Chapter 17 #3
“It’s too much of what I grew up with.” I lift my hands like whaddya do?
“Oh, god. I’m sorry. You must think I’m being pushy. ”
“No, I understand, and it’s a valid assumption.” Maybe I should be considering what Huckleberry Springs holds for me. If Ellie can’t field all the requests she gets, and if I could get a steady client base, then I could supplement with bartending for Papa.
I could be around Haven more.
But he will not factor into this decision.
He can’t. I don’t want to be bartending one night and hear all about the hot guy some tourists have hooked up with.
I don’t want to scroll through feeds again and see my boyfriend’s favorite watch on some other girl’s nightstand in the same town he has a business meeting in.
I hate to leave this conversation on an awkward note. Clem’s been so nice, and I would love to have her as a friend if I had long-term plans in the same zip code. “What kind of work is Ellie looking at sending my way?”
“She’s doing Campbell and Durban’s wedding, and she says since Hawthorne Ranch is hosting more weddings, she’s gotten a lot of queries, but she can’t accept many.”
“Because they take longer, and they suck up every single weekend in the summer.”
She nods. “You feel the same?”
“Yes. But weddings aren’t just a glass house. They’re the biggest, happiest glass castle . I’m on the outside looking in.”
“Always a bridesmaid and never a bride?” Her smile is full of understanding.
“I think I’m starting to feel like that too.
Elodie and Cruz are getting married in October.
There’s Campbell’s in a few weeks. I’ve been to Vegas twice as a bridesmaid in the last five years and to Cancun once.
Three more right here in Huckleberry Springs in the last decade, and my librarian bestie in Salt Lake City called to share the good news that she got engaged just last week. ”
“I was only ever invited as the help, not to participate. Adding to that, I was with a guy who strung me along for years, and I stayed with him, hoping and waiting.”
She winces. “I saw the fallout.” She puts her fingers over her lips. “God, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have told you that.”
Yeah, that part sucked. People I know saw everyone tagging me and sharing the infamous posts with my ex. It’s online for eternity. “It’s nice not to have to explain it all.” I check the time. “I hate to cut out. I told Papa that I’d be there by seven.”
Clem folds her arms like she’s hugging herself. “You mind if I show up there? I’m a little stuck in my book, and I could use a night with no work. But if it’s weird, and you’re busy?—”
“No, not at all.” I’m almost giddy. Did I make a friend? “Papa sits and talks to customers all the time. Besides, it’s Wednesday. A pretty slow night the later it gets.” I tip my head toward where our cars are the only ones in the small lot. “Let’s go.”
Two hours later, Clem’s sitting at the end of the bar, and there are only two other groups in the building. The pool tables are empty, and no one’s playing darts. The jukebox is quiet, and Papa’s parked with one of the groups.
I check the message on my phone that just came in.
Haven: Still on for Friday?
I stuff my phone in my pocket.
“Is it Haven?” Clem asks in a singsong voice, stirring the ice in the drink she’s been nursing for an hour.
“No? Why? ”
She taps her lips with her finger. “Every time you look at your phone, you smile.”
“Not every time.” He’s only messaged twice. Damn, she’s right. “He wants to take me fishing again.”
But does he want to strip me down in the tack room again? A wave of heat rolls over my skin.
Twice now I’ve fallen under his spell. I want to tumble again and again. But I also want to keep my heart intact.
She abandons the little straw. “Do you want to go?”
“I caught two fish last time.”
“Nice.” She holds her fist out. I laugh and fist-bump her. “So why are you undecided? Sorry if I’m being nosy again. I ask a lot of questions, and sometimes, it’s not appreciated.”
“I’m usually an open book.” Except when it comes to what Haven and I have done. “It was my first time fly-fishing.” And then he kissed me. “But I mean, it’s fishing.”
“So you two aren’t a thing? I don’t want to make innuendos if you’re like, ‘ew, no.’”
“Would anyone ‘ew, no’ Haven?”
She giggles. “Honestly, I would. I know the Hennessys and the Fosters are very good-looking, but they’re not my type.”
“What is your type?” I’m truly curious, but maybe she’ll also forget about following up on my reason for avoiding Haven.
“Tall, dark, and brooding. Shaved head. A whole Fast & Furious vibe.”
“Paul Walker or Vin Diesel?”
Her eyes grow dreamy. “Vin all the way. He’d have major resting dick face, but he’d be all soft and gooey when it counts. And he’d be able to crack a girl’s back so many ways, in so many positions, until she couldn’t walk, but make her breakfast in bed and give her foot massages.”
“I don’t know,” I say drily, “that seems too general.”
She snickers and takes a drink of her watered-down amaretto sour. “What about you? Is your type a tall, thoughtful country boy who loves his brothers and seems enamored with a tall, gorgeous photographer?”
“No.” My cheeks are hotter than the July sun, both at her compliments and the thought of Haven being enamored with me. “Don’t get me wrong, he’s a catch. But no one can catch him, and I’m done with the chase.”
“What if he’s trying to catch you?”
“If anything, it’s to release, and I don’t want to be hooked. I want to move somewhere there are more options.”
“Don’t you see? You’re not hooked when you’re released. If you like hanging out with him, why not do it while you’re here?”
I’ve thought of that. “What if he can walk away, but I can’t?”
“Oh.” Her shoulders slump. “That is the risk, and I get your reluctance with Haven. I’ve known him for years, and he’s been single the whole time. All I’m saying is, you can relax and have fun for a while, without your clothes on. Just don’t picture Haven as your future husband.”
A pit opens in my stomach, and I drop through. Too late.