Chapter 5
five
ELLIE
Every time I step into the brewery, I get a warm fuzzy feeling. Rowan and James made sure to make the environment welcoming for anyone who comes in. It was a shock when I saw the final set, and James ended up taking all the credit when I know most of it was Rowan’s idea.
The man has good taste.
I grab the brassy gold handle connected to the large wooden doors. I stand there for a second to take another deep breath.
Inside, high wooden beams stretch along the ceiling, making the space feel larger than it already is. Bright light pours in from the large floor-to-ceiling windows that overlook everything inside. The family-style wooden tables soaking in the rays the sun has to offer today.
The rich brown wooden floors and brick walls give the place a comfortable rustic feel. Amber-colored furniture is placed throughout the brewery, with some of it tucked in corners for more intimate gatherings. Wooden stairs lead up to the second floor, where there are more camel-leather furniture and wooden tables and chairs. String lights hang from the ceiling and cast a warm glow at night. Tall narrow windows line up across the back wall, displaying a wide view of the ocean.
Rowan’s pride and joy are all the vast brewing equipment that sits behind a glass display where he can highlight how to make the beer and how the machines work. I’ve asked him at least ten times to explain again how it all worked, and of course, he didn’t mind. He was always happy to re-explain it to me.
The sun cascades through the brewery during the day, but at night, that’s when it really comes to life. The ambient lighting throughout the space creates a relaxing atmosphere. The beer garden out back displays string lights that hang along the long wooden fence and wrap around tree trunks.
Addie came up with the genius idea to build a small stage outside for bands to play. The guys weren’t sure, considering how small the town is and there aren’t many bands around, but once Addie took over the marketing team, she created so much social media that bands would come to town to play.
“Ellie!” Riley gets up from a bar stool and runs to me with open arms.
My arms wrap around her waist, my face in her boobs. Riley towers about six inches over me. She tugs me into her lean body. She works at a yoga studio, so her body’s always in peak shape. I made the mistake of attending one of her classes, not realizing it was hot yoga. About halfway through, the heat got to me, and I fainted.
I never did it again.
“Ry, I can’t breathe.”
“Sorry! I’ve just missed you so much!” Riley’s words tumble together quickly. “I know I only saw you a few months ago and video-chatted a couple of days ago, but still! It’s so nice to have my bestie back for an entire summer.” She pulls away, her hands still on my shoulders, her eyes shining with excitement.
“Okay, okay, stop hogging her, it’s my turn!” Addie shouts. “I’m so happy you’re here.”
She jumps on me, wrapping her arms around my neck, and I almost fall over. When we pull away, I spot James watching us. His golden tan skin contrasts with his dark hair, and his silver-gray eyes seem to catch the light. James walks toward me, a shy, lopsided smile in place.
“Look who it is.” James says.
“Wow, growing some facial hair Jameson? Looks nice,” I reply.
We give each other a friendly, quick hug. I’ve always looked at James, and his brother, Beau, like family to me. And he treats me like a sister.
I look around before asking, “No Hailey or Beau?”
“Hailey has a full day of tattoo appointments,” Riley says.
“I have no idea where my brother is,” James says lazily.
“Probably getting a tattoo by my sister,” Riley replies.
I laugh, and then my eyes land on the one person my heart thrums for.
Rowan.
He stands off to the side, arms crossed, that signature pose of his making him look almost impossibly serious. But when his eyes meet mine, everything changes. Those eyes—like the ocean, deep and quiet—hold a kind of calm power. The blues and grays shift, catching the sunlight in a way that makes my chest tighten.
He could melt glaciers with those eyes.
My heart starts pounding, the rush of blood moving through my veins, pushing straight to the tips of my fingers. And when he smiles—God, those dimples. The same ones I haven’t kissed in what feels like forever.
They make you want to grab his cheeks and tell him how cute he is. The tattoos that play along his muscular arms, causing my eyes trail along the black ink of American traditional tattoos. Out of all of them, there’s one that catches my eye. The only one in color. The small ladybug on the inside of his wrist that I picked out when he wanted to get his first tattoo after graduation.
“Ellie Thompson,” Rowan says in his deep voice.
It’s the kind of voice that makes your toes curl, the hair on your arms rise, and you desperately want to hear him whisper your name in your ear as he holds you.
“Rowan Williams.” I suppress a smile, trying to stay serious in a playful way.
Before I move toward him, he’s already making his way past our friends. I open my arms excitedly, smiling so hard that my cheeks start to hurt. I love a good hug, but Rowan’s hugs are out of this world. The warmth of his body against mine does things to me. Unspeakable things.
When he wraps his arms around my waist, I tug him down with mine wrapped around his neck. The familiar embrace makes my heart go into hyper-speed. I suddenly feel the tension in my shoulders melt away.
I want to stay here, stay in this moment. Feeling safe and tucked away, as though no one can hurt me, no one can get to me, because I know Rowan wouldn’t let anything happen to me if he could help it.
I breathe him in and feel my heart slowing down to a healthy rhythm. His scent is cool and refreshing. A fresh breeze of coastal air and blue cypress.
“I’ve missed you so much, El,” Rowan whispers in my ear.
And just like that, the hair on my arms rises. “I’ve missed you too.”
I can feel my lips barely brush the skin on his neck when I say those words. Four words that mean more than he could understand.
“Should we, uh, leave you two alone?” James chimes in.
We’ve been hugging longer than I realized. I gently pull away in no rush to separate. I can tell he’s trying to hold on a little longer, too. I can feel his large, strong hands unwrapping themselves on the lower side of my back. My hands brush the skin of his neck.
