Chapter Five
WHEN THE DISASTERof a dinner finally ends, Abby joins me as we walk from the restaurant. Her companionship presses all thoughts of Blake’s “assignment” and his attempts to provoke me at dinner out of my mind. My eyes catch with Abby’s, my brows cinching together in question. “What are you doing?”
A shy smile creeps across her face, her cheeks flushing pink. I know my best friend well enough to know she’s nervous. I can’t remember the last time she was nervous around me. “Mind if I come over?”
Surprise lights my eyes, but I don’t let the emotion show on my face. With Spencer here, I hadn’t considered that she would want to hang out. The gesture feels like a white flag, and I accept it with hesitant but open arms. “Yeah. I’d like that.”
Glancing over my shoulder, I peek at Spencer and Blake making their way in the opposite direction to their perspective cars, deep in conversation. I can’t imagine what they might have in common to talk about, but it’s probably something boring like sports. “What about Spencer?”
She waves her hand at him, clearly unconcerned about him and Blake consorting. “I know where to find him when we’re done.”
“Besides,” She loops her arm around mine, walking a little faster to keep up with my long legs. “It’s been ages since we saw each other, and we really need to talk.”
We need to talk.
Those are four words no one ever wants to hear. Even when they are true. Anxiety creeps its way into my system because we do have a lot to talk about. There’s still a small part of me that isn’t sure things can ever go back to the way they were. Even though I am the biggest pessimist there is, I’m also a dreamer at heart. So there’s an even bigger part of me that wishes it would.
“I’d like that.” I give her arm a small squeeze with my own.
Leading us through the darkened parking lot towards my car, I see Spencer keeping a close eye on us. His eyes never leave us, even as he speaks to Blake. He’s protective of her. I like that.
Once we are seated safely in my car, Abby’s phone lights up with a text. The cutest smile lights up her face and in an instant she’s glowing.
I already know who’s texting her, but I ask anyway, “Who’s that?”
“It’s Spencer. He said he’ll pick me up whenever I’m ready.” A smile fills her voice, and it’s almost contagious.
I love that she’s so happy. She deserves nothing less than everything she’s ever wanted. But a small, selfish part of me worries I won’t have her attention tonight. Like she’s already plotting her escape from spending time with me so that she can return to Spencer’s side. I force those thoughts from my mind and turn my attention back to driving.
Once we reach my apartment, I open the door for us, and Abby’s eyes widen when she takes in the floor to ceiling glass walls that show off an impressive view of the Fork River. It suddenly occurs to me. She’s never been here before.
“Welcome to my home.” I wave her in and she follows, her gaze panning across the open concept living and kitchen space.
“It’s beautiful. I can’t believe this is where you live.” A bashful blush rises on her cheeks, and she won’t meet my eyes. “I didn’t know you’d moved out of your mom’s house.”
Giving her a noncommittal shrug of my shoulder, I kick off my shoes and close the door behind her. “Yeah, I just needed my space. You know how she is.”
“Besides, Riley needs a safe place to stay when he visits. Or he probably wouldn’t visit at all.” Tradition pulls me into the kitchen where I pop a bottle of our favorite wine. I tip a glass in her direction, silently questioning if she’d like one as well. When she nods, I pour each of us a glass.
“How is Riley doing? I feel like I haven’t seen him in years.” She accepts the glass when I offer it, taking a sip. I lead the way back into the living room, motioning to take a seat on the white couch.
It feels like she hasn’t seen him in years, because she hasn’t seen him in years. “He’s good. Travels more than I would like. It’s hard for him to be here, with mom and since Jade.”
My sentence ends because we both know what happened with Jade, even if Abby wasn’t around to witness the fallout. It’s still a sore spot for my baby brother. He won’t speak about it. Not even with me. “Anyway, he asks about you.”
“Please tell him I said hi and that I miss him.” The sincerity in her voice cracks something inside me.
“I will. He promised he’d visit soon.” Pressing the glass to my lips, I take my first sip. The liquid flows over my tongue and I relish in the sweet flavor. I didn’t need wine to talk to Abby, but I hope it’ll make it easier.
Our conversation stalls, neither of us knowing how to start our talk. When I finally speak, she speaks at the same time. An awkward laughter fills the space between us.
