CHAPTER TEN
ALLISON
Mathias's offer shouldn't tempt me.
What intelligent woman would gladly put herself in a man's hands so completely?
He's not my boyfriend. Not my husband. This is only the second time we've spoken, if I don’t count our brief email exchange.
Yet I know I'll give in.
Forget my initial fear of the sort of people he may be mixed up with. Maybe the drive-by had nothing to do with him personally. Maybe it was just a random act of violence.
Either way, I'm too far gone to fight him when he's promising to give me exactly what I've wanted for years. Too numb and apathetic about my life to put up much of a protest.
After decades of always being the adult in relationships—for family, for Bailey—this is my chance to be free. In the past, if I ever took a risk and stumbled, no one would've caught me. No one would've been there to offer advice. The only person I've ever been able to count on is me.
And it's driven me to the brink of a mental breakdown as stress and hopelessness built upon one another and formed an inescapable pit. Thoughts of suicide have flickered to life in my darkest moments, so where's the harm in following Mathias's lead?
I may be screwed, but at least there's a chance of happiness with his aid. I can't say the same if I remain alone here.
“Okay,” I murmur, tilting my head enough to feel his lips graze my cheek. The rough brush of his beard is a lightning bolt to my nerves.
God, I'm so touch-starved that the barest caress from a stranger sends my body into instant alert.
“I wasn’t asking for your permission, Allie, but your compliance is appreciated. I'll schedule a cleaning service to come by, along with a packing crew for the move.”
“I can't leave Bailey. She hasn't found a stable job yet and needs…”
“How long has she been searching?”
I don't want to tell him. It'll reveal how weak I've been. He already knows.
“Over a year.”
“Are you fucking kidding me?” A rumble of anger vibrates from his chest. Ever the primal lion in his analogy. “You've been paying for everything this entire time?”
I simply nod, knowing how terrible it sounds.
Bailey and I have been friends since freshman year of college. We've always said we're bonded for life. But after she got laid off, she just gave up. Started spouting off rants about end-stage capitalism and how she refused to contribute to the system.
Which, to each her own, but it seemed insensitive when I was still expected to work in the system if we wanted a roof over our heads and food for us and her pets.
Every time she ‘lowered’ herself to start a new job to bring in some cash, whether it was as a waitress or cashier, Bailey inevitably quit within a week, citing a myriad of reasons for the decision.
Toxic work environment.
Not enough money.
Mathias drags a hand through his hair, irritation flashing in his steely eyes. “ Putain de merde ! Yet you still left the money untouched. De toutes les bêtises … You require a firm hand to make decisions for your benefit, don't you?”
I don’t answer. Too distracted by him speaking French. It rolls off the tongue and sounds sexy as hell in his gravelly tone.
I shouldn’t find anything about him sexy. He’s still a stranger. A potentially dangerous one.
And he's the man I'm giving myself to.
Bailey won’t be happy to hear I’m moving out, even if I plan on leaving her with enough money to stay in the apartment until the lease ends. Maybe it makes me a bitch using Mathias as an excuse, but a weight lifts at being able to blame him for whatever fallout there is.
Like I’m not the one making the decision, so she can’t blame me.
Even though he’s doing what I would do if I wasn’t too overwhelmed, scared, and too damn numb.
Always numb.
Always alone.
I should probably talk to my doctor about upping my medication, but again, that’s one more task that seems impossible to accomplish.
“Pack a bag. This is the last time you’ll see this apartment,” Mathias says as he pulls out his phone and starts rapidly typing on the screen.
“I can’t just disappear. I need to talk to Bailey and pack more than a bag. I can’t leave yet.”
“Yes, you can, and you are. Professionals will handle everything from here on out. And if they fuck up your stuff, they’ll regret it.” He spares a glance at me before returning to his phone. “You’ve got ten minutes to gather whatever is coming with you today. The rest will come later.”
I debate disagreeing with him, but when have I ever chosen to argue?
Never.
