8. She has me spiraling
8
SHE HAS ME SPIRALING
ASHER
I hear the crash of glasses and gasps from those surrounding me, but I don’t think anything of it. Glasses break all the time here. Someone is always dropping one or getting pushed into and a tray will topple. It’s second nature to hear a glass break at least once a night here. This time is different, though. Hunter rushes to where the glasses smashed, and when I turn my eyes, following where he’s going, I see her. Halle stands there, looking down at the broken glass, eyes wide with panic, and her hands are trembling. My instincts scream at me to go help her, but I stop myself. Her brother is there, and that’s who she needs. Not me.
Pouring a beer for the local regular in front of me, he looks on at the commotion, and I can tell he’s watching Halle, his eyes focused solely on her. I know what he’s thinking. She looks damn good tonight in those denim cut-off shorts. Her thick dark hair tucked behind one ear and those boots. I’ve only ever seen her in those old-looking Chucks she wears, but tonight, the black ankle boots she wears are sexy as hell .
“Who’s that?” he asks.
“That would be Hunter’s little sister, and if he saw you looking at her like you are now, he’d chew you out,” I say, my tone laced with warning.
He continues to watch her with this predatory gaze, and my jaw locks in place, tension tightening every muscle. The instinct to kick him out hits me like a tonne of bricks. The urge to protect her slams into me, making me pause, and I take a steady breath to calm my rising anger.
“Yo, Halle’s freaking out. She keeps saying sorry, and Hunter doesn’t know what to do,” Connor yells at me as he rushes past.
It only takes me a second to react, and I’m running down to the other end of the bar, my eyes locked on Halle. She’s crouched down, trying to pick up the broken glass. Hunter is kneeling in front of her, talking fast, and I can see in the way her skin flushes, how her lips are turning white, and how her chest rises and falls in quick pants that she’s spiraling into an attack. It’s like seeing myself when I wake in a panic from my nightmares. I reach her and Hunter, tapping him on the back to get him to move, and grab her by the shoulders. Those blue-gray eyes filled with panic lock on to me, and I feel how cold her arms are.
“Outside, let’s go,” I say, my voice coming out thick and commanding.
Without waiting for Halle’s response, I guide her toward the back door, nodding to her brother to let him know I’ve got this. My hold on her shoulders tightens, making it known to her that I won’t let her fall.
Pulling the staff entrance door open, I guide her outside with my hand hovering over her lower back. It’s dark out, and the heat from earlier in the night has cooled slightly. The door slams behind us, and Halle jumps, gripping my forearm. Her breathing is still coming in too quickly, and I can tell she’s locked in her head.
“I’m so,” she hiccups and rushes to take a quick breath, “sorry. I’m sorry,” she rushes out before another hiccup hits her. Standing in front of her, I grab her by the arms, hoping that my firm hold will help ground her.
“Stop saying sorry. What’s going on in that head of yours?” My voice comes out steady but concerned at the same time.
I search her eyes, hoping to find answers to whatever’s going on inside her, but all I see is helplessness and fear. She blinks rapidly, her lips purse as she fights the battle inside. Whatever it is, she’s trying to keep it buried. I need her to breathe. I need her to come back to me.
That thought alone tugs at my chest, and that protective feeling comes over me once again. She has a darkness that reminds me of my own, and there’s no denying it. I need her to know she’s not alone, that I’m here.
I move my hands up to her face, gently cupping her cheeks. My thumbs brush under her eyes to get her attention back to me.
“Halle,” I coax. “Can you tell me something you can see?”
Her long thick lashes flutter, and her eyes latch on to mine.
I take a deep breath in and motion for her to copy, holding for a beat before we exhale together.
“Your green eyes,” she whispers back finally, her voice broken.
Nodding, I keep a hold of her face, my thumbs brushing back and forth. “That’s good, sweetheart. Can you tell me something you can feel now?”
“Your hands. They’re warm. ”
My heart does this little stutter inside me at that. I’ve never been warm, always cold and distant. Besides Hunter, I keep people at arm’s length, never allowing them to fully see me.
Her hair’s fallen over my hands, shielding her face. I move to tuck some behind her ear.
“Can you tell me something you can smell?” I ask more calmly.
“Mint.” She brings her hands up to hold my arms. “You smell like mint.”
We’re locked in this moment, just staring at each other. The noise from the outside fades away, and it’s just us, our chests rising and falling in time with one another. Seconds tick by, and I feel the panic leave her system. The color comes creeping back into her cheeks, turning a pretty shade of pink, and I know she’s good now.
