Chapter Eight Whip
I hated having to leave Peyton after the night we all shared and after that little argument we had before she stomped off into the bathroom.
But I have to meet up with my family. They’ve been starting shit again with me and expecting shit from me that I am starting to not want to give them.
As the years have gone on, I have really seen them for who they truly are.
That is not my family, they are just abusive assholes who I share blood with.
I know that I need to cut the out of my life for good, but sometimes when I get around them it is hard to do what I know I need to do.
They have a way of getting in my head and saying things that hit all the right insecurities that I have, thanks to them.
Shit with my family is hard, it always has been.
I got out of that house at 17 and thankfully had the Jacobsons.
My dad, Raymond or Ray, is probably the cruelest person in my life and the one that has caused the most problems for me growing up.
He was a mechanic when he was sober. When he was not sober, well he was unemployed and took that out on me.
You’d think by knowing that I was an only child, definitely not.
I have three siblings. My father, though, is volatile, cruel and controlling.
He always used humiliation as punishment, he used fear as a motivator to not fuck up.
Not only that, but my father, he used physical beatings, he used belts, fists and his boots basically anything that can make damage that guy used it.
The verbal degradation saying how worthless I am, how weak and how I am nothing the list goes on and on.
Anything my siblings did, was my fault. I was always the problem and I had to take all of it.
I’m pretty sure this is why I’ve always thought love is pain, that I am not worth any semblance of love.
My mother, Linda Mae, you’d think a mother is someone that would love you unconditionally.
Someone that would stand up for you and protect you for all the bad in the world like Mama J does with her kids and even the boys she sees as her sons.
Nope, my mother, she’s neglectful, addicted and complicit in all the abuse that happened with my father.
My mother is addicted to pills, heroin and meth, let’s just say the woman hasn’t met a drug she doesn’t like.
My mother still to this day is emotionally absent, she’s manipulative when she’s sober enough to speak.
She uses guilt instead of fists and that’s why I’m still giving her money and paying her bills.
I mean now that I’m a grown ass man I can get the things I need and then help her out, back when I was a kid she would sell my things for her next high.
I have an older brother, Travis, he’s 5 years older than me.
Growing up he was just another abuser once he realized that my father had it out for me, he tried to win favor with the asshole by joining in on the fun.
He claimed he’d beat me up to toughen me up, any time he fucked up he’d tell my dad that it was me, now he’s involved with some really shady people.
He’s been to prison more times than I can count and I believe he is there right now on some drug charge.
My younger sister, Amber, the only way to describe her is she’s morally gray.
She will do whatever she can to survive.
She learned early that being a bitch was the only way to get her what she wanted and to get out of trouble.
She’s three years younger than me, but she still did whatever the fuck she could growing up to make my life a living hell.
She would manipulate a lot of situations blaming me to get out of trouble.
Which apparently wasn’t difficult for anyone to believe because they were already doing all that anyway.
She’s been in and out of trouble her whole life too, but she’s my little sister and I feel responsible for her.
I feel like it’s my fault she turned out the way she has.
My youngest brother, Evan, who is seven years younger than I am.
I did everything in my power to save him.
So when I left home at 17, I took him with me.
He was the only one that never turned into what my parents wanted him to be.
He never let them break him and when I left and got myself out he came with me.
We first went to the Jacobson’s home where a plan was laid out and they got us a two bedroom apartment in one of the apartment complexes they own.
He went away to school at 18, he’s now 22 and in med school in Maine.
The Ashford chapter is keeping tabs on him and making sure everything is going well with him.
He checks in with me regularly, he’s like the son I never really planned on having.
Part of the reason I’ve always gone a little crazy when it came to women was because I was trying to bury all the fucked up thoughts on my head.
I know that I should cut the rest of these people out of my life, but I feel like I owe them for giving me life or some shit.
I don’t know, maybe I’m a masochist or something that I continue to put myself in these situations.
At least right now I only have to deal with my mom and Amber.
As far as I know my father and Travis are locked up.
