Chapter One
THE PRESENT
MYphone vibrates on the seat, jolting me awake from much-needed rest. A groan escapes my lips. Can’t I have ten minutes to myself? My eyelids are heavy with sleep. Blinking repeatedly, I try to clear my blurry vision. I don’t remember dozing off, but it must not have been for long. I run a hand down my face and shake myself awake. It doesn’t help dissipate the lingering fatigue from my body.
My hand slips into the side pocket of my purse, pulling the phone out with knowing fingers. Glancing at the name, my finger hovers over the screen. Hesitating, I stare at it longer than I should before I answer. This is one phone call I can’t keep avoiding and sending to voicemail.
No matter how badly I want to.
“Hey.” My tone is sharper than I intend and I regret it instantly. I’m not trying to be short with her. I’m just exhausted. Glancing out the tinted window of the town car, I take in the green surrounding me. The color of the trees unintentionally reminding me I am home. I can finally relax and release myself from business mode. But tonight, it does nothing to ease the anxiety twisting knots inside me.
The last time I was home for an extended period, everything was white.
“Ray!” My best friend’s voice greets me through the phone. Her voice is ecstatic, relieved, and borderline overstimulated. Abby sounds like she’s already had three espressos. I would need four of my own before being ready for this conversation. In all honesty, no amount of caffeine could prepare me for this phone call. “I’ve been trying to reach you for days.”
You don’t think I know that?
Even if I’m tempted to, I don’t say the words. They struggle behind my teeth, trying with all of their might to break free. I might be angry, but I’m not cruel. I would never say anything to hurt Abby on purpose. Just because my feelings are hurt doesn’t mean I would want to do the same thing to her.
The amount of missed calls and texts is overwhelming me. She has to know something is wrong between us. She has to know there’s a reason I haven’t been answering my phone.
I’ve seen all of her attempts to reach me. She can’t really think that I have missed them all. She isn’t that oblivious. I can’t even look at my phone without seeing a new missed text or call notification. There’s no anxiety quite like avoiding someone’s attempts to contact you. I’ve successfully avoided most interactions with her for the last several months.
Since Christmas. To be exact.
I’ve barely spoken to her since that awful night.
I realize it’s taken me too long to respond. An exasperated sigh leaves my lips, but my voice softens. “Yeah, I just landed. What’s up?”
“Landed?” Her voice sounds confused.
She’s my best friend. She should know that I’ve been away for the last six months, working to help my mother expand her empire. But of course she doesn’t know that. Because I haven’t told her.
And why would I? She doesn’t tell me everything.
“Where have you been?” Her voice peaks with curiosity, but I don’t have the energy to explain it all to her.
“A little bit of everywhere.” If she wanted to know where I’d been, she could have asked me at any point before today. Friendship is a two-way street.
The phone line is silent for a moment, and I have to peek at my screen to make sure she’s still there. I shake my head, trying to pull myself together. This is Abby. I can’t let some hurt feelings get in the way of what we once shared. Not unless I’m willing to lose her forever. And I am not in the proper emotional state to make that decision. I’m not sure I ever will be.
“Sorry, I’m just a little jet lagged.” It’s not entirely the truth, but it’s the only excuse I have. If I say a single word that leans towards the truth, I don’t think I could stop the cascade of emotions from pouring out of me. So it’s better to just say nothing.
She clears her throat, and anticipation twists my stomach. She’s nervous. I don’t need her to speak to feel it through the phone.
“I need your help, Ray.”
Oh boy, here we go.
Her words send anxiety buzzing through me. I wait, but she doesn’t continue. Irritation bubbles within me and I try my best to keep it in check. “Don’t keep me waiting, Stephens. The anticipation is killing me.”
Abby lets out a shuttering laugh and the tension between us lessens slightly. She did always get my dry sense of humor. It was the reason we were drawn to each other in the first place.
No one has ever accepted me the way she has.
Her voice drops an octave when she speaks again, taking on a more serious tone. My stomach drops, wondering what she’s about to say. “You know I wouldn’t ask unless I had no other option.”
That makes me sit up a little straighter in my seat. Abby isn’t one to ask for help lightly. Or ever, really. A crease forms between my brows. “Is everything okay?”
“Yeah. Everything is great.” A small smile illuminates her voice, and I roll my eyes. I know her thoughts have turned to her dream boat of a boyfriend. Spencer couldn’t be more perfect. Or at least that’s what Abby has told me in one of the few dozen texts I’ve received on the subject.
I’ve never met him.
The corners of my lips curve down into a frown. She’s avoiding getting to the point, and I am not in the mood for games. “Well, it must be important for you to keep calling. Spill it. What do you need?”
A hint of pink warms my cheeks. I didn’t mean to be so blunt. I have a tendency to come across harsher than I intend. Guilt creeps into my gut, so I add, “You know you can always count on me.”
