Chapter 22
twenty-two
ELLIE
After spending the day on the water, we decide to go back to shore as the sun sets and get ready for the bonfire. The girls and I went back to my place to quickly change into bonfire attire, get out of our wet bathing suits, and meet the guys back at the beach.
August points to the orange and red flames that rise to the sky and break into little pieces, flying away. “Look at that. Look at the fire. I did that.”
“Congratulations, you know how to burn wood,” Riley says slowly.
“One day, Riley. One day.” August shakes his finger toward Riley.
“Yes, August, one day you will learn that anyone can make a fire.” Riley smiles sweetly at him.
August continues what he’s doing, muttering something under his breath, and I almost gag when I hear the words slap and ass. One can only hope he isn’t talking about slapping my best friend’s ass.
Riley and August always had an interesting…friendship. Although, I wouldn’t say it’s a friendship, more of a tolerance of each other. They’ve known each other our entire lives.
They used to get along just fine, and then, one day in high school, it suddenly changed. I tried asking each of them what happened, but neither wanted to talk about it. I decided it was better that I just leave it alone.
“I brought stuff to make s’mores if anyone wants some.” Addie lifts a bag filled with marshmallows, graham crackers, and chocolate.
“Yes, please.” Hailey takes the bag from her.
All the chairs were set up around the fire, spread out but still close enough to have a conversation without yelling.
I shuffle my feet in the sand when I walk over to where Rowan is sitting, looking at his phone, the colors of the sunset cascading over him. His long legs are spread out in front of him, showing off the tattoos on his knees. There’s a beautiful moth with intricate details on top of his right knee and a wreath curving upward under his left knee.
How he was able to handle that pain, I have no idea. I only have one tattoo, and that’s my whisk with a dollop of whipped cream on my forearm.
“Can I join you?” With my hands tucked into my hoodie, I gesture to the empty beach chair next to him.
The colors of his eyes look aquamarine as he meets my gaze. I feel my heart slow down when I see them, putting me at ease. If I could look into his eyes all day without looking unhinged, I would.
“My lap is much more comfortable if you’re interested,” he says with a one-sided smile, showing off his dimple.
I roll my lips, trying to hide a smile and shake my head as I sit down next to him. He’s still holding his phone in his hand, and I lift my chin towards it.
“Anything interesting?” I ask.
“Nah, just doom scrolling.” He gives me another quick smile. “Riley told us what Addie suggested today.”
I look at his finger on the armrest, tapping away. I know he does that when he’s thinking about something, or rather, he’s overthinking about something.
“Oh yeah?” I turn my body toward him, facing him head-on. “And what do you think of this crazy, ridiculous, impossible idea? Do you think I should leave everything behind and come back home?” I smile brightly at him with my brows raised.
I’m curious what Rowan has to say about this. He usually gives me a realistic answer to things, and I end up agreeing with him. But there is a small part of me hoping that he will tell me to stay. Tell me that I will be happier here, with our friends, my family, and with him.
I sit up straight and control my breathing, because one simple answer could decide the path I go on. He looks at me with a neutral expression on his face and clears his throat. He breaks eye contact and looks down and then back up to me.
“I think you should do what you want to do. Don’t listen to what anyone else wants because, at the end of the day, it’s your life. You need to decide what path you want to stay on.” His eyes roam my face like he’s trying to figure out if what he said was the right thing.
“Hm,” is all I can say.
I press my lips together and slowly nod my head. That wasn’t the answer I was expecting. I can feel my body deflating, and I feel uncomfortable. I feel stupid for asking. He wouldn’t tell me what to do. He’s never done that. He’s always supported me with whatever I chose to do in life.
It’s one of the many things I love about him. He’s my cheerleader, my best friend, and someone’s opinion that I take to heart.
“Is that what you really think?” I ask in a hushed tone.
His eyes scan me, thinking, contemplating.
Come on, Rowan, tell me you want me to stay. That I’m better off coming back home for good. To start over. To start over with you.
Be reckless. I’ll be reckless with you.
“Yeah. It’s what I really think,” he answers.
I narrow my gaze at him, and I watch his throat bob. “And what if I decide to stay here instead of going back to New York?”
At this point, I’m just hoping that he gives me an inkling of how he feels. I could be the one to say it—say how I feel and what I want to do, and that he never left my mind when I left.
But I can’t.
Because it’s not that simple. Now I wish I had never asked that stupid question.
“If you stayed, Ellie, I would do anything and everything I can to help you to be successful here.” His voice is low. Quiet, like he just wants this conversation between the two of us. “I’d make sure you never leave here again.”
I swallow, trying to clear my throat when I say, “Oh?”
“You know we would do anything for you, El. You’re our best friend. The core person of this group.”
My body deflates. Oh. Best friend. Right .
I nod my head slowly and force a small smile on my face while I feel my heart drop to my stomach. “What are best friends for?”