58. Ember
CHAPTER FIFTY-EIGHT
EMBER
W hen I come to, I’m back in my cell, and my head is pounding.
I don’t always pass out when I have a panic attack, but this one was particularly bad. Which makes sense, considering I’ve never felt more helpless than I do right now.
I thought losing Travis was rock bottom, but I had no idea how much further I had to fall.
My entire body hurts, and my chest feels heavy and uncomfortable.
God, what I would do for a hot shower right now.
To sit on the floor and allow my sorrow to disappear down the drain.
I roll to my side and groan, burying my face into the worn blanket I’ve started to loathe. It’s just this side of useful, but it’s not enough, and I have no idea if I’ll ever be warm again when I sleep.
A sharp tug in my abdomen pulls my attention from how shitty my sleeping situation is, and my stomach rolls with a fresh wave of anxiety.
Oh my god.
The doctor removed my birth control when I was in the middle of having a panic attack.
If I wasn’t confident that place wasn’t aboveboard before, I sure as hell am now.
I feel violated and sore between my thighs, and I just have to hope it was only a speculum to blame for it.
How long do I have before the hormones leave my system?
I try to think back to the pamphlet they gave me when I got it put in last year, but it all feels like a blur.
I just finished my period, which means I’ll ovulate in…two weeks?
Fuck. Why didn’t I pay more attention in sex education?
Probably because I was hardly ever there to avoid the teachers finding out that I was homeless.
I shove myself up into a sitting position and press my back to the wall behind me.
Before I got the IUD put in, the doctor explained that coming off any kind of hormonal birth control can bring on a period, so I might get lucky and have another month before I’m fertile.
The word has nausea rushing to the surface, and I have to swallow down the vomit that tries to escape.
One month before I could be pregnant with a man I hate.
I can’t bring a baby into this fucked-up situation. That wouldn’t be fair.
And god, what if it’s a girl? What if Lucas treats her badly? Or his men?
Nope.
Absolutely the fuck not.
No child of mine will be brought up in this environment.
A thought creeps in, one that has no place in my mind, but I allow the daydream to roll over me. I give myself a few moments of peace to think about what it would have been like if things were different.
If I’d never insisted on walking into that bar.
If Orion had never pushed open the door of the house that exploded.
Images of his hand on my swollen stomach, of his dark eyes lighting up at our first scan, of him cradling a tiny baby in his huge arms, staring down at them like he’d protect them from the world.
Emotions slam into me, and tears roll down my cheeks of their own accord.
I was so fucking stupid.
And now my greatest regret will always be all the things I never said.
The door opening has me swiping the tears away before whoever is on the other side can see them.
I’ve already had a panic attack in front of these assholes. I don’t plan on showing them my weakness any further.
Lucas stands in the doorway, his eyes wild with anger, and I suck in a breath as he advances on me.
“You little fucking bitch!” he roars, his hand fisting in my hair a moment before he drags me to my feet. “This is all your fault.”
I shake my head, but don’t get a chance to speak before his other hand closes around my throat.
“You helped her escape. I know you did.”
“No,” I choke out. “I didn’t do anything.”
“You want me to believe that one of your friends just so happened to be at the clinic at the same time you were? That he just so happened to be in the right place at the right time to help that slut escape?” His words are full of hatred, and it takes everything in me not to succumb to his anger, to not allow it to send me spiraling into another panic attack.
“How could I have known?” I cry. “I’ve been locked in here for days, and I didn’t even know she existed until today!” All true. Apart from telling her to run if she had a chance, I played no part in any of the events that led to her escape, even if my panic attack was the distraction she needed.
He slams my back against the wall, my head slamming into the cold concrete so hard stars explode in my vision. “You just lost me five hundred thousand dollars, Ember. And I’m going to work you until I get every cent of that back. Wife or not.”
My eyes widen at the insinuation.
“I’m going to knock you up and then whore you out. You have no idea how much men are willing to pay to fuck a pregnant woman. Can’t say I share in the appeal, to be honest, so I’ll need to get myself a plaything for those nine months.”
Every word out of his mouth is more vile than the last, but the picture he’s painting is nothing short of sickening.
“Please, don’t,” I choke out. “I didn’t do anything.”
“Doesn’t matter. You’re the reason she’s gone, so you’ll be reimbursing me in full.”
He shoves me back, his hand releasing my throat, and my body crumples to the ground.
“Your dress will be delivered in an hour. We’re getting married tonight and then getting the fuck out of LA.”
I open myself to beg again, but what would be the point?
Lucas holds all the cards, and I’m nothing more than a pawn in his game, destined to live a life of misery.