5 - Jonah
5
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Jonah
The next morning, I was already dressed and seated at the kitchen table when Martin shuffled into the kitchen, his movements slow and drowsy, halting in front of the coffee machine. In a last-minute decision not to turn it on, he swept his hand across his face, accompanied by a faint, elusive hum.
I was glad about that because my head was pounding as if I’d drunk a whole bottle of vodka on my own the night before. Not that I knew what being intoxicated felt like, but having consumed only three beers with intermittent sips of water, it was evident that my tolerance was virtually nonexistent. “Are you coming?”
He gave me an exasperated look. “Huh?”
“To church,” I gently reminded him.
“Oh…” Martin turned to me and blinked. “No,” he said, switching on the coffee machine after all. “It’s too early for me.”
“It’s half past nine,” I said, though my words were drowned out by the noisy coffee machine. It was a relief when the machine finally spit out the last drops.
“It was late last night,” muttered Martin.
“When did you get home? I didn’t hear you at all.”
“About… I don’t remember…” Martin opened the fridge and took out the milk. “Three o’clock, maybe?”
“My God! Why are you awake already? And you came home alone? What about Lucien?”
“I still have to write a paper—that’s why I’m already awake. And Lu has moved on. I don’t know if he’s here by now.” He sat down at the table with me.
“I saw Lu’s paintings yesterday,” I admitted, my voice tinged with hesitation. “They were … interesting. Why didn’t you tell me Lucien was exhibiting there?” I found myself taking it personally that Martin had withheld this information from me.
“I thought that was clear.”
“Didn’t you say he was studying art?”
“Yes, Lu is studying in the fourth semester.”
Then he must have started in the spring, right after he dropped out of medical school. How did he manage that?
“But… the exhibition… He sold this huge painting.”
“Yeah, it’s crazy, isn’t it?” Martin said, lost in thought.
“Then why is he still studying? The painting looked like something you’d find in the Louvre.”
“Well, he’s fortunate to have connections with influential people who are willing to pay a lot of money for art. That’s the only way he can finance his studies, his studio, and his room in a shared living. He works double shifts, so to speak, because he needs both: the degree and the money.”
“Does he not have parents to support him?”
“Unfortunately not.”
I felt in awe of Lucien. He was only two years older than me and made a living on his own. And I was kept on such a tight leash that I considered myself lucky to be here in Zurich at all. A glance at my cell phone told me it was time to go. Simon was probably already waiting downstairs.
***
Although I had been living in Zurich for a few weeks, it was my first time attending Sunday Mass. I was taken aback and felt a tinge of irritation upon hearing the sermon, wherein the priest expressed remarkable openness toward same-sex relationships. I only had a few weeks left to find a priest who wouldn’t immediately break a taboo when my parents came to visit.
“Well, that was refreshing.” Simon zipped up his green jacket as we left the church.
In sheer disbelief, I turned my gaze toward him, questioning the sincerity of his words, for I had found the experience far from rejuvenating. My head was still pounding; the topic had instantly sent blood rushing to my head. “Are you serious? I mean… it was about…”
“Homosexuality?”
The word alone made my heart skip a beat. Simon burst into hearty laughter at the sight of my expression and stroked his small brown curls, blown up by the wind. My composure had clearly faltered.
“Oh, come on, don’t be so uptight.”
“I … but … wasn’t the priest a bit too open about this?” I couldn’t bring myself to say the word.
“Why would he be? It’s quite normal these days.”
“No, it’s … unnatural.”
Simon’s expression changed and he stopped walking. His mouth twisted with concern. “Well … there are different opinions on that,” he began diplomatically. He pierced me with an inquiring look as if he wanted to find out how I felt about the words. “And the way you argue, you seem to have grown up in a very homophobic environment.”
Homophobic? “Excuse me? I’m not…”
“I didn’t say you were,” Simon interjected. “But the Christians who still proclaim that today are … homophobic. I’m sorry, there’s no other word for it.”
