17. Melanie
CHAPTER 17
Melanie
Something was definitely wrong with me.
I was out on a date with a nice, attractive man—who, I might add, was exhibiting none of the red flags my ex had inadvertently taught me to watch out for. He was well-spoken and had good manners, and our conversation had been interesting enough. My lack of filter didn’t seem to bother him, although I was trying to think before I spoke as much as possible. All in all, the date was going well.
Except I was bored.
It wasn’t even Hank’s fault. He wasn’t boring. He was fine. I couldn’t understand it. How could I feel… nothing?
The clink of dishes and low hum of conversation surrounded us. The restaurant he’d chosen was pleasant—probably one of the nicer places in town. It was small and intimate, with dark hardwood floors, black-and-white artwork adorning the walls, and candles flickering on tables draped in white linens. And although only a few open tables were left, it didn’t feel crowded.
I drew my attention back to Hank. He’d been talking about how much he loved vacationing in Hawaii .
“The snorkeling was fantastic, but I think my favorite part was swimming with sharks,” he said.
“Sharks? You swam with sharks. Actual predators that could eat you.”
He laughed a little. “I did, and it was amazing. It’s all very safe. Or as safe as they can make it.”
I shook my head slowly. “No, thank you. Snorkeling with pretty fish is one thing, but I wouldn’t get anywhere near a shark. Especially on purpose.”
“Fair enough.”
“I’ve never been to Hawaii. I’d love to go someday. Minus the shark swimming.”
He didn’t reply—just went back to his dinner. A hint of awkwardness crept over our table. I hadn’t meant to insinuate that I hoped he’d take me to Hawaii, but maybe the way I’d said it had given him that impression.
I took a bite of my mushroom risotto, letting the silence linger. Did I want to go to Hawaii with Hank? A vacation in a beautiful place certainly had appeal, but I didn’t have any particular desire to go there with him.
Before I could finish thinking about what that obviously meant, the door opened, and Luke Haven walked in.
The sight of him in a button-down shirt and slacks made my insides swirl. But the tingle in my stomach was quickly replaced by queasiness as I watched a beautiful blond woman come in with him.
She was the one he’d been talking to at the garage. Tearing my eyes away, I took another bite. He’d said nothing was going on with her. Liar, liar, pants on fire, Luke. Clearly nothing was something, considering they were on a date.
Of course they’d come to the same restaurant. For a small town, Tilikum had plenty of dining choices. How was it possible we’d both wind up here?
Whatever. I’d just ignore them .
“So,” I said, hoping to reignite the conversation with Hank, “where else have you gone snorkeling?”
He started to answer, telling me about snorkeling in the Bahamas. I kept my eyes on him, trying to listen attentively, while my peripheral vision caught sight of Luke and his date being seated a few tables away.
Without really meaning to, I glanced over. For a second, my eyes met Luke’s. His narrowed. Mine narrowed back, then I snatched my gaze away.
“That sounds amazing,” I said. Fortunately, I’d been keeping up with most of what Hank had been saying. “I’ve never heard of a porcupinefish. Are they dangerous?”
“Not at all. Sometimes people confuse them with pufferfish, but they’re not poisonous. They’re quite laid-back, actually. Sometimes they’re called the cows of the Caribbean.”
I smiled. “That’s cute.”
“What about you? Do you like to travel?”
My gaze flicked to Luke, and our eyes met for half a second. Why was he looking at me? It was bad enough that he was there—with a stupid date. Couldn’t he keep his eyes on her? Fine, I’d looked at him too, but only the teeniest glance.
“I do like to travel,” I answered. “Although I haven’t done as much of it as I’d like. I don’t mean to make it weird or turn this into an ex-bashing session, but I was with a man who hated anything that took him away from work. That kind of limited my travel opportunities.”
“That’s too bad. It’s important to have good work-life balance.”
“I agree.”
I glanced at Luke’s table again. It was as if my eyes had a mind of their own. I didn’t want to look at him, but I couldn’t seem to help myself.
And why did he keep glancing in my direction at exactly the same time? Our eyes met again, and I almost dropped my fork.
“Are you okay?” Hank’s head tilted with concern.
“Fine, yes.” My answer came out a little too quickly to sound believable. “Actually, my high school ex-boyfriend, who’s now my boss, is here, and it’s a little uncomfortable.”
Hank’s mouth opened, then closed again, like he wasn’t sure how to reply.
I could hardly blame him.
“Small-town living, am I right?” I was vaguely aware that I’d started talking with my hands. “You think you’re safe, and then in walks someone to make things awkward. Honestly? When I decided to move back here, I hardly thought about it. And then suddenly here I am, and there he is, and he’s everywhere. It’s like we’re magnetic. Although that opposite poles idea is probably accurate. We were always like fire and ice.”
