Chapter 10
CHAPTER TEN
“You chose a beautiful place to live,” Max said as Seren tried not to pant too hard.
They’d reached the vista of their hike and although Seren had to agree with Max and would have liked to take in the lovely view, she also had to breathe. And the latter was taking priority at the time.
“Yeah, Whisling kind of grows on you,” Deacon said as he discreetly rested a hand on Seren’s back. He was probably worried she was going to topple right back down the stony, steep trail they’d just traversed.
“Oh yeah?” Max said, glancing at his best friend.
Both men were, annoyingly, not seeming desperate for air, water, and just the feeling of normalcy again. Seren went to the gym at least three times a week but apparently the gym hadn’t prepared her for real life workouts, at least not the kind where her legs had to keep up with the impossible strides of two fit men.
“Yeah. I’ve actually just started renting a place of my own,” Deacon said.
Seren’s eyes went wide. Deacon was sharing way too much information with that one sentence. One, he was planning on staying. Max didn’t need to know that.
Wait, was he still going to stay even though Seren had told him they had no future? That was news to Seren but it wasn’t a conversation they could have in front of Max, so she placed that news on a back burner of her mind.
And two, Max didn’t know, nor did he ever need to know, that Deacon had stayed in Seren’s home while he’d been helping her with the teen center renovation. And Max was way too perceptive to have missed either of those two facts.
“Just started, huh?” Max said, tilting his head to take in his best friend, then his ex-wife, then his best friend’s hand on his ex-wife’s back.
Seren stepped forward so quickly she slipped.
Both men reached out toward her, but Max dropped his hand when he realized Deacon was going to get to Seren first.
Max’s eyes narrowed and Seren desperately wished she could go back and redo the last five minutes. Heck, she’d redo this whole day. How she’d been wrangled into this hike was still a mystery to her. She’d been firm in her resolve that she was going to spend as little time as possible with the best friends. But Deacon was wily and he’d somehow convinced them all that activities with the three of them would be best.
“I’m beginning to see why Whisling Island has such a hold on you,” Max said.
It was impossible to mistake the agitation written all over his face.
Seren opened her mouth to explain, but what could she say? Yes, she’d fallen for Deacon and he’d fallen for her but they were going to pretend there was nothing between them for Max’s sake. Yes, Seren had been stupid enough to think that she could have Deacon work with her, live with her, dream with her, and that she wouldn’t fall deeply in love with him.
Seren closed her mouth.
“I was hoping you would,” Deacon said.
Seren’s head whipped toward the man and her mouth dropped open for a whole different reason this time.
What was Deacon saying? Did he know what he was saying? How it would sound to Max?
Of course he did. Everything Deacon did was with purpose. There was no way he hadn’t thought through the ramification of each and every one of his words.
So if that was the case, why had he just said that?
Seren warily looked back toward her ex and his expression confirmed that he was indeed as unhappy as she’d predicted.
He was going to blow up. What if he threw Deacon and Seren out of his life forever? And though Seren could handle it—she’d miss Max but their relationship was already weird—what about Deacon? Even though he and Max weren’t nearly as tight as they’d once been, each still considered the other his best friend. Seren was sure Max’s world would fall apart if he lost Deacon. And vice versa.
“Want to tell me what the hell that’s supposed to mean, Deac?” Max pulled his hat so far down his forehead that it was now nearly impossible to see his eyes because of the shade his cap provided. He crossed his arms as he waited for his best friend to respond.
“Judging by your demeanor, what I mean is pretty obvious.” Deacon pulled his own cap off of his head and held it by his side, his stance as relaxed as if they were speaking about the weather.
“Deacon, if you’re telling me that the reason you want to stay on this island is because of my wife?—”
“Ex-wife,” Deacon quickly corrected, and his tone held just enough bite to show that he wasn’t as unperturbed by this exchange as he wanted the other two to think.
“She was the love of my life,” Max said.
