Whispers in the Water (Deep River #1)

Prologue

Eleven Years Ago

Maggie Sinclair watched rain tap softly against the backseat window of her Uber. The storm outside raged but was nothing compared to the one that thundered inside her.

Tears pressed at her eyes, but she blinked them back. She would not cry. It had been hours since the fight with her aunt. A one-hour drive from Deep River to Bozeman, then an almost four-hour flight to California.

The tears had tried to come, God, they’d tried so many times, but she’d refused to let them. Her aunt was not worth crying over.

She glanced down at her phone.

Nothing. Her screen was completely blank. Why? She’d called and texted him so many times she’d lost count. He should have seen them by now. He should know something was wrong. That she needed him.

It would be fine. As soon as she saw him, he’d wrap her in the sanctuary of his arms and every comment that her aunt had thrown her way like a grenade, every attempt the woman made to make her feel like she was taking up space she didn’t deserve, would disappear.

She breathed as she watched those raindrops, ignoring the gaze of the driver. She didn’t need to see the pity in his eyes a second time. The one that had cast a frown between his brows when she’d climbed into the car.

Obviously, she didn’t need to cry for the world to know something was wrong. For strangers to see the shadows beneath her eyes and the downward cast of her lips.

More water hit the glass, making the world feel cold and dark outside.

She wasn’t a spontaneous person. Everything in her life was meticulously planned out. At eighteen, she’d moved from Deep River, Montana to LA to work as a flight attendant. She was twenty-two now. She’s been dating Ethan long-distance for four years while working for Delta.

But this? Booking a last-minute flight to see him because her world was closing in on her after one visit to see her aunt? This wasn’t her.

She leaned her head back and closed her eyes, her aunt’s words replaying in her head.

“You’re nothing but baggage. You’ve weighed me down for the last decade. Your mother got the easy way out when she died in that river.”

Maggie’s chest constricted, like there was a band around her lungs, choking the air out of her.

How many times had her aunt made comments like that? Every day since she was ten and the woman had taken her in. And every time, she felt them so deeply in her bones that they chipped away another part of her.

She’d become a flight attendant to get away from that. She hadn’t been in Deep River to visit Lilith, she’d been visiting Polly. Why had she even left her best friend’s home to see her aunt?

A tear fell down her cheek, but she scrubbed it away.

The driver cleared his throat. “Uh, ma’am? Are you okay?”

She nodded, because if she spoke, her voice would shake, and she didn’t want that. She didn’t want her aunt’s words to have any power over her.

Her phone vibrated with a text. Hope lit her chest. Hope that it was Ethan. That he would soothe some of the pain inside her.

Polly: Did you get in okay? Are you with Ethan? God, Mags, I’m so worried.

Out of everyone in her life, it was Polly and Ethan who’d kept her head above water since her mother died. Polly had been her best friend since the first day of school.

Maggie: I’m in an Uber but I can’t get through to him. I’m checking the bar and if he’s not there, I’ll try his apartment.

It was Friday night, and he was a Navy SEAL. When he wasn’t away on some dangerous mission, the bar had become a Friday-night tradition for his team.

Polly: I’m calling you in a second. You need to pick up because I need to hear for my own ears that you’re okay.

Even though her best friend wasn’t with her, she nodded like she was. While she’d always been the quiet one, Polly was her opposite. Loud and brave and strong, everything that Maggie had never been.

Sometimes there was this whisper in her head that maybe her aunt was right. Maybe she wasn’t enough of anything. Smart enough. Pretty enough. Strong enough. Maybe not even enough to find a meaningful place in this world.

For so many years, she’d tried to be what Lilith wanted her to be. It was sick that she’d had to try to earn the woman’s love. It never happened.

The car stopped outside a busy bar. Once she was out and the Uber was gone, another text buzzed on her phone.

Polly: Calling now.

She set her bag against the wall of the bar, and when the call came through, she didn’t look at the screen.