“And you… work for him now?”
I kept gesturing as I talked. “I know! It sounds like a terrible idea, and I thought it would be, but actually it isn’t that bad. And it’s only temporary.”
Hank nodded slowly, but his face was colored with skepticism—or maybe confusion.
I was about to launch into a lengthy dissertation about how I had absolutely no feelings for Luke Haven, but I stopped. Because that wasn’t true, and I knew it. I had all kinds of feelings for him. Mostly loathing, although that didn’t account for the queasy feeling in my stomach every time I caught sight of his date from the corner of my eye.
“Excuse me.” I stood. “I need to use the restroom.”
“Sure,” Hank said, sounding slightly bewildered. “No problem.”
Forcing myself not to look at Luke or his date, I grabbed my clutch. The restroom was in the back of the restaurant, down a little hallway that turned to the right. My heart was beating too hard, and the queasy feeling in my stomach wasn’t going away.
Fortunately, the women’s room was empty. After using the bathroom, I took a few deep breaths in front of the mirror while I washed my hands.
“You’re fine, Mel,” I said to my reflection. “This isn’t a problem. It’s a little awkward, but we’re all adults here.”
I took out my lip gloss and started to reapply when the door opened, and she walked in. Luke’s date.
My mouth hung open as our eyes met in the mirror.
Look away, Mel! Look away!
Too late. She smiled, her eyes lighting up in recognition. “Hi. We met at Luke’s garage. I’m Jenna.”
Smoothing my expression, I turned to face her. “Yes, I remember. Nice to meet you. I’m Melanie.”
“This restaurant is so nice, don’t you think?”
I nodded. “Very nice.”
She scrunched up her shoulders. “I’m on a first date, but you probably know that since you work with Luke. We just got here, but I think it’s going well. I’m so excited to wear this dress. I bought it a while ago but haven’t had a chance to wear it.”
I glanced up and down, but if you’d asked me a minute later what she’d been wearing, I wouldn’t have had a clue. My brain spun a million miles a second, and it was hard to focus on anything.
“It’s very pretty,” I managed, and it was a credit to my years spent acting that I sounded so calm.
“Sorry I’m babbling. I’m just a little nervous. Luke is so hot. He’s like the hottest guy I’ve ever been out with.”
What was I supposed to say to that? If you think he’s hot now, wait until you see him naked?
No, Mel, don’t say that.
Pressing my lips closed, I nodded. Keeping my mouth shut was not my best skill, but at that moment, it was beyond necessary.
She moved in front of the sink next to me, took her lipstick out of her purse, and started reapplying. “Are you here with a date, too? The guy at your table is gorgeous.”
“Yes, Hank’s my date.”
“That’s so great. I hope you’re having a good time.” She rubbed her lips together and leaned closer to the mirror to check her reflection. “I just love girl time in the bathroom, don’t you? It’s so fun how we can be basically strangers, but bond when we’re in here.”
“Yeah, it’s the best.”
I kind of wanted to hate her, but she was too likable. And talking to her—seeing that she was not only pretty but also friendly—made the queasiness in my stomach build until it threatened to become full-blown nausea.
“I should get back to my… table,” I said, slightly stuttering. “I mean, date. Get back to Hank. He’s probably wondering if I fell in.”
She smiled as she dabbed a finger beneath one eye, fixing what must have been a tiny smudge of mascara. “Have a great night.”
“You too.”
Don’t have too great of a night, though.
I pushed open the restroom door, simmering with anger. Stupid Luke had to bring his stupid, nice, pretty date to this restaurant. I felt like puking up my dinner, and it was absolutely his fault.
Before I could stop, I slammed right into someone coming out of the men’s room.
His scent made my eyes widen. That subtle cologne mixed with a hint of rubber and engine grease.
Luke Haven.
“Sor—” He cut off his apology as he stepped back and lowered his voice. “What are you doing here? ”
I kept my voice to a whisper. “What am I doing here? I was here first. What are you doing here?”
“I’m…” He sputtered for a second, gesturing toward the restaurant. “I’m on a date.”
“Me too.”
“Yeah, I saw that.”
“I saw you too.”
He rested his hands on his hips and blew out a frustrated breath. “I don’t know how this keeps happening.”
“I told you we should keep a calendar. With locations, apparently.”
“Yeah, maybe.” He glanced away. “Shouldn’t this be fine, though? Can’t we just, I don’t know…”
“Yeah, of course it’s fine.” I was such a liar. “We’re both adults. We can handle it.”
“Right. This is normal. You’re here with a date; I’m here with a date. It’s fine.”
“Completely fine.”
“So it doesn’t bother you?”
Tremendously. And I might barf on your shoe. “Not at all.” Apparently, I sounded convincing because he nodded. “And it doesn’t bother you?”
