Wait for me
-You are so cute...
I am in a little house by the meadow. The day smells fresh. The mattress of unknown measures engulfs me along with the memories of an unforgettable night. The scent of wet fields enters through the window before an indiscreet rainbow that is reflected in the stripped paint furniture. I embrace the sheet that still preserves your perfume.
-Am I?
That deep voice envelops me. Does it smell like coffee? Have you prepared it for me? I can't feel more in love. The flamingos sing next to the Proven?al lavenders that dance from left to right with their leaves raised above their blossoms.
I love you, baby, and if it's quite all right
I need you, baby, to warm these lonely nights
I love you, baby
Trust in me when I say
-Flamingos?
The lake reflects hundreds of colors. There are so many that I can't count them. My white linen dress helps me fly over. I'm a seagull flying over your land. You look so happy. I give you happiness. I am happiness.
-Blake... Blake...
-Sofia?
-Kiss me.
Your lips brush my forehead. The warmth of your lips tattooed on my skin. No. The other kind. Of those that say I love you more than any other.
-Kiss me...
-Honey, not like that. Not like that again.
-Blake... -Mmm. Good morning to you.
I open my eyes. And close them again. The scent of lavender lingers with the delicious coffee. The scent mingles in my room. My room. My room!
-But!
-It's nine o'clock and the sky is clear. It's definitely going to be a good day. The American twang sparkles with amusement.
-What are you doing in my room!
I cover myself with the sheet up to my chin. I am in the habit of sleeping in a T-shirt that barely covers my beautiful parts.
Blake stretches out a cup of coffee. I sit on the backrest after checking that I have everything perfectly covered. He settles down next to my legs. He's wearing a black T-shirt and shorts. He's barefoot and his black hair is spilling out of alignment. If in my dreams he was handsome, in the present he is unattainable.
-You were late last night.
-I went out with the girls -I can barely speak.
Grief has swept away the image of Blake lying next to me on a bluish field mattress.
-I know. Anthony called me to let me know.
-Did he call you?
-You don't live alone anymore, remember? If you don't let me know, I'll go out and look for you.
As if to forget me. I wandered around with Laura and Karina until they were tired of listening to my moaning and sent me straight home. I went in on tiptoe and without turning on the lights. My courage was never considered the kind of courage to jump off a cliff.
Remembering how I behaved with him raises my blushes and buries my self-esteem. I should never have put myself the way I did. Once the jealousy dropped a thousand decibels I had no choice but to accept my sad defeat. Blake could never see me enter the office. The redhead's leg-long hair was pulled so tightly over his head that by a miracle he could breathe. Seeing her so arrayed over him stabbed my stomach and my reasoning.
-I'm sorry for what happened yesterday. And the day before yesterday. Even what I will do tomorrow. I'm a complete asshole. According to Mariam a diagnosed one. I swear I would never do anything to hurt you. You're very important to me. You can't imagine how much.
Hearing his apology makes my reddening embarrassment even worse. I can't hold him responsible for how I feel. That I like him better than pizza Pringles is my business. He's entitled to make out with that or any other bitch. And I say that without any hard feelings towards low-life redheaded bitches.
-I should be apologizing to you. I hide my face inside the cup. Maybe behind the coffee smoke my shame will find a hiding place where it can commit suicide. I shouldn't have acted that way. She's your girlfriend and I understand why you took her side.
-Girlfriend? -Blake's hand is placed on my thigh. The warmth of his fingers pierces the sheet. This doesn't help me forget. Dana is the company's lawyer. I need to prepare some contracts urgently and without mistakes. That's all. She travels to Baltimore a lot, so we know each other.
I smile reluctantly. I accept that I was wrong, now, the blindness thing I can't chew. The time I was with Rubén I was blind and deaf, a fact that led me to wear African buffalo horns. Those times are past waters. If a guy wants to lie to me, let him do it, but whether I believe him is another matter. That girl may just be a fat-titted slut, but the legs underneath were hers, and I don't remember hearing her beg for help.
-You don't have to justify yourself, it's your life and you can date her or let her sit on your lap or even have her picture in your wallet. It's your life.
