Chapter 11
eleven
ROWAN
As I walk to Mom and Aunt Rosey’s house, I think about how it’s only been two days since Ellie has come back to town, and I’ve continuously had to stop myself from doing more than just hugging her. Last night, when we went back to sleep, she grabbed my hand and held it all night.
Laying in the same position the entire night was not ideal, and my shoulder is killing me, but I refused to let go of her hand. Not even an earthquake would tear me from her. I’m supposed to see her later tonight at the brewery to meet up with everyone and I have no idea how I’m going to control myself.
I run my hand through my hair and whip it forward. My brain is going into hyper-drive just thinking about how her hand would feel on my chest, on my stomach, and...
My hands brush through my hair again, and I stop walking, tilting my head up toward the sky. I haven’t allowed myself to indulge in a woman in a long time. Exactly 243 days. 8 months. 5,840 hours.
Every relationship I’ve had has ended badly. Me, pushing them away. Making sure that they don’t leave me before I can leave them. Blaming something that I know wasn’t there. Deep down, I knew it was because they were never going to live up to the girl I once had and lost.
I never pushed Ellie away. Not intentionally. When we were nineteen, she was moving to New York. We tried staying together long distance, but when you live on opposite sides of the country, it gets tough. Especially since we were teenagers who can’t afford to see each other anytime you want.
When she came back two years later—we’d successfully stayed together the entire time—she dropped the biggest bomb on me. She was going to stay in the city for another two years and take advantage of an opportunity that doesn’t present itself that often.
At the time, all I thought about was the ring that suddenly felt like a heavyweight pulling me down. My mind shut down, and I lost my voice. I couldn’t think. All I could do was nod and tell her I understood.
After that happened, I was in a dark place for a long time. Not just because of Ellie, but it also took me back to my dad. Being left, again . I didn’t do anything that made me happy for a long time. Not until a year later when I woke up one morning and finally felt like everything was going to be okay.
As I approach my mom and Aunt’s house, I look up to see my Aunt Rosey and a smirk looking right at me. She and my mom in their wicker chairs on the porch.
“Well, look who it is. I’m so glad we are worthy of your attention,” Aunt Rosey says.
After Dad left us, my aunt thought it was a great idea for us to move into her house. It’s large with plenty of room. She nagged my mom until she gave in. And she’s the younger one by two years.
You would think they were twins if you didn’t know much about them. They both have strawberry blond hair, hazel eyes, and freckles scattered on their face. I look like a spitting image of my dad, as does my sister, Addie. Unfortunately, his genes are strong.
You can tell them apart by how they dress. Aunt Rosey has a boho beach style, always wearing long, flowy skirts or a dress that shows off her tattoos. She doesn’t have as many as I do, but she’s the one who got me into them.
My mom is your typical coastal mom, always in light blues, different shades of white, sage green, and tan. Every day she wears the necklace I bought her for Christmas when I was eighteen. A simple chain necklace with a turtle charm. Her favorite sea animal.
“Who is that handsome man standing in front of us?” my mom says.
I playfully roll my eyes and walk up the steps to the porch.
“Can I get you a drink? Water, lemonade, tea, beer? It’s not your beer, but you know, hospitality and all.” Rosey waves her hand.
My hand holds my chest, and I close my eyes, “My own family, how could you?” I open my eyes and smile.
“Rose, stop messing with your nephew and get him a drink.”
Aunt Rosey gets up, muttering something under her breath about my mom, which she ignores.
“Come sit.” My mom pats the seat of the other wicker chair next to her, smiling at me like she hasn’t seen me in months instead of days.
Growing up, my mom overcompensated, showing extra love after my dad left. Sometimes, it felt like she was trying to protect us so much that it felt forced. I never blamed her for doing that. She wanted us to know that it wasn’t our fault. But how do you convince a small child that a parent leaving you isn’t your fault?
Just to make her feel better, I would always nod my head in understanding, give her a kiss on the cheek, and tell her I love her.
My body slumps into the chair, and I let out an exaggerated sigh. I let my head fall back and close my eyes for a moment, but when I do, all I see is Ellie. The way her hair always smells like vanilla and strawberries, how the sun makes the swirls of blue in her eyes look like a calming sea, or when you get her to laugh just hard enough that a snort slips out of her, making her laugh harder.
“Penny for your thoughts?” my mom asks, taking me away from those crystal-clear eyes.
“Ellie’s back in town,” I reply quietly, turning my head to look at my mom.
She smiles at me and nods. “Your sister told me after you and Ellie left the brewery. How is she doing?”
“Addie didn’t tell you why she came home?” I arch a brow.
“All she mentioned was something about an ex-boyfriend and her job. Ex-boyfriend, I assume she’s talking about Charlie?”
