Chapter 38
Nik
I don’t want her to be right, but after last night, I know she is.
Everything about the last few weeks has been brewing on the surface, and after Noelle put it together for me, it makes sense.
All the weird feelings I’ve glossed over because I just trusted what my sister said are coming to the forefront.
I can bury it.
The cigarette smoke smell.
Lying about talking to Mom.
The call I walked in on in her office.
Rhett calling me Warrior.
But what doesn't make sense?
The why of it all.
Could it all be just for money?
The guys and I haven’t spoken in a week.
And right now, I have to be the one to mend our friendship by breaking it again.
I have to tell them that I had risked us getting to this point in the first place.
And still am risking it. It’s going to be the hardest call I ever have to make.
For the last three years, I’ve almost told them the truth every day.
But I thought if enough time went by, it would leave me, like a bad game.
And the life we were building anew, as NFL players, would take over.
But that life is in danger of being lost if I don’t come clean. And they could be collateral damage.
I could let this lie eat me alive, I could let the shame tear me apart. But now that I have Noelle? I can’t let it happen. And better still? She won’t let it happen to me.
Noelle gives me a sweet kiss. “I’m going to sit with Stone. I want you to feel free to speak whatever you need to.”
I grab for her hand. “Maybe I need you here with me.”
She smiles softly and squeezes my hand before letting it drop. “I’ll be right outside. You just come get me if you need me, okay?”
I nod, knowing she’s right. I need to do this alone.
I walk into the kitchen and prop my phone up, dialing the FaceTime call that we have scheduled.
This call is usually me trying to get the inside scoop, but today, it’s going to go a hell of a lot different.
And I just hope it ends with them still wanting to be my friend.
My chest is tight as their faces appear in the square on my phone.
“Hey-ohh! Number one QB in the house. Fret no longer, I’m here.”
I chuckle and roll my eyes at Soba. “Stop being such a showboat.”
The third square pops up, and I hear, “He can’t help it,” Loving speaks up. “He’s got that diva blood running through him.”
“You’d think he’d get some humility now that he’s got a good girl on his arm.”
“Nah,” he shouts and flexes for our small screen. “If anything, she only solidifies that I’m the man.”
We stare at each other for a moment. Nothing about this is different. We’re teasing and joking around. It’s like we almost forgot what happened last week.
“We good here?” I ask carefully.
Their eyes bounce around the squares on the screen, each of us looking back at each other.
Loving speaks up. “I mean, I’m mad, but I guess I can’t be too mad, right?”
I jump in. “Same. We all ended up doing pretty damn good, right?”
Soba lets out a giant sigh. “Fine, I'll accept your forgiveness.”
Loving flips him off and points at me. “Anyway, how’s your non-girlfriend, Saint? Gonna admit to more yet?”
And just like that, everything is fine again. For a moment, anyway. My lips twist, and I begin to sweat. But it’s not over telling them she’s mine. That word forgiveness echoes in my ears. “Actually, yeah, I do have something to admit.”
Loving claps his hands and rubs them together quickly. “We’ve been waiting for this! Ooh, Soba! You ready?”
They're acting like little school kids. “So, yeah, Noelle and I are together.”
“No shit. You’re kidding. I’m so surprised,” Soba says with mock sarcasm and lackluster enthusiasm. “I never would have guessed the woman you’ve been spending all your time with has also been in your bed.”
“Yeah, methinks you doth protest too much and all that mumbo jumbo. Bro, we know you better than ourselves, and we also know she’s been giving it to you since week twelve.”
I shake my head. “And how do you know that?”
“Because that’s when you started playing with more fire than I’ve ever seen. And the only reason you’re lighting that field on fire, since you already have an insane contract, is because if you play well, she sucks your dick well.”
“Yo! Watch your mouth!” I shout out, and they both laugh at me.
“Oh, yeah. It’s confirmed.”
“Fucking assholes,” I mumble. “You two done yet?”
“We’re done. And so are you. I’m happy for you, man. She’s a good girl.”
“Yeah,” Soba cuts in. “Think we can get a three-for-one wedding?”
I laugh despite myself. “You’re so fucking cheap.”
The conversation then turns to the upcoming games, plans for Christmas, who will have the New Year's Day game, and whether we’ll be able to see each other during the start of the playoffs.
And as the conversation runs down, I know it’s now or never.
“Hey, uh, I have one more thing I wanted to talk to you guys about.” The words are there, but I almost can’t bring myself to speak them. Soba’s looking at me, Loving’s waiting, and I know I can’t hide this anymore. They deserve to hear it, even if it wrecks everything.
“I… I have to tell you something,” I start, my voice raw.
“I would rather do it in person, but it can’t wait.
” My hands shake, and I grip the counter to steady myself.
“Back in college, the sophomore bowl game, that loss wasn’t bad luck.
It wasn’t just an off game.” I force myself to meet their eyes through the little screen, but only for a second. “I threw it. On purpose.”
The words detonate in the silence. I can see Soba stiffen. Loving’s jaw drops, eyes flicking all around the screen, like he can’t make sense of what he just heard.
I push on before they can cut me off. “You know my dad had a gambling problem. He got in too deep. Gambled away my tuition money. His bookie stepped in, said he’d help me.
