24. Chapter 23
Chapter 23
Vic
I watch him walk away and curse myself for hesitating. It’s not that I didn’t want to kiss him. In fact, it was that I wanted to kiss him so much. I want to feel his arms wrap around me. He makes me feel so safe and I want more of that.
Which is admittedly terrifying to someone who has always had to rely on myself. Yes, I have friends I can rely on. Spencer has been there for me since we were practically babies. We learned to rely on Derek and Adalie, too. As the three of them met and fell in love with their people, I trusted that if they could rely on those people, so could I. But when it comes to a romantic partner—someone who is supposed to have my back one hundred per cent—I haven’t ever really felt like I could count on any of them. Not the way I can count on Tanner.
Except our relationship has an expiration date.
I go up to our hotel room, calling myself a fool. Today had been perfect. I’d been caught up in the magic of the fall colours and Tanner’s jokes and how we click so well. In addition, the memories of him taking care of me when I was sick, and standing up for me at that family dinner, are fresh in my mind.
I kick off my shoes as I enter the room, frustrated, and grab my phone as I pull the pins from my hair, letting it out of its style to tangle around my head. I open my contacts and hit one.
It rings a couple times before Spencer answers.
“Aren’t you supposed to be on your honeymoon?” he asks by way of greeting.
“Don’t start.”
“Uh oh. What went wrong?”
I sigh and unzip my dress, stepping out of it. “He kissed me, and I backed up.”
“And you didn’t want to back up?” he says slowly.
“No. Yes? I don’t know. I don’t know what I’m doing.”
I notice the background noise on the call has stopped and I wonder if he’d been watching a movie with Lis and paused it.
“Is Lis listening?” I ask.
“Avidly,” she says.
I find my pyjamas and pull them on. “Am I on speakerphone?”
“You are now,” Spencer says.
“Unless you want me to go,” Lis says. “I can let you two talk.”
“No,” I groan. “It’s fine. So what do I do?”
“Okay, here’s my first question,” Spencer says. “Do you like him?”
I flop onto the end of the bed. “Yes.”
“Do you like him enough to date him?”
“We’re married, Spencer.”
“That’s not what I asked. Pretend for a minute you’re not married. Pretend you’re just friends who are living together. Kind of like us. When I lived with you, you never once considered dating me, right?”
I roll my eyes. We’ve been over this with countless girlfriends and boyfriends. “Right,” I say.
“So you know this isn’t a proximity thing. It’s Tanner. You liked him before. Do you like him again?”
I run my fingers through my hair, trying to detangle it a bit. I consider our dinner tonight, how I’d shared my food with him. I’ve shared food with Spencer before as well as Derek and Adalie, but never from my own fork. There’s something a little more intimate about that than saying to a friend, try this . A lot of what I’m feeling now does remind me of Spencer, that sense of being safe. Except it’s a little deeper, a little more. “I do.”
“Your arrangement right now is a business arrangement. Renegotiate the terms.”
I pause what I’m doing, my fingers still caught in my hair. “Renegotiate.”
“Yes. I’m assuming he’s not there right now, since we’re talking about this like he isn’t?”
I sigh. “After I backed up, he said everything was okay and went for a walk. I think I hurt him, Spencer.”
“There’s an easy fix to that,” Lis says, and I can hear the sly grin in her voice. “Apologize. Profusely.”
I snort. “You have a dirty mind. Stop looking at each other.”
“How did you know?” she asks.
I roll my eyes. “You two are all over each other. I wouldn’t be surprised if you start making out as soon as I hang up.”
“We’re watching Princess Bride ,” Lis says loftily. “There will be no making out until the movie is over.”
“Sure.”
“Okay. Let’s get back to the point,” Spencer cuts in. “While he’s gone, consider the new terms you want. When he gets back, present them to him and see what he says.”
“What if he doesn’t agree?”
“Vic, how many times have you negotiated a contract? If the other party doesn’t agree, you continue to negotiate until both parties are equally happy or equally unhappy. I have a feeling both parties will be equally happy in this case.”
“Renegotiate the terms of the contract,” I say. “I can do that.”
“And Vic. I want you to be happy. I love you. I’ve got your back. No matter what.”
I let out a long breath. “Even if I fuck up.”
“Me, too,” Lis says. “And Derek and Ava, and Adalie and Nate. All of us.”
It’s nice to be reminded of that. Of the fact that, if things blow up between me and Tanner, my friends will be there for me. If my heart gets crushed, my friends will help me piece it back together. I can take this risk because they’ll catch me if I fall.
But mostly, I can take this risk because I trust Tanner. He’s not going to do anything to deliberately hurt me. If he doesn’t return my feelings, it’ll hurt, but it’s also not something he did to me.
“Thanks, guys.”
“Anytime you need me to talk you off the ledge,” Spencer says.