My face grimaces when she says his name. I try not to let him have that effect on me, but the guy sucks. I had no issue with him when they first started dating—of course I wallowed in despair when I saw that she was moving on, but if she was happy, then I was happy. As the years went on and I got to know him more, there were things that I noticed that made me question him as a person.
There was one time we went to the Christmas market that Dove Point has for the season. Ellie came across a booth where there were handmade aprons. There was one that she wanted. The color was off-white, with these little flowers embroidered on the upper half of the apron and then on each pocket on the bottom.
I remember the look on her face when she saw it. She let out a small gasp, her eyes bright with excitement at what she’d found. Ellie said she absolutely needed to get it, but Charlie told her she had enough at home and that there wasn’t enough space.
Her mood completely changed after that. After we were done walking around, I went back to that booth and bought it for her as a Christmas present. When she opened it in front of Charlie, all he did was glare at me while I had a smug smile on my face the entire time.
The screen door opens, and I’m jolted out of my memories when Aunt Rosey comes back out with my drink. She hands me fresh lemonade and then sits down.
“So,” Aunt Rosey says, “what's going on with that blond guy? The one with Ellie. Are they still going out?”
I rub the stubble on my jaw. “No, they’re not together right now.”
“Oh no, what happened?” Mom asks gently.
“Well, from what Ellie told me, she was dealing with a lot of stuff at work. I guess she was so wrapped up in that, that it caused some issues between them.” I feel my jaw clench when I think about what I’m going to say next. “He ended up cheating on her.”
“ He cheated on her ?” Aunt Rosey exclaims.
I nod my head.
“How did she find out?” mom asks.
I huff out a laugh and shake my head before looking at them. “He told her.”
“What a little asshole,” Aunt Rosey says.
“Rose,” mom scolds.
“No, he’s an asshole. Ellie is a sweet girl. She doesn’t deserve that.” Rosey looks at my mom with furrowed brows. Her lips press into a line like she’s trying to stop whatever it is she wants to say, but she continues, “How did Helen handle the news? The woman is such a worry wart over everything. Always making a fuss over her daughter.”
My brows knit when I think about the conversation. Helen was oddly—calm. She didn’t make as big a fuss like she would with anything else. “Actually, she was fine.” I look at them. “Her parents listened and said they would help her set up the guest house since she’s staying for the next three months.”
“Probably because they didn’t like the pretentious little shit,” Aunt Rosey utters.
“I’m sure you’re excited to have her back for an entire summer,” Mom says.
I avoid the comment and turn my head away to look at the other houses, trying to hide the smile that wants to betray me and come out.
“Did you guys make plans for anything?” Mom asks.
“Not yet. I was letting her settle in and spend time with her parents and August. I’m sure we will plan another hangout soon. I want to get in as much time as I can before she goes back to the city.”
Aunt Rosey eyes me. “ If she goes back.”
“Why wouldn’t she? She works at the best restaurant New York has to offer.” I pick at a piece of lint on my jeans, trying to distract myself from this conversation I don’t want to have.
Aunt Rosey leans toward me and over my mom before she starts to count on her fingers. “She just got cheated on. She’s burnt out from her demanding job. Her mother says she doesn’t have many friends in the city because her life revolves around said job. She’s unhappy. It’s as simple as that. Why would someone smart like Ellie go back somewhere that makes her miserable?”
My head leans back onto the chair again, and I think about the implications. Rosey makes great points, but that doesn’t determine anything. This summer can be the recharge that Ellie needs to get back to how she was when she first started there.
Aunt Rosey continues, “I think deep down she came here for another reason. Not just to get away for a summer. But to see someone that she needs in her life again. What do I know, though? I’m just an old woman who’s had a long life and has gone through my own challenges.”
“I don’t know,” I finally say. “She's built a life there. She’s lived there for ten years. She works at a highly sought-after restaurant that attracts visitors from around the world. Why would she walk away from that?”
I look out toward the road, thinking. Thinking about how I can have that second chance with her, but will I allow myself to have that? Can I give her what she wants? Would I be enough? Will she up and leave again because of something amazing that could happen again? My thoughts start to spiral, and I go into that dark place that is hard to get out of. She ran away from a messed-up situation. I can’t let her walk into another one. I have my own baggage that I keep ignoring, hoping that it will just go away. I want what’s best for Ellie, even if it’s not me.
I still have some things in my own life to fix. I don’t want to keep thinking about if I’m good enough. Good enough for Ellie, for my business, and as a son. I don’t want to worry that I’ll be left behind again.
I will only allow myself to have Ellie when I decide to finally talk to my dad and close that chapter of my life. This could be my second shot at having her and not letting her get away this time.