6. Silas
SIX
SILAS
AGE 15
The strap of my duffle snapped the second I stepped off the bus, which felt like a perfect way to end a really shitty month.
The glass door slid shut, and the air brakes released as I walked to the platform and away from the rest of the people dropped here in Pyle, Virginia. Forever a running joke with my stupid half-brother whenever I was forced to see him.
Look who came in from that Pyle of shit.
Alec was a cocksucker who needed a swift punch to the jaw.
“Silas.”
I lifted my head in the direction of the parking lot and saw my mom there, waving at me. I looked down at the broken-up cement along the curb as I made my way over. I hated seeing her this soon after getting back from Fable’s. I usually wanted to walk back to the clubhouse, so I had time to shed the slimy invisible film that seemed to coat my skin from all the fucked-up shit he’d had me do.
My mom’s dark hair was swept up into a ponytail, dark sunglasses framed her face and…shit. She was wearing a new property patch.
I tossed my bag into the back of the open Jeep. It was July, so the top and sides were all removed. She gave me a tiny smile, the smallest one I’d ever seen, and I hated that each time I got back, and the older I became, it seemed like those smiles became less frequent and significantly smaller.
Her hand came to my hair, brushing it to the side. “You look older.”
“It’s only been a month.”
She removed her hand and let out a sigh. “Still look older.”
I moved around the hood of the Jeep and settled into the passenger seat. She let out a sigh and took her place behind the wheel. “Wanna practice your driving?”
Shaking my head, I stared out at the dying weeds in the field next to us. I hated this town. I hated this fucking broken down bus stop and the fact that my mom was still living with the Death Raiders. I wanted her to leave them, to leave everything and take me and Caelum with her. I wanted to get the fuck away from motorcycles clubs…I wanted to get away from death.
Mom started the car and reversed from the spot, heaving a sigh.
“You gonna tell me what happened this time?”
I scoffed, shaking my head. “You gonna tell me who you’re patched to now?”
Her being patched to a member was dangerous for me, for Natty…for her. There were no members of the Death Raiders that I trusted with my mother. But she always had someone asking after her, trying to date her, kiss her…fuck her. She knew how to defend herself, so no one ever hurt her, but I wished she’d just stay single.
“Dempsey.”
My head swung around. “You’re patched to a captain in the club?”
She kept her eyes on the road, didn’t even spare me a glance. “Yes, Son. I am.”
Fuck.
My anger was simmering, already boiling at the surface, and I just couldn’t see her go through this again. Not after everything she had done to get us away from the Destroyers.
I kicked the dash and screamed at her. “Did you learn nothing from being with Fable?”
She pulled the Jeep over, dust flying as she did it.
“Silas Damion Silva,” she snapped, pulling her shades off. “Don’t you ever speak to me that way! ”
“You nearly died, Mom! Several fucking times in case you forgot.”
“Don’t speak to me about what I went through.” She pointed at her chest, her voice shaking. “You saw a fraction of what happened and while you don’t like it, this is my life and Dempsey is a safe choice.”
Tears burned the backs of my eyes. I hated this. I hated her for allowing it. I just wanted a normal life, one with a mom who didn’t have scars on her stomach from when my father held a blow torch to it just to send a message. One who didn’t have to teach me a second language that no one used just to be able to have conversations that didn’t get us killed.
“I don’t want him near Natty.” I looked off to the side, clenching my jaw.
Mom was quiet for a second when she finally let out a sigh, turning the engine over.
“Natty doesn’t come around the club often; she comes home at night, stays for her morning lessons and then she leaves. She doesn’t like being there without you around.”
I didn’t reply, but something in my stomach felt like it had finally unwound.
Relief.
We drove back in silence. Once we hit the dirt road leading to the clubhouse, my stomach tightened again in dread. I hated this fucking place.
Mom parked outside the small house off to the side. She was able to grow vegetables and keep chickens that cut on food costs for the club, so they gave her, her own little two-bedroom house. It was old and weathered, but at least it wasn’t inside the clubhouse and it gave her the chance to have a tiny bit of privacy.