” I swallow hard. “But then I owed him.” I shake my head, trying to clear the ghosts that have been creeping up on me.
“I started working for him, giving tips, collecting, that sort of thing. But then my dad went to another crew, and he got himself in trouble again. He never even came to me. I got a call from the ones he owed, telling me they'd make my mom pay if I didn’t.”
“Nik—” Loving begins to speak, but I hold up my hand.
“I said I’d do anything, figured it was more tips and such.
But no. They needed a big payout to cover Dad.
” That lump in my throat is growing, and I wish Noelle were standing beside me.
I almost go to get her, but I need to stand strong here.
“Our game was a lock. Everyone was betting on us, which meant the only way to flip the odds, to make it worth their while, was me. All I had to do was miss a block, mess up a route. Blow it. That was the simple answer.” I shrug.
“I told myself I had no choice. I’d do it, get us ahead, and we’d be okay again.
” A laugh leaves me, sounding bitter. “All I had to do was sell out my own team. Sell out you.”
Soba’s mouth twists with anger, and Loving just stares at me and says, “Okay, but it was one game. Look where we are now–”
“It didn’t stop there,” I cut him off as the words scrape my throat.
“I’m still running a gambling ring. All those late-night calls, the questions, the way I’ve been pushing you two to talk about your plays—” My chest caves.
“I wasn’t just checking in. I was using it.
Taking what you told me and twisting it into bets.
Betting against your teams. Profiting off you. ”
Loving speaks, his voice low. “You’ve been what? Placing bets? Using us?” He shakes his head, blinking hard. “Nik, tell me this is some sick joke.”
“Den eínai,” I whisper. “It’s not.”
Soba explodes. “Goddammit, Nik!” His fists clench tight in the little square, and I can hear his knuckles pop. “Is this why they split us?”
Their secrets come barreling back to me, and their blaming me sets me into a rage. "You're the reason for our split!” I erupt. “You guys both had your secrets, don’t act like I did this alone.”
Soba tries to speak over me. “But our secrets—”
I cut him off. “But your secret was to get a girl, and not just any girl, but your sister's best friend? Gimme a break, Nicholas. You had to stalk and follow someone across the country just to get a girlfriend. Ever hear of sending a text? Making a phone call?” I scoff.
“You had to learn how to have sex by watching others? Going to sex clubs, obsessing over her for years?”
I point at Loving. “And you. You can’t keep your dick in your pants, had to flash it all over your Instagram stories because you think you’re untouchable.
Then you used your team-appointed PR rep to clean it up, all the while still fucking around behind her back?
” I throw my hands up. “I saved my family! That's what my secret was for!”
“Don’t you throw shit back on us–”
I cut Soba off. “You traded away our chance to play together. We were going to do something that had never been done before. But you chose getting your dick wet over your best friends!”
“Papas! Are you fucking serious right now? You threw a motherfucking game. You could have been banned from the draft, and it wouldn’t have mattered anyway!” Soba says. “That game was important. It was everything that determined where we’d go.”
I slam the counter with my palms. “No, the fuck it wasn’t. It was a bowl game. We had two more years after that, which we fucking shined during. Those years got us to where we are now.”
Silence falls while they begin to put things together. Loving who’s been quiet, says, “I remember that. We were questioned by the coach and the athletic board. You could have jeopardized everything for us!”
“I know that,” I say, defeated. “And now I’m still doing it.”
“Why now? Why are you telling us now? Because your guilty conscience got the best of you?”
I shake my head. “Because the one who forced me to do it, to save my family, got notice that someone was poking at the story.”
Their eyes meet mine. “Noelle.”
I nod. “Noelle began to unravel things, and it goes much deeper. My sister…” I swallow the word down. “She set it up. She set me up.”
The words hang in the air like poison. “What do you mean she set you up?”
I shake my head. “We’re not sure yet, but she benefited from getting those winnings. The start-up of her company happened right after.” I swallow down the fear. “Right after the game, and right after Dad disappeared.”
Loving finally speaks, his voice trembling. “You were in trouble. And you didn’t say anything? You let yourself drown alone?” He shakes his head, hurt breaking through. “Nik… we’re supposed to be brothers.”
Soba exhales hard, rubbing a hand down his face. He doesn’t look away, though. “Damnit, Nik. You think we wouldn’t have understood? You're not the only one who’s been carrying something.”
I blink at them both, stunned. But I should have known. They've been closer to me than anyone my entire life.
Loving’s jaw tightens, but his eyes soften.
“This hurts.” His voice cracks, like the wound is fresh.
“Not that you gambled. Not even that you fucked us over. But that you didn’t trust us enough to let us in.
” He breathes in. “And maybe that's where we went wrong. You were always the strong one; we counted on you to be that person. To be the saint we needed,” he scoffs.
The room spins around me. All the lies, the weight of the last few years, it feels like it could crush me. “I didn’t want to drag you down,” I whisper. “I thought if you knew, it would break us.”
Soba puts his face closer to the screen, anger cooling into something steadier. “Nothing could break the Trickie Nickies. Not secrets, not money, not distance. Not even cougars.” He smirks, and we all let out a nervous laugh.
We sit there in the silence, three brothers tied together by a giant secret, feeling stronger together than ever before. They know the worst pieces of me now, the ones I hid, the ones I didn’t want to believe myself, and they’re still here.