Chapter 17
Addison
I took a sip of the lukewarm tea, hoping it would calm the incessant jitters in my stomach. I didn’t have morning sickness yet, but I wondered if this was what it felt like. A mixture of nausea and anxiety.
As cold as I tried to come off because I knew that Daniel deserved it, my heart was playing tug-of-war with my head. I wanted to be angry at him, and I was, but I also felt my resolve weakening. I wouldn’t be able to stay angry for long. Why did he have to be so damn charming?
I knew I should have walked away when he surprised me outside of my apartment, and I almost did, but the sound of his voice when he asked if I had names picked out for the baby stopped me right in my tracks. He was either a really good actor, or he actually cared.
I mean, the guy showed up with herbal tea. And he’d been Googling about pregnancy? It didn’t sound like something he would do if he was trying to buy my silence. But still, I kept my guard up, or at least tried to.
Now I was in a closed space with him and the walls of the car seemed to be closing in, making my urge to be closer to him even greater.
It didn’t help that his cologne smelled so damn good or that he wore the same suit I had taken off him during our night together.
I wondered if he had strategically worn it. Smart move.
I continued staring out the window as we weaved our way through the traffic of Manhattan.
I was surprised how quickly we had gotten to the city.
I knew we would be at my office soon, and I was already dreading saying goodbye.
I didn’t know when I would see him again, or if I even wanted to.
Or if he even wanted to see me again. Maybe this was just his way of trying to be decent by apologizing before wiping his hands clean of me.
As we turned down the street of Leading to Learn, my heart began fluttering in my chest in a panic.
Maybe this was the last time I would see him and I had just completely blown it on the hour-long car ride here.
It was funny how the heart worked. Here I was supposed to be upset with him, and now I was upset with myself for ruining a chance I didn’t even think I had.
The car came to a stop at the curb. I finally turned to him and saw his eyes were already intently on me. Had he been looking at me for long? I cleared my throat nervously.
“Well, this is me,” I said, looking up at the building, as if he hadn’t told his driver to come here.
“Right,” he nodded.
We sat there awkwardly for a few seconds before I reached for the door, but it was already opening. His driver smiled down at me and waited for me to get out.
“Thank you,” I said to Daniel softly.
He didn’t say anything, but his eyes were on mine.
More than anything, I wanted to reach over and grab his hand or hug him or touch him in any way, but instead I slid out of the car and walked toward my building without looking back. I figured goodbye would be easier that way. As I stepped through the door, I felt tears stinging my eyes.
Out of sight of the car, I leaned against the wall, let out a long breath, and wiped at the tears that threatened to fall.
I was completely undone. Everything I had held against Daniel over the past few weeks had dissipated like mist when the sun comes up.
All the reasons I had convinced myself to hate him seemed invalid now.
I shook my head, trying to knock the sense back into me.
“Addison?” I heard a voice say.
I looked up and saw Brian staring at me with a curious expression as he stood by the elevators.
“Oh, hey, Brian,” I said casually, pushing myself from the wall.
“Uh, you okay?”
“Yeah, totally fine. I think I just got something in my eye. I’m good now.”
He didn’t look convinced, but also didn’t press me further. He pressed the button for the elevators and we stepped through the doors as they slid open.
“Did you Uber today?” he asked.
He must have seen me get out of Daniel’s town car. I felt a slight panic set in. There were strict rules about starting relationships within the office or with associates outside of the office. It wasn’t like Daniel and I were in a relationship, but having a baby certainly complicated things.
“Yeah,” I lied. “I couldn’t find my subway pass.”
It was a stupid lie of an excuse, but he seemed to buy it.
When the elevators reached our floor, I said goodbye and walked swiftly to my office.
My stomach was in knots, and remained that way for the rest of the day.
It was hard to focus on work or my meetings.
I just kept thinking about Daniel, after I had worked so hard to forget him. Or at least tried to.
Monica came by on my lunch break and we went to the deli on the corner.
I ordered a veggie sandwich, even though I would have loved some cold cuts piled on.
I wanted to do everything right by the baby, so instead I sat there and chewed on cucumber and lettuces smooshed between two halves of French bread as I told her about the morning.
“You mean he just was waiting for you?” asked Monica between bites of her sandwich.
“I guess.” I shrugged.
“What did he want?”
“To apologize. Then he offered me a ride to work…”
“And you said, ‘hell no.’ Right?”
I reached in my bag of chips and popped one in my mouth, avoiding her gaze as it crunched.
