Chapter Fifteen
Fifteen
It was a dream.
Of course it was. I rarely remembered my dreams in such detail, with such clarity.
And yet, I remembered every second of this one, as if it were real, as real as the air in my lungs.
Jackson hadn’t been here last night. He hadn’t lain next to me.
He hadn’t held me close. He hadn’t whispered in my ear.
But as I lay there in the predawn light, staring at the ceiling, I allowed the memory of the dream to unfold like a movie.
I didn’t mind it, nor did I mind my actions in it.
Nor the wetness between my legs. And I was not filled with shame or regret, but of a desire I had barely known before.
I couldn’t recall the last time a dream had moved me in such a way, or if one ever had.
Sex was not something I allowed myself to think about.
And yet, there I was, happy at this newness with me and aroused by the thought of Jackson touching me.
A smile still clung to my face as I stepped out of the cabin. When I opened the door, there was Jackson, sitting on the porch.
“Hi,” I said slowly.
“Hi,” Jackson said, pushing his body off the porch railing. He wore the clothes from last night, the same ones from my dream.
“What are you doing here?” I asked.
“Where are you going?” he asked, tilting his head.
“I’m going to yoga with Tibb. He thinks my wrist has healed enough for me to be able to put weight on it.”
Jackson’s face softened. “Oh.”
“And you?” I asked.
“I came to check on you,” he said, rubbing the back of his neck.
“Me? Why? I’m fine.”
“How was your night? Did you sleep okay?” he asked, studying me.
I shifted my feet, my thoughts drifting back to the remnants of my dream. “Yeah… Why?”
“You left Bonfire so suddenly. You didn’t say good night.”
“Well…I got sidetracked,” I explained. “I wanted to thank Luke for the cake, and Tibb introduced me to Teresa. I also saw you walk off with Carly.”
His jaw clenched. “I’m sorry about that.”
“You don’t have to apologize. It’s none of my business.”
“I shouldn’t have gone with her,” Jackson said, his voice filled with honesty.
“You don’t have to explain. I understand.”
“Are you sure you’re okay?” He was still studying me hard.
“Yeah… I better go,” I said, walking down the steps. “I don’t want to be late.”
“I’ll walk with you,” he said, following me down the path. “Did you have a good time last night?”
“I did. Luke killed it. He gave me chills. It was nice. Different. I see why he loves Bonfire so much.”
“Bonfire is definitely the Luke Show. But he’s earned it. His talent is on another level.”
The conversation felt awkward, forced, when it shouldn’t have.
“How much more of that moonshine did you drink?” Jackson asked.
“Not much more. I didn’t like it. I’ve never really liked the taste of alcohol,” I said. My brain scrambled to find anything to say to dampen the charged air between us. “Did you have a good time?”
Jackson exhaled, the sound more of a groan. “Not really. Carly—”
“You don’t owe me an explanation,” I repeated.
He paused as we reached the clearing where Tibb was already stretching on his mat. He looked at me, his gaze steady. “We’re not together. She wants to be, but we’re not.”
I opened my mouth to speak, but Jackson continued, “We were for a long time. I thought she was the one. But she went to college and met Benny’s father. He ran off when he found out she was pregnant. She dropped out of school and came home to raise Benny.”
“She was young. She made a mistake. It happens.”
“I forgave her, but things haven’t been the same. She shattered what I thought we had. I see her differently now, and I can’t change that.”
“She still loves you.”
Jackson’s expression shifted, a sigh escaping him. “I know. And I appreciate her help with the expansion and allowing me to use her land. But I don’t love her. Not anymore.”
“I think you need to tell her that.”
“I have.”
“So why are you telling me?”
“Because I don’t want you to think there’s something between us or that I’m leading her on.”
“Okay,” I said, taking in his words.
“Okay,” he said with finality, nodding as if reinforcing his point. “And you’re okay from last night?”
“Yeah…I’m fine.”
Jackson tucked his hands into his pockets. “Well…I’ll see you at breakfast.”
I watched as he walked away before continuing the rest of the way to Tibb.
“What was that all about?” Tibb asked.
“I have no idea. He was waiting for me outside of the cabin, asking me about last night.”
A slight grin rose on Tibb’s face.
“I take it things went well with Teresa?” I asked.
“It’s new. But I like it. We had a nice night.”
“She seemed like a nice woman. She would be good for you,” I said, stretching. “If you don’t ruin it.”