“Polly?”

“No. It’s Lilith.”

Air froze in Maggie’s lungs at her aunt’s voice, a million prickles digging into her skin.

“Why did you leave?” the older woman asked, voice thin. “We were in the middle of a conversation.”

“A conversation?” Maggie almost laughed at the sheer absurdity in that statement. “You told me my mother is better off dead than with me.”

“Don’t be dramatic.”

The beeping of another call sounded over the line. That was Polly. “I’m hanging up now.”

“Why? So you can run to that boyfriend of yours? You really think he just sits around waiting for your visits?” This time, Lilith laughed.

“Maggie, you were barely holding on to him when you both lived in the same town. Hell, let’s look at your careers—you’re a flight attendant, a glorified waitress.

While he’s a Navy SEAL, one of the most elite units in the military. ”

Maggie’s fingers began to shake again, and she wasn’t sure if it was from anger or something else. Something deeper. Because yes, she’d had those exact thoughts more often than she should have. And she knew they came from the deep insecurity that her aunt had instilled.

“You’re my niece, Maggie, but you’re nothing special,” her aunt continued, words designed to hurt.

To cut inside her and hollow her out. “A guy like Ethan will find himself the kind of woman who’s all the things you’re not.

I’m not saying this to be cruel, but someone needs to tell you.

I don’t want you getting a shock when you suddenly find him with another woman and wonder why. ”

Maggie flinched. “I’m blocking your number. And I never want to hear from you again.”

“Maggie—”

She canceled the call, then went straight into her aunt’s contact and blocked it.

But that didn’t stop Lilith’s ugly words from sitting beneath her skin and burning her from the inside out.

Her phone rang again, and Polly’s name flashed on the screen. But she didn’t answer the call. She needed to see Ethan, and she needed to see him now. He had this way of making the broken parts of her feel a little more whole.

She lifted her bag and stepped into the bar. It was loud and busy with throngs of people congesting the space. Jesus, there was barely room to move.

Ethan had brought her here a couple of times. They always drank and danced and she just felt…light. The opposite of tonight.

She slipped through the crowd, duffel bag on her shoulder. When she reached the bar, she turned. It took less than ten seconds to spot him.

He stood at the pool table, stick in hand, wearing a tight white shirt and jeans, his tanned skin glowing even in the dimly lit bar. His team members were scattered around him, talking and drinking.

But it was the woman playing pool with Ethan who Maggie couldn’t look away from. When she walked past him, she playfully shoved his shoulder.

She was tall and toned, with bright red hair, and wore high-rise jeans and a top that showed her smooth shoulders and a strip of stomach. She couldn’t be a SEAL. Maybe she was in another branch of the military.

But that wasn’t what really had Maggie staring. It was the way Ethan looked at her. With warmth and ease and affection.

This woman was his equal. Maybe even the kind of woman her aunt had warned her he’d find.

Because Lilith was right. Ethan was a Navy SEAL. He was part of an elite special operations sector of the military. While she was…

Nothing special.

Barely held on to him when she lived in the same town.

Her aunt’s words played over in her head.

He pulled his cell from his pocket, checked the screen, then shoved it back in.

And suddenly, she couldn’t breathe.

He did have his phone. Yet he hadn’t responded to a single text. He hadn’t answered one of her three calls. And she’d asked, begged him to call her.

You really think he just sits around waiting for your visits?

The woman rounded the table and set a palm on his chest, and Maggie suddenly couldn’t look anymore.

She turned and stumbled toward the door, tears blurring her vision. When she got outside, her chest heaved so violently that she couldn’t suck in a single full breath.

Rain hit her shoulders, but she barely registered it. She felt like she was breaking, and she didn’t know how to slot the pieces back together.

A guy suddenly stepped in front of her, a deep frown cutting into his brow. “Maggie?”

Connor. One of Ethan’s team members.