Anxious nerves dance in Abby’s eyes, and I’m not sure if it’s because we are about to have our talk, or because she’s nervous about spilling the wine on the couch. An equal amount of apprehension rises within me each moment that brings our talk closer.
“You go first.” I offer, because I’m not sure I can start this conversation. My thoughts are jumbled and unorganized. She wanted to talk, so I’ll let her lead this conversation even if it goes against everything within me to do so.
She looks down at the glass, absentmindedly swirling it in her hand. When she looks up, all evidence of her laughter is gone. “Honestly, Ray, I don’t really know where to start.”
She sighs, and her sad eyes hold mine. I’m unable to look away. Her despair hits me right in the gut, like I’ve taken a hit of my own. I want nothing more than to ease her suffering, and I know I’m the one that’s causing it. “I can’t help but feel like there is a chasm that’s grown between us. The longer I live in Chicago, the bigger it gets.”
As she speaks, I nod my head in agreement, silently acknowledging the truth in her words. There is a space between us, and it gets larger and larger as we grow further and further apart.
Has the gap grown too large?
This is the one question I want to voice, but I don’t. I’m not ready or willing to speak the words.
Staring at her, I don’t know what to say.
Neither of us wants this to be the end of years of friendship. I can feel it. She’s trying to hold out a figurative olive branch. All I have to do is reach out and take. Pooling all the courage I have within me, I try my best to wave the white flag. It’s time to tell her how I really feel. No matter what the consequences are. “I thought our friendship could withstand the distance, but as time goes on, I’m not as sure as I once was.”
Abby shakes her head, scooting closer to me. She puts one hand over mine and squeezes gently. “Please don’t say that. You are like my sister. I never want to lose you.”
Hurt stings in my chest, threatening to move up to my eyes. I fight the words even as they leave my lips. “Then why didn’t you tell me you were in Aspen at Christmas?”
“What?” She blinks, shaking her head slightly, like my question has caught her off guard.
My tone carries a cold quality when I speak, but I can’t help it. Too much time has passed, and this wound runs too deep. “You told me you weren’t coming home for Christmas, but you did.”
She opens her mouth to speak, but I speak again before she can.
“I saw you.” It’s hard for me to say the words even after all this time. “I was at the tree lighting ceremony. You came to rescue Blake from his PR nightmare, but you couldn’t even tell your best friend that you were in town?”
Realization shows on her face as the depth of why I’m upset dawns on her. A new depth of sadness enters her eyes. I want to regret saying anything, but I can’t hold this in any longer. If I do, it’ll swallow me whole.
“The entire trip was so confusing. I was a mess, and you slipped my mind.” Her eyes drop to her wineglass, unable to meet my gaze.
Those last four words hurt more than anything she’s ever said to me before. She’s never slipped my mind. Christmas is a time we always spend together, but she spent it with Blake instead of me. Even if it was for work, that still stings. She’s my best friend and I’ve always done my best to do right by her and our friendship. She can no longer say the same thing.
Silence engulfs us, and when I look back at her, silent tears run down her face. Knowing I caused them is like a knife in my chest. I set my glass on the coffee table before taking hers and setting it beside mine.
As my arms encircle her shoulder, sobs escape her chest. She melts into my arms, her words escaping her in a rush. “I’m so sorry, Ray. I didn’t know I’d abandoned you like this.”
There’s nothing I can say to lessen her pain. I rub small, comforting circles against her back as another round of sobs shakes through her. “Why didn’t you just call me? I hate the guy, but I would have understood.”
“I have no excuses for my actions.” Leaning back, she looks up at me through mascara smeared eyelashes. “Can you ever forgive me?”
I’ve asked myself that question a thousand times over the last six months, and only one answer comes to me now. “Of course I can.”
There is no doubt, no deception in my voice and Abby hears it. The smallest smile tilts the corners of her mouth. “Promise?”
A smile tugs at the corner of my own lips. Things aren’t fixed, but the door of communication is now open between us. Now these old wounds can heal. For both of us.
“I promise.”
She wraps me back in a hug, and I let her hold on to me for a few moments longer before we break apart.
Picking our wine glasses back up, I can’t help but ask, “So, how did you end up dating Spencer when you went to help Blake with his image?”
