Chapter 9
Octavia
Cheyenne does not hesitate for even a second.
The moment Kadin leads us out through the sliding doors, she is already peeling off layers with the sort of reckless confidence only Cheyenne could make look effortless.
Her shoes hit the patio first, then her shirt, then whatever flimsy excuse for a skirt she had decided counted as clothing tonight.
Maria is right behind her, laughing so hard she nearly trips over herself while tugging her top over her head.
The two of them look wild beneath the blue spill of the pool lights, all flushed cheeks, loose hair and alcohol-fueled boldness.
The backyard is louder than I expected. More people are beginning to spill outside from the house, drawn by the noise and the bright glow of the water.
Colored lights from the pool ripple over the patio stones and fence, turning everyone into moving shadows edged in blue.
The air is cold enough to bite, but the kind of drunk thrill hanging over the party seems to make no one care.
Kadin strips down more slowly, like he knows exactly what he is doing without needing to turn it into a performance.
His shirt comes off in one smooth pull, my eyes catching on him before I can force them elsewhere.
Broad shoulders, a chest and stomach carved in clean lines, skin catching the light in a way that makes him look almost unreal standing there beside the water.
There is nothing hesitant about the way he carries himself.
He looks comfortable in his body, comfortable being looked at.
That part stings more than it should.
Cheyenne lets out a shriek and cannonballs into the pool before anyone can stop her.
Maria follows with a laugh, diving in after her, coming up slick with water and glowing with delight.
They surface sputtering and grinning, hair plastered to their faces, already shouting for the rest of us to hurry up.
Kadin glances back at me, smiling in a way that is softer than the chaos around us.
“You coming in?”
The question should be easy.
Instead, my fingers catch at the waistband of my jeans, staying there for a second too long.
The music from inside bleeds faintly into the yard, bass thumping through the walls, while outside everyone seems to exist in this effortless world where bodies are just bodies and no one thinks twice before showing skin.
That has never been my world.
The denim slides down my legs slowly, hesitation stitched into every movement.
The second the jeans hit the ground, my arms wrap instinctively around my waist, crossing over myself before I even think about it.
My shirt stays on. It is black, fitted enough to cling slightly, the only thing beneath it now a pair of simple black underwear that suddenly feel far too revealing under all of these lights.
The cold air licks over my bare legs, raising goosebumps instantly.
Scars I can usually keep hidden suddenly feel bolder even when they are not fully visible. A few pale lines near my hips, others ghosting faintly along the skin my shirt doesn’t quite cover when I breathe too deep. My hands tighten where they hold me.
Cheyenne notices first.
“Oh my God, Octavia, you look hot. Get in,” she calls from the water, treading backward while Maria laughs beside her.
Maria pushes wet hair from her face and grins. “Seriously. No one is looking at your outfit choices right now...except maybe Kadin.”
That only makes the heat in my cheeks worse.
Kadin, to his credit, doesn’t stare. His eyes flick over me only briefly before settling back on my face. The restraint in that somehow feels kinder than if he had looked away too fast.
“You can keep the shirt on,” he says easily, stepping closer to the edge of the pool. “No one cares.”
The words should be comforting. The way he says them almost is.
More people begin filtering outside, carrying drinks, laughing too loudly, drawn by the commotion. A couple of girls strip down to bras and shorts by the door without a second thought. Some guy is already hyping himself up for a running jump. The crowd grows, but in my mind the space only narrows.
My eyes move through the yard without meaning to, scanning faces, shoulders, silhouettes.
No Silas.
The absence hits strangely. It should make this easier. It should let me breathe.
Instead, it leaves this restless little tension under my skin, like I am waiting for something without wanting to admit it.
Kadin crouches by the edge of the pool now, still watching me with quiet patience.
Water from Cheyenne’s splash dampens his hair, but he doesn’t seem to notice.
There is something unfairly attractive about the casual ease of him like this, half-lit by the pool, smiling at me as if he has decided there is nowhere else he would rather be.
Cheyenne splashes water toward the edge. “If you don’t jump in right now, I’m coming out there to drag you.”
