11. Hannah
CHAPTER 11
HANNAH
“ O ne, three, five, seven. One, three, five, seven. One!” I count as the squad hits the final stunt formation the next day at practice. The girls cheer as they dismount from their stunts, and Caroline and I smile at each other as we watch their excitement.
“Great job, girls! That’s what we need to see!” Caroline calls out.
“Yes! That was great! But since we all know there will be tons of alumni on campus this Friday for the Homecoming game, we want to be sure we show them our best. Let’s run it a few more times to make sure everyone’s ready to go,” I say, feeling a rush of pride at the girls in front of me. Coaching isn’t something I ever thought I’d do, but this rush of pride never seems to go away as I watch the squad work toward a new routine or stunt.
The girls start to line up to run it again, and I step over to grab my phone and cue up the music again. After making sure they’re set, I hit play and grin as “Thunder” by Imagine Dragons starts to blare through the speakers. Caroline and I continue counting as the squad flips, dances, and moves to the final stunt formation. I fight the urge to jump up and down as Maggie, our captain and center flyer, executes a perfect full down and reloads back to a lib to end the routine.
“Gosh, that’s gonna look so good when we add it to our competition routine,” Caroline says as we clap for the girls again.
“Right? Especially when we add in the pyramid sequence too,” I say, my excitement evident as the squad gets set to run it again.
“Okay, girls! One more run! Make sure we’re hitting those motions hard,” Caroline yells out.
“And big smiles too!” I add before hitting play on Caroline’s phone one more time.
The girls execute everything perfectly again, and I smile as I watch their confidence grow each time they run the routine.
As soon as they dismount, the girls move to sit at our feet, and Caroline starts going through our announcements for the day. “Great practice today, girls. We’ll run this and the rest of the pep rally line up again at practice on Thursday, but as long as you all bring it again, we won’t be here too long. Don’t forget that we also have the parade Friday morning, so we need to put the finishing touches on our float by then too. I’ve talked to Coach Will, and he’s agreed to let us park the trailer at the field for the next few days so we can work on it there after school. Hannah, do you want to go over the items we’re still missing?”
I check my phone for the list of items I made during my planning before saying, “Well, we have the majority of it done, but we have a few holes in the background we pomped last week at practice, and we need to make a few signs for us to hold. Maggie, you signed up to bring blue and white tissue paper, and Suzie, you said you have some posters, right?”
Both girls nod in agreement, and Caroline smiles. “Great. Plan to meet me at the field tomorrow then. Make sure you check the group text this week too, because I’ll be posting all the info on uniforms and everything else. Mrs. Smith from the Homecoming committee also mentioned they may need our help with some other duties over the next few days.”
She’s met with a chorus of “yes ma’am’s” and “sounds good” before we nod to Maggie to signal the end of practice. The squad gathers around her and she calls out “One, two, three, Saints on me! One, two, three…”
The girls and I yell back “Saints” before everyone moves to grab their things and leave.
As the rest of the girls make their way to the door, Maggie hangs back before asking, “Hey, do the two of you have a second to talk to me?”
Both Caroline and I smile at her encouragingly before responding, “Of course, what’s going on?”
“Well, you know it’s my senior year, and I’m really hoping to cheer in college. I’d originally planned on Crestview University, but my dad and I toured a few schools last month, and I’m just not sure. But some programs are like really competitive. So I was wondering if you’re still willing to help me train? We talked about it earlier in the season, but I’m just making sure you both still have time. I just want to make sure I’m ready for tryouts in the spring. I know y’all both have like a ton on your plate, but my dad doesn’t really know anything about the sport, and I can’t drive to a gym in Crestview and make practices too,” she explains in a rush.
Caroline and I both smile at the girl in front of us, before she says, “Of course, Maggie. You know we’ll both do anything we can to help you.”
“That’s right,” I add. “Your tumbling has come a long way already, and I’m sure that with a few more training sessions, you’ll be able to out-flip and out-full anyone out there.”
Maggie smiles and moves to hug us both, and I have to choke down the wave of emotion that threatens to overtake me. Maggie lost her mom to breast cancer a few years ago when she was a freshman on the squad, and Caroline and I have done everything we can to support her and her dad in the aftermath.
“Thank you so much. I know we’re about to be gearing up for comp season, but just whenever either of you have time. Seriously, I’m so grateful,” Maggie says, before grabbing her things and heading out the side door.
“Gosh, I hope she makes it, wherever she ends up,” Caroline says as we both start to head toward the parking lot.