“ Was being the operative word. I get it. I really do, Max. I saw how in love you two were. And during that time, I would have never even considered making a move. I still feel guilty as hell even though you both know it’s long over. But do you really, truly want to keep me from being happy? Because I’ve tried life without Seren, and I know what it looks like. I can’t do it, Max. I love you like a brother. You know that I do. And life without you would be a misery as well. But life without you is a misery I can bear. Life without Seren? I can’t. I won’t.”
Seren’s entire body erupted in goosebumps. She was both thrilled and scared to death. Deacon had laid down a gauntlet. He’d have to live with the consequences no matter what they were.
“I just . . . of all of the millions of women in the world, Deacon. One woman is off limits. One.” Max rubbed the top of his hat.
“I didn’t choose her because she was the one woman who was off limits. You know me better than that. But I do choose her,” Deacon replied, his tone firm.
Seren wanted him to backpedal, tell Max he didn’t mean it, finish this miserable hike and try to return to things as they were. But at the same time she was so grateful. Deacon was fighting for them. For her. In a way no one had ever done in the past. No, that wasn’t fair, Max had maybe been willing to fight for her once upon a time, just not in the moment she’d needed him most.
“So this is it. Either I give you my blessing or we are no longer friends? Decades of friendship down the drain?” Max asked, his voice strained. Seren couldn’t tell if he was refraining from yelling or crying. Either broke her heart.
Because even though Seren was no longer in love with Max, she’d always have love for him.
“You don’t have to give me your blessing. I don’t expect you to be happy about this turn of events. But I need you to know that this is happening.”
Whether you approve of it or not was what Deacon had added silently. They all knew that’s what he meant even if the words hadn’t been spoken.
“Did you feel this way when I was married to her?” Max asked and then put up a hand. “Never mind. I don’t want to know the answer to that question.”
Deacon nodded.
Max let out a deep breath but stayed silent.
Seren felt the beginnings of an ache at the base of her neck and she realized she’d been holding herself so tightly she was literally hurting herself.
She tried to shake her limbs loose without being obvious about it, but didn’t manage to move much. Granted, she would have rather lived with the pain than interrupt this conversation.
“My mind is telling me I need time. To refrain from saying anything because I’m not feeling all that rational right now. But some other part of me is telling me to hell with it all. I should be able to say exactly what I’m thinking and feeling. This is low, Deacon. I thought you were a better man than this. And yeah . . . no . . . I’m just going to say it.” Max swallowed and looked Deacon up and down. “I want you out of my life. Both of you.” Max turned to Seren. “Because you haven’t spoken a word even though you should have, Seren. Deacon might be a liar, cheat, and thief, but at least he isn’t a coward.”
The words cut deeply, but she couldn’t deny their truth. Seren was being a coward. But it was because she was worried, not for herself, but for Deacon and Max’s friendship.
“Max, I’m going to stop you right there. Say whatever you want about me. I didn’t cheat, nor did I lie. I don’t think I’m a thief, but I’ll take it. But you speak one more word against Seren, especially one so incredibly wrong? That, you’ll truly regret.”
Seren watched Deacon with wide eyes and then turned back to Max.
Should she say something now?
Max audibly swallowed, knowing his best friend wasn’t a man to be crossed. “So this is it, then? You choose her?”
“I told you I chose her. Your choice was whether you wanted to stay in my life or not.”
Max scoffed. “Not much of a choice.”
“I’m sorry you feel that way.”
“You know I loved her with everything that I was. I might again one day. I’m ruling nothing out. So how can you take her from me?” Max’s voice rose with each word.
“Do you hear how messed up that thinking is? That you might want her someday? So we put off the future of something amazing and real because you might one day change your mind? As though she has no say in what she wants and should just keep her life on hold in case you feel like being with her again at some point? And sorry—no, I’m not sorry to tell you that I can’t take her from you. Because she hasn’t been yours for a long time.”
To this Seren nodded. Without Max she wouldn’t have had Milo and she’d forever be grateful to him for that, but she and Max had no future. They’d grown too far apart; there had been too much hurt.
“So you decide to take me up into the mountains and ambush me with this?” Max threw his arms in the air, pointing his aggravation toward Seren.
Deacon stepped between them, his back tense.