“Thank fuck for that. I thought I smelled like old man Ted at the bar.” My nose turns up at the thought. He smells like he hasn’t showered in days.
Her eyes narrow, and she glares at me, irritation bringing her back to life.
“There she is. Welcome back, sweetheart.” I chuckle, trying to lighten the mood for her.
“Don’t call me sweetheart. You’re not nice, you’re Mr. Angry.” She fires back at me, smacking my hands away.
Did she just call me Mr. Angry?
Laughing at the nickname, I rub at my jaw, trying to hide my amusement from her.
“Mr. Angry, hey? That’s… I’ve never heard that one before.” I try and fail at hiding my smile from her.
“You’re so annoying. What do you want, Asher?” She huffs and folds her arms into her chest.
“I don’t want anything.” A sliver of annoyance creeps its way in, pushing out the protectiveness I had earlier. This fucking girl. Here I was helping her, and now she’s huffing at me, asking what I want.
“You were freaking Hunter and the rest of the guys out with your panic attack. I used to have them myself, so I knew how to bring you back.”
I start toward the door but pause, turning around to face her. “You are fucking welcome, by the way,” I say mockingly.
I turn back to head inside, but before I can take a step, her hand lands on my bicep, stopping me from making a move. A jolt of electricity runs down my arm from her warmth, and I clench my fists with the sudden feeling. A little gasp leaves her, the sound so soft that if I wasn’t standing so close to her, it would have been lost. Before I can say anything, she shakes her head slightly and drops her arm, taking a small step back, putting distance between us.
There’s tension in the air, and I know she can feel it, too. I can see it in her eyes, the way she looks at me, but she’s defiant, retreating into herself and slamming those walls up. The mask she wears to cover the darkness slips on as she blinks and shifts on her feet, her shoulders pulling back. There’s the Halle I don’t trust.
“You had panic attacks?” she asks, her voice still unsteady despite the mask she’s put in place.
Had, have, will never be rid of, but I don’t say any of this to her. She doesn’t need to know my story. Not now.
Instead, I offer all I can. “You’re not the only one that suffers, sweetheart.”
The words hang in the air, lingering between us, making the tension feel charged, and I know if I stay any longer, I’ll cave to those sad eyes and let her in further. So, I turn on my heel and walk back inside, leaving her standing there.
Needing a moment to myself before I head back out into the chaos of the bar and everyone’s questions, I head into the office, closing the door behind me. My heart pounds in my chest as I lean against the desk, trying to make sense of everything that just happened.
The door swings open, and Hunter stands there, the faint sound of music drifting in behind him from the front of the bar. His brow furrows as he looks at me with a mix of suspicion and concern. I feel the weight of his stare pull me down, and I pinch the bridge of my nose, waiting for his questions.
“Where’s my sister?” he demands.
Shit, did she not come back inside? I should have made sure she came back inside. Fuck, what was I thinking leaving her out the back of a bar by herself late on a Saturday night? I start spinning my lip ring nervously, but before I open my mouth to reply, Hunter hits me with more questions, one after another, laced with worry.
“What the hell happened to her?”
“Did she say anything to you?”
“She didn’t skip out, did she?”
“Is she okay?”
“I don’t fucking get it, man. Why is she like this?”
“She just kept saying sorry, and I didn’t know what to do.”
He finally takes a breath, and I’m just standing there, staring at him, trying to work out if he breathed at all through that. How is he not bending over and heaving right now?
“Fuck, man, you Dawsons need to calm down.”
Hunter moves to the couch and sits down with a loud groan. Leaning back, he spreads his legs wide and brings his hands to his head, pulling on his hair in frustration.
“I just don’t know what to do here,” he admits, sounding helpless. “She sleeps all the time and locks herself in her room. She won’t talk to me, she won’t come and hang out with any of us. I don’t know what happened to her to make her like this, man.” His voice breaks, and he leans forward, resting his forearms on his legs, and stares down at the floor.
Silence takes over the room, and I wait for him to gather his thoughts. I don’t know what to say here. I don’t fully trust her, but there’s a deep sense of protectiveness that washes over me when she’s near. Will Hunter understand that? I have no clue.
He looks at me, his eyes full of worry. “She used to be this little kid who was always so excited to follow me around.” His voice catches. “And now… now she looks at me like I’m a stranger.”
“She’s not that little girl anymore, man.” I shrug, trying to play this off as normal as I can as his best friend, but all I want to do is to run out of here and make sure she made it back inside safely, that she didn’t skip out or lose her shit even more.