She lets out a sigh of relief. A nervous bubble of laughter hits me through the phone. “I was really hoping you would say that.”
I can hear her shuffling papers around. She must be getting ready for a meeting. Ever since her promotion, Abby has been busier than ever. “Do you remember the foundation I helped start in January?”
Of course, I remember.
A new subsidiary of Emerson Group, my mother’s biggest competitor, isn’t something you just forget. It’s not every day your best friend starts a nonprofit in your hometown with her ex, and doesn’t invite you to help with it. Even when you have years and years of experience running one.
Hurt rears its ugly head, but I repress it. “Yeah, that rings a bell.”
“It’s gotten a little out of hand, if I’m being honest.” I can hear the raw emotion in her voice. It’s difficult for her to reach out for help. Even when that person is me. “I know how busy you are, but I could really use your help with the foundation.”
The crease between my brows deepens. After all this time, she is finally asking for my help. But that begs the question, why now? “Use my help, how exactly?”
She remains silent. A sinking sensation fills me. I know exactly where she is heading with this. And I don’t like it. Not one bit.
“Well,” she draws out her l’s as she says them, “I know how much you enjoy this kind of work. I was hoping you would take over as co-director for me.”
A buzzing grows in my ears, drowning out her words as she continues. “Life has gotten so hectic. I just can’t balance the firm’s demands and the needs of the non-profit. Especially with me being so far away.”
Co-director.
The word stands out in my mind like a stop sign. And even though it’s screaming at me to stop, I drive right through it. Straight into the perfectly placed trap Abby has set for me. “And might I ask who would my co-director be?”
I can almost hear her bite her lip. And in that moment, understanding dawns on me. I’m shaking my head before the words even leave her mouth.
His name comes out as almost a question, like she’s cowering in fear of my response. “Blake Emerson.”
And I never like to disappoint.
“No! Nope. Absolutely not.” She tries to cut me off, but I don’t let her. “Abby! What are you thinking?”
The volume of my voice raises, and the driver glances at me nervously through the rear-view mirror. When our eyes lock, I instantly lower my voice. “Are you insane? Blake and I hate each other. How could we possibly run a business together?”
In our world, men like him are a dime a dozen. Rich boys who never really grow up because of their mommy’s deep pockets. Blake Emerson is everything I despise about our world. People like him are why I spend so much time doing charity work. Trying in my small way to offset their bad karma with good karma of my own.
Her response comes out in a rush, like she’s been practicing it. Which I can tell for a fact she has. “You two would make the perfect team. You have the business knowledge and background to ensure everything runs smoothly. Blake is a people person. He can help organize new donors and events. You would be unstoppable together. Will you just give it a chance?”
Blake Emerson and I would be unstoppable together? I almost laugh at the thought. Blake and I couldn’t work well together under any circumstances. It would never work. Never.
She pauses, and her voice takes on a gentle tone when she adds. “And he doesn’t hate you.”
She says it like there’s no doubt in her mind that what she’s saying is the truth. Her words come as a shock, freezing me in place. I’m stunned into silence for a moment before I can recover. I was certain he hated me from the moment we met. The memory of his eyes turning from warmth to indifference the instant our eyes collided will be permanently ingrained in my mind as long as I live. “Well, I still hate him.”
Laughter bursts from deep within her chest. I haven’t heard her laugh like that in so long. The corner of my lip tilts in a smile in response.
“Come on, Ray. I really need your help.”
Her words pull at my heart. She knows exactly what to say to crack the resentment that fills my chest. I regret my words even as they pass my lips. “When do I start?”
She squeals and I have to pull the phone away from my head before she busts my eardrum. “I know it’s late notice, but I’m flying in on Monday. Does that work for you?”
What am I getting myself into?
I take a deep, steadying breath. My thoughts reel over what I’ve just signed myself up for. Thousands of thoughts tug at the back of my mind, trying to talk me out of it. “Send me the info. I’ll see you then.”
Setting the phone in my lap, I let out a sigh of relief. The weight of not speaking to Abby lessens slightly before it’s instantly replaced with the weight of what Monday will bring.
Picking my phone back up, I type a message out to the only person I can talk to about this.
Riley responds quicker than I expect.
Even as my heart sinks, I roll my eyes. Of course, he wants to know if Debra is fishing for information. As if I’d let her use me like that.
I’m about to set my phone back down when it buzzes with another incoming call. Glancing at the screen, I’m surprised to see Riley’s name on it.
With a tap, I answer. “Hey.”
“What’s wrong?”
His lack of greeting would normally make me laugh or roll my eyes, but something in his voice makes me pause. It’s hoarse, like he’s been sleeping. I can’t help but ask, “Did I wake you?”
His laughter rumbles through the phone, and the sound only makes the ache in my chest worse. “Only kinda.”
I hear the shuffle of sheets in the background as he moves. A muffled voice makes a complaint that sounds distinctly like, “come back to bed.”