We hang up and I go into the bathroom to brush out my hair and braid it. I wash my face and brush my teeth, returning to the bed with a notebook and pen and write out my new terms. I consider everything I want from him, how it can all work. I scratch some things out, write new ones. I think of everything I can, trying to be thorough. It’s not for nothing that I’m the CEO of Blue Vista. I like the details, making sure everything is accounted for. I bring those same skills here, trying to figure out how we go forward without either of us getting our hearts broken.
It takes me an hour, but I finish the list, and write it out on a clean sheet of paper. Then I wait. I try to read, but I’m listening too hard for the sound of footsteps and the key card at the door. I check the time every five minutes and watch as an hour turns into an hour and a half, then into two hours. I’m considering calling him to make sure he’s okay, when finally the door lock beeps.
He comes in and pauses, staring at me on the bed for a moment before taking off his shoes.
“I kinda hoped you’d be asleep,” he says, looking down at his feet as he sets the shoes aside.
I stand, picking up my paper in trembling hands. “Because it would have been easier than talking about what happened?”
His eyes flick up to me, then away again. “Yeah.”
He takes off his jacket and hangs it, and undoes his tie.
I take a deep breath, my heart racing, and blurt, “I want to renegotiate our contract.”
He blinks, looking confused. “What contract?”
“Our relationship contract. We never really wrote it out before. We just agreed to no sex.”
He looks stunned and I’m worried I was completely wrong. Maybe he doesn’t want me. Maybe I’m alone in how much I want him.
“Are you saying you want to have sex with me?” he asks.
“I—” I falter. Then I remind myself, this is a contract. Contracts are easy to discuss. I take a deep breath and motion to the table in the corner of our room with the two chairs. “Please sit, Mr. Marcus. I have a new proposal for you.”
His eyes drop to the paper I’m holding and he rolls his lips together, fighting a smile.
Just like that, all my nerves drain away.
“Absolutely, Mrs. Marcus. I’m eager to hear this proposal.” He sits and pulls his tie off, setting it on the table. “You don’t mind if I’m a little informal for this meeting?”
I gesture at my pyjamas. “You’re still more formal than I am.” I sit in the other seat and set the paper down. “Our original terms were that we would get married and live together. We would not see any other people. Our relationship is exclusive, but we wouldn’t kiss or have sex because that would complicate things.”
He nods, so I continue.
“My new proposal will complicate things,” I say with a measure of regret. “But I think we can both benefit from the terms.”
“Please elaborate.” He’s maintaining the serious facade, but I can see the glimmer of laughter in his eyes.
“I propose we start to date. We’ll pretend that my bedroom is my house and your bedroom is your house, and we can have sleepovers, but still actually live in separate places.”
He considers this with a dip of his chin. “This would give us our privacy still, even though we’re already living together.”
“Exactly. Our original end date will still be there for the marriage if we decide it’s not going to work out between us. But if it does…”
“If it does what?” he asks. “Work out between us?”
“Yes.”
He reaches across the table and takes my hand. “What then, Vic? What happens to our end date if it works out between us?”
I meet his eyes and the emotions I find there make me breathless. The laughter is gone, replaced by something that echoes inside me. Hope.
“Nothing,” I say. “We stay married. We stay together.”
“For how long?”
I swallow hard and my voice drops to a whisper, “Why not forever?”
“That’s a very long time,” he says.
“Is it too long?”
He shakes his head. Then he clears his throat and sits back, returning to the role of negotiator. “Say I agree to these changes to our contract. When do they begin? And where do kissing and sex fall into the arrangement?”
I straighten as well, lifting my chin as though this is simply another run-of-the-mill contract negotiation.
“There’s no time like the present. And I believe all physical contact should be put on the table.”
“On the table, hm?”
In a swift movement, he stands, plucking me from my seat and setting me on the edge of the table, spreading my legs and stepping between them. I gasp at the movement, my arms winding around his shoulders, pulling him closer.
“I like the way you think, Mrs. Marcus.”
His hands are on my hips, holding me steady as he presses into me, his erection straining at his pants. He lowers his head slowly, pausing a breath away from my lips.
“Are you sure about this, Vic?” he whispers.
“Yes,” I whisper back, because it’s easier to say it like it’s a secret. “I like you, Tanner. A lot. And I want you.”
He groans and his lips finally crush mine. The kiss sends me up in flames, his lips caressing, his tongue seeking entry into my mouth. I open for him and he presses his full advantage, claiming me as though he never intends to stop kissing me. I hook my ankles around his legs, my hands roaming up and down his back. I want our clothes gone and I reach around to the front to start undoing the buttons on his shirt, but he catches my hands, stopping me.
“Please, Tanner, let me—”
“No.”
I blink in surprise. “N-no?”
When I meet his eyes, they’re burning with desire. He shakes his head, one hand coming up to cup my chin. “If you want me, Vic, then you are going to let me .”