-Wallet. Of course. I should have known they'd tell you. That was Dana's dumb joke, I didn't even know I had it until I dropped it. I can assure you there's nothing going on between me and her," she says, pulling her torso close to mine and snatching the mug out of my hands and resting it on the bedside table. She's a lawyer and handles the agency's contracts. That's all. I don't want you to get the wrong idea.
-I'm not blind, but don't worry, what I think matters little.
I lower my gaze.
-It matters to me. Dana and I are nothing. I have never cheated on her. What you thought you saw was something unimportant. Things were always very clear between us.
My heart just broke into little pieces impossible to gum up. Knowing that the redhead is the kind of girl he likes deflates me like a balloon that has been in the sun for hours. Imagining him sleeping with her is a suffering I shouldn't feel. He's the kind of guy I should never have looked at. But since I'm all about foolishness, here I am, lying down and suffering. I'm an orphan abandoned by her mother, with no family and in an apartment with old decor. What did I expect?
-You have to believe me," he holds my chin.
-You can sleep with whoever you want. The fact that we live together doesn't oblige you to do anything. We can both sleep with whomever we want. I'm not going to judge you for having crazy nights. I have them too.
-I'm not interested in your crazy nights. He looks annoyed.
-Neither do I with whom you lose your pants. All I ask is that you be honest. That's all.
-What's that about? I am telling the truth.
-Please, Blake, I'm not stupid. If you really didn't want anything to do with her you would have grabbed her arm and pulled her up. Don't sell me the good, sincere boy story. You like her and you fuck her. She treated me badly and you didn't know what to do because you knew if you confronted her you'd be dust. End of story.
-I don't sleep with her. Not anymore. I'm a free man to lust after any girl I want, but that's not Dana. I can assure you, even if you're far from believing me.
He is so agitated that his chest rises and falls as if he had just finished a marathon.
-Well, she's beautiful.
-She is," he says, pressing his forehead to mine, "but she's not the girl I'm looking for.
-No? And what are you looking for? -An ugly, poor, abandoned one?
I shouldn't have said that. I shouldn't have said that!
Hot flushes of shame climb up my neck. I jump to my feet. I don't give a damn that I sleep in my panties and a too-tight tank top. At this point I have to run away before I start crying indignantly. Imagining him with someone other than me hurts more than it should.
-What was the dream you were having when I came into the room?
He stops me with his imposing body in front of me. His right hand clasps my shoulder.
-Which Sofia? -He cradles my face while his thumb strokes my chin.
The heat of a thousand summers rises in my stomach. My heart has just run the earth at least four times in one second before hiding back inside my chest. I'm so in love that pain turns to hope at the smallest of his smiles. I must be crazy.
-What dream? -His lips are so close I can feel the warmth of his breath hitting mine.
-Let's settle this once and for all. I can't take it anymore. If I go on like this I'm going to go crazy.
-I don't know what you're talking about.
-You know perfectly well what I'm talking about. I heard you calling my name in your sleep. You called my name over and over again. You begged me to kiss you. I need you to be honest with me.
-Me? Ah! That. I dreamt that the washing machine had broken and I asked you to call the technician.
-Sofia, please. I can't take it anymore. I'm losing my mind.
-I don't know what you want from me.
I'm so nervous I try to leave the room, but he steps in front of me. I start to feel the heat rising up my bare legs. I have a T-shirt that barely covers my ass. I pull it down.
-I want it all.
He comes so close that we almost collide. Hands clasp my shoulders. His eyes are a blazing summer night. The black pupils glow like the most tempting demon. My saliva chokes with desire.
-What all?
-To the dream, to you, to us. That everything. I want you to confess that you dreamed of a kiss from me," the finger caresses my face, furrowing a fiery path wherever it passes.
-It doesn't matter," I answer as best I can.
-It does matter. You moved your body looking for me. You were asking me to kiss those tender pink lips. Tell me, honey, wasn't I doing anything? -Blake's mouth starts to move down my neck. It's just a light skin-on-skin contact. I've just lost my mind. The warm wind of his breath blows through me like a gentle breeze down my chin.
-What are you supposed to be doing?
-Soothe the agony you've had me in since I saw you. I can't stand not touching you anymore," his mouth kisses my neck with short caresses. Electricity surges up and down my veins.
