21. Natty
TWENTY-ONE
NATTY
AGE TWENTY-FIVE
It was late when I made my way back to the house. Later than I ever dared previously, but Sasha had texted me Dirk was gone, along with his captains and inner circle of Raiders. So I had opted in to do a later shift at the diner.
Most of the other women in the club worked at Strings, the local strip club, but Silas would burn it down before he allowed anyone to see me dance there. I understood it, but damn they made good tips. Much better than I made down at the Steakhouse.
Being able to work a little later than usual helped, which meant I finally had enough saved up for a new place in Rose Ridge. I knew Sasha and Silas would hate this idea, but I hated Pyle, and Rose Ridge was the next closest town that would allow us to stay close enough for Silas to attend club required events.
That was assuming he’d want to come with me.
The wound from two years ago when I’d told him where I spent my Christmas, and with who, was still a strain between us. I had never seen Silas so hurt when I explained through sobs that I’d spent the night in his brother’s arms.
Words burned my tongue to explain that it was more than just being lonely. I wanted to tell him about Dirk, and how afraid I’d grown of the leader. How I felt like my every move was being stalked and hunted. If I told him, he’d kill Dirk or try to, and then he’d be killed.
So Silas had slipped back into traveling, being gone. When he came back, he’d hold me, fuck me and we’d fall back into the same roles we always had before, but I could feel the tension between us.
I’d broken him when I’d gone to his brother for support, and while it had been two years, it seemed like he couldn’t fully move past it. Regardless that he said he forgave me, and he must have because he never went after Alec.
I hadn’t spoken to the man since that night….except for one solitary time. The following morning, I had spent Christmas with my husband’s brother, and then I drove back to Pyle. Silas came home a day later, and I confessed what I’d done. After that, things were dust and ash between us. There and tangible but decaying.
Now, he was slowly breaking me by not returning to me like he once did. Silas had been gone now for three months, and I was dying to know where he was, and what he was doing. Sasha wasn’t much help.
So it left me with little options but to dream of a fresh start. Away from this place, and these walls that had been both my home and prison since I was a child.
My plan was to make Silas dinner, assuming he came home within the next few weeks, and explain how he could live in Rose Ridge despite the fact that it was rival territory. I didn’t know anything about the Stone Riders, but after hearing about Simon Stone offering up so much to save his daughter, it made me feel as though the city would be a safe option.
There was the cutest little white cottage on the outskirts of town, by the old highway that I had been looking at. If we moved there, we wouldn’t even be within city limits technically. It had these overextended windows that popped out, with window seats built in. There wasn’t a yard that I could see, just all dead grass, and no trees. But maybe I could plant, and help a few things grow.
I had images from the real estate website folded and tucked into my wallet. On my lunch breaks, I’d take it out and stare at it, drawing ideas of where I would put things. The rental agreement already came through, and with the last of my tips tonight, I had six months of rent saved up. If I could get Silas on board with moving with me then I was sure he had funds he’d be happy to pitch in. He was always leaving me wads of cash when he went on runs.
He didn’t know that I’d been saving it all for my little cottage fund.
“Sasha?” I called out, shutting the door with my foot and flipping the lock.
I had no idea if she was home, but if Dirk was gone then I assumed she would be as well. Any respite she ever had from that man; she would take. Regardless that he now favored torturing me when he tired of Sasha or any of his other women.
The lights were still off, but my hands were full of the two bags of groceries I’d purchased on the way home. Setting them down on the counter, I assumed Sasha wasn’t home since she hadn’t answered, but as soon as I turned, I heard the click of a lighter.
The very blood in my veins froze as the voice in the dark echoed through the room.
“Just me, little Fawn.”
Terror had an interesting way of arresting me and engaging my flight or fight instincts. When Dirk came for me, I immobilized completely. I didn’t consider what weapons were near me, or where the exits were.
I just froze.
I tried to swallow around the lump in my throat, but the knot began to swell. If Dirk was in the house, it meant he was here for me. It didn’t matter that I wore the property patch for Silas. Dirk didn’t care. I was a toy to him, and he dangled and played with me as he saw fit. Always terrorizing me, just enough so I was still intact when Silas returned.
“Thought I was out of town, didn’t you?” Dirk smirked around his cigarette. His tall stature was folded into one of Sasha’s armchairs, his wide, barrel chest was covered with a white t-shirt, revealing sleeves of tattoos down his exposed arms. It was the ones along the side of his face that were truly gruesome.