Curiosity has been growing inside me for months and I have to know.
A laugh bubbles from her as she takes a sip.
Our conversation slips into an easy one. Abby tells me all about the hotel falling through, and needing to rely on her parents for a place to stay.
“There’s no way your mom put you in the same bed as your boss!” My mouth falls open in astonishment. I’ve always loved Abby’s mom. I would even go further to say that I adore her more than my mother. But just when I thought her mom couldn’t rise in my eyes any further, she goes and pulls an iconic move like this. What a boss. “Go, Julie.”
“Yeah, she’s quite the matchmaker.” Abby rolls her eyes in a way that tells me she’s grateful for her mother’s interference even if she won’t admit it.
“Seeing Blake again must have been hard.” I can still see her tear-streaked face when she showed up on my doorstep after he dumped her. I promised in that moment I would hate him for the rest of my life, and that is a vow I plan on keeping.
Her smile shifts to a grimace, and the look makes me laugh so hard my sides hurt. “It was awful. I’ve never disliked hearing Abs so much in my life.”
Another laugh tears through me, and this time she joins me.
When our laughter fades, her brows pull together, perplexed. “He really is different now.”
It’s my turn to roll my eyes at her. “Sure. Whatever you say.”
“I mean it, Ray.” She swats my arm lovingly. “You didn’t see him that night. Hiding behind the stage-.”
Her sentence cuts short, and I wait patiently for her to pull her words together. I’m not sure why, though. It’s not like I care if he’s changed or not. He’ll always be a boy in my eyes.
“He apologized to me for how he treated me. I never thought I’d get an apology. It took a lot of courage for him to admit that.” There’s a hint of admiration in her voice that I don’t miss.
Her words do nothing to convince me he’s anything but the boy I met all those years ago. “One apology doesn’t mean a person’s changed. You’re too nice for you own good.”
Shaking her head disapprovingly at me, she continues. “I’ve seen it since, too. He has changed. Maybe not entirely, but there’s good in him. I can tell.”
“Okay. If you say so.” I want so badly to roll my eyes again, but I resist.
“Can’t you just give him a chance? For me?” With wide eyes, she stares up at me like a lost puppy.
Gritting my teeth, I nod, because when have I ever denied Abby anything? “I will. For you.”
Even if I hate every second of it.
“That’s my Ray.” She stands, grabbing the empty glass in my hand. “Let me get us a refill.”
Making her way to the kitchen, she calls out over her shoulder. “By the way, I feel like I have another thing to apologize for.”
This makes me snap my head in her direction, worry and confusion rising to the surface. “Oh?”
“Yeah. I should have warned you I hired Jade.” A timid expression forms on her face once more, like she’s distressed that she might have caused more issues between us.
Relief courses through me, because if this is the biggest of her worries, then everything is going to be okay.
“Is that all?” A tipsy giggle breaks free. “Jade, I can deal with. Just don’t tell me you have a secret love child with Blake or something.”
A laugh pours from her lips, and the tension in my chest finally fades away. “Ray!”
There is nothing better than hearing Abby laugh again. Staring at her, I realize how much I’ve missed her. I was an idiot to think I could ever live without her in my life. And she’s an idiot if she thought there was ever a chance that I’d let our friendship go. Even if I was worried about it for a little too.
“No. There’s no love child. I promise.” Delight twinkles from her eyes at the absurd notion. She steps around the cabinet and passes me my glass before settling herself on the couch across from me.
“Good. Then I promise we can get through anything else life brings our way.” I pause, remembering how surprised I was to see Jade sitting in the conference room this morning. More than surprised if I’m being honest. She is the last person I ever expected to see in Aspen again. Especially after what happened. “Why did you hire Jade, anyway?”
Abby shrugs her shoulders. “She’s a hard worker. She said she would run the entire marketing department by herself. Few people would have taken the job for the amount of money we were offering.”
Nodding my head, I can understand the dilemma she must have gone through when Jade’s resume came across her desk. She has all the experience and know how to do the job and do it well. I wouldn’t have been able to decline her, either.
“I didn’t even know she was back in town. I’m guessing New York didn’t work out for her.” It sounds like a question, but it’s not. If she’s back, New York didn’t go well. She said she’d never come back. Not after she smashed my brother’s heart with the stiletto heels she always wears.
