Chapter 10
“E ashai?” I asked as the end credits for the show rolled and I turned off the TV.
“Yes?”
“May I ask you a question?”
He shifted in his chair to face me. “Of course.”
I took a deep breath. “Ben—Major Klein—he said that you’re thinking of returning to Lyll?”
His face dropped, and he nodded. “I… I have not decided yet. But I am considering it.”
I swallowed. I knew the answer, and his face told me he knew I knew the answer. But I had to know what the official excuse was. “Why?”
He studied me for several seconds, and the look in his eyes was enough to confirm my suspicions—no matter what words he used.
“The next stage is volunteers,” he started.
“Human and Lalyllte men, coming together to mate and have children. Much of my work can be done as effectively on Lyll as here at that point. But the men who come here, they will need things to do. If I leave, that opens up a position in our science delegation for a man seeking a mate. A younger man…”
He paused and shook his head. “It is a good time. Veeshen is pregnant, and Naduq is still of an age that it will be a strain with two small children to care for. If I am there…”
He trailed off again, unable to convince even himself.
I was reminded of the man he was less than two months prior: accustomed to solitude and hiding his desire for connection.
On Lyll, he would have his own kind. On Earth… he’d watch the other Lalyllte mate and have kids. It was the same as what happened to me, only it would be worse for him. I’d had years to watch people drift away, but he’d watch it happen over weeks and months if everything went well.
And we’d both had a taste of what a real connection felt like after being alone for so long.
He couldn’t go back to that level of loneliness.
Could I?
“I must go,” he said, standing abruptly. “I must prepare for the meeting tomorrow.”
“Do you want me to walk you down?”
He paused, already halfway to the door. “Thank you. That is not necessary. I will see you tomorrow.”
“Tomorrow,” I echoed as he walked out.
My heart broke for him. But there were no good options.
For either of us.
∞∞∞
Eashai looked rough the next morning. A touch of redness rimmed his eyes, which had noticeable circles underneath. Glaring fluorescent light reflected off stubble where he was normally clean-shaven.
But the worst was the way he slumped when he thought nobody was looking. It was the first time I’d ever thought he looked his age. His expression fluctuated between tired, defeated, and lost.
I felt like an asshole. I’d done that to him.
Tolai and Veeshen would never forgive me for wiping the smile from Eashai’s face.
Worse were the fake smiles when somebody talked to him—a mask carefully crafted during years of grief that he’d resorted to using again.
I didn’t need to be close to hear the excuses—niceties everybody recognized and accepted so that they wouldn’t have to have the hard conversations.
Phrases like “worked late last night” or “couldn’t sleep” provided enough plausible deniability for another person to feel like they’d done their part without being too nosy.
Still, the people who knew him… and me… seemed very aware that it was something deeper. I couldn’t miss the way Floyd and Major Klein kept looking between us.
Maybe it would have been better—less painful—if we’d been fighting.
I’d hoped to sit with him during lunch, but he left with the other Lalyllte before I had a chance to invite him to the mess.
Eashai must have had a ton of caffeine—or the Lyll equivalent—during lunch, because he came back looking slightly better. The redness was gone from his eyes, and the circles had diminished somewhat. But he was still a shell of the man I’d come to know.
My mind wandered as a man from the medical team started speaking. He was saying something about testing for genetic diseases.
The solution was both obvious and complicated. Eashai needed companionship. I’d pulled him out of that hole, and the thought of returning to his isolation was breaking him. But could he find what he needed on Lyll, when he hadn’t found it before?
Maybe if he stayed on Earth, he’d meet a man he wanted to mate—a man who could keep him smiling.
I didn’t want him to lose his smile.
I tried to imagine him with another man, happily mated. But in every scenario in my head, I was his mate.
Cuddling under a blanket while watching TV in the winter.
Random hugs throughout the day.
Lazy morning kisses after a long night of…
of…
of…
The switch flipped.
Lovemaking.
My eyes were drawn to Eashai as he stood. The motion was smooth and graceful despite his exhaustion. His long fingers glided along the tabletop as he drew them across its surface and back to his side.
“We agree that testing for genetic diseases should be an included part of the process,” he stated.
Why was he talking about genetic diseases?
It didn’t matter. I could listen to him talk about anything, though I really wanted to hear him when consumed by pleasure.