“Me too. But she’s super talented. I think she’ll be fine,” I say, checking my phone as we walk out to our cars and trying to ignore the sinking feeling in my gut when I see I’ve missed calls from the bank and the local farm supply company I use. When I’m teaching and coaching, it’s hard to focus on all the problems I have at home since my day consists of putting out a million little fires in my classroom. But as soon as I walk away, it’s like all the other problems rush in, determined to see how fast they can ramp up my anxiety.
I put my phone back in my bag, and try to put the calls out of my mind as I listen to Caroline talk about ideas she has for the wedding. It’s after five now, so there’s no point in worrying about it today, but it doesn’t help my nerves any as I think about the pile of bills that arrived earlier this week.
“Earth to Hannah. You good?” Caroline asks, and I pause to realize she stopped a few steps back and is waiting on me to answer.
“Oh, uh, sorry. Yeah, I’m fine,” I say, but even I know I don’t sound convincing.
“Come on, Han. You’ve gotta talk to me. What’s going on? Is it your gramps?” she asks, concern obvious on her face.
I open my mouth to insist that I really am okay, but I can’t get any words to come out. Instead, I feel a lump rise in my throat and suddenly I’m fighting tears. “I promise I’m fi—” I start, but before I can force the lie from my lips, my control over my emotions fades and I start to sob.
Caroline’s face morphs into a mask of concern and she stops as we make it to the staff parking lot. Without a word, she immediately drops her bags to pull me into her arms and traces her hand soothingly down my back.
After a minute, she says, “Come on, Han, you know you can talk to me. Whatever it is, we can figure it out together.”
“I—I—I just can’t do it.” I sob, trying to choke down the tears that are flowing down my cheeks. I despise crying, but now that I’ve started, I don’t seem to be able to stop. I take a moment to be grateful that the parking lot is deserted, as Caroline continues to wait for me to continue.
“Did something happen with your gramps?” she finally asks after a few minutes, and I gulp in a deep breath of air, trying to regain my composure to answer her question.
“Everything's just falling apart, Caro,” I whisper, wiping my tears with the arm of my sweatshirt. “I thought if I tried hard enough, I could hold everything together, but I just can’t. And every time I think I have one thing put back together, something else seems determined to break down.”
My best friend continues to rub her hand down my arm and nods at me to continue. It’s like I can’t stop the words from spilling out of me now that I’ve started, and I let it all out. “We’re so behind on the farm, I don’t know what I’m gonna do. Even when Gramps was at home, we were barely staying afloat, but now that I’m trying to do it all by myself… Plus, the damn place is falling apart, and everything costs a fortune. And on top of all that, the nursing home told me last night that I’m gonna have to come up with another thousand dollars a month because insurance is refusing to continue paying for his services. So unless I win the lottery, it’s looking like we could end up losing the farm.”
I haven’t allowed myself to say those words out loud, but hearing the reality of the situation causes me to dissolve into a fresh fit of tears. Caroline doesn’t say anything for a few moments, just stands beside me as I grapple with my emotions before she says, “Han, I’m so sorry. I hate that you’ve been trying to deal with all of this on your own, but you know we’re here for you. And I don’t care what you say, but you aren’t losing the farm. We’ll come up with something to make this all work. I don’t know what it is yet, but there has to be a way. But we can’t help you if we don’t know what’s going on. You’ve always been the one that holds us together, but you have to let us help you, Han.”
I know she’s right but the idea of burdening our friends with my predicament made me feel sick to my stomach. “I know you’re right, but I just feel like the biggest failure ever. Five generations of my family have found a way to keep the farm going and after a year of me taking it over, I’ve driven the damn thing into the ground.”
“Bullshit,” my best friend says, and I blink at her in confusion.
“What?” I ask. “You and I both know it’s true.”
“Hannah, you can’t be serious. Yes, your family has kept the farm going for generations, and that’s definitely an accomplishment, but we both know that your gramps was struggling with a lot of this before his heart attack. And I’m sure if he heard you talking like this, it would break his heart. I know it looks pretty bleak right now, but this isn’t all your fault. Let’s talk to the guys and Margaret this weekend and I’m sure they can help us come up with some ideas.”
“Fuck,” I groan. “There’s no way I can talk about this with Will. He’ll find something smart to say about how I can’t help but ruin everything I touch or some other stupid shit like that.”
“Now Hannah Scott, you can’t be serious. I know you and Will have this weird thing between you two, and you stay at each other’s throats, but you and I both know that he would want to help. He cares about you, and he loves that farm too.”
I blow out a frustrated breath, knowing she’s right, but not wanting to acknowledge the truth in her words as she continues, “Listen, I’m not going to force you to share anything if you don’t want to, but I think you should. I bet the men could have some ideas on how to do some of the upkeep without spending too much, and Margaret might have some thoughts about other ways to bring in some revenue too. Just think about it, okay? I know you think you’re Superwoman, but you don’t have to hold it all together by yourself.”