“You’ll break your neck trying,” I shoot back, though the laugh that follows sounds thinner than I want it to.
Maria’s grin widens. “Then Kadin can save both of you. Everybody wins.”
My arms remain wrapped around my middle, as I step a little closer to the water. The concrete beneath my feet is cold, the pool glowing beneath the surface like some invitation I am not sure I know how to accept.
Kadin straightens slightly, his eyes still on mine.
“You don’t have to dive,” he says. “You could just sit on the edge first.”
Cheyenne groans dramatically. “No, that is coward behavior. She needs to jump.”
“Some of us like building anticipation,” Maria says, earning a splash to the face for her comment.
Their laughter takes some of the pressure off. Not all of it, but enough that my breathing evens out a little.
My arms loosen just slightly from around my waist, not fully, but enough to stop crushing myself.
The water ripples under the lights while everyone waits to see what I will do.
Somewhere between the cold on my skin and the heat still lingering low in my cheeks, I can feel the whole night balancing on this stupid little moment.
The decision happens before I can overthink it into ruin.
One second I am standing there with the cold biting at my bare legs, everyone watching to see if I will back out, the next, I am moving. My arms finally leave my waist, my feet pushing off the patio. The pool rushes up in a sheet of electric blue as the water swallows me whole.
It is freezing.
The shock of it tears a breath from my lungs, sending every nerve in my body into a stinging frenzy. For one disorienting second there is nothing but water in my ears, blue light around me, and the violent cold clamping down on my skin.
Then I break the surface.
A gasp rips out of me as I shove wet hair from my face, blinking through the water streaming down my lashes. Cheyenne and Maria are laughing so hard they can barely stay upright, both of them already wading closer like they expected this exact reaction.
“Oh my God,” I sputter, teeth nearly chattering. “This is abuse.”
“Admit it, you love it.” Maria says, still laughing.
A splash lands against my shoulder before I can retaliate. Turning just in time to see Kadin wade near me, he doesn’t move quick. He fully lowers himself with far more control than I had, the water making him hiss under his breath when it hits his chest.
He comes toward me almost immediately, one hand lifting as if to steady me even though I’m already upright.
“See?” he says, smiling as he brushes wet hair back from his forehead. “Not scary.”
There is something unfair about the way he looks in the water. His hair is darker now, soaked and pushed away from his face, the pool lights tracing clean lines over his shoulders and collarbones. The cold has flushed his skin slightly, making him look even more alive somehow.
“It’s freezing,” I say, though the panic that had knotted inside me on the patio is gone now, blasted out of me by the shock of the cold.
“You’re in,” he replies, as if that proves his point. “That’s what matters.”
More people begin pouring into the pool area behind us, some jumping straight in, others sitting along the edge with their feet in the water, drinks still in hand.
The noise grows louder with every passing second.
Splashes. Screams. Music drifting out from the house.
Someone knocks over a stack of towels and gets cheered for it.
The crowd should make me feel more exposed.
Instead, the chaos gives me somewhere to hide.
Kadin is close enough now that I can feel the heat of his body beneath the cold water, his hands brushing lightly against my sides as he steadies me when someone dives in nearby, sending a wave crashing toward us.
My breath catches, not from fear this time, but from the simple ease of being held without tension.
Cheyenne is already on Maria’s back, trying to dunk her while Maria curses and laughs. Their chaos gives me just enough cover to stop thinking and just act.
My arms lift, sliding around Kadin’s neck.
The motion surprises him just enough to widen his eyes for half a second before his hands come down to my waist automatically.
Water shifts around us as I step closer, then closer again, until there is no room left between us.
My legs curl around his waist before I can second-guess it.
He catches me with a soft grunt, both hands bracing firmly at my hips to hold me up.
The intimacy of it lands all at once.
His chest against mine, damp and warm beneath the cold water. My fingers threaded into the wet hair at the nape of his neck. The easy strength in the way he keeps me lifted without making it feel like effort.
For a brief second, he just looks at me.
There is a question in his expression, but no pressure.
That makes it easier.
My mouth finds his before the moment can slip away.