. “There is only one woman I would consider tying my life to, and I would pursue her until it happens. By the by, she is also an angel.”
She shook her head. “While you are quite dear, you shouldn’t chase me.
I’m bound to the duke, and I’m old besides.
Even if I were free, I can’t give you children.
” Shadows filled her eyes. “It was a miracle I have the two I do. If I’m honest, I feared that I wouldn’t carry them to full term, what with Tittleford’s beatings. ”
Anguish rose in Caleb’s chest in a heated wave. “God, he is a plague.” That man shouldn’t be allowed to live. “There is more to life than having children or raising a family. I’d have you. Children are irrelevant to the happiness that would bring me.”
And he would consider himself the most fortunate of men if she was his.
“Oh, Caleb.” Her chin trembled.
“It’s the truth.” Honestly, he only wanted her.
Never did he think he’d be as lucky as to have her in his bed, and the coupling they’d shared had been as sacred and life changing as he’d thought.
How could he let her return to the duke once their lives followed two separate paths again?
How could he give her back to live in that gilded cage knowing what that man would do to her?
“You could always run away with me,” he said in a lowered voice.
Her eyes were sad. “I have thought about it.”
Shock roiled through him. “Truly?”
“Yes.”
“Where would we go?”
“I don’t know.” A sigh escaped her. “But the reality of that is impossible, as you know.”
“Perhaps.” His gaze dropped to her décolletage. God he was selfish and wanted her again, but he needed to keep control. Their relationship might be unorthodox, but there was something between them, nonetheless, and he didn’t wish to spoil it.
After putting her bottle into the basket, she came close to him and laid her head on his shoulder. A flood of protection welled for her. “Are you happy with your life, though, Caleb?”
“Honestly, I am satisfied. Content, even.”
She snorted. “That doesn’t equate to happiness.”
“No, it does not.”
“Why, then?”
He heaved out a sigh and pulled slightly away so he could peer into her eyes.
“Why will I never know happiness? Because I don’t have you at my side.
It’s pained me to watch you from afar all these years, knowing how he’s treated you, knowing that you’re hurting and in pain, and I can do nothing about it, but at least I have the opportunity to see you. ”
For long moments, she searched his eyes, and he hoped to God she found what she was looking for. Finally, she nodded. “I feel the same way about you.”
“Truly?”
“Yes.” Tears sparkled in her eyes. “You’ve been a bright spot to my days. If it weren’t for knowing that I’d see you each month…” She shook her head. “Well, I don’t know what would have become of me.”
His chest tightened, for all of it was impossible. “I’m sorry.”
“At least we have this time together.” When her chin trembled, he vowed to himself that he would do whatever it took to grant her freedom.
“We do. And that makes me happy.”
A tear fell to her cheek, and she dashed it away. “It does for me too.” With the breeze teasing a few tendrils of her hair from its pins, she was every inch the angel he’d likened her to.
“Good.” In a twinkling, Caleb moved the detritus of the picnic to the edge of the quilt, then he encouraged her down onto the blanket and covered her body with his. “Spend the afternoon with me?”
“As if I wanted to do anything else,” she replied in a barely there voice.
He claimed her lips with his, and it didn’t take much time until he was completely lost in her. It was flirting with disaster to do this out in the open, but he didn’t care. She was much too precious, and time was short.
Fate could do what it willed.