Chapter 16
JEALOUSY HOUR
Ginny
I’m out in the fermentation building on the grape-sorting line when Declan, Flow, and Shade join us shortly after lunch.
Declan takes a spot at a different table, between Dori and Cricket, while Shade films them working.
The camera has my skin itching and memories of my adolescence trickling through my mind, but I’m keeping my head down and pretending it’s not there as much as I can.
I pretend it doesn’t bother me to hear how much Dori and Cricket and Declan are laughing too.
Or how much I want to participate when Cricket shoves a bunch of grapes all over Declan’s shirt.
“Don’t waste good grapes,” Mabel calls.
“They were rotten, just like his terrible joke,” Cricket calls back.
“Ah. You’re sorting what he picked then?”
“Definitely his bins.”
Declan’s smiling so big that dimples crease both of his cheeks. “Must’ve gone bad since last night. I don’t pick bad grapes.”
I catch myself scowling at feeling excluded.
Like I’m watching what’s supposed to be my life, my fun, but he’s having it instead since he’s comfortable on camera.
Forgive yourself yet?
Why does the man like to hit me with the hard questions every time I see him?
And why do I kind of like it?
But not in a punishment kind of way.
It’s something else. Something I can’t put my finger on.
“Okay, hon?” Samantha asks softly beside me.
I suck in a breath and force a smile. “Yes.”
“We can tell them to stop filming,” Olivia says on my other side. “They’ve got plenty of footage.”
“It’s just a camera. I should get over myself.”
“It’s not just a camera,” Olivia replies.
When I was dating Alex, I got used to being photographed and occasionally filmed too. I never liked it, but I did it because it’s what a good girlfriend did.
After crashing his wedding though, it doesn’t matter how many years it’s been.
I still avoid cameras as much as I can.
And now, watching Declan with Cricket and Dori—I’m jealous.
I want to be laughing and teasing and joking with them.
Not because Dori and Cricket are my friends—my chosen family—but because they’re having a good time, comfortable on camera.
With Declan.
It’s that last part that keeps tripping me up.
I could tell Samantha and Olivia that I’m jealous, but I’m barely able to admit it to myself.
So instead, I sort through the grape bunches rolling across the table in front of me, plucking out leaves and some unripe berries.
“My mom made us go apple picking one year. It was the first episode of the last season before Caro and Ten turned eighteen. The studio ran build-up commercials for weeks with me falling off a ladder into a pile of rotten apples while Caro commented that she wouldn’t miss my fits when she went to college. ”
They both look up from sorting to study me.
“I like this a lot better,” I say. “This—we’re making our own legacy here. I didn’t ever find the lemonade in the On the Rhodes lemons, but our wine, our winery, our home—it’s my lemonade.”
“Even when it’s invaded with cameras?” Olivia murmurs.
I glance at Dori and Cricket and Mabel and Declan and Shade.
Declan’s just put a leafy stem on Cricket’s head, and she hasn’t noticed yet.
Mabel’s almost smiling.
Dori’s slipping the occasional grape into the pocket of her apron. She catches me watching, and she gives me a sly grin. No idea what she’s planning with the grapes, but it’s definitely something.
My eyes mist over.
I should be in there.
I should be participating with them.
But every time I think about moving closer, about letting myself be on camera for a TV show again, I break out in a cold sweat and my fingers start tingling and my mother’s face flashes through my mind.
No, Ginny, throw a bigger fit. Yell louder. You WANT the prize in this cereal box.
I swallow hard. “Even when it’s invaded,” I whisper.
Declan glances at me, and his eyes soften and his brows furrow.
I shiver.
Not a bad shiver.
But I don’t know if it’s a good shiver.
Flow whine-howls beside him.
She’s stained with grape juice too.
“How long has that man had a crush on you?” Olivia murmurs to me.
“Had. He doesn’t anymore.”
“If you say so, hon,” Samantha says.
I need to go take a hike.
Ask the new owner of the pottery studio in town if I can come in after hours.
Pop in my earbuds and rock out and go visit the local fabric store to pick out material for a new dress now that Mabel’s through her last three commissions and has time to squeeze it in for me.
New dresses always make me feel better.
“If he makes you uncomfortable, you let me know,” Olivia says.
“We’ll make this winery into a success with or without his show,” Samantha adds.
I steal another glance at the table where Declan’s working with my friends.
He’s gone back to work.
Though by work, I mean holding a bunch of grapes up over his head, mouth open like he’s going to eat them all, making Cricket and Dori laugh and Mabel give the same amused headshake she regularly gives Pip.
“This will make a good show,” I say to Olivia and Samantha. “People will want to come here when they see the people behind the winery. When they see the fun. They’ll want to be part of the story.”
I hope.
If not—then at least we’ll know we gave it everything.
Everything except for me on camera.
I shiver again. “I’m gonna take a break.”
“Take as long as you need, hon,” Samantha says.
More hands help, but we have half of Winona’s crew and a few of our other friends from town to sort today too.
This will be okay without me.