I haven’t looked up if they are still there in the last few months because I’ve been preoccupied with everything going on.
Knox had included me in a lot of his visits to help him design the president suite in his clubhouse as well as the home they are finishing up for our family.
I’m going to say our family because I know eventually I’ll get Peyton to forgive me, you don’t love someone as long as she has and just get over it overnight.
Plus I know she still loves me, she wouldn’t have let me anywhere near her last night if she didn’t.
I have to say that was the best night of my life.
If she wasn’t already pregnant, she sure as shit would after last night and this morning.
I lost count of how many rounds we went and how many rounds Knox took her.
There were times where it was just the two of us and everything felt right.
It felt like I got the piece of me back that I had been missing for a long time.
Probably since the last time we were together.
I know I’ve done this, I know that I ruined things between us and made it so she doesn’t want to trust me with her heart again, but I know that this time I will treasure it.
I pull up outside my parents' old beat up trailer and lift myself off my bike. Before I make a move to the door my phone buzzes a few times. I’m sure I missed text message while I was on my way here so I pull it out to make sure it’s nothing important.
Fang/Knox: hey, so I got her to calm down after you left. We are at her folks house tonight and for the rest of the time we are here. Hit me up when you’re done with all your shit. Maybe we can all get together before the Christmas shit at the clubhouse tomorrow.
I back out of that chat because I’ll reply to him when I get back to my apartment. I look at the next message and smirk, perfect fucking timing.
Evan: hey big bro, Merry Christmas a day early.
Wanted to reach out to you and say that before I get distracted tomorrow.
I met this girl and I’m headed to meet her parents for Christmas.
Wish me luck. I know you usually head over to mom & dads today to give them money and whatever the fuck else they want, I wanted to tell you that I don’t think you should head over there this year.
I heard Travis got out a few days ago and him and some buddies have been asking questions about your club.
Me: well perfect timing little brother, I just got here haven’t even made it to the door yet. I’ll let my brothers know where I am in case any shit goes down.
Evan: shit, can you just please get back on your bike and head to the apartment. I don’t really want to lose the only parent I’ve ever had.
With that I pause, thinking maybe this year I should skip out on this tradition of showing up and being their money bag.
I didn’t think Travis was out and definitely don’t want to fuck with any of the crew he hangs out with, they are into some messy shit.
We’ve already got enough shit going on with the club as is.
I’ll probably just have Wiz look into more of it when I get back.
If they are asking questions about the club and me I think I should definitely stay clear for now.
As I head back the short distance to my bike, I hear the porch screen door slam open against the side of the trailer.
“Where are you off to, little brother? Rents due and from my understanding your bitch ass is supposed to pay it.”
“Yeah well, I decided I didn’t think I wanted to this Christmas. Maybe you could get your lazy ass out there and find yourself a job that doesn’t end your ass up in jail. You know actually do something to help your fucking family.”
“You’ve got some nerve.” He says as he walks his ass down the steps towards me.
“This is your fixing family too and your responsibility to pay rent and every other fucking thing we tell you to you useless piece of shit. If it weren’t for you, pops would have a good job, mama probably would have stayed sober, but no your ass had to exist. Then you took Evan from them,
breaking their hearts. I know that dumb as fuck motorcycle club your in pays you a pretty penny. So do the one thing your good at and give us the money we need.”
I want to knock this stupid fucker out, but honestly I don’t know who all is around right now.
I should’ve done a little more looking into shit before I came here.
I swear my head gets all fucked up when it comes to my family.
If they are asking questions about shit, I know for the first time in 12 years being around them might get me into some trouble I’m not looking for right now.
I’ve got Peyton, the triplets and the Jacobson to worry about right now.
Plus everything else going on with the club, I don’t need to add more stress to my club right now.
I hope up on my bike and Travis begins to come closer as I start the engine of my bike and take off.
I’ll deal with him and this shit another time.
As I drive down the road I look back in my mirror and there is Travis with three other men talking animatedly.
I guess it was a good thing I didn’t go and beat his ass for all the shit he has done to me over the years.