“Maybe something happened to her in the years you’ve been apart. People can change. Maybe she’s someone you can’t trust. Who knows what she’s here for?”
Hunter’s eyes flash with stubbornness as he slaps his knees and stands suddenly. “Nah, man. I don’t believe that. She’s my little sister, and she’s still the same person. I know it deep down. She just needs more time. I can’t give up on her.”
“Is she even worth it though, Hunter? Like, seriously, think about it for a second. She sounds like more work than this bar, and that’s a burden you don’t need.” I run my hands through my curls and sigh.
Before Hunter can say anything, I hear the door creak, and I freeze. The blood rushes from my face. Fuckkk. How much of that did she hear? My mind backtracks on me, going over that whole conversation in my head as Halle steps through the door, anger and shock written all over her face. Her gaze pings between Hunter and me as tears start to well in her eyes.
Hunter steps toward her “Halle…” he starts and trails off. He knows she heard the worst of that conversation. She storms toward the back corner of the office, behind the desk, and snatches her bag up, keeping her head down, shielding herself from us.
“Whatever you heard, Halle, we didn’t mean—It was—We just—” Hunter tries again, stumbling over his words. Dude’s gotta stop talking. He’s just making it worse.
After the moment we had outside, I don’t think anything I say right now will make any of this better, so I choose to keep my mouth shut. My heart starts pounding again, and I keep my fists clenched at my sides to stop myself from reaching out and hauling her back into me. To wrap her up in my arms and tell her that I didn’t mean what I said. That I was just trying to protect her brother, too. But right now, my chest feels like it’s being torn in two.
Hunter or Halle.
Her hand lands on the door, and she hesitates, turning her head slightly to peek at us through the hair that’s shielding her face. “Madi said I could take off for the night. I know I’m a burden, so I’ll go pack my stuff and be on my way.” Her voice is quiet, but the words cut through me.
This is what I wanted. For her to pack her shit and leave town, but after last night in the park and tonight, I’m not sure that’s the right move anymore. I can’t explain it. None of this makes sense to me.
The room falls silent. Hunter’s frozen in place, not knowing what to do, and I don’t think either of us was expecting tonight to go this way. I know one of us needs to get back out to the bar but instead, all we do is stand there like the two morons we are and watch Halle walk away, her footsteps echoing down the hallway.
The back door slams in the distance, and Madi walks in glaring at both of us.
“What the hell just happened, and why did Halle just run by me with tears in her eyes? I swear to God, if either of you upset her even more after the panic attack she just had, I’ll put you both on vomit duty in the bathrooms for a whole week.”
My nose scrunches at that. There’s no way I’m cleaning those bathrooms after someone who has had one too many shots. I groan and cover my face, my fingers pressing into my temples as I drag my hand down.
“She just overheard the wrong part of our conversation,” I admit, the guilt hitting me harder as I continue, “I may have… said that she’s more work than this bar.” I cringe at my own words, knowing just how bad that sounds.
Hunter looks like he’s just been punched in the gut. He opens his mouth to speak, but Madi cuts in, demanding, “And you’re just standing here?” She points to Hunter aggressively and back out the door. “Go after her, you idiot. Run or take my car, I don’t care. Asher can give me a lift, but Hunter, don’t be stupid. Go stop her from whatever she’s about to do.”
I nod towards the door. “Go, man, we’ve got it here.”
He snatches Madi’s keys off her and, without a word, runs out the door. I need to sort my head out, and tonight needs to end. I look at Madi and shrug helplessly, trying to downplay this whole situation. She’s kind of scary right now with the way she’s glaring at me.
“Asher, you idiot. How did you go from texting me to bring Halle another shirt so she’s comfortable, to calming her down from a panic attack to screwing it all up and saying she’s not worth it?” She shakes her head and turns on her heel, heading back toward the front.
Catching up to her on hurried steps, I follow her behind the bar. “I’m sorry. Fuck. I didn’t know she was listening, and she really did miss the whole conversation.”
Loud laughter coming from the pool tables catches my attention, and I look over to see Jace pulling Tessa to her feet. Damn, she’s wasted and all over the place.
Moving to that end, I yell out, “Jace, man, call it,” and nod to the front door.
Any longer here, and Tessa will wake up with not only a nasty hangover but regret, too.
Madi comes up beside me and starts clearing the dirty glasses left on the counter. She looks at me and sighs. “I don’t care, Asher, just fix it. I like her, okay? And I want her to stay.”
Here’s hoping Hunter convinced her to stay because I sure as hell don’t know what to do here. She has me spiraling, and I haven’t felt this out of control since then .