Chapter 4 #2
“So…” he paused with a contemplative expression. “You have no preference in a romantic partner, but are only sexually attracted to women?”
I laughed. “I’m sexually attracted to nobody. At least at first.”
“You do not wish for a sexual partner at all?”
I shook my head. “It’s not that. People who have no sexual attraction are asexual. Some may still want romantic attachments, some don’t even want that. I’m what’s known as demisexual.”
“What is that?”
“I appreciate physical beauty as much as the next person, in case you’re wondering. And I do experience sexual attraction, but only once I’ve developed an emotional connection.”
“So once you know somebody well enough, then you experience sexual attraction?”
I chuckled. “Even then, I might not desire somebody in that way. It makes dating… difficult. A lot of people want to start sleeping together after a handful of dates, but I’m not ready.”
“It is a gradual process?” he asked.
I chuckled and turned to face him. “Yes and no. It’s different for everybody. For me, getting to know somebody well enough can be fast or slow, but then it’s like a switch in my brain. Once my brain decides I’m sexually attracted, I’m there. The attraction itself is off, until it’s on.”
“I think I understand.”
“You don’t have similar people on Lyll?” My tongue tripped on his planet’s name, but his slight smile told me he appreciated the effort.
He stroked his chin as he considered the question. “It is exceedingly rare for us to have long courtship periods. Perhaps it is that those cases include those who need that connection first, but it is so uncommon that if there is a name for it, it is not widely known.”
“I don’t know how I feel about that,” I admitted. “I often felt like an outcast when I was younger because of it. Kids my age had fantasies about celebrities and crushes. They went on dates and had their first times while I wondered if I was broken.”
“Gene…” he started with a sympathetic tone.
I smiled and shook my head. “It got a bit better as I got older and realized there was a name for it. I wasn’t alone, even if I didn’t know anybody like me back then. Eventually, I met others and found my community. Dating is still a struggle, but I don’t feel isolated anymore.”
“It is good to hear that you have found others who understand. But… your parents were not able to help?”
I sighed. “My parents were great, but they were from a different time. Such things were not discussed when they were young. They were supportive—as much as they could be—but they didn’t know how to help.”
“Were?” he asked gently. “You speak as if they are deceased.”
I let out a dark chuckle. “They are. Dad passed six years ago, and Mom five.”
“I am sorry for your loss. Did something happen?”
I shook my head. “No. Old age.”
One of his eyebrows went up. “You do not appear old enough to have elderly parents.”
I sighed. “I was a whoopsie baby.”
“Please explain.”
I slumped forward slightly, elbows on my knees. “My parents met and fell in love later in life. Mom was in her late forties, and Dad was over fifty. They thought their childbearing years were over… then… there I was. A baby when many people their age were celebrating grandkids.”
“Is it difficult to grow up with older parents?”
I snorted. “You could say that. Kids can be brutal, and I got teased about it a lot. Not having crushes as I got older and not dating made it worse. One has nothing to do with the other, but some bullies would claim that I was broken because my parents were so old.”
I paused and sighed. “The harder part, though, was the time lost. Dad was in his seventies when I was in college. My peers were finally starting to connect with their parents—adult-to-adult—while I was helping mine with their prescriptions and filling out Social Security and Medicare forms online.”
“Were there not siblings from prior matings to assist?”
I smiled and shook my head. “No. Both of them used to tell me that they’d grown accustomed to the idea of being single. Then they met and things just sort of happened. Their love was so strong, right to the end. But circumstances meant that when they needed help, it was all on me.”
I leaned back against the counter. “Many people, at least in the US, get a decade or two between school and when they’ll need to care more for their parents.
Not me. At the time, I was annoyed that they needed my help with what I thought were easy things.
But, looking back, I’m glad I was there.
Even now, I have colleagues my age whose parents aren’t as old as mine were when they passed.
They still have time together, while I cling to the precious memories of doing mundane things during their twilight years. ”
I blew out a long breath. “And now I’m alone.”
“You have no other family?”
I shook my head. “I have a cousin who retired a few years ago. But we were never close because she was so much older. She has a kid about my age, but I’m not sure what’s going on in their life.
Mom used to keep me updated, but I’m bad at the whole Christmas card thing, which is how a lot of family news was spread. ”
“Christmas card thing?”
“It’s a winter holiday. Traditionally, it’s religious, but many customs have become more secular over the years. Sending greeting cards of well-wishes is common, and families often include update letters when they don’t talk often.”
“Ah, I believe I understand.”
“What about you? Your parents still kicking?”
“I do not know how often they have a need to kick. But yes, they are both alive.”
“How old are they?” I asked, remembering that he’d told me that he was in his eighties.
“They are both approaching one hundred and twenty years, and they are healthy. I expect them to live for another ten to twenty years.”
I blew out a long breath. “Wow…”
“I am sorry,” he said. “That might not have been what you wanted to hear.”
I shook my head. “No, don’t feel bad for me. Just… cherish that time.”
His face fell. “Always.”
“Shit!” I paused. “Damnit! I’m sorry.”
He shook his head. “It was an understandable lapse.”
“Thanks,” I said softly, then paused. “Back to the topic of my sexuality. It must seem like such an alien concept to you.”
He let out a single laugh. “Yes, but our practice of meeting and mating on the same day must be as foreign to you.”
I hummed. “Yes, and no. It’s not something I can see for myself. And even for allosexual people, I can imagine it feeling fast. But meeting and marrying the same day has historical context in terms of arranged marriages.”
“As I understand it, in arranged marriages, people generally did not get to choose their mate. Am I mistaken?”
I shook my head. “No. Things are changing in that regard, but…”
He nodded. “The little we learned from our humanologists about arranged marriages seemed to indicate that the practice currently exists on the cusp of culture and consent.”
“Humanologists? You have people dedicated to studying us like that?”
“Yes. We have used them for several generations in anticipation of this meeting. It was easier for our researchers to come here and observe from afar when we started, but technological developments that included broadcast formats gave us better information more safely.”
“But they don’t know about how human sexuality varies?”
He frowned. “I do not know. If they do, they decided that it was not critical to inform us at this stage.”
“Hmmm…” I hummed. Then I paused. “Do you want my opinion?”
“Yes, please.”
“I obviously don’t know how much first-generation hybrids will be affected.
Maybe it won’t be an issue at all. But our sexuality is complex.
It might be a hurdle when choosing partners, and it could show up in the eventual kids.
Your people should know that, though uncommon, there isn’t something wrong. ”
He hummed and stroked his chin for several seconds. The light bounced off stubble I hadn’t noticed before. “Thank you,” he said with a nod.
I blinked. “For what?”
“Considerations like that are important. We want our children to be happy and feel supported, especially since there will be so few to start. Acknowledging norms for humanity can help prevent needless testing and shame as they grow.”
I leaned back and stared at the ceiling again. “It’s not going to be easy for them or the parents. No matter how compatible we are, they’re not going to be fully human, nor La… Lalyll… te?”
“That is correct,” he replied.
I blew out a long breath and was trying to figure out how to change the subject when the door opened. I glanced over to see Floyd strolling in.
“Hey, Gene,” he said. “Good news. Information security has cleared some of your devices and set up the comms room for you.”