“None of this was planned. Seren was going to give me up. Because she thought I could find another woman to make me happy and I could keep your friendship while dating the woman of my dreams. But what I know that she doesn’t? No other woman could be Seren. I need her. So if a choice is going to be made, it will be made by you. We know what we want.”
Max stepped to his left so that he could see Seren once again. “You did that?”
Seren nodded.
“Was it for him or for me? Because somewhere deep down you still love me and you know choosing Deacon would sever that love forever?” Max’s voice held a pleading Seren hadn’t heard in years.
Seren saw Deacon’s jaw clench out of the corner of her eye but he kept silent. This question had been for her.
But the answer wasn’t hard. Seren knew it immediately. She just wanted to make sure to say just the right words.
“Losing Milo is the hardest thing I have ever endured. He was my sun, moon, and stars. And when I needed you most? You pulled away . . . while Deacon was there for me.”
“Of course he was. How could I have not seen it? He was moving in before I’d even closed the door,” Max muttered.
Seren narrowed her eyes in warning and her ex finally seemed to get the message that it was her turn to speak.
“He was a true friend and a shoulder when I needed one. I had no one else because you abandoned me. So don’t you accuse him of anything untoward. He didn’t make a move, as you so crassly put it, until you and I had been divorced for years. So get off your high horse. You were the problem then, Max. You were why we divorced. When I broke, you walked away. What kind of man in love does that?”
Max stayed silent. There was nothing he could say.
“I love him, Max. Not you. Never you again. I will always have love for you and if you decide to cut me out of your life it will hurt because I’ll be losing the last physical piece of Milo on this earth other than me, but I will endure it. Like the other times you abandoned me. But I will not fall in love with you again. I will not be in love with you. You broke that. It shattered and when you walked away those pieces of our love went with the wind. We have no future. But Deacon and I do.”
Max shook his head, nostrils flaring.
“And you were right about one thing, Max. I have been a coward. Not in the way you pointed out, but because I was willing to walk away from Deacon due to fear. Fear I wasn’t enough. Fear things would end in the same way they had for us. And while I am quaking—” Seren’s thighs were literally quivering, either from fear of the future or the long hike, or probably both. “—I am turning away from fear and turning toward the man who was willing to fight for me every time I’ve needed him.”
Seren turned to Deacon and sent him a smile that she hoped told him all.
He’d made his choice and now so had she. It was him. It would always be him.
“Then I guess there is nothing more for me to say. I’ll be contacting my lawyer about any of our remaining business partnerships, Deacon. Thankfully you and I are already severed in nearly every way, Seren. I’ll continue to pay the alimony that is court ordered but that is it. No more texts about your charitable causes, no more help with connections, and definitely no more Facetimes from Milo’s grave.”
Seren blinked away the tears that had begun to fall, pain filling her chest. She’d truly hoped this could have gone in some other way but deep down she’d always known exactly how Max would react. This was farewell forever.
But she’d already said bye forever to Max once. Why was it still so hard?
“You both are dead to me.” Max stepped around the couple, knocking his shoulder into Deacon’s as he passed him, and stomped back down the trail.
Seren turned to watch him walk, gazing at the back of his head until he’d fully disappeared from sight.
And just like that, he was gone. Forever. The man she’d shared her most precious gift with.
His anger trailed behind him like the stink of a skunk and Seren’s knees suddenly gave way.
Before she could fall, strong arms wrapped her from behind and Deacon half-carried her to a rock that was a few feet away, seating her before fumbling through his backpack and finding a large water bottle.
“Drink,” he commanded, so Seren did.
She blinked again and more tears fell. This time they were stopped from falling off of her cheeks when Deacon’s rough fingers wiped them away with surprising gentleness.
He sat on his haunches, so that they were eye level, but he didn’t say a word. He just let her feel.
“I don’t know why it hurts. We were already divorced. I didn’t want him back. Ever. What I told him was the truth. But still, it hurts so bad.”
Seren let out a sob and she was suddenly in Deacon’s embrace.
“You loved him for a long time. He is the other half of the boy you love.”