Abby’s lip disappears behind her teeth. “It didn’t, no.”
My eyes narrow, scrutinizing her, because I know she’s hiding something from me. “Spill it, Abby. Tell me everything.”
She raises her hands defensively in front of her, vehemently shaking her head. “Nope. Not touching that one. It’s not my story to tell.”
Raising one brow, I sit, completely puzzled by her. She usually tells me everything, so this must be personal for Jade if she’s not willing to share it. I know there’s nothing more I can do to pull the story from her, so I let my curiosity rest. For now.
Clinking my glass with hers, I relax into the easy friendship we’ve always had. “Now tell me everything about Spencer.”
The simple invitation is all Abby needs to start talking about him animatedly. It’s like she was a closed bottle, and I’ve released the cork and there is no putting it back in. With a pleased look on my face, I lean into the couch and watch Abby as she tells me everything. It’s easy to see how much she loves him and how happy he makes her.
I can’t help but smile at her, because that’s all I’ve ever wanted for her.
For what feels like the first time in years, Abby and I are at peace in each other’s company. Our conversation flows easily, and all the weight of the last six months slips off of my shoulders. Smiling in her presence comes naturally to me now, where just this afternoon it felt forced on my lips.
A thought occurs to me, and I ask before I lose my nerve. “Can I ask you something?”
Abby sits up a little straighter, a touch of anxiety filling her eyes. “Of course. You know you can ask me anything?”
“I can see things between you and Spencer are serious. I know it hasn’t been long, but I know the real deal when I see it.”
Abby smiles, warmth spreading across her face. “That isn’t a question, Ray.”
A burst of laughter escapes my lips before a frown turns the corners down. “I suppose it isn’t.”
Abby’s blue eyes lock fiercely on mine. “What’s worrying you?”
Of course she know’s something’s bothering me, she could always read me like a book. “Well, I’m worried since things are going well with Spencer, you’ll never move back home.”
Understanding flickers across her face. “I don’t really know. We’ve never discussed it. Our work can take us anywhere. But I don’t see why that would keep us in Chicago.”
My body shifts, my heart beating like a thousand drums in my chest. The words she doesn’t say spark a light of hope inside me.
“That doesn’t mean we will move here.” A twinkle of glee glints from the corner of her eye. “But that doesn’t mean we won’t.”
A smile spreads across my face at the implication behind her words. Hope rips through me for the first time in over two years. That wasn’t a promise that she will move home, but it wasn’t a no either. I hear the indecision in her voice. She wants to come home. There is nothing keeping her away anymore. The old wounds of hurt from Blake are slowly being healed.
Riley’s words from a few days ago runs through my head once more.I can only hope that everything she’s been running from all this time will eventually be the things that lead her home. I hate knowing she’s spent all this time without me, with this hurt lingering over her head, weighing on her shoulders.
I’ve done nothing to ease it - nothing to help her carry it.
The only thing that could get in the way is Spencer. I’ll have to work on him. I need to show him why Aspen is the best place in the world to live. And eventually raise a family. If that’s what she decides she wants.
“Well, you know one person who would love to have you back.” My wide grin slips into a sly smile.
“I can think of a few.” She gives me a pointed look.
“Your mom would be ecstatic.”
“That is the understatement of a century.” She runs a hand through her long red hair. “If I even let it slip that I was considering moving back, I would never hear the end of it. Not until I moved back, of course, then she’ll never let me forget I left.”
Shaking my head fondly, I can see the image she paints as if it were happening right before my eyes. “And this is why we love her.”
“Oh, is that why we love her?” Abby nudges my shoulder with her elbow. “So, it’s not her homemade hot chocolate and cookies she always makes if she knows you’re coming over?”
Crossing my arms over my chest, I narrow my eyes at her. “That might be one reason, but it’s not the only one.”
Laughter fills the space between us when her phone rings. Abby pulls it from her pocket and swipes to answer the call. I already know who’s calling. I don’t even bother asking. Sparing a glance at my watch, it’s almost midnight. I can’t believe several hours and bottles of wine have passed and I barely even noticed.