The engine cut off and there was already someone yelling and laughing off to the side of the club with two members drinking while working on their bikes. One of them leveled me with a glare as he sipped on an amber bottle of liquor. The cut over his chest told me this man was going to be a problem I had to solve.
Dempsey.
He stood and tossed the bottle, heading over toward my mother.
I grabbed my duffle, clenching my jaw again as I bit back all the words I wanted to say to him. The threats that he better treat my mother right would all be wasted on any member in this club. They had no code they lived by, no morals; they were just like my father.
Soulless.
I ignored what I heard as he pulled my mother into a hug and started up the porch steps, shoving in through the front door of the house.
The house was old, the floors withered and brittle. They creaked under my boots as I walked, and the doors were barely holding together, the glass knobs loose as I turned mine. A bed barely big enough to hold me sat against the far wall, a simple gray blanket was tucked nicely around the single mattress. No one had touched it since I left a month ago.
My eyes fell to the floor, seeing the small bedroll still laid out, a red sleeping bag over it with a flat pillow at the head. Natty had been sleeping on my floor, but not my bed.
I let the duffle slip from my shoulder and land on the floor then found the loose floorboard near my desk. The board came up easily as I gripped it with my nails and then found the small white note tucked inside.
There was a circle drawn with two t’s inside it. Which meant she was in the grove.
Shoving the note in my pocket, I set the floorboard back and then grabbed my notebook.
The clubhouse was surrounded by barren, flat ground with dead grass and tumbleweeds that littered the dirt. The sky was hazy and hot as I trekked down the canyon and stared at the green water filtering through it. Across the bridge and up the other side of the hill, there was a small patch of forest that offered lush green grass, privacy, and shade. It was a nice hiding place for Caelum and me when we wanted to train or just to talk.
The shade from the tall trees hit my neck and face as I entered the grove. The grass was soft and silent under my boots, and the t-shirt against my back almost felt too thick as I pushed in farther. I knew where she liked to go and where I would find her, so I went until I found the small pond we used to visit when we were kids. There on the dock, where she used to catch bullfrogs, she sat with a book in her lap.
Her golden hair blew behind her in the small breeze that wafted over the pond, sending scents of honeysuckle and cedar over my senses. I tried to memorize every flyaway strand of her hair that blew in the breeze, the way her sun-kissed shoulders looked in that dress and walked closer to her.
The thud of my shoes hit the bridge, but Natty didn’t turn, and that was something I liked about her. She was so calm and unassuming; she was the last rays of a sunset that kissed the world before dipping into starry oblivion. Since I was about nine years old, I realized I wanted to be the kind of person who could be compared to galaxies, like her. But as I grew up, all I found in my chest was a black mass. A void where nothing could survive.
Finally, lowering myself next to her, letting my feet dangle, she turned her face toward me. Green eyes, glittering and rimmed by thick, black lashes. Her lips spread wide in a smile that made something in my stomach swoop painfully low.
“You’re back.”
Words wouldn’t come so I lifted my finger to grab a piece of gold as it flew around her face. I wrapped it around my finger as I watched her eyes examine it.
“Was it bad this time?” Her whisper cut through my sternum as effectively as a sword.
Bad didn’t cover what my father did…what he subjected me to. There was no way to explain the darkness that came for my soul, hungry and always waiting every single time I stepped onto the bus and was forced to see Fable.
The feel of the gun in my hand, the heavy weight of taking another’s life when I had no choice in the matter at all. The blood that poured into the dirt under a sunny sky, the green grass now shimmering red. My father patting my shoulder as he turned away.
Now take the tips of his fingers, Silas. Alec, you take the teeth .
Natty pulled my hand free from her hair and tangled our fingers together.
“Tell me, Silas. You always tell me when you come back, and you let me take some of it from your shoulders.”
My voice cracked. “Isn’t sitting on my shoulders, Caelum.”
She watched me, tugging my hand closer and holding on tighter.