Seren nodded. So many things about her and Max had been so wrong. But they’d done one impossibly perfect and beautiful thing together. And letting that go . . .
“But losing him doesn’t mean Milo is any further away. His spirit will always be in your heart the way it’s been.”
Seren nodded. She knew that to be the truth. And truly, she’d lost Max long before. Even as a friend. He liked to throw the connection thing in her face but he’d only ever helped when she could give him something in return. And the Facetime at Milo’s grave had been a disaster. If she wanted to be with a man who loved Milo as dearly as she had, Deacon was a far better bet. Deacon, unlike Milo’s own father, had been there to the end. Other than providing DNA, there was nothing Deacon hadn’t given to Seren’s son.
Wait, what about Deacon? He’d just watched his best friend . . .
“You’ve lost him too,” Seren managed in a broken whisper when her crying calmed.
Deacon nodded. “But not because of you. I can never let you think that. I considered long and hard and made my choice. When it came down to it, it was easy. I chose you because I would always choose you, Seren. Over anyone. That being said, I think I would have lost Max at some point or another anyway. We’ve been losing pieces of our friendship for years, growing further apart. Business deals he went through with that I morally couldn’t condone. Friendships he wanted to foster with people I thought were shady. And of course his treatment of you. It was after Milo’s funeral that our biggest rift occurred.”
Seren nodded and then tried to take a deep breath in, but everything felt too shaky.
“And I know your fear is that I’ll look back and think you weren’t worth this and it will break us. And I want to promise that will never happen. I hope to all that is that will never happen. But if it does happen, it’s because I’m a different man who is choosing to see a skewed version of reality and you deserve better. So if I ever blame you for any of this, walk away. Because the man you love now is gone. So even though I can’t promise it will never happen, I will promise you that beginning today I will do everything in my power not to become that man. To be a man worthy of your love each and every day.”
Seren nodded once more, loving that Deacon wasn’t handing her empty promises. He was giving her reality—no excuses, just beautiful hope for the future because of work he was willing to do.
She’d already built one life on the false promise of a fairy tale. Max had promised her the world and then he’d put his whole heart into his job. To give her the houses, the clothes, the cars, the chefs, house cleaners, and chauffeurs.
And where he’d put his work, he’d gotten his success.
But Deacon’s promise of where he’d put his heart as well as his work, that was a fairy tale Seren could build her hopes on.
“I promise to do the same. I know this won’t be easy. We’re already starting at this serious place because of all we’ve been through together. And in some ways that will make this road so much harder, but it will also make it better. Nothing about what we share is superficial. The way I care about you is so deep. I already love you and we haven’t even been on a freaking date.” Seren let out something between a cry and a laugh. “But I will work. I will put my all into building what we have between us.”
“Probably the most unromantic start to a relationship,” Deacon said as he sat on the ground and then pulled Seren off of the rock to sit in his lap.
“But kind of perfect for us,” Seren said as she relished this place of safety, so opposite to how she’d felt just minutes before with Max there.
No, Deacon wasn’t sweeping her off of her feet, and no, they weren’t going to live in some blissful fantasy. Everything about what they were doing was so real.
“Because we’re kind of perfect for each other,” Deacon said as he turned Seren in his lap so that she was facing him. “The conversation with Max was rough, I won’t lie. But I’m glad we had it. Because we’re here. And like I said before, I’m choosing you. I want you and I want our life together to start now. If that’s what you want?”
The question in Deacon’s voice was so unlike him. He was usually so confident in any response he was going to receive. And Seren realized that was a part of his work. He was going to be vulnerable for her in a way he wasn’t for anyone else. In a way he hadn’t even been for her yet.
So she’d have to give him parts of herself she’d held back.
And her fear told her she couldn’t do it . . . for point two seconds, before she banished it.
“Yes,” Seren nodded. “That’s exactly what I want. You’re exactly who I want.”
“Fantastic,” Deacon said, his confidence back as he drew her up in his arms and their lips met.
Seren smiled before she lost herself in his kiss. It was good to be loved by Deacon Fuller.