He doesn't finish speaking when I feel his lips open over mine, taking over the sound of my words. The tongue darts desperately seeking mine. They are like two soul mates who were forced apart one day. I try to keep my mouth shut. Out of dignity and some fear. I don't succeed. Her lips press and I open the floodgates of my defense. I let myself go. His touch bends me backwards. Strong hands wrap around me until they rest on my back. The burning heat of his touch burns me. My body loses its firmness. I begin to feel myself rising lost in his embrace.
-I could spend days kissing you," he says, nibbling on the vein that runs up the side of my neck. Right here. And here.
I lose my balance and he holds me up to gently lean back on the bed. At no time did his lips leave mine. I suck him in and taste him as if I've never kissed before. He is so strong and masculine that I close my eyes letting his dominance guide me.
-You're the girl I want," he whispers before running over every corner of my mouth. I want you so much it hurts. I can't stop thinking about you.
I have never felt anything like it. My body lets go before his caresses. I feel like a goddess of Olympus. I am so desired that I close my eyes enjoying the intensity of my power. Hands clasp mine and force me to let go of his neck.
-Honey, I'd better stop or I won't be able to control myself.
Blake's mushy voice caresses my mouth before he breaks off and tries to stand up.
-We are old enough to make decisions. We don't need to control ourselves. My hands behind his neck stop his flight.
-And that's why we have to leave him here. I can't go on.
I come to my senses. What else could a girl like me expect from a guy like him.
-Of course. I understand.
-Sofia, look at me," his fingers force me to lift my chin to meet the darkness of his gaze. Mine may have a tear or two in them. I take a deep breath so it doesn't show. I want you to the point of pain. I'd lay you on that bed and lose myself in you until your dreams were ours, but I can't.
-Why not?
-Because I don't want a quick shag. I want you for today and tomorrow. I want you to accept me as I am. And that means accepting my mistakes.
-What's wrong with the fisticuffs? We can get to know each other and enjoy ourselves. All in the same package.
-I care too much about you to take any chances. I want to be a good man for you. I need you to be safe, because when you give yourself to me I will never let you leave me," he burns me with his silent gaze before he gives me one last deep kiss and walks away towards the door. By the way, don't wear that tank top if you don't want your life to be in danger.
-What's wrong with my shirt? Don't you like it? -The mischievousness oozes from my lips like a consummate artist. I feel like Marilyn.
-At another time I would tell you how much I dislike it, but now we don't have enough time. I'd better go... -Blake didn't even walk four steps when he turned to rush at me again.
His mouth hungrily takes over my lips. I allow it to take over and reach beyond my body. It is the most exciting kiss I have ever been given. Her hands travel down my cleavage reaching one of my breasts. He kneads it and I moan with desire. Blake swallows my every plea.
I lean back on the bed, spreading my legs. I want his full weight to lie on top of mine. He bites my breast gently before he begins to pull my strap up.
-No," I say, interlacing my fingers behind his neck to stop his escape.
-Don't do this to me. You're killing me.
-We are free to do whatever we want," a thought crosses my mind for a moment. We are, aren't we?
-I am. Are you?
-Like a pigeon. I caressed his face just as he had done with me before. Then shall we give ourselves up?
-I've been looking for you so much.... -Blake's eyes shine in a way I can't explain. It's not sorrow, nor is it desire or happiness. It's a bit of all three mixed with something I don't know. I'll take all the time you need.
-I don't need time. I'm ready.
I must admit that I am immensely frustrated.
-Not yet. I still need you to love me above all judgment. He kisses me one last time before closing the door.
-What does that mean?
I lie down on the bed hugging the pillow tightly. If I'm in a dream little virgin don't let me wake up.
-By the way... -Blake opened the door again and scanned me up and down, pausing at my cleavage before speaking. You're not going to make this easy for me. Not easy at all.
She strokes her forehead and I smile victoriously. This shirt will become one of my basics.
-We leave for the airport in ten minutes.
-Are you leaving? -My heart falls to the floor.
-Without you? Not a chance. My sister is coming and we have to pick her up.
Did you say? Your sister! And I have to meet her just today? Now! That's not possible. My blood is burning with desire, my head is flying with little birds that have Blake's name engraved in their beaks. I'm not ready to meet sisters. I'm not!