Chapter 45
Addison
“Are you sure you want to go out with me tonight?” I asked Shelley over the phone.
I held the phone between my shoulder and ear while trying to shove my swollen feet into shoes that would give a little. So far, I had been unsuccessful.
“Of course. Whatever went down at work doesn’t mean you and I can’t still be friends,” she said.
“You’re the only one from that place who wants to even be associated with me,” I said.
I held my breath as I tried a pair of black ballet flats, as if doing so would somehow help my foot slide in with ease. I felt ridiculous even going out to a bar at seven months pregnant, but I owed Shelley birthday drinks from all those months ago. She wanted to go to Bemelman’s again.
While I had tried to get out of it or try to change the destination, she was insistent. I wasn’t sure if I was ready for all the memories that would come with it. That night had changed the entire trajectory of my life.
“Don’t let them get you down. They’re just trying to save their asses with Brian, who is a complete asshole for letting you go.”
I couldn’t disagree with her.
Since I had left my job a few weeks ago, I had realized how much better off I was.
It had been an adjustment and the significant decrease in pay had been a blow, but I was making it work.
Thanks to Monica, I had been doing a few hours a day of freelance work for the publishing house she had set me up with.
While I wasn’t a writer, I knew enough about nonprofit work to make it seem like I was.
Working from home was a whole new world.
I woke up later, which was a luxury now that I didn’t have to make the train to Manhattan.
I needed the extra hours in bed since the baby seemed to be running marathons every time I lay down and closed my eyes.
It was practically impossible to get comfortable when it felt like someone was doing jumping jacks inside of me.
When I did wake up, I stayed in my pajamas. There was no need to dress up or try to look remotely presentable. I stayed in my favorite flannel pajama pants and a sports bra, my round belly on display as I made a pot of decaf coffee and fired up my laptop for the day.
It was the break I hadn’t realized I needed after years of busting my ass at my old job. While the work was rewarding, I never felt like I received the recognition I deserved. Well, not until I landed the biggest donation we had ever had. But that was short-lived.
“I better get going if I’m going to meet you on time, Shell,” I said, assessing myself in the mirror.
“Oh shit. Is it 6:30 already?” she asked frantically.
“Yes.” I laughed.
Shelley was never known for her punctuality.
“I’ll see you soon!”
I heard the phone click on the other line.
I walked to the door and grabbed my purse from the small entryway table.
Before I closed the door behind me, I looked around my apartment, which had now become baby central.
Every time I looked at the beautiful gold crib, or the small clothing rack that was adorned with tiny onesies, my heart swelled.
Baby’s due date was getting closer every single day.
I was excited, but I would be lying if I said I wasn’t scared.
As much support as I received from Monica and the small amount of relief I had because of my new job, I knew I was in over my head.
It would be so much easier to do this with a partner.
With Daniel. While everything he had bought for the baby had been more than enough to bring new life into this world, I wanted so much more.
I wanted the loving home that a baby needed. That a baby deserved.
It wasn’t even just about the baby. I needed him.
I missed him more than I liked to admit.
I found myself Googling him or flipping through magazines as if I enjoyed the torturous words and pictures that the press published.
It hurt, but at least I got to see him. At least I got to get a glimpse into his life.
The story about him and Kiera had died down, much to my relief. They were focusing more on his business deal with London, which I was proud of him for. I knew that his business deals were what he wanted to be known for.
I also realized how big the deal was, and maybe that I had expected too much from him that day in his office when I had showed up unexpectedly.
Looking back, I should have been more understanding, now that I knew the kind of stress he must have been under.
I had let my insecurities rear their ugly head.
The ones that always told me that I wasn’t enough.
Maybe it’s something my parents had ingrained in me when I started to make choices they didn’t approve of.
I walked down the stairs. Actually, I more so waddled down. I noticed Edna’s door was open and I knew I wasn’t getting out of there without her striking up her usual curious conversation.
“Addison!” she called from the doorway.
I smiled at just how predictable she was. She stood at the door, stroking Beatrice in her arms.
“Hello, Edna,” I said cheerfully.
I couldn’t really be irritated with her. She was who she was. An old, lonely landlord who lived vicariously through the tenants of her building.
“You look very nice tonight. Hot date?”
“Oh, yes,” I said sarcastically. “Everyone is lining up to take me out.” I rubbed my bump and winked at her.
“You know…I haven’t seen that handsome guy in the suit in a while,” she commented.
“Neither have I,” I replied with a shrug.
