Chapter 21 #2
Challenges me to deny it. I would if I could, but I can’t.
“You think I don’t know that, man? You think I didn’t wrestle with this a million times?”
I run a hand through my hair for the hundredth time since I got back to Boston.
“But Ms. Barrett? You went after your friend’s mother. You knew exactly what it would do to Dom.”
My lungs squeeze tight. Doesn’t everyone deserve to be happy?
“Don’t I matter? Don’t my feelings count for something?”
“Yeah, Holli. But you dragged her into this mess. You of all people knew how bad their relationship was and just said fuck it.”
“I didn’t just say fuck it!” I yell, stepping back, fists clenching at my sides. Diego doesn’t flinch. Doesn’t get out of my face either. He’s forcing me to acknowledge my shit physically and emotionally. “She wants this too. Wanted it. Fuck if I know now.”
I want to blurt out what I know, what she shared, but that would be a huge violation of trust. Something I’m unwilling to do. I already betrayed Dom. I can’t add another victim to that list.
Diego’s eyes bore into mine.
“Then tell me why you did it. Why did you really do it?”
I move away from him, walk toward the window, but not before catching a glimpse of myself in the bathroom mirror in the en suite. I look as shitty as I feel. My swollen, bloodshot eye is ringed with faint purple bruising. Not only does my shirt have blood on it, but there are a couple of holes.
“Hollister?”
Heart in my throat, I finally admit, “Because she made me like her equal, okay? She saw me, not for all the bad shit I’ve done but for who I am. And not the family name and crap. She just saw the real me.”
A second slips by while Diego processes. I gaze out the window, noticing the city but seeing nothing at all.
“And the real you goes after friend’s moms?”
He’s repeating himself. Causing me to wonder why the fuck I opened up, if he’s not going to hear me out.
“Forget it. I’m going to head home, catch a shower, and meet you there.”
I turn to him, but he blocks the bedroom door. Tension comes off him in waves.
“No, I want to understand this.”
“Why? It’s my fucking mistake for not telling him. I’m not saying Babs is a mistake because she’s not.”
“Okay, Holls. I get it. You care about her.”
His stance softens, his arms uncrossing as he takes a step back.
I nod, looking down at the floor, unable to meet his gaze any longer.
I feel like shit. About her, Dom, and everything I want is going down in flames.
I knew it would be bad. Knew Dom doesn’t forgive anyone in his life, but somehow I still have a sliver of hope that he will for me.
“I do. And I know it’s fucked up, but it’s the truth.”
He sighs, rubbing a hand at the small of his back. Sitting in those stiff hospital chairs for hours must be taking its toll now.
“Alright, man. I can see where you’re coming from. But you’ve got to understand, this is a messed-up situation. That’s not something he’s going to get over. Not easily.”
I rub my temples, my headache spreading.
“I know. I know it’s all kinds of fucked up. But I can’t change how I feel. And I can’t change what we did. Nor do I want to.”
He hums, letting my words fall around me like undetonated bombs. The only sounds come from the noise of the Seaport District rising up the building to his place.
“Well, get cleaned up and I’ll bring in some shit for you to wear.”
He steps toward the door, opening it to leave.
“No offense, but all your shit will be two sizes too small.”
Diego doesn’t have the build of me and the twins. He’s the smallest but still shredded. Dom’s the meanest, but not as wide as me.
“We’re leaving in ten.”
He says it with no malice. No anger, just walks out of the room as if it’s not a worry at all. Fuck, he’ll probably put me in some Hawaiian shit his family left behind when they visited him a couple of years back.
Regardless, I drag my ass into the shower, avoid looking at the shit show my face is in the mirror. The priority is not my crap right now, even though I made it so a few minutes ago.
It’s about Em and how he’s doing. Sitting beside his bed all night, while the machines beeped and pumped, was surreal. Brought a humility that I need to cling to get through these next few days.
Since they limited visitors in that place, we swapped out, giving Massi a break after he came back and said Dom was gone. Blasting off in the dead of night and not answering his phone when both of them tried to call.
I didn’t dare call him. Honestly, I didn’t want to. I still don’t. I have to clear things with Babs first. Fuck I should have called her by now.
Checked on her.
That very thought gets my ass in gear, racing through the rest of my shower and throwing a towel around my hips to dash out to my phone. I pull it from my pants, only to find it fucking dead.
Shit.
Dripping all over the floor, I notice a stack of clothes sitting on the top of the dresser. Fuck him, it is that Hawaiian shit from his family. Even Diego is fucking me over now.
I towel off, put on the long board shorts, and an obnoxiously colorful flower shirt. If Em’s awake, at least this will make him laugh his ass off. It’s the least I deserve for not being there for them this weekend. Maybe if I were like I usually am, this wouldn’t have happened.
Diego appears in the doorway, just as I’m slipping my boat shoes on. At least they somewhat match. My dirty clothes sit in a pile on his bathroom floor, something I’ll handle later.
“Nani no ?oe, Holls.”
“Huh?”
He waves a hand in the air, knowing I don’t understand what he said.
“You ready, man?”
I hear the apartment door slam in the distance and raise an eyebrow.
“Izzy.”
He doesn’t say anything else. And I know better than to comment. I already have one friendship on the line, I don’t need another.
“Can I charge this on the way?”
I wave my phone between us, and he simply nods and walks away. Leaving me to follow after him. He’s hurrying out to the living room, gives his woman a long kiss that has me looking away as I walk toward the front door.
“Looking good, Hollister,” she calls after me.
The condescending tone and accompanying laugh are deserved. I make it a point to limit our interactions, afraid I’ll say something stupid again. She doesn’t seem to mind. Neither do I. But Diego bristles every time we are in the same room together.
“I said the same thing to him.”
I hear Diego murmuring to her, sharing in her laughter. So that’s what it means. Somehow, I doubt both were for real about it. The door falls shut behind me as I walk to the elevator. It’s only when I hear his heavy boots fall that I know he’s coming.
“If Dom’s there, don’t start shit. This is for Em and Massi, not you.”