“Hey.” Her voice completely changes the moment she answers. She’s giddy and love-struck, and possibly slightly tipsy.
His response is muted, but I’m relieved he doesn’t sound irritated or concerned that it’s gotten so late.
“I didn’t realize what time it was. Are you too tired to come get me? I could just stay here.”
Her eyes flit to me for confirmation. I shoot her a thumbs up as I take another sip of wine.
She nods her head at whatever he says.
“Okay. I’ll text you the address. See you soon.” She ends the call, slipping the phone back into her pocket.
Ten minutes pass before there is a soft knock at my door. I half expected Spencer to just text her when he arrived, but being the gentleman he is, he came to my door to retrieve her. Something about the action leaves a soft ache in my heart. I can only hope to find a man who treats me with as much kindness and thought as Spencer does with Abby. She is the princess in the tower, and Spencer is the white knight riding in to save her from a life of loneliness and misery.
But I am no princess. I don’t need saving. A life of loneliness and misery will have to be enough for me.
Abby jumps up from the couch in a flash of movement, eager to let him in.
“You have an amazing place.” His words break me from my thoughts as he steps into my apartment. Spencer’s icy gaze sweeps across the room, and the way he looks at everything makes me think he’s admiring every detail.
Standing, I welcome him into my apartment. “Thanks. I really like it here. It was a much needed change after Abby moved away. I basically lived with her before she moved to Chicago.”
Spencer’s eyes flash to Abby’s in surprise, taking her in with a long look. “You never told me that.”
Pink blossoms on her cheeks before her eyes flit between us. “Well, it wasn’t really my story to tell.”
So she’s told him nothing. Interesting.
A crease forms between his brows as he tries to put the pieces of my puzzle together in his mind.
“My mom is kind of a pain.” I say it like that answers everything, even if it doesn’t begin to explain the relationship I have with Debra.
Abby yawns, and Spencer slips his arms around her waist as if she needs supporting. And I know that’s my cue to usher them out.
“You guys have an early flight tomorrow, don’t you?”
Abby nods her head, yawning again. I don’t want her to go, but I know it’s necessary.
“Then you’d better get to bed. I don’t want you missing your flight back because of me.” I pause, a small smile lifting the corner of my lips. “Or do I?”
They both laugh, and Abby moves forward to wrap me in her arms one last time. I relish in it, letting our friendship wrap itself around me like a protective cocoon. I will miss her more than I can say.
When we release each other, Spencer extends a hand, and I shake it. His hand is firm and toned, but his handshake is more gentle than I would have expected. “It was nice to meet you. I hope to see more of you in the future.”
“I hope so too. You guys can’t be strangers anymore.”
As they step through the door, Abby turns to me one last time.
“If you need anything, don’t hesitate to reach out.” She squeezes my hand once, a worried look filling her eyes. “And don’t forget what you promised me.”
I want to clear the worry from her mind, but I can’t. The road ahead with Blake won’t be an easy one. But there’s no reason for her to worry about that. The burden of my work relationship with Blake needs to remain on my shoulders, and my shoulders alone.
Begrudgingly, I nod my head. “I’ll try.”
“Good. See you soon.” She smiles one last time, before she and Spencer head down the hall, hand in hand.
“Not soon enough.” My words are barely more than a whisper.
My phone buzzes with an email, pulling my attention away from their retreating figures.
Fuck.
Irritation runs through me the second the door closes. I still have to make the presentation for Blake. With everything going on with Abby, his “request” simply slipped my mind. I can’t help but feel like he did this on purpose. His personal way of putting me under pressure.
Even Blake isn’t that diabolical.
He had no way of knowing Abby would come over after dinner, but still, the lack of notice was incredibly unprofessional. I should have seen this coming and prepared accordingly. It’s not his fault I spent the evening drinking with my best friend instead of working like I should have been.
I will not make the same mistake in the future.
I’m tempted to call Blake right now and tell him off. Give him a piece of my mind. Why should we have a meeting to pitch all my ideas to him like he’s my boss? He isn’t. I am the one with experience running a nonprofit. I am the one who knows what they’re doing. Not Blake Emerson.
Tomorrow morning, I plan on making him fully aware that he doesn’t control me. Even if it is his name above the door. I will be the one who makes this company great.