A shiver goes down my spine, but it’s not like I’m touch deprived. The last time Charlie and I were intimate was—oh shit.
When was the last time?
I need to tilt my head up all the way just to meet his gaze, but I don’t mind, I’d be okay with having neck pain for the rest of my life if it meant I got to look at those beautiful, ovary-scream-inducing eyes.
“Okay, I don’t know about you guys, but I am very eager to hear this news of yours, Ellie.” Addie pushes her brother out of the way.
My body tightens, and a familiar knot forms in my stomach. I need another hug. Rowan, read my mind, give me another hug.
Riley and Addie loop their arms into mine on each side, guiding me outside to the garden. I can hear the guy’s shuffle behind me and look at Rowan with pleading eyes to save me. He just smirks at me.
Bastard .
“What is going on? I’m dying here,” Riley urges, pulling my attention to her.
“Once we sit down, I’ll spill everything,” I respond.
“Oh my god, there’s spilling. This is going to be good,” Addie says, stretching out the last word. “Unless it’s something bad, then it won’t be good.”
“Patience, children. Patience.” I pat their arms.
When we reach the fire-pit on the right side of the garden, everyone takes a seat on one of the Adirondack chairs. I look at Rowan and notice him watching me, waiting to see where I’m going to sit. I give him a knowing look, and he rolls his eyes while he walks to sit in the chair next to me, his hands flexing and slightly shaking.
“Okay, tell us. I don’t think I can wait any longer,” Ry says.
“Stop pestering her, damn. Let her speak when she wants to.” James glares at Riley.
She gives him dagger eyes, and he just rolls his right back at her.
I start spinning the ring on my finger, the smooth motion grounding me. It’s one of those fidget rings—perfect for when you can’t sit still, always needing to move. I turn it over and over when anxiety creeps in. The rose gold has dulled over time, worn down from the countless times my fingers have twisted it, seeking comfort.
Addie looks at me with her storm-blue-doe eyes, while Riley leans herself forward in her chair. I’m sure she’s about to fall out of it and face plant onto the ground. I look around at everyone, my close friends, my ex-boyfriend. Maybe I should have only pulled the girls aside. Too late now.
I clear my throat, sit up straight, and spill it all. “Okay, so I wasn’t planning on visiting any time soon, but something happened.” I avert my eyes to the ground and roll my lips in before I continue, “I was having a hard time at work, something I don’t want to get into right now, but the main reason I came home was because of Charlie.”
I peer over to Rowan, where concern is written all over his face. His perfectly shaped brows are furrowed, and I can see his jaw muscle tick while he keeps his eyes on the ground. He’s the only man I know that can look that handsome while pissed off about something.
“What happened?” Addie asks softly.
I twist my lips to the side before saying, “I haven’t been happy for a while. With my job, the city, Charlie. I felt—feel—burnt out.” I look down to my lap and play with my fingers. “Charlie said because of the stress I was dealing with at work, it affected him, and that he felt alone. So alone that he took it upon himself to talk to someone about it.”
“Like a therapist?” James asks.
I give a tight smile at the irony. “If you want to call a random woman you meet to talk to and then fuck a therapist, then sure, why not.”
There’s a pause as everyone falls completely silent, and I glance around at their faces. Addie’s eyes widen, almost comically so. James is deliberately avoiding my gaze, his brows raised in some mix of confusion and disbelief. Riley looks ready to body-slam Charlie. As for Rowan—he looks like someone just told him his beer tastes like shit.
“Get the fuck out,” Riley exclaims.
I scrunch my nose and attempt to pull my legs up on the chair, wrapping my hands around my knees. Although I’m smiling like I’m not at all affected, internally I’m screaming and punching the air.
“That shriveled-up shrimp cheated on you?” Ry shouts.
“Riley, if you keep shouting, you’re going to lose your voice.” I tilt my head. “Charlie would have rather me stay in the city with him, which just blows my mind. I told him it would be smart if we were separated—broken up—for the summer so we can both figure things out.”
“So, this isn’t a break? This is a full-blown break up for sure?” Addie asks.
“We are fully broken up. But by the end of the summer, I will know for certain if it will stay that way.” I lean back, letting my body rest and go slack again.
“Wait, you’re thinking about going back to him?” Riley asks in shock, her eyebrows flying up to her hairline.
I lean my head back and look up toward the clear blue sky. A bird flies by, and I pray it doesn’t shit on my face. That would tip me over the edge of no return.
“Honestly? I don’t know. We’ve been together for five years. We’ve talked about marriage and kids.” I pause, looking at Rowan, and I see a muscle tick in his jaw. I look back toward the group. “It’s not that simple.”
“It is! It's a very simple solution. You say, ‘ fuck you’ , give him the finger, and break up,” Riley states.
“Can I do anything? Can we do anything?” Addie asks.
I shake my head, letting out a heavy sigh. “No, it’s fine. I just want to go home. I’m so exhausted, and all I want to do right now is sleep.” I try putting on a brave smile, but I feel so weak, mentally and physically. “I’ve gone almost four days without sleeping thanks to work, and this whole mess, and I can’t tell if this is all real or a hallucination.” I let out a laugh because I feel like I need to lighten up the mood with my horrible humor. It’s not working. “Is Milo here? I could use some of his energy and positivity,” I ask Rowan.
He turns his attention to me, giving me a small smile. “Oh, yeah. He’s sleeping in the office. Come on.”
Rowan stands up from his chair, and I follow. I pass by Riley, James, and Addie, all giving me sympathetic looks. I know damn well they’re going to talk once I’m far enough out of reach to hear them.
If anyone is going to continue to talk about what I just went through, I’d rather it be my close friends who know me versus the people in this town who think they know me.