46. Hide
Hide
Helena
Hear me when I call, O God of my righteousness: thou hast enlarged me when I was in distress; have mercy upon me, and hear my prayer.
I walk away from the stables, the scent of hay and leather lingering as the night air presses in around me. Merriweather is settled for the night, but my nerves are still raw, my thoughts tangled in knots too tight to unravel. My heart aches, my head pounds. A pain that only resolution can ease.
But I know I won’t find that tonight.
Shadow’s stall remains empty. Silas still hasn’t come home.
Dragging my weary legs up the back steps, I push through the door and find Eli at the kitchen table, a steaming cup of coffee cradled in his hands. His eyes are rimmed with red, exhaustion heavy in his expression. Guilt weighs down my shoulders. I’ve kept him up.
“I take it things didn’t go well.”
I shake my head, my throat too tight to answer.
He sighs, setting his cup down. “Ruth just called. Silas left her place not long ago.”
“He went to Ruth’s?” A flicker of hope stirs in my chest. “Did she say anything? Did she help him?”
Eli eases from the table, standing with the confidence of someone who’s already made up his mind. “I didn’t touch your things, but you should pack a bag. Go to Ruth’s for a while.”
My stomach twists. “Eli?—”
“He’s angry, Caroline. He needs time to cool off, and you being here won’t help. It’s better if you’re not around when he gets back.”
My shoulders slump, tears burning my eyes. This wasn’t how it was supposed to go.
“What the hell happened?” Eli’s voice is edged with frustration. “He was fine this afternoon, and then the two of you nearly tore the place apart.”
I swallow hard. “My…my veil dropped.”
“Yeah, I can see that,” he mutters. “You’ve been so careful?—”
“I know,” I say tartly. Closing my eyes, I take a beat to regain my composure, reminding myself that this isn’t Eli’s fault. “I couldn’t control it this time,” I add, voice weary, frayed.
Eli’s jaw tightens. “Why? You knew he wasn’t ready.”
I exhale sharply, my patience hanging by a thread. “Because we were making love, Eli.” I level him with a look. “Now shut up so I can pack.”
His mouth parts, his face turning a deep shade of pink. “Oh,” he mutters, scratching the back of his neck. “Well, I guess that’d do it. Hard to keep control of one’s senses in a moment like that.”
“Yeah,” I mutter, already moving toward the stairs. “It is. Now, keep watch while I grab a few things.”
Up in my room, I pull my suitcase from beneath the bed and start packing, tossing in enough clothes to last however long I’ll need to stay at Ruth’s. Satisfied, I close the latch, my fingers hesitating over the worn leather binding of my Bible before tucking it under my arm.
I pause, tilting my face toward the ceiling, my breath shaky .
“God? I don’t understand,” I whisper. “I don’t understand your ways right now.
I don’t understand why you would test us again.
” My throat tightens, the words honest and uneven.
“I’m confused. I’m angry. Please quiet my heart.
Help Silas and protect Kiran. Help me fix this.
And Lord…” My voice falters. “I feel so alone in this, so far from you. I’ve never felt this alone. ”
A tear slips down my cheek, and I swipe at it, frustrated with myself.
I’ve never doubted before. No matter what trials I faced, I always found the silver lining, always trusted His promises.
But tonight, something feels different. The doubt creeps in like a slow-moving tide, swallowing the certainty I once held so tightly.
I don’t want to blame Him. But the feeling is there, festering beneath my skin.
I exhale, trying to shake it off, but it clings to me.
With a deep breath, I hoist the suitcase off the bed. One last glance around the room, a quiet plea hanging onto my heart, then I step toward the door.