My fingers trembled as I kept my back to the groceries that were going to spoil now.
Dirk slowly stood from the chair, stretching as he went, and exhaling a breath of smoke.
“You did, didn’t you? That’s why you worked later and drove in past dark. You never come in this late, little Fawn. ”
He took a few long strides in my direction, making me step to the side, so I had an exit.
Tilting his head to the side, he paused with a smirk.
“You know better than to hide from me. Come here, let me see you.”
My heart felt like a thundercloud was roaring behind it. My body trembled and inside I was silently screaming for Silas to come back for me.
“You know the deal, Fawn…come to me, let me see you. Give me your arms.”
I took another step back on instinct. We’d done this dance before; the first few months Dirk had started paying attention to me, I’d tried to fight, which resulted in me gaining a broken femur and then a broken finger. Silas showed up at my job, assuming someone there was responsible. He’d stayed home longer than he usually did, which was the only good thing to come of Dirk’s attention on me.
Now, years in, I knew better than to run or to fight. Dirk was stronger and a broken nose might be enough to prove to Silas that something was going on. If Silas found out what Dirk was doing, he’d kill him, and then all of Dirk’s loyal men would kill Silas and probably Sasha.
“I said come here, Fawn.”
A sob caught in my throat as I held my arm out, old burns were scarred into them already but if I wore long sleeves, no one noticed.
His tongue clicked. “This time, I want you to strip for me. I want to watch your flesh burn in a more creative place tonight.”
If he was willing to burn me somewhere that would cause Silas to be suspicious, then he was getting more assertive.
“I don’t have all night, and if you drag it out any longer, I might just decide to let go of my gracious attitude and fuck you instead.”
Flicking a quick gaze to the door, I grabbed the hem of my shirt and pulled it up over my head. Dirk’s dark eyes looked nearly black as he stared at my cleavage, and the lacy black bra holding up my breasts.
“Your skirt next.”
A tear slid down the length of my lash as my fingers wrapped around the copper button. I flicked it open and pushed my skirt down, leaving me in a pair of black bikini underwear.
Dirk stepped closer, exhaling a plume of smoke against my chest .
“Perfect.” He stroked a finger down my left breast. “Soon enough, you’ll belong to me, Fawn. All this flawless skin will be mine to ruin. Mine to taste.”
I was shaking as another tear slipped down my face, dripping from my chin.
“Take off your underwear, Fawn. You shouldn’t have such a fuckable ass…it’s too tempting to ignore. I need to see a pink little burn disrupting the perfect smooth skin.”
Turning toward the counter, I clung to the edge after pulling my underwear down. Dirk didn’t touch me except to extinguish the butt of his cigarette in the globe of my ass. The burn felt the same as always, and yet the shock of pain never seemed to get any easier to stomach. My fingers clenched the edge of the counter so hard my nails chipped.
Dirk hissed, and then groaned as if this was deeply enjoyable to him.
The second he stepped back, I pulled my underwear up, heaving as sobs trapped the air in my lungs.
“If you’re worried about The Roman seeing it there, I suggest getting ink to cover it.”
I continued pulling on clothing while he made his way to the exit. Before he opened the door, he called out, “If you’re so worried about coming home after dark, then wear my patch, Fawn. No one will touch you if you belong to me.”
The door slammed behind him as he left, and I ran to the bathroom. I vomited the small remnants of my lunch into the toilet and then I started the shower.
I didn’t even wait for it to warm up, the heat would hurt the burn anyway. I just needed to scrub the feeling of him off my skin. The washcloth and bar of soap left my skin raw and red as tears streamed down my face, my braids remained, the loose strands sticking to my face.
I was still crying when the bathroom door opened, and Sasha appeared. Her eyes were wide, watery and red.
“I watched…I couldn’t…he would have…” she stammered as fresh tears streamed unbidden down her face.
I nodded, stumbling out of the shower, pulling my towel around me. “I know. ”
She couldn’t fight him anymore than I could, and she’d endured his abuse longer than I had.
“I have to get you out of here, Natty. Things are progressing…which means he’s getting more comfortable with claiming you. He offered you his patch…that’s not good.”
I swiped at my face as I tried to clear my throat. “Where am I supposed to go where he won’t be able to follow?”
I had my cottage plans, but Rose Ridge wasn’t far enough, and if Silas was going to remain with the Death Raiders, then Dirk would still have access to me.
Sasha looked frantic as she searched my face, her own eyes welling with tears.