“I really thought you two might have something,” she said.
“Oh?” I asked.
“I guess I was wrong.” She sighed before nuzzling Beatrice.
So was I, I thought.
“You know, if you ever need anything. Just holler, okay? I absolutely love babies.”
“Really?”
I was surprised. As old as Edna was, I never saw any children or grandchildren visit. She really was just the old cat lady. Or so I thought.
“Oh, yes. I have five grandkids, but they live across the country and I’m scared to fly. My daughters don’t make it out to New York as much as I’d like. They’re busy with their own lives. I get it…” She looked down at Beatrice and stroked her soft fur.
I couldn’t help but feel bad for her.
“You can come visit us anytime,” I said with a reassuring nod.
A hopeful looked passed through her eyes. “Thank you,” she said softly.
I thought she might cry, but she just smiled and stepped back into her apartment, closing the door gently behind her.
As I rode the subway into Manhattan, I thought about the friends that would become the baby’s family. They might not be blood, but they had a lot of love to give. That was more than my parents or anyone else would give.
When I walked into Bemelman’s my eyes shifted toward the end of the bar where Daniel and I had sat all those months ago.
I half expected him to be there. Sidled up on a barstool in a dark, expensive suit with whiskey in his hand.
But he wasn’t there. The empty seat just made it even more clear how vacant he was from my life.
“Addison!” said Shelley, waving me over from a nearby table.
I smiled and made my way over.
“Wow. You look fantastic.” She stood and gave me a big hug. “How far along are you now?”
“Seven months,” I said, taking a seat once she released me.
“Incredible.”
I picked up my menu and scanned it quickly. I had already looked it over online and decided what I could afford, which was an appetizer. I made sure to eat a light dinner before I left. Since I wasn’t drinking, I was saving money by not getting an expensive cocktail.
Shelley and I placed our orders and began catching up about work and everything that had been going on since I left. I was happy to know she had taken over my position. I couldn’t think of anyone more deserving.
When our food arrived, she asked about my pregnancy, but never snooped as to who the father was. She was genuinely curious about symptoms and baby names and birth plans. While I still didn’t know the half of it, it was nice talking about it with her. She was so non-judgmental.
After we paid our bill, Shelley excused herself to the restroom.
I looked around the restaurant and let the memories flood in.
The taste of that cosmopolitan on my tongue, my leg brushing against Daniel’s, his eyes intent on me when he asked me back to his place.
It was that night that changed everything.
I glanced over at the corner of the bar once more, but this time there was someone in his seat. Someone I knew.
I did a double-take as I realized it was Kiera.
She looked irritatingly stunning in a sapphire blue strappy dress.
A dazzling smile was plastered on her face as she talked animatedly with the man in front of her.
A man who wasn’t Daniel. I sucked in a breath as she leaned in and whispered something in his ear, her hands straying dangerously far up his legs.
I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. This was supposedly Daniel’s fiancée—or soon to be. As much as I hated the idea of them being together, he didn’t deserve this.
I suddenly felt angry. Erratic. Without really thinking, I picked up my water glass and walked over without a real plan in my head.
As I approached, I heard her asking him back to her place and that’s when I lost the little bit of control I still possessed.
As I walked by her, I poured my drink down her back, pretending I had tripped.
She shot up out of her chair, the ice water running down her back and darkening the color of her dress to a dark blue. She whipped around and faced me, a look of discomfort and irritation on her face.
“What the hell?” she asked shrilly.
“Sorry about that,” I said, biting back a smile as best as I could.
“Oh, my God, you fat freak! Did you do that on purpose?”
I realized she didn’t recognize me from the one time we met in my office. I didn’t expect her to remember a nobody like me, especially now that I was pregnant.
“Of course not. I don’t even know you,” I lied.
“My dress is ruined!” she said, her voice shrill.
“It’s water,” I said smugly.
“Get the hell away from me! I’ll call security on you!”
Her date tried to calm her down, but she pushed him away as she searched for napkins and started to try to dry herself off. He looked at me sympathetically, and I realized I had gotten away with it. No one would ever blame a pregnant woman for being clumsy.
I noticed Shelley was back at our table and looking over curiously. I backed away from Kiera, who was having a full-on meltdown, and made my way over to Shelley to grab my purse that hung from the chair.
“What’s going on?” asked Shelley, looking from me to where Kiera was still fuming.
“No idea.” I shrugged innocently as I pulled her with me toward the front door, feeling victorious.