Everything inside me began spinning, a sensation that didn’t go unnoticed. Simon held out his hand as if to support me, but I backed away and took a deep breath.
“In the town where I grew up, it’s considered the eighth deadly sin. And everyone there agrees with it. You can’t imagine …”
“What a shock that sermon just was?” Simon completed the sentence. “No, I really can’t imagine. But I’m sorry for you.”
“I mean, how can you be so relaxed about it?”
Simon shrugged his shoulders. “My uncle is gay. There’s nothing wrong with that.”
“You’re still in contact with him?”
“Of course!” Simon laughed. “He’s my uncle. What do you think? That we should disown him? We live in the 21st century.”
I didn’t know what else to say. I hadn’t been at all prepared for a conversation like this, especially for stumbling across this topic in a church service. Simon noticed my discomfort and offered me a kind smile.
Usually, Mass always had some kind of liberating effect on me, but this time, I felt miserable—even the fresh breeze didn’t help.
“Don’t worry so much,” Simon said as we arrived at the courtyard entrance to my apartment building. “You’re here in Zurich. Besides, this is the city of Zwingli.”
“A reformer doesn’t change the fact that I obviously grew up with homophobic hillbillies.”
Simon ignored the side blow. “You’ll find a way.”
I stared helplessly at the floor for a while. When I glanced back at Simon, he had tilted his head slightly to one side and was peering past me toward the entrance.
“Who’s that?” he asked, scowling. “Does he belong here?”
I turned around, followed his line of sight, and had to look twice to be sure. “Lu?” He didn’t even notice me, so I walked over to him. His face was white as chalk, with only dark shadows under his eyes. He leaned a shoulder against the doorframe, reaching into the depths of his pockets.
“Are you just coming home now?” I asked, pulling out my keys.
Lucien cocked his head to the side as a low grumble escaped his lips. His legs buckled, but I was able to catch him in time. “Oh man, you can hardly stand up straight.” While I was supporting him, I opened the front door. “Can you make it up on your own?”
He nodded and staggered past me into the stairwell.
“Was that your roommate?” Simon asked in shock as the door closed behind Lucien.
“Yes. One of them.”
“Okay …” Simon widened his eyes. “Um, let me know if you’re looking for somewhere else to stay. We’ll have a room available soon.”
“Thanks, but that’s not necessary.”
“Well, I don’t know… He looked like a junkie,” Simon said, stunned.
I laughed. “Don’t worry, he’s harmless. He must have pulled an all-nighter.”
“All right, then. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Yes. See you then!”
When I went up the stairs straight away, I caught up with Lucien on the second floor. He was holding on to the banister and mumbling unintelligible things.
“Of course …” I chuckled. “You can totally make it on your own.”
He turned around to face me, but he lost his balance and stumbled toward me. I caught him just in time. “Careful!”
He placed his arms around me and his forehead on my shoulder. I held him under the armpits so that he couldn’t slip away. His slim body appeared well-toned and muscular. Martin had hinted that they went to the gym together from time to time, which somehow reassured me at that moment. Given Lu’s lifestyle, a bit of exercise would undoubtedly benefit him. He reeked of beer and cigarettes.
At that moment, I became aware of my proximity to him and stiffened. What is he doing? Isn’t that a bit … too close? The word ‘homophobic’ rang in my ears and I gasped. Don’t act like that! You’re just imagining things. This is clearly just because of this stupid church service.
I was still confused and didn’t want to misconstrue the situation. My brain is definitely playing tricks on me. After all, no one has ever come this close to me before. However, every now and then, Martin pats me comfortingly on the shoulder. All is well.
But then Lucien raised his head, meeting my gaze as sunlight streamed directly onto his face. His green eyes shone like precious gems and took my breath away. For a second, it seemed as if he was completely clear-headed. He turned to me with an inscrutable expression before he leaned toward me again and came closer than anyone had ever come before.