“Then from your soul,” she murmured, and leaned her head on my shoulder. “Let me take it from there.”
“I’m not letting you near this diseased thing.” I’d laugh if it wasn’t so fucking painful.
The truth was my soul was forfeit, and at fifteen, there was no hope that I wouldn’t turn out exactly like my father.
Natty let out a sigh. “Silas, you’re not beyond hope. You never will be.”
My throat was tight, and it seemed to swell with something uncomfortable. “How do you know?”
“Because you have me, I’ll be your hope. I’ll be your sun, your moon and anything else good in this world. Give me your dark and I’ll hand you all my light.”
For the first time since I was first shoved in front of my father and told to kill, I wanted to cry. And fuck, if I did.
A single tear slid free from my lashes, and the warm breeze hit my face. Then another and another. I couldn’t keep them back as I let all the rage in my heart break through my walls and I let her have it. I sunk down, until my head was in her lap, and I let her fingers comb through my hair and I cried as the sun bathed the world in a summer glow.
I let Natty take my hurt, my demons, and I trusted that she was bright enough to keep them all at bay.
It was dark by the time I got back home.
Natty had gone into the club to check in with her mother…it was merely for appearance at this point. She slept here, even if it was on the fucking floor. She had clothes here. My mother shopped for her and took he r to doctor appointments. She was ours, but her mother was a petty woman who made my mom’s life hell if Natty didn’t pretend she was related to the woman who couldn’t keep her legs closed long enough to avoid getting knocked up by some random club member.
My mother was sitting at our kitchen table, a skillet meal prepped, still warm and three plates set around the space. A tiny pang of guilt pierced through me.
“Sorry, didn’t realize the time,” I muttered, walking to the sink to wash up.
My eyes burned from crying, and my body felt lethargic from the lack of water I’d taken with me. All I really wanted to do was take a shower and go to sleep, but my mother had cooked. I would never make her feel like I wasn’t grateful for the fact that she was a good mom, especially in a club full of shitty ones.
“Natty visiting her mother?”
I nodded, taking a seat next to her. “She’ll be back in about thirty minutes…Lilly said she bought Natty some clothes or something.”
My mom scoffed, then sipped from her beer.
“Clothes Natty will likely burn if they’re anything like what Lilly wears.”
That was true. Lilly wore a lot of leather, and Natty wore cotton t-shirts, jean shorts and flowy dresses that twirled around her ankles when she walked around the house.
I nodded my agreement then scooped up a bite of the chicken, broccoli and rice.
“Silas…you’re different this time. I need to know what Fable made you do.”
I kept my gaze down as I continued to chew.
Mom stared at me, silently sipping. Then lost her patience.
“He’s training you to take over The Destroyers…surely you know that.”
Shaking my head, I swallowed and replied, “Alec will…”
“Alec will be set up somewhere else. You’re his first born. He wants you to take the Destroyers.”
“I won’t. ”
Her eyes softened, her beer lightly hanging from her fingers. I didn’t know where Dempsey was, but I refused to ask.
“You will, Son. You will do whatever he asks of you…why do you think he’s doing all of this to you?” Her left hand gently pulled at the long sleeve I had on, pushing it up. The knife marks were still raw from when I didn’t please Fable. Drawing blood was a reminder that there was always more pain to be felt.
At that moment I wished my mother could fight Fable. I wanted her to protect me, to tell him I didn’t have to go anymore, and in any normal legal custody exchange I wouldn’t have to, but there was nothing normal or legal about my relationship with my father, or hers.
Fable took what he wanted, and half my mother’s body was broken and burned from fighting him off when I was little. She held on for as long as she could, but this was always going to be inevitable.
“Then how do I stop it? How do I stop him ?”
My mother pulled my hand into hers and gently stroked it, like she used to when I was little. “You learn from him, Son. You train, and you tuck away every single piece into your brain, you turn it into a weapon…”
“And then?” My voice came out weak and I hated myself for it.
She gave me a sad smile. “And then you kill him.”