“We’ve held him off as long as we can, honey. I fear the next time he comes, he’ll consume you whole. Wherever you go, it needs to be somewhere Dirk won’t be able to follow. Somewhere you’re protected…”
“But Silas will protect me…he’s always protected me, if I just tell him then he?—"
A flicker of unease sharpened her focus as she stepped back into the hall. It was a clear answer to my na?ve notion and illusion of safety. Silas was her son, and I was merely the foster daughter she’d taken in and helped raise. She loved me in her own way and keeping me safe fell within that column, but it would never be at the sake of keeping her own son safe.
“Silas can’t know, can he?” I followed her into the darkened house. The lingering fear in the room still clung to the shadows, creeping up along my spine. The burn on my ass ached, and the smear of darkness on my soul felt permanent. I couldn’t keep doing this…I would break entirely and inevitably; Silas would find out and that war would come.
Sasha gave me a pleading look, her eyes welling with tears. “He will die, Natty. Silas loves you with a consuming sort of love…the kind that would burn and burn and burn until nothing but ash was left. Even if it meant he himself perished.”
I nodded while a lump continued to form and burn in my throat.
“Get dressed, I have a phone call to make…” Sasha gave my arm a gentle squeeze before turning to leave.
My feet carried me to the room I’d shared with Silas since we were kids. The dark walls holding in years of secrets and a love story that spanned along the expanse of the sky. The string of fairy lights I had hung so many years ago were dim as I flicked the switch. Our modest, queen-sized mattress now filling the floor space I once had as a bed. The soles of my feet touched the rug I’d found on a swap site for cheap; it was soft and looked new.
I remember when Silas had unrolled it, and how he’d looked up at me that day all smiles and happiness.
“When we get our own place, we’ll take this with us.”
I had beamed with excitement, so much so that it was the first time I had considered looking for a new place for us. It’s what had led me to my cottage.
Sorrow burrowed into my sternum, but I pushed past it by getting dressed. I found the old duffle Silas had used when going to his father’s house all those years and began stuffing it with my clothes.
I didn’t know when he’d be back. I didn’t want him to think I was leaving him.
God, he had to know I’d never leave him.
As quickly as I could, I began to write to him explaining what I could without creating a mess for Sasha, who would remain with the Death Raiders.
“Natty, come with me. We’re going to stay in a hotel for a few days while he gets the deal set up.”
I bustled out of the room, my heart in my throat as I followed Sasha. I gave our room one last glance and trailed her out of the house.
“Your car will have to stay here.”
I wanted to tell her about my plan to rent the cottage, and see if that would be possible, but Sasha kept darting her eyes around as if she were worried.
“Duck down in the back, Natty. Dirk can’t know that you’re leaving.”
I did as she said and continued to do as she said for the following two days, hiding out in a shitty motel in a town I wasn’t familiar with.
Finally, she told me what was happening, and I had no choice but to accept my new fate.
“Simon Stone agreed to trade a shipment of weapons he just received for your safe passage to his club. He’s not the sort of man that would hurt you, Natty. You’ll be in the club, your own room, protected…and most importantly, away from Dirk.”
“Why would Simon trade such a large shipment for me?”
It was the only thing I could even think to ask because my mind was whirling, pieces of information felt like fragments of shrapnel missing and hitting all at once. I couldn’t grasp what was happening, or how I’d lost control of my own life.
Sasha’s gaze softened as she moved a piece of my hair to the side. “Other than because I asked him to. He has a daughter, honey. One that’s your age. Their club has a code about women and how they’re treated. You’ll be safe there.”
I believed her. I vaguely remembered when Simon Stone had shown up to reclaim his daughter from when Dirk had kidnapped her. I had never seen him myself, but he was a good man.
“Does Simon know I’m technically patched to Silas, which breaks a few codes between clubs. It could be cause for a war…”
Sasha winced the smallest bit, then gave me a sad smile.
“Once you enter the doors of that club, it’s better if no one knows who you belong to. Don’t speak of him being anything to you.” Her gaze flicked down to my ring finger and I had the urge to curl my fist.
“And what about Silas, he won’t just accept this.”
Sasha let out a sigh then gave me a flat look. “Leave that to me. I’ll talk to him…in the end, he’ll understand.”
But I knew Silas in a different way, and I doubted very much that he would understand.
Sasha began walking, and as I followed, I felt like I was walking the edge of a plank.
The dreams in my chest felt like ash fluttering around with still burning edges, images of a life I dreamed up still visible.