“I have to go.” Her words slipped into the air, so quiet she wasn’t sure if they reached him. Where she was going, she wasn’t sure, just…away.

“Maggie, wait!”

She didn’t. She raced down the street, one thought on her mind. That Lilith was right. That she wasn’t enough. That she’d never be enough.

Ethan Moore chalked the tip of his cue before leaning over the table and hitting the white ball.

When the striped nine went into the pocket, he grinned. “How’s it feel to lose?”

“I haven’t lost yet,” Jay scoffed. “And I don’t plan to.”

It felt good to smile. The team had only gotten back from their mission a few days ago, and he was still catching up on his sleep. Fuck, he’d been exhausted. A deep-in-his-bones kind of exhaustion that he’d only learned existed since becoming a SEAL.

But being here, letting off steam with his friends, felt good.

Someone tapped his shoulder, and he turned to see Connor.

There was something about the expression on his friend’s face that had the smile slipping from his mouth and his back straightening. He knew everyone on his team well enough to know that something wasn’t right. When you stepped into hell together, you had to. “What’s wrong?”

“It’s Maggie.”

Something cold slipped over his skin. “What about her?”

“She was outside.”

Ethan shot his gaze to the door even though it was blocked by people.

“She was upset,” Connor continued. “I tried to call her back but—”

Ethan shoved the cue into his friend’s chest and moved, slipping through the crowd before stepping outside.

She wasn’t there. Where was she?

He pulled his cell from his pocket and tried her number. She didn’t answer. He tried again. Still nothing.

Dammit.

He called Polly, but the call went straight to voicemail. Why wasn’t anyone answering him?

She was supposed to be in Deep River tonight. Why was she here? If Polly didn’t answer, would her aunt? He despised that woman, but if she knew something…

He hit her number and she answered on the first ring.

“Ethan. This is a surprise.”

“Do you know where she is?”

“Who? Maggie?”

“Yes. Do you know where she is?”

“I don’t. We had a fight and she took off. Sometimes that girl really shows her age. Or lack thereof.” There was a small pause. “I do think it might be over between you two though.”

Ethan’s eyes narrowed. “What the hell are you talking about?”

“You can’t tell me you’re surprised, Ethan. You live hours apart.”

He hung up. He didn’t believe a word the woman said. She’d never had Maggie’s best interests at heart, and she would lie through her teeth if it meant hurting her niece.

He tried Maggie’s number again, his feet moving down the sidewalk, like he couldn’t stand still.

“Ethan?”

His world stopped at the sound of her voice. “Maggie. Where are you?”

“I, um, I don’t think this is working anymore.”

For a second, he couldn’t tell if he’d heard her right. He couldn’t have. It wasn’t possible. But the silence stretched and the words hung in the air, impossible to fit inside his head. “You don’t mean that.”

“I don’t know what we were thinking. You work in San Diego. I’m in LA. We both travel for our jobs. And tonight I needed you but you…you weren’t there. This just isn’t working.”

“Where are you? I’ll come to you. We’ll talk about this.” Panic was alive in his chest, bleeding into his voice.

“No, Ethan, you’re not listening to me. I’m not right for you—”

“What the hell are you talking about? Is this Lilith getting into your head? Did she say something?”

“This is me. Sometimes I feel like I’m clawing my body apart trying to mold myself into something that’s enough for you, because you’re so much.”

“You are everything I’ve ever wanted and needed.”

“I don’t feel that way. And I can’t keep asking you to reassure me. You deserve someone who…who’s brave and strong and knows her worth.”

“Goddammit, Maggie, please tell me where you are!”

Her breathing grew louder, and when she spoke, her voice cracked. “I need to go.”

“Don’t—”

The line cut out.

He tried her again and again. She didn’t answer. Not a single call. He tried Polly, but she didn’t answer either.

Connor and Jay stepped out of the bar, but he couldn’t look at them.

All he could do was stand there, wondering what just happened, and how the hell he was supposed to survive this.