He huffed. “No. Of course it doesn’t bother me.”
“Good.”
“Good.”
“Okay, then,” I said. “I’ll go back to my date, and you go back to yours.”
“That’s what I’m going to do.”
“Good.”
“Good.”
“You have a nice evening,” I said, not meaning it. At all.
“You too.”
I could hear his footsteps behind me as I made my way back to my table. Hank smiled as I sat down. I had to dig deep to smile back, hoping it looked natural and not like a grimace.
“Is everything okay?” he asked. “Sorry if that’s an awkward question.”
“Oh no, I’m fine. I actually ran into a friend in the restroom, so we chatted for a minute. Sorry about that.”
The concern on his face softened, and he smiled again. “Oh, good. That’s very cool.”
“Yeah. Girl time in the restroom. It’s a thing.”
“Totally. So, I paid the bill while you were in there, but if you want dessert, we can still order.”
I didn’t think I could force another bite of anything down my throat. “No, I’m too full. And thanks for dinner. That was really sweet of you.”
“You’re welcome. Ready to go?”
“Yes, absolutely.”
I stood and forcibly kept my eyes away from Luke’s table. I didn’t want to see him or Jenna again. If I did, there was a very real possibility I might make a horror-movie-esque scene right in the middle of the restaurant. Minus my head spinning around backward. But still.
Hank led me outside, and the fresh air helped. As did the distance once we got in his car and drove away. The farther we got from the restaurant—and Luke and Jenna—the calmer I felt.
We were quiet on the drive to my house, which meant I couldn’t ignore the truth. I wasn’t going to see Hank again.
It wasn’t about Luke. Seeing Luke with a date actually made me want to go out with Hank again, just so I wasn’t the one not dating while he had someone.
But that wouldn’t have been fair to Hank. He and I didn’t have a future, and even after only two dates, I knew it.
He parked in front of my house. We both got out, and he walked me to the front door. I took a deep breath, steeling myself to disappoint him .
“Listen, Melanie, this has been fun.” He glanced away for a second. “But I don’t think we should keep seeing each other.”
For a moment, I was frozen, staring at him with my mouth hanging open. I’d been about to say the same thing, but for some reason, it was still like getting punched in the stomach. He wasn’t supposed to break up with me. I was supposed to break up with him. At least I could have maintained a little bit of my dignity that way while Luke was off doing who knows what with Jenna.
“Yeah,” I said when I finally regained the use of words. But what else was I supposed to say? I agree? You’re right, but for the record, it was my idea. You just spoke before me? “That’s fine, I think you’re right.”
“Really?”
I nodded. “Yeah. It’s okay.”
“Good. That’s a relief. I had a nice time with you. It’s just…”
I had a feeling I didn’t want to hear what he’d been about to say. But apparently, I was going to dive in and be a glutton for punishment. “It’s just what?”
“You’re great, so don’t take this the wrong way, but you’re… kind of a lot.”
Icy-cold numbness swept through me, and when I spoke, my tone was almost robotic. “Yeah. I know I am.”
“That’s not a bad thing. You have a lot of spark. That’s great. I just think it’s more than I can handle.”
“That’s fair.” My voice was still monotone. “I wouldn’t want to get you into something that’s more than you’re up for.”
“I’m sorry.” He leaned in and brushed a quick kiss on my cheek. “Take care, Melanie.”
“You too, Hank.”
With unfocused eyes, I unlocked my door and went inside. I barely heard his car door shut or the engine start again as I closed the door behind me.
You’re kind of a lot.
A few tears broke free from the corners of my eyes. I swiped them away, kicked off my heels, and flopped onto the couch. It was a stupid thing to cry over. I didn’t want to date Hank. He was fine, but was it so wrong to want more than that? More than fine?
I’d been married before, so I knew life wasn’t all passion and drama and excitement. That wasn’t what I needed—wasn’t what I was really looking for.
As I lay there, my view of the ceiling blurred by tears, I realized what I was looking for. Someone who understood me. Who knew me, and loved me for who I was, messiness and all.
I’d never had that. Or if I had, I’d lost it a long time ago. And now it was gone.
So I let myself cry. Me, who wasn’t much of a crier. I curled up in a ball and sobbed until my stomach clenched in a knot and my shoulders ached with unreleased tension.
After a while, the torrent of emotion slowed to a trickle. Still curled up on the couch, I tucked my hands under my cheek and caught my breath.
Normally, I would have sat up and cursed Hank—and probably Luke—in Queen Ione’s voice. Said something amusing, in character, in order to push away my feelings. But I hardly had the energy. I felt sapped and empty.
So I got up, and, not letting myself think about what had really made me cry so hard, I went to bed.