“Sasha, I’m scared.” It came out as a whisper right as the rumble of motorcycles reverberated down the street. We were in Rose Ridge; I could see that now. The motel, the only one in the city, and from where we stood, I could see the road into town from Pyle. A group of leather clad riders headed toward us.
“You’re going to ride back with a man named Killian. He’s the vice president of the club. He’s a good man from what I understand, but from there, a woman named Red will take over and help get you settled.”
My hands were shaking, and I noticed that my head was as well.
“Wait…I…what about Silas. I have to tell him.”
Sasha kept her focus on the oncoming group.
“You have to give him space, Natty. You need to let him go for a time. He’s doing something bigger right now than you or him. I’m asking you not to let him come for you. You will have to be the one that creates the distance. You’ll need to leave your cell behind, because if Silas thinks he can get to you then he will and right now, in order to avoid a very ugly war, he can’t.”
She was asking me to give him up. My chest strained; my very soul felt like it was silently screaming for someone to hit pause on all of this. It was all happening too fast.
While I knew it wasn’t permanent, I could still feel seven-year-old me seeing that head of dark hair for the very first time when he’d pulled me into that wardrobe with him. When he’d first held my hand and told me he’d protect me. There was a wrongness to this…something that shouldn’t be but was too far out of my control to stop it.
“They don’t know at all about Silas?”
The group of riders drew closer, until they were stopping directly in front of us.
Sasha gave me one last look. “No, they only know that you’re escaping Dirk.”
Simon Stone let his thick boots fall to the asphalt, his bike slowing to a stop at the front of the group. His patch said he was the president…he had long dark hair that was starting to gray. It was pulled back into a low ponytail, which somehow left his handsome face exposed, and a very rigid jawline. His tattoos were vibrant along his arms and hands, but his hazel eyes seemed kind. The man next to him was much younger, a few years older than me…maybe by five or six years. He had ink as well but not as much as his leader.
His cut had a patch with a wolf’s head on it, and under his name and rank said that was a nickname for him. Another man pulled up next to the VP, and I remember Silas mentioning his name years ago.
Wes Ryan .
His ranking didn’t clearly put him anywhere in the club other than an official member. I wondered if he was still dating Simon’s daughter…or if maybe she was in the club, and we’d become friends.
Sasha stepped forward until she was standing close to Simon’s leg. It almost seemed intimate how close she was. “Dirk accepted?”
Simon nodded, flicking a quick gaze to me. “Yep. She’s ours now, under our protection at least…but you need to know we’ll never force her to stay there. She’ll be welcome to walk out the second she gets there if she wants to, but for as long as she wants our protection, we’ll offer it.”
Sasha turned back to me, and then pulled me into a hug. It was a gesture she’d made a thousand times. “Dirk will come for her if she leaves.”
I looked over at her, confused.
“How would he know if I were to just leave…if the deal is struck then wouldn’t he just assume I’m here?”
Simon’s face held pity. Wesley Ryan’s held nothing at all, and Killian looked at me like I was a na?ve girl who needed a life lesson.
“Natty, right?” Simon asked, nodding toward me.
I nodded, shifting on my feet. My butt still hurt from the cigarette burn, and while I’d added some ointment to it, it hurt to feel anything rub against it.
Simon glanced at Sasha before replying. “The trade we made wasn’t easily done…Dirk is very possessive over you…the goods we traded cost us nearly one million in an arms deal we could have made. Now, I’m happy to do it because I’m a father myself and I would have done this for my own daughter. You're like a daughter to Sasha…so our protection extends to you, but make no mistake. Dirk will be watching to see if you leave. I’m not trying to scare you, but he's a ruthless son of a bitch. Whatever plans you made, you may need to place on hold until we can get his attention somewhere else.”
Hope evaded me as I nodded in understanding. I’d caught the attention of a disgusting madman. This was my chance at freedom.
“You’ll ride with Killian.” Simon gestured toward the man at his side.
Sasha reached for my hand and squeezed it. There was a silent conversation she was having with me, one full of soothing words and promises that it would be okay, but my chest felt like the war we were trying to avoid arrived regardless. It was tearing through me with bullets and bombs, creating a mess of gory devastation in my heart.
With numb legs, I walked to the bike where Killian sat and climbed on the back. My arms went around Killian’s waist, and then the wind was tearing at my hair as the bikes started back up and the group left the motel behind. The group looped, which meant we passed the motel, and Sasha. I watched her as she stood there, tears visibly streaming down her face as she waved goodbye.
I closed my eyes and tried to pretend my entire life didn’t just implode.