Tibb gave me a mischievous grin. “Now, would I do something like that?”
I shook my head. “I don’t think Jackson had a good night.”
“Why do you say that?”
“I think it has something to do with Carly. I don’t know; he was weird just now.”
Tibb rolled his eyes. “Peanut has always had a way of ruining things.”
“You know…she hates it when y’all call her that.”
“And that’s why we do it. I don’t hide my feelings for her.”
“She hurt him that bad, huh?”
“It wasn’t just the betrayal. I never thought she was the one for him.
Carly never wanted this life, and she left as soon as she could.
She was one of those people who leave and don’t come back.
But she did, and now she’s settling for a life she never wanted and she’s miserable because of it.
Trust means everything to him. She broke his trust, and she’ll never get that back, no matter how hard she tries and how much land she gives him. ”
I swallowed hard. “Do you think that’s why she’s doing this?”
“I think she’ll do anything to win back his heart.
She knows how important this is to him. I wouldn’t put anything past her.
He loves it here, wants to help grow this area, so he would do anything to accomplish that.
But he needs to be with someone who understands that vision and wants to help him, who doesn’t mind living in the middle of nowhere.
I don’t want him to settle for anything else. ”
“Do you think he would do that?”
“No,” Tibb said firmly. “I know he would rather be single for the rest of his life than to live a life he doesn’t want. Jackie wants a family. The family he never had.”
I thought about this as we finished stretching, and Tibb stood up with a look of determination in his eyes. “All right, Leigh. Yoga is all about connecting breath and movement. Ready to give it a try?”
I stood. “I suppose. I’ve never really been the flexible type.”
“Flexibility is just a side effect. The real goal is to find balance and calm.” Tibb walked over to me.
“Let’s start with the sun salutation. Stand with your feet together and arms down at your sides.
Squeeze your thighs inward, like you’re trying to pinch a piece of paper between them, and lift your chest. Imagine a string pulling you up from the top of your head. ”
I moved with his instructions. “Like this?”
“Perfect. Now, take a deep breath in and reach your arms over your head. Try and touch the sky.” I stretched toward the cool light breaking through the clouds.
“Now, breathe out and relax your arms.” I looked down and saw Tibb bent at the waist, his palms on his shins.
“Relax your neck and bend your knees if you need to.”
We held that position for a few seconds. “Next, I want you to place your hands on the ground and step your feet back into a plank pose. Keep your body straight from your head to your heels and engage your core.”
I shifted my feet back. I looked to Tibb for validation, and he mimed that I needed to lower my behind. “What about you? What do you want?”
“What do you mean?” Tibb asked, moving again. “From this position, I want you to lower yourself down into a chaturanga. Bend your elbows and lower your body until it’s right above the ground. Watch your wrist. If it’s too much, stop.”
I followed along, lowering my body carefully. “This is hard,” I said, my arms shaking as sweat formed on my brow.
“That’s okay. You’re doing great. Next, slide forward into the cobra pose. Press both of your hands into the mat and lift your chest up. Keep your elbows slightly bent and your shoulders pushed back away from your ears.”
I lifted my chest and relaxed my shoulders away from my ears. “I mean…is this what you want to do for the rest of your life? Do you see yourself settling down? With Teresa, maybe?”
Tibb slowly breathed in through his nose and out through his mouth.
“I’m going to live here for the rest of my life.
Probably buy a few acres down the road, build a house, and have a few kids.
” Tibb angled his body upward. “From cobra, tuck your toes and push your hips up and then back into downward dog. Spread your fingers as wide as you can, and press your heels toward the ground.”
I raised my hips, creating an inverted V shape with my body. I felt the stretch in my hamstrings. “With Teresa?”
“Hold this position for a few breaths,” he said. “Oh, no. She’s the one for now. Not then.” He stepped forward. “Step both of your feet forward to your hands and come back to the forward fold. Then slowly rise and reach your arms overhead.”
“How do you know that?”
“You just know. There’s something about her.”
“So…that’s it? It’s over?”
Tibb winked. “I didn’t say that. We’re still having fun. Lots of fun.”
“Poor girl,” I said, shaking my head.
“She didn’t seem to mind last night.” Tibb looked at me. “Or this morning.”
“I had a sex dream last night,” I said, closing my eyes and stepping into the forward fold. I was afraid to open my eyes, but when I did, Tibb was moving into the next position, unfazed. “Please don’t ask me about it. It’s already embarrassing enough that I’m telling you about it.”