Chapter 39
Addison
Once I was discharged from the hospital, I splurged and split a cab with Monica back home to Brooklyn. I didn’t want to deal with the subway. I just wanted to get home with as little stress possible.
“What a whirlwind twenty-four hours for you,” said Monica, reaching for my hand.
“You have no idea,” I said.
“I wasn’t expecting you back in New York so soon. I’m sorry it didn’t go like you hoped.”
“You can say ‘I told you so’ again, if you want,” I muttered.
“Oh, no! Did it get worse after our call?”
“Yep. Much worse.”
“I take it things didn’t smooth over with your parents then.”
I shook my head solemnly.
“I’m so sorry, Heart.”
“I had to get out of there. My mother. God. She’s just so cold. It’s like I can’t even remember who she was when I was growing up because who she is now has tainted everything.”
“And your dad?”
“The same pushover he’s always been.” I sighed.
“However, he did surprise me. He stood up to her and drove me back to the airport. At least he’s better than my mom.
I just really thought we could make things better, but I was living in some sort of dreamland.
They will never accept me or support my choices.
Especially not now. Having a child out of wedlock is my mother’s worst nightmare. ”
“Well, she needs to get with the times. It’s not the fifties anymore.” Monica rolled her eyes.
“True, but I did really make a mess of my life.”
“But you have a beautiful baby in there who loves you and needs you,” said Monica, placing her hand on my bump.
“I felt her. Him. It. Kick.”
“Shut up!” said Monica excitedly.
“Mhmm. Last night. It was like they were telling me I wasn’t alone in this.”
“You’re not.”
I leaned my head on her shoulder as we weaved slowly through traffic, until we were in front of my apartment.
Even though I had only been gone for one day, it felt like so much had happened that a year might as well have passed.
I was exhausted. Between traveling and the unexpected hospital visit, I just wanted to lie down and pass out.
While I paid the driver, Monica grabbed my suitcase from the trunk and waited for me on the curb. When we entered the building, I saw Edna hanging some papers on the community bulletin board. She turned around and when she saw me, her eyes immediately traveled to my bump.
“Oh, my God. You’re pregnant?” she exclaimed loudly.
I realized I hadn’t bothered to cover it up, like I had been for the past few months. Really, I had grown so much bigger that there wasn’t really a way to hide it now. I didn’t see the point.
“You know it’s rude to assume,” said Monica coolly.
“It’s okay, Monica. Yes, Edna. There’s a bun in the oven.”
“Whose is it?” she asked, raising a brow.
“It’s also rude to ask that question,” snapped Monica, crossing her arms.
“It’s that guy in the suit, isn’t it?” said Edna excitedly, clearly ignoring Monica. “He is so handsome. And rich too, I bet. I was wondering where all those packages were coming from. It all makes sense now.”
Edna kept talking, basically to herself at that point, but I didn’t confirm any of her assumptions.
“I’m really tired, Edna,” I muttered, looking toward the stairs.
“Oh, of course. Of course, sweetie. Go on now. Let me know if you need anything. Chocolate. Crackers. Tea.”
“Thank you.” I nodded.
I began walking up the stairs to my apartment.
“You’re way too nice to that pesky woman,” muttered Monica behind me.
“I know…she’s just lonely, though.”
“I wonder why.”
I laughed as I put my key in the door and pushed it open. My loft was exactly as I left it. Clean, but the back wall cluttered with unopened boxes and gift bags. Just more reminders of Daniel. My heart swelled and shrunk at the thought of him.
“You still haven’t opened anything?” asked Monica, closing the door and wheeling my suitcase to my closet.
I shook my head. “I’m not ready yet.”
“Okay. Well, I hate to leave you, but I have to get back to writing. I have a deadline.”
“It’s okay. I feel better now. Thank you for coming to my rescue.”
“Always, girl.”
She gave me a hug before slipping out the door. Once she was gone, I took a long, hot shower and collapsed into bed.
The next morning, I went into the office to wrap up any loose ends before having to leave.
I wore an oversized dress and hoped no one noticed it was ballooning out slightly in front of me.
Thankfully, no one looked at me any differently.
I had always been a bit on the bigger side, so that worked to my advantage now.
As I walked down the hallway, I wondered if they even knew I was fired, or why I was. It didn’t seem like it. Brian probably wanted to keep the entire affair with Daniel on the down-low, so nothing was leaked.
After lunch, he called me into his office.
“Addison, take a seat,” he said.
I sat across from him and folded my hands in my lap, not noticing it pulled the fabric tight across my stomach.
His eyes skimmed my belly and he looked at me with concern. “Are you…”
Shit. I nodded solemnly.
“Wow.”
“Yeah, it was a surprise to me, too.”
“I don’t want to know any more,” he said, putting his hands up. “The less I know about that and who is responsible, the better.”
“Right.”
