Chapter 38
ZINZI
Accompong, Maroon Village, Cockpit Country, Week Eight
My stomach feels uneasy and my head throbs.
I need rest, but when I enter my mother’s home after the trip to Kingston, she is wide awake and eager to talk.
“You are a woman of strength and conviction, ready to stand up for what you believe in,” my mother says, out of the blue.
“What is happening in Kingston? Are you in trouble?”
“Momma, why are you up? You should be resting.”
“Don’t worry about me. The ancestors will watch over me.”
“Are you suggesting that they aren’t watching over me?”
“Mi don’t play around with words like you children from Kingston. But you’re the one who said it, not me.”
I collapse onto the mat next to her. “I’m very tired, Momma. We traveled from Kingston and back in one day. It was a long journey.”
She lifts her head to meet my gaze. “The spirit of the ancestors tells me you are worried about Byron.”
“I’m worried about Accompong, too, Momma.” I lift my arms over my head to stretch the tension from my back. “His father and men like him are trying to use our community to strike out against the labor union movement.”
“Colonel Rowe knows that. The Koromantee war dances have begun. We’ve protected our freedom for centuries, and if you had more faith, you would worry less.”
“Sorry, Momma, but this is a dangerous situation. Sometimes, the ancestors aren’t the answer.”
“Blasphemy, as those churchgoers like to say. But that’s what it is. You speaking against the ancestors is more dangerous than your man friend’s father will ever be.”
“I’m too tired to argue. You may well be right.”
“Mi proud of you.”
“Thank you?” I am confused as my mother so quickly changes the subject. “You go from scolding me to praising me. I’m confused. What brought that on?”
“You are doing something mi haven’t seen you do in a long, long time.”
“Which is?”
“Showing that you can care deeply about more than one thing,” she says. “You loved your father, but when he died, you began to fade away. You fell in love with Marvin, and mi thought you weren’t lost. But the ancestors came for him early, too, and when he died, you ran away to Kingston.”
“Do you still think I’m running?”
“No,” she replies. “You’ve been skipping, but you’re ready to slow down and stay still for a bit.”
“I do miss the Cockpit, but I can’t stay here, Momma. Kingston is where I belong now.”
“That’s not what mi meant, Zinzi.”
“I know what you meant,” I say. “Every dream I cherished was taken from me. It’s not that I don’t believe in dreaming. I just feel cursed. If I stay here, I will have nothing to look forward to except watching more people I love pass away.”
“But you came back when mi asked.”
“Honestly, Momma, I didn’t want to.”
My mother waves her hand. “You still came home, and from now on, you’ll come more often. Or at least I hope you will. Our family needs to have its older sister around more.”
“Why did you want me to be the guide for this group? And don’t tell me about the ancestors.”
My mother yawns. “Mi did know Maxi. Fairly well, and mi owed her a favor from when we were girls. She didn’t tell on me when I snuck into the jungle with your father.” My mother raises her eyebrows teasingly. “That clearing you went to was one of our favorite places.”
I gasp in surprise but then chuckle at the youthful smile on my mother’s face as I help her to her feet. “That’s enough chatter for one evening it’s time for you to go to bed.”
My mother leans on me heavily. “You’re right, Zinzi. Mi needs some rest.”
I kiss her on top of the head. “It’s the only way you’ll get better, Momma.”
“Uh-huh. The only way.”