16. Dakota
Chapter 16
Dakota
T he high I experienced after fucking Logan carried me through the day. I made him breakfast and ate with him before leaving to take care of my own chores for the day while leaving him to his own work. And no matter what issues I ran into with the horses or the cattle, it just couldn’t be enough to bother me or dampen my spirits. Then, when my mom showed up around noon with her bags, Logan and I got her settled into the guest room before he left for the bank.
I spent the rest of the afternoon showing her around the Baker Ranch and having her help me with the horses. She was thrilled to see Sogwili again. After I’d taken her with me, Mom said she stopped keeping animals. She had enough work to do just keeping up with my drunk of a father. But as I watched her brush Sogwili down and tend to the other horses, I knew she missed it terribly. Animals were always her weak spot. That’s the only reason I even got a horse to begin with. We didn’t exactly have a sprawling farm on the reservation to be keeping animals that big. But mom made it work despite the lack of land and for that, I was deeply grateful.
However, as afternoon began to wear thin and Logan had yet to return, I was thinking less of the animals and starting to get worried that something had happened to him. Even mom noticed me going to the front of the barn every few minutes to check and see if he’d come home without me noticing.
“Come on,” she said after putting the last horse away for the evening. “Let’s go get some dinner started so he can eat when he gets back.” She patted me on the shoulder. “And don’t worry so much. That boy likes you a lot. He’s not gonna run off. This is his ranch, he’s gotta come home eventually.”
I nodded, following her back to the house. She was right of course, but that didn’t stop the knot from forming in my stomach. I just had a feeling that something was wrong. If something had happened, surely Logan would’ve called me, right? Or at least sent a text?
Splitting off from mom, I headed back to my cabin for a quick shower before dinner. By the time I was finished and stepping back out again to head for the main house, the farm truck was pulling into the driveway. I could see Logan in the driver’s seat and waved a hand to welcome him.
“Hey!” I called as he cut the engine and stepped out. “I was getting worried about you.”
He lifted his gaze, his eyes bloodshot and droopy as if he were exhausted beyond belief. I cocked my head to the side, confused by the way he staggered out of the truck.
“Is… Is everything alright?”
“S’fine,” he mumbled, placing a hand on the hood of the truck to stop himself from toppling over. “Everything’s jus’ fine.”
“Logan?” I said, taking another step toward him. “Are… Are you drunk?” I didn’t need an answer as the smell of cheap whiskey washed over me. The closer I looked, the more I realized he was a fucking mess. Heated anger filled my chest in a flash. “You drove home like this?!”
“What else was I s-s-supposed to do?” he slurred back. “Call you to come pick me up on your horse?”
“My mom has a car!”
Logan glanced over at the SUV sitting in the driveway. “Oh.”
“Oh?! That’s all you fucking have to say?”
“No. S’not.” He stumbled forward, opened his mouth like he was going to speak, and then vomited all over the ground. When he was done, he just glanced up at me with a stupid grin on his face. “Oops.”
“Hope you boys are ready to eat—” my mother’s voice called out from the porch. Then she stopped. “Logan, honey? You okay?”
He waved a hand and stumbled, nearly falling into the puddle of his own sick in the dust. Before he could answer, I grabbed his arm and tucked my shoulder into his waist, lifting him off the ground.
“Hey!” he barked from over my shoulder. “I can walk!”
As I carried him up the porch steps my mother stared at me, her brows furrowed in confusion. “What’s going on?”
“I don’t know,” I growled. “But he’s piss drunk and I’m gonna put him in bed.”
“I don’t wanna go to bed,” Logan called behind me.
“And I don’t give a shit you fucking asshole,” I snapped, pushing my way into the house. I stomped down the hall to his bedroom, not being gentle in the least as I tossed him onto his bed. “What the fuck is wrong with you?!” I cried, pointing a threatening finger at him. “You went to the bank and then got drunk? Then you drove home like this?! You could’ve fucking killed someone or yourself!”
Logan’s grin faded as he stared up at me. I could see the anger in his eyes at me for throwing him on the bed, but there was something else there too. Something I couldn’t put my finger on.
“Well? Do you have anything to say for yourself?!”
For a moment he just stared at me. Then his gaze dropped to the floor. He didn’t speak a word.
“Fine,” I snapped, heading for the door. “You can sleep it off. And when you’re done being a drunk piece of shit, you let me know.”
Before he had a chance to say anything, I slammed the door behind me, the frame rattling in the wall. My mother was already there, waiting for me.
“Hey,” she said in a soothing voice. “It’s okay. He’s alright. No harm done?—”
“Shut up!” I yelled, fury filling me to the brim. “Don’t defend him like you always did with dad! He’s being fucking stupid, and he almost get himself killed!” She stared at me, hurt filling her expression. “I didn’t come all the way out here just so I could put up with another drunk and relive every fucking bad memory I have! He knows how I feel about all this, and he went and did it anyway.”
“Did something happen?” she asked, her voice timid.
“I don’t know, and I don’t fucking care. There’s no excuse for doing shit like this. Not one!”
I didn’t give her a chance to say anything else as I stormed off. Before I knew it, I was out the front door, through the gate, and stomping across the prairie toward the woods in the distance. I needed to get away from the house, Logan, and my mom. Anywhere there was a drunk person was the last place I wanted to be.