“Heart…”
“I don’t know, Monica. He seemed different.”
She let out a solitary laugh, its sarcasm biting.
“I doubt I will ever see him again,” I said, looking out the window to the bustling sidewalk, hoping it wasn’t true.
Little did I know.
When I walked out the door of my apartment building the following morning, I saw him leaning against his town car with another cup of tea in hand. I swore he could hear my heart pounding in my chest as I walked toward him.
“You’re back,” I said.
“I hope that’s okay.” He handed me the cup of tea.
“It’s hot today,” I said after taking a sip.
He gave me a smile. One I hadn’t seen before from him. It was genuine and warm. He opened the back door and gestured for me to get inside. I hesitated just for a second before realizing there was no place I would rather be than next to him in that car. I slid inside and he followed behind me.
“How are you feeling today?” he asked as the car pulled away from the curb.
“I’m okay. Just tired,” I said. I wasn’t sure if it was from pregnancy or the thought of him that kept me up last night.
“That’s normal,” he mused.
“What, are you some sort of expert now?” I asked, a smirk trailing across my lips.
“Trying to be,” he said.
His eyes looked at mine and fell to my lips where they stayed for a delicious moment too long. I wondered what he was thinking and if it was the same thing as me. How it would feel to taste each other again.
Again, we arrived in Manhattan too quickly for my liking. I was actually begging for there to be traffic. Wasn’t that what New York was known for anyway? I begrudgingly said goodbye and got out of the car, looking around cautiously to make sure no one saw me.
The work day dragged on as I thought about the possibility of seeing Daniel again. It seemed ridiculous that he would make the drive out to Brooklyn each morning just to bring me tea and drive me to work, but that was exactly what he did.
Each morning, I found him leaning against the town car in that sexy, relaxed way of his, holding a steaming cup of tea. Because of this, I took extra time getting ready. I didn’t squeeze myself into tight skirts or dresses, but an extra spritz of perfume and a swipe of lip gloss wouldn’t hurt.
Each morning, he told me I looked nice, and the way his eyes took me in made my skin break out in goosebumps. It was as if he was imagining what was underneath, as if he didn’t already know. We didn’t fall into this complicated situation by staying clothed.
This morning, I wore a white linen dress that skimmed just above my knees. I had pulled my hair back into a braid that fell down my back. When Daniel saw me, his eyes wandered and he didn’t even try to hide it.
It felt good to feel wanted. I had struggled with feeling confident for so long, but with him, he made me feel different. I felt desired. Beautiful. Sexy. Also, very pregnant. The morning sickness had finally hit me.
As he opened the car door for me, I felt his touch for what felt like the first time in years.
His hand grazed my lower back as he guided me inside the car.
That one touch unraveled me and I wanted more.
I made the conscious choice to not scooch to the far end of the car.
As he slid in next to me, I didn’t pull away when his thigh grazed against mine.
I felt his eyes meet where our bodies touched and a small smile crossed his lips.
“How are you feeling today?” he asked.
“Tired. A little nauseous. And my boobs hurt.”
He laughed. “They look bigger,” he said, holding back a smile.
“Daniel!” I said, slugging him playfully in the arm.
“What? It’s hard not to look.”
I felt my cheeks burning.
“You make a really hot pregnant woman.”
“You’re ridiculous,” I said, shaking my head.
The word pregnant coming from his mouth made it all the more real.
I was carrying a baby. Our baby. While I didn’t know exactly what our situation was, I was grateful he was here.
It might just be a ride to the city and a supposed cure to morning sickness, but it meant so much more to me than that.
This was him showing up when I was convinced he was walking out.
We hadn’t talked about the logistics of anything, or about if or how he would be a part of the baby’s life. I didn’t know where we stood. We talked about anything and everything else, and that was enough for me. For now.
I was seeing a new side to Daniel. He didn’t seem like the same man I had met all those weeks ago. Yes, he was still incredibly sexy and charming and made it easy to see why I had gone home with him in the first place. The man didn’t have the reputation he did for nothing.
But he was also funny. Sweet. Pensive. Genuine. It was as if his cool guy facade had fallen away and I could see the man behind the millions. I wondered if it was a side many had seen or if I was just lucky. Either way, it was hard not to fall for him.
Knowing I was carrying his baby just added to my attraction for him. It seemed incredibly stupid, but I couldn’t help wondering if there could somehow be a happy ending for us. I hoped for it. For the baby. For me.