“I just wanted to check in on your progress of contacting your previous contacts.”
“It’s going well so far. I’m about halfway through my email list. I’ve passed them on to other staff.”
“Good. Remember, you have until the end of the month.”
“Yes, I know.”
“And remember, that’s me being generous .” He sat back and crossed his arms.
It took everything in me not to roll my eyes. Brian had kept making it clear how generous he was after my mistakes.
“Thank you, Brian. I appreciate it.”
“All right, well, you can get back to work now.”
As I walked back to my office, I realized there was really no hiding this bump any longer. My coworkers would know any day now, and I would just have to accept that. I just had to figure out a way to dodge their questions and keep it light.
That night, I went on my laptop and began my job search.
I filled out several applications and sent résumés to various companies in Manhattan and Brooklyn.
A few nonprofits. A few offices looking for secretarial work.
A restaurant or two. I realized I couldn’t really be picky at this stage. I would go anywhere that would have me.
The next morning, I had a few callbacks.
I was even able to set up an interview that afternoon on my lunch break.
It was for a secretary position at a law firm just a few blocks from the Leading to Learn office.
I wore my loosest pair of pants, and even then, I couldn’t zip them or button them up.
To hide that, I wore a long white button-down.
It wasn’t the best, but it would have to do.
It also did nothing to hide that I was pregnant. I figured it was best to be honest upfront. At least they would know what they were getting themselves into. Maybe they would take pity on me. It was an awful way to think about getting a job, but I was desperate.
The interview would have gone perfectly.
I was qualified and had years of experience in the office.
But I was also pregnant, and no pity was taken on me.
The interviewee was polite, but made it clear they needed someone long term as her eyes grazed over my bump.
I thanked her for her time and left, feeling defeated.
The next few interviews I was able to line up were more of the same. They were impressed by my qualifications, but worried about the growing body they saw before them. Interview after interview, I left knowing it was another one I had to cross off the list.
At the Leading to Learn office, my coworkers had definitely noticed.
It wasn’t hard to when the pants I wore were held together with a safety pin.
Shelley was the only one who asked me about it though.
She was really my only friend in the office.
She had asked me to lunch one day on our break and brought it up then.
“Hey, there’s a buzz going around the office, but I wanted to hear it from you before assuming anything,” she said.
“Oh?” I asked innocently.
“I’ll just come out and ask. Are you expecting?”
I nodded, and couldn’t help but smile. I was happy to share the news with her. She had always been so kind.
Her eyes lit up and she rounded the table to give me a hug.
“Oh, my gosh. This is so exciting!” she beamed. “I thought there was something different about you. Must be that pregnancy glow.”
“Ha ha. You’re being much too nice. I felt like I’ve been a hot mess.”
“Not at all,” she came back, returning to her seat.
“Well, thank you.”
“So, who is the special guy?” she asked.
“Oh, you don’t know him,” I waved her off and hoped it would stop there.
Thankfully, it did.
“Do you know what you’re having?” she asked.
“Not yet. I think I’m going to wait.”
“Eeeeh! I bet it’s a girl!” she squealed.
I laughed. It was the first time in a while I had felt genuinely excited to be pregnant. I didn’t have to be afraid of what anyone else thought. The people who cared about me would support me.
That night, as I was filling out more job applications, there was a knock at my door.
I didn’t know why, but for a second I hoped it would be Daniel.
The truth was, I really missed him. It felt so dishonest to go through this pregnancy without him, knowing he thought the baby was gone. I still felt terrible about it.
And besides that, even though we had our ups and downs, I missed being with him. I knew it was silly. We had both put each other through hell at times, but the rest of the times were perfect. I wondered if I had never let my insecurities get the best of me, if maybe we would have made it.
The knock sounded at the door again and I opened it to find Monica standing there with Thai takeout.
“Hungry?” she asked with a knowing grin.
“Always.” I held the door as she slipped inside.
We took our posts on the couch with our takeout cartons and I gave her an update on the job hunt. She listened intently as she slurped down Pad Thai. After I finished my uneventful and depressing update that still left me with no job, she looked at me intently.
“I was thinking…” she started.
“What?”
“I can move in here for a few months when the baby is born. Relieve you of some of the rent and help out.”
“Oh, Monica. I can’t ask you to do that,” I said.
“Why not? I write from home. I could watch the baby if you do end up finding a job, or if you’re just tired. Whatever. I want to help.”
I felt my eyes growing watery as I looked at my best friend who was willing to change her whole life to help me out. It was overwhelming. I couldn’t say anything.
“You don’t have to decide now, but I want to help. I am Auntie Monica after all.”
I laughed softly. “Coolest aunt ever.”
“I know,” she said proudly.
She looked over at the wall of boxes and gift bags and seemed to think for a second.
“And don’t forget…you still have that check. If things got really bad.”
I shook my head. That would be my last resort.