28. I’m not delusional
28
I’M NOT DELUSIONAL
HALLE
We’ve fallen into a rhythm over the weeks, a routine that’s strangely normal but thrilling to me. Asher and I split our time between his house and Hunter’s. We’ve spent every night together since the night he confessed his darkest secrets to me and bared his soul. He’s given me orgasm after orgasm on every surface of his house, a map of memories—kitchen counter, the swing, couch, his bed, shower, coffee table. We’ve snuck away to the store room at Whiskey Cove more times than I’ll ever admit, becoming our secret escape. Who knew you could have a favorite door?
We have family dinners before work, where laughter fills the air. Ace curls up in my lap, and stories are shared. We throw back shots after the long, busy nights. On Mondays, when the bar is closed, everyone hangs out at Hunter’s place. We sprawl out on the couches, dance in the yard, and go swimming in the creeks before we end the night with a movie and pancakes because everyone wanted in on pancake night.
There’s a peacefulness to it all. We’re busy, but it’s the kind of busy that bursts with love, the kind that fills you rather than leaves you hollow. I don’t find myself down at Falls Creek early in the mornings to chase an escape. Now when I’m down there, it’s to draw while Asher runs, to ground myself to the moment. I haven’t touched the little orange pill bottle since the night of that party gone wrong. I’m content.
But life always has a way of reminding you that it’s never this good all the time. Deep down, I know this feeling will only last so long. I’m not delusional enough to believe that my life can swing from the lowest of lows to the highest of highs and stay there. My anxiety still slips through the cracks when I least expect it. There are moments when the noise of the world becomes too much, when the whispers I’ve fought so hard to silence claw their way back. In those moments, I have to hide away just long enough to calm my racing heart and remind myself that I am not a burden or an outsider. I am a part of this family now.
“Earth to Halle.”
Madi’s voice pulls me back, cutting through the fog in my mind. I blink, dragging my focus back to her. She’s sitting across from me, glowing in the morning light, wearing a white tank and high-waisted shorts. Her blonde hair is piled into a messy bun, and black sunglasses shield her eyes from the hot sun beating down on the back of my shoulders. The door to Sunlit Expresso swings open, and hints of freshly baked croissants, buttery muffins, and coffee beans hit me. It’s the kind of smell that usually has my mouth watering.
“Hm,” I mumble, “did you say something?”
“Girl, are you alright?” Madi leans forward, resting her elbows on the table. “You seem a bit spacey this morning. You haven’t even touched your coffee, and that’s not normal. Usually, you’ve had two by now and commented on my obsession with these muffins.”
“I’m fine.” I sigh.
Madi quirks a brow, her lips pressing into a thin line, not saying a word about how unconvincing I sound. Taking a slow sip of my iced coffee, I feel the cold sweetness of caffeine and caramel dance across my tongue and hum at the little bit of spark it brings back into me.
“Seriously, I’m good,” I say, this time with more conviction.
She doesn’t say anything but gives that you can’t bullshit me look and waits patiently for me to elaborate.
“Okay, fine.” I huff, my fingers tracing the condensation on the side of the glass. “This is going to sound weird, but… I just have this nagging feeling in the pit of my stomach that something’s not right today. I don’t know what it is. It’s just throwing me off. That’s all,” I say with a shrug, slumping back into my chair.
“I get that,” Madi says, taking a bite of her muffin. Crumbs fall onto her plate as she speaks around the mouthful. “It’s like your intuition is trying to tell you something, but your mind hasn’t caught up yet.”
“Yeah, something like that,” I agree, but my focus has already shifted.
Across the street, a red for sale sign catches my eye. We sit outside here most mornings, the same table, the same view, so I don’t know how I’ve not noticed the store on the corner. Then again, I guess I’m usually distracted—by Asher and his intense gaze, his roaming hands, Ace barking at my feet for the crumbs, or the girls gossiping about what’s happening in town that week.
“Hey,” I say, nodding across the street, “what store was that? ”
Madi twists in her chair, following my gaze. “Oh, that,” she turns back to me with a small shrug, picking up her coffee. “It used to be a boutique, but with online shopping these days, it couldn’t keep up. The lady who owns it is nice, grew up here, she still lives in town but the store’s been empty for a while now.”
That makes sense—why I haven’t taken notice of it before. But now, I can’t seem to look away. The building has a sort of charm to it, with floor-to-ceiling windows that stretch around the front, following the curve of the street like a semicircle. The double doors in the center are framed by a white wooden fixture that’s chipped and faded.
“Hey, sweetheart.” Asher’s voice cuts through my thoughts.
He bends down, planting a quick kiss on the top of my head before grabbing a chair from the table behind us. The legs scrape across the pavement as he drags it over and sits down beside me. He reaches over and snatches Madi’s muffin without warning and takes a massive bite.
Lifting my coffee, I take another sip, hiding the amused smile that tugs at my lips behind the glass. He’s an idiot.
“Hey!” Madi screeches. “That was mine.”