I shudder at the sound. That’s not what a sister wants to hear in the background of a phone call with her brother. Some lines should never be crossed.
He ignores the woman, and the click of a door shutting sounds before he speaks again.
“Ray.” His voice turns serious, not letting me avoid his question for a moment longer. “Tell me what’s wrong.”
How does he always know?
Leaning my head back against the seat, I sigh. “Abby called.”
“Ah.” He says knowingly. I love I don’t have to say anything more for him to know exactly what I mean. “How did that go?”
I shrug, even though he can’t see it. “About as good as you would expect.”
How do I explain to my best friend that it feels like she’s cut me out of her life completely? How do I tell her it feels like she’s only reaching out again, because she needs something?
“I’ve never known you to hold a grudge against Abby like this.”
Tension lingers heavily on my shoulders.
He has a point. I know he does.
But that doesn’t change the way I feel.
Sighing, I run a hand through my hair. “Things are just different now. They have been for a while.”
He’s silent, and for a moment before he speaks again. “Ray, sometimes people grow apart, but that doesn’t mean Abby loves you any less.”
I let his words wash over me. Once again, I can’t argue with him, because I know he’s right. My little brother may have grown wiser over the last year, but he hasn’t learned to apply that knowledge to his own life. An irritated sigh leaves my lips. “When did you get so wise?”
A small laugh rumbles deep in his chest. The familiar sound comforts me, while also leaving me feeling homesick. “I guess I just have a lot of experience with you two.”
I can’t help but chuckle along with him, because no one knows the two of us better than Riley does. The amount of times he sat in on our gossip sessions or listened to me complain during one of our fights. He was basically one of the girls. “You should charge an hourly rate.”
A smile lights up his voice. “That’s an excellent idea.”
“One of us has to have a good idea every once in a while.” My words are joking, but I feel the sting they cause him. Regret fills me. When he doesn’t speak, I add. “I didn’t mean it like that.”
He sighs, sounding further away than he did before. “I know.”
His words do little to shake the effect my joke had on our conversation. “I’m sorry, Riley. Sometimes I open my mouth and Debra comes out.”
“You should really work on that.” His voice warms, the sting of my comment forgotten.
“I will, I promise.” A smile tilts the corner of my lips.
Silence stretches between us, and I hesitate, chewing on the inside of my cheek before I tell him what Abby called about. “She offered me a job at Emerson Group.”
“Oh?” Interest piques his voice and I can feel he’s waiting for me to tell him everything.
“She want’s me to take over as co-director with Blake Emerson.” My teeth grind just saying his name.
An abrupt laugh bursts from Riley before he cuts it short. His voice turns incredulous. “Wait, are you serious?”
“Yep.” I can’t think of anything else to say. Even I don’t know how to feel about the news.
“Did you accept?” There’s a breathless quality to his voice, and I can tell he doesn’t know how to feel either.
“Yep.” I say again.
“Why would you do that?”
I’m just as stunned by the decision as he sounds.
“Because it’s Abby. When have I ever said no to her?”
A huff of breath escapes him. “True.”
In all the years we’ve been friends, I don’t think I’ve ever said no to Abby. Not once.
He’s silent for a moment, then he says. “Make up your guest bedroom for me. I’m coming home.”
Excitement swells in my chest at the prospect of spending real one-on-one time with my little brother. “You don’t have to do that for me.”
There’s a finality in his voice when he speaks again that I can’t argue with. “You know I do.”
An almost laugh slips from my lips. Because he’s right. I need him.
The sound of a door opening creaks in the background, and Riley sighs audibly.
“I should probably let you go.” I hesitate, not wanting our conversation to end already. “It sounds like you’re busy.”
“Don’t worry, I’ve always got time for you.” His words slice through me, and make the longing in my chest widen until it threatens to swallow me whole.
“Thanks, Riley. I really appreciate it.” Tears burn at the edges of my vision, but I blink them away. I will not cry because I’m lonely. I won’t allow it. “You know I’m always here for you, too.”
“I know.” He pauses before adding. “And Ray?”
“Yeah?” There’s hope in my voice. Hope that maybe he’ll just come home for good this time.
But his words surprise me.
“Don’t be so hard on Abby. Sometimes when you’re running from your past, you end up running from yourself, too.”
His words tumble over me like a bundle of bricks. They crash through me, leaving gashes where they land. Could Abby have been running from herself all this time in her need to escape the life she almost had with Blake?
The thought of his name angers me, and my jaw tightens again.
It’s all his fault.
None of this would have ever happened if she’d never met him. Abby’s destiny never included marrying into our world. I’ve always known that. Our life of rules and responsibilities would have sucked the soul from her.
“I’ll try to remember that.” My voice is hushed, but his words swirl through my mind on repeat.
“See you soon.” With one last farewell, he ends the call and I let my hand fall limply back into my lap.