“Though we believe that their presence should not mean immediate disqualification,” he continued.
He was so handsome. All I wanted to do was kiss him and promise that we’d find a way to make it work. I wasn’t going to abandon him.
“We may have existing treatments,” he added. “Or the disease might not be passed down. Instead, we suggest a case-by-case approach.”
“Surely for the first round, you’d agree that…” the person from the medical team argued.
Eashai’s gaze flicked to me, and our eyes met. My breath quickened.
Every cell in my body needed him… immediately. My cock hardened, demanding to show him what he meant to me.
His eyes widened, and even across the room I could see them darken as his pupils expanded.
He swallowed, and I wanted to kiss his Adam’s apple—suck on it while hearing him moan.
Eashai cleared his throat, gaze still locked with mine. “Excuse us, gentlemen, but I must declare a code rabbit.”
“What are you talking about?” demanded General Block. “We’ve been here all day. If…”
Eashai’s gaze snapped to the general, and I was angry that another man had his attention, even if briefly. “General, it is complicated, but Doctor Wallace and I will be excusing ourselves from this meeting… immediately.”
“Doctor Wallace?” the general asked as others turned to look at me. But I only had eyes for one man. I stood as Eashai approached.
He grabbed my wrist, and just that touch was enough to send sparks shooting through me. He led me from the conference room and down several doors to an unused office.
Only one of the fluorescent lights overhead worked, but it was enough to see him as he closed the door behind us.
He shifted, took my face in both hands, and kissed me. Hard.
It was glorious, and I moaned into the kiss while grabbing his hips to keep him close. Our tongues tangled as I tasted him for the first time.
But it wasn’t enough.
He broke off from my mouth as we came up for air, then started peppering kisses along my jawline.
“What’s happening?” I asked as some part of my brain realized that the intensity of the situation wasn’t normal.
“This is the mating rush,” he answered as he dragged his teeth across my earlobe while grinding against me.
His cock was hard where it pressed against my hip, and it took every ounce of willpower not to reach for it.
“Why now?” I asked, head falling back and exposing my throat to his lips.
“Your switch, did it flip?”
I tried to remember when I’d started feeling that way. It was right when I’d envisioned us in bed together. When I wanted him that way for the first time.
“Yes. But I thought…” I started, then the reality sank in. He’d said before that the mating rush was when the attraction was mutual, but it had only been a minute, maybe two, between when I realized I was sexually attracted to him and when he’d pulled me from the room.
Which meant…
I forced myself to focus, letting go of his hips and reaching up to pull his head away so I could look him in the eyes.
“How… how long?” I asked.
He swallowed, and the urge to suck on his Adam’s apple was back. “Since the only word you knew how to say was ‘blue.’”
“But that…” I gasped as he freed himself to start kissing my neck again. “That was the day we met.”
“Yes,” he replied as he beat me to the sucking-on-Adam’s-apple thing and sent shivers up my spine as his mouth worked over mine.
“I’m so sorry,” I half-muttered, half-moaned.
That made him stop and pull back. “For what?”
I tilted my head back down to meet his gaze. “For making you wait so long.”
He smiled softly, then leaned in to kiss me again. “Do not apologize. I am well aware that sexual attraction is not always returned. Your friendship was priceless, and was always enough.”
“Really?”
He nodded. “I loved you dearly as a friend, and now I have the honor of being able to love you as my mate.”
“Love?” I started, then I thought of how hurt we’d both been over the past several days. How much just the thought of leaving him behind caused my heart to ache.
I’d fallen in love with him without realizing it.
“I love you too,” I admitted before pulling him in for another kiss.
He weaved his fingers through my hair and moaned into my mouth.
I was rock-hard in my pants, and if the way he was grinding on me was any indication, so was he.
The need to make love to him was overwhelming, and part of me was tempted to bend him over the dusty desk… or have him bend me over it. I wasn’t really particular about which of us was doing what, as long as it was with each other.
Eashai gasped as he pulled away again. “We should go to your room before the rush gets any stronger. We will not be able to hold back for long.”
“It gets stronger than this?”
He smiled at me. “Yes. We will spend much of the next day, probably two days, consummating our mating.”
“You mean a day or two of mostly sex?”
“Yes.”
I moaned softly at the thought of spending multiple days making love to him. And the sooner we got started, the better.
“We should go,” he repeated.