Besides, Mathias bulldozes his way through conversations until he gets what he wants, which should irk the hell out of me, but instead, it provides a sense of peace.
Maybe I’ll feel differently if we ever truly disagree on a subject, but so far, he’s only pushing me to accept what I desperately want but refuse out of fear.
The money for a fresh start in life.
Cutting ties with Bailey.
Hurrying to the closet, I drag my suitcase out and dump it on the bed since it’s still full from the trip to Paris. I’ve been meaning to empty it and wash the worn clothes, but I never got around to it.
As I mentally check off the necessities—shampoo, conditioner, toothbrush, underwear, socks, phone charger—a frenzy begins behind the door to Bailey’s room, alerting us to her arrival before she stomps through the front door.
“Where the hell are Roscoe and Palmer?” She drops her purse on the overflowing bench we have in the entry and kicks off her shoes.
“I’ll deal with her. You finish packing.” Mathias edges me aside to face off with Bailey.
Oh, no.
It takes me a couple of tries to zip the stuffed suitcase closed, due to shaky hands, but once it’s sealed, I swing it onto the floor and race out to the living room, forgetting to spare a final glance toward the bedroom I’ve slept in for the past five years.
“Who the fuck are you?” Bailey’s high-pitched screech sends the dogs into a barking fit. They’re desperate to burst free from confinement and protect their owner.
Frankly, I’m surprised the thin plywood door is holding them back. They’re both large enough to break through if necessary.
“Who I am is irrelevant. All you need to know is that your free ride ends today. Allie is leaving, and you won’t be seeing her again. If you try to contact her, attempt to guilt her into saving your lazy ass again, you won’t like what happens,” Mathias growls, and I swear I might swoon on the stained carpet.
This man is taking his job seriously, and another round of tears threatens to unleash because of it. When was the last time someone stood up for me? Literally never. So, this is a welcome change, even if I should be wary of him.
“Allison?” Bailey’s eyes find me striding down the hallway. I attempt to pass Mathias, but he shoots an arm out to block my path.
“Stay behind me,” he warns. Tension ripples over his sharp features and broad shoulders. An avenging angel. For me.
A shiver of pleasure raises goosebumps on my skin, but I can't let him deal with Bailey alone. “It’s fine. She’s not going to hurt me.” I try again to shove forward.
Mathias widens his stance and glares down at me. “I said, ‘Stay. Behind. Me.’” The low command ignites a flare of heat in my veins. No one has ever been this protective of me.
I’m always the self-soothing, self-reliant, self-everything person. It’s my duty to protect them, not the other way around.
“Allison, seriously… What is going on? Who is this guy, and why is he acting like you’re some kind of domestic victim escaping abuse?”
“Because she is,” Mathias says, taking an intimidating step closer to Bailey. “Allison bore the burden of caring for you and your menagerie of animals for years, and you’ve let her, despite the detrimental effect it’s had on her. You may not have caused physical harm, but you’ve done damage. I don’t know if you’re a selfish bitch, or maybe you’re truly dumb and blind enough to not see it. Either way, this ends now. Get off your fucking ass and take responsibility for your life. No one else is going to do it for you. And Allison sure as hell isn’t going to shield you from the consequences of your actions anymore.”
He turns to me and wrests the suitcase handle out of my hand. “Let’s go. We’re done here.”
I nod, dumbstruck by his fervid defense and struggling to figure out what to say as we walk by Bailey. We’ve been friends for a long time. Shouldn’t there be a final farewell? A proper closing to our friendship?
Mathias handled it for you.
Just like he said he would.
I meet Bailey’s pissed glower and sigh in acceptance. Our connection is severed. I’m no longer trapped. I’ll send the money to complete the lease because of who I am not because of who she is, then that will be the end of it.
The winter chill washes over me like a refreshing dip in the pool on a summer’s day. If Mathias didn’t have a hold on my hand, I’d likely soar into the sky, free as a bird.
Because that’s how I feel— free .
Even if I needed to put myself in Mathias’s hands to get there.