Asher grins at her, leaning back in his chair. “Chill, Madi, I ordered you another one. Tessa’s gonna bring it out in a second.”
“No, you ordered yourself one, barged in, interrupted our girl time, and stole mine,” she retorts, her eyes narrowing on him as her arms cross over her chest.
“Well, now you can just steal some of mine back. You know, sharing is caring right?” Asher teases.
Usually, I love listening to their banter. The way they go back and forth can be highly entertaining and always seems to pull a smile from me. Sometimes, it still feels like I’m sitting on the outskirts watching in, though. It’s fascinating. But right now, I can’t pull my focus away from that building. I need to have a closer look.
“She’s been spacey all morning,” I hear Madi say. “Wait, what did you do Asher? Did you do something to make her like this?”
“The only thing I did was leave her panting and wanting more,” Asher replies, all cocky-like.
My eyes whip to him and he winks at me, chuckling.
“Ew! Gross, I did not need to know that, dude.”
“You asked. But no, nothing happened. I went on my run and she came here to meet you.”
“Well, I don’t know what’s going on. Even Tess couldn’t get more than two words out of her when we were inside.”
“Maybe we need to call Con and get Ace here,” Asher jokes. “That dog has magic powers, I swear.”
“You’re an idiot,” Madi deadpans, rolling her eyes.
“Yeah, but I’m a smart idiot.”
I hear their laughter in the background. I hear everything, but my focus isn’t there. My pulse thrums faster, and a crawling sensation works down my arms, making me shift in my seat. Antsy and restless. I finish my coffee, but it doesn’t help. Grabbing my bag from beside me, I stand, bringing my focus back to Asher and Madi. They’re both staring at me with matching expressions of concern and worry.
“Seriously guys, I’m fine,” I say, smiling to reassure them. “I’m just gonna go over and check this place out.”
Their eyes linger on me, the weight of their concern following me as I cross the street.
Coming to a stop in front of the big windows, I notice there’s a layer of dust coating them. Still, I manage to find a spot that’s not as covered, pressing my hands against the glass and cupping them around my eyes to block out the sun’s glare.
I peek through and gasp.
The shop is huge, its open space stretching further than I expected. Shelves line both walls, and at the very back, a long counter wraps around the length of the rear wall. If this had been a clothing boutique, I would say there had been racks of clothes in the middle of the room, but now, it’s bare, empty, and calling for something new.
Images flood my mind, vivid and endless as my eyes dart around the space. I see canvases stored behind the counter, supplies displayed on the walls and in the center... My heart stutters, and a wistful feeling builds in my chest. In the center—tables. Long tables where the kids could sit, their laughter echoing through the room, their tears a safe place to fall as they dive into the paints and crafts. This could be so much more than an art supply store, this could be my haven. It could be anyone’s haven. A place where beginners, young and old, could come and discover art.
I step back, searching the For Sale sign for any contact information. The sun hits my eyes, forcing me to raise my arm to block out the brightness. In that moment, my mind stops, and reality crashes over me. My shoulders slump when the realization hits me. I don’t have the money to buy or even rent this place.
Heat rises from my chest to my face, and my stomach twists as a familiar whisper echoes in the back of my mind: Dreams don’t come true for you. I wince at the thought, trying my hardest to ignore the small voice, but the whispers keep coming.
You’re broke.
You’d never be able to do this.
Why would anyone want to help you ?
I take another step back, ready to run from the suffocating weight of doubt when I slam into something solid. Strong hands grip my arms, steadying me from falling over. Hints of mint invade me as I lean back into his broad, muscled chest. The safety of his arms chases away the small voice clawing at my mind. All the doubts slip away into the background.
“Talk to me. Give me what’s inside your head, Halle,” Asher orders gently.
“I just…” My throat closes over at the flood of emotion that’s racing to the surface.
He presses closer, his presence hugging me, staying silent, and allowing me to speak in my own time. This man—so patient, so understanding, so supportive—I have no idea how he fell into my world. How he sees me in ways no one else ever has.
“It’s perfect,” I blurt, waving my hand toward the store in front of us. “It’s everything I’ve dreamed of for the space I’d need. But…” I pause, taking a breath, “it’ll never happen. I don’t have the money, don’t know the first thing about running a business.”
“I told you once that we’re going to make your dreams come true, and we will,” he says with certainty, running his hands up and down my arms in a soothing motion.
“You trust me?” he whispers in my ear.
Spinning in his arms, I meet his steady gaze and nod. “Always.”
Asher leans down, his lips brushing over mine.
“I love you,” I murmur into his kiss.
My chest expands when the words leave my mouth, the same way it always does. Loving Asher is as natural as breathing, like he was made to fill the empty hole in my heart. He’s my person, and I’m going to hang on to this feeling for as long as life allows me to.
Shouts and hoots travel across the street, and Asher pulls back, laughing as we both turn. Connor, Madi, and Tessa stand there like fools, whistling and cheering us on.
“Love you too, baby,” Asher says, his smile reaching his eyes in the way I love the most.
“Now, you ready to party?” he asks, dragging me back across the street toward our friends.