The sun was setting as I reached the edge of the woods, casting long shadows across the prairie. I slowed my pace, my anger giving way to a dull ache in my chest. The gentle rustling of leaves in the breeze helped calm my racing thoughts.
I found a fallen log and sat down, trying to make sense of what had just happened. Logan had never acted like this before. He knew how I felt about drinking, about my past. We’d talked about it openly. So why would he do this now?
As the sky darkened, I heard a twig snap behind me. I whirled around, heart pounding, only to see my mother approaching through the trees. Her long dark hair flowed in the breeze as she walked, and her boots kicked up small clouds of dust.
“Even this far from home, I always know where I’ll find you,” she said, stepping up beside me.
“This is my home,” I said, turning away from her. “Not that other place.”
She let out a long sigh. “Can I sit with you?”
“Only if you promise not to defend him,” I said.
“I promise.”
I gestured to the log then crossed my arms. “Fine.”
Mom settled onto the log beside me, her movements careful and deliberate. For a while, we just sat in silence, listening to the crickets and watching the last rays of sunlight fade from the sky.
Finally, she spoke. “You know, when I first met your father, he wasn’t a drinker.”
I stiffened. “Mom, I don’t want to talk about?—”
“Just listen,” she said gently. “Please.”
I pressed my lips together but nodded for her to continue.
“He was charming, funny, hardworking. But life on the reservation... it wears on a person. Especially someone like your father, who had big dreams. The drinking started small. A beer after work. Then two. Then parties on the weekends.” She paused, her voice thick with emotion. “By the time I realized how bad it had gotten, it was too late to stop it.”
“You didn’t even try,” I said blatantly.
She looked up at me, tears filling her eyes. “I tried, Kota. God, I tried so hard. I wanted to save him, to get back that man I fell in love with all those years ago. He was so beautiful and caring and wonderful… That’s why I always defended him. Because, deep down, I knew that man was still alive inside him, and I wanted you to meet him. To meet the father you should’ve had.” She lifted a hand, wiping away her tears. “It wasn’t until the other day that I realized that the man I loved… he’s gone. And… And he’s never coming back.”
I felt a lump form in my throat as I watched my mother cry. Despite my anger, I couldn’t help but feel a pang of sympathy. I’d never seen her like this before, so vulnerable and open about her feelings towards my father.
“Mom, I...” I started, but she shook her head.
“I’m not telling you this to make you feel sorry for me, Dakota. I’m telling you because I want you to understand something.” She turned to face me, her eyes shining in the dim light. “Logan isn’t your father. And you’re not me.”
I opened my mouth to argue, but she held up a hand.
“I know what you’re thinking. That this is how it starts, that you’ve seen this story before. But honey, one mistake doesn’t make a pattern. And more importantly, you’re not the same scared young bride I was. You’re strong, you’re independent, and you don’t put up with anyone’s bullshit. You proved that when you left home. And while I might’ve been upset about it at first, I understand why you did it now.”
I stared at her for a long moment. “I didn’t just leave because of the drinking, you know.”
“Why then?”
“I did it because… well, because dad caught me with my friend Joseph.”
Her eyes went wide. Clearly this was the first time she’d ever heard about it.
“And he didn’t like it. He… He beat the shit out of me.”
Her brows furrowed. “I thought you said you got into a fight at school.”
“I lied. I didn’t want you to know that I was… that your son was… broken.”
“Honey… you’re not broken. There’s nothing wrong with being gay.”
“Then why didn’t you ever say that to me?” I shot back, emotions getting the better of me. “I told you what I was after I left and you never told me it was okay, you never said you still loved me, and you stayed with that asshole after everything he’d done to both of us!”
She was silent for a long moment, her eyes darting between my own. When she finally opened her mouth to speak, I assumed she would argue with me or defend herself.
“You’re right,” she said simply, catching me completely off guard. “I haven’t been a very good mother to you.”
“Mom… that’s not what I?—”
“I know it’s not what you meant. But it’s the truth.” She reached out, cupping my cheek in her hand. “I was being selfish. I stayed with your father and ignored how much he made our lives a living hell. I turned away when he tried to force traditions down your throat and then, when you finally got fed up and left, I refused to see the truth.” She shook her head, tears falling down her cheeks once more. “I didn’t know he hurt you, but I should’ve gotten you out of there long before that ever happened. I… I’m sorry.”
I felt my throat tighten as I looked at my mother, her face etched with regret and sorrow. For so long, I’d held onto my anger, using it as a shield against the pain of my past. But seeing her like this, vulnerable and honest, began to chip away at that armor.
“Mom,” I said softly, my own eyes welling up. “I... I don’t know what to say.”
She squeezed my hand. “You don’t have to say anything, Kota. I just want you to know that I love you, exactly as you are. And I’m so proud of the man you’ve become.”
We sat in silence for a moment, the weight of her words settling over us. Then, almost involuntarily, I leaned forward and hugged her tightly. She held me close, stroking my hair like she used to when I was a child.
The last light of day disappeared as we sat there. Night closed in around us and by the time we finally pulled apart, the wounds of the past had already begun to heal. I knew the process would be slow and painful for both of us. But for the first time since I could remember, I felt like the connection between us was heading in a good direction.
Now I just had to figure out what the hell was wrong with Logan.