I feel my throat tighten again, and I nod in agreement. “Okay, okay, I will. I promise.”
“Plus, it’s like we always say, brighter days ahead, right?” Caroline adds, referring to a phrase we’ve used for most of our friendship to remind ourselves that the hard times don’t last forever. “There’s nothing we can’t figure out.”
“Yeah, you’re right,” I tell her with a smile, pulling her into a hug. “Thanks for always being my hype woman.”
“You couldn’t get rid of me if you tried,” she teases. After a minute, she looks around the quickly darkening parking lot. “Well, we both better head home. You and I both know that the kids probably have both of us on their hit list tonight, and Theo’s been talking for weeks about his plan of attack.”
I can’t stop the laugh that bubbles out of me at the thought of her grumpy soon-to-be husband devising a plan for a group of teenagers rolling his house as part of the Homecoming traditions. “Oh yeah, and what all does this plan entail?” I ask, unable to keep my curiosity at bay.
“Well, I haven’t gotten the full extent of the details yet, but I do know there’ve been about fifty water balloons sitting in a bucket by the back door since I got home from Maracas last night,” she says with a laugh.
“Oh my gosh, that man,” I reply, giggling along with her at her fiancé’s antics. “Well, I need a full play by play.”
“Don’t you worry, I’ll send you and Margaret all the details,” she responds before turning to get in her car. Once she settles in the seat, she studies me again before saying, “You know I’m always here for you, right Han?”
I smile, feeling some of the weight I was feeling earlier start to lift off my shoulders before nodding. “I know. And I couldn’t love you more for it.”
“Love you back, babes,” she says with a wink before pulling out of the parking lot, and for a moment I allow myself to relax and trust that everything really will be okay.
“Guys, she’s totally gonna hear us if you keep that shit up.”
I’m finally curling up with my Kindle and a glass of wine after taking care of all the farm chores and getting Ruby situated for the night, when I hear the sound of giggling outside followed by the deep voice of who I’m pretty sure is Ralph from my second period class. I shake my head and fight the urge to laugh at their failed attempt to be quiet before standing and sneaking toward the window.
From my new position, I can see a group of about twenty students moving stealthily through the yard and throwing rolls of toilet paper at my trees. I pull out my phone, firing off a text to our group chat as I continue watching their antics.
HANNAH: They’re here. Did they come for y’all yet Caroline?
CAROLINE: Yep. A group just left here about ten minutes ago. I thought Theo was gonna have a fit when he walked outside and saw the winter wonderland that they left for us.
HANNAH: What happened? I thought he had big plans and lots of water balloons.
CAROLINE: Bless his heart, man was trying to move the bucket to hide by the bushes, and he managed to knock the whole damn thing over. The kids obviously saw him, stole the water balloons, and turned on him. And then they rolled the house.
MARGARET: NO WAY. Please tell me you got a video…
CAROLINE: Unfortunately no…but don’t worry. The kids will make sure everyone knows how clumsy the fire chief is.
I can’t hold back the laugh that titters out of me as I read her message, before turning my attention back out the window where my students are stringing rolls of toilet paper through my trees and bushes. I’ve just decided to make my way outside when I hear a few girls screaming. Alarmed, I rush outside, regardless of the fact that I’m in my pajamas and barefoot to see what’s wrong. I swear to fuck if Leroy slipped his cage again, I’m gonna come unglued.
But by the time I’ve made it outside, I have to fight my racing heart, only to realize that the girls are squealing as they look into the cattle trailer I have parked beside the house. As they notice my arrival, a few of the boys start to sprint down the driveway, but the girls are obviously too enamored by my calf to make a run for it.
“Um, Miss Hannah, why didn’t you tell us that you have the cutest little calf in the world?” Riley, one of the girls from the squad, asks.
“Yeah, can you bring it to school and make it a class pet?” Jenny, another of my cheerleaders, asks.
I let out another laugh at the absurdity of the evening before responding, “Well, I’m not sure that’s the best idea. This is Ruby and she’s only a few days old.”
The girls continue to coo and call to the calf through the bars of the cattle trailer, and I make my way over to them. “Don’t crowd her too much, okay, girls? She’s really sweet, but I don’t want to stress her too much.”
They immediately take a few steps back, and I unlatch the door to pet my newest calf. “I just finished feeding her a few minutes before y’all got here, so she’s probably pretty sleepy.”
“We love her,” Jenny says, her eyes full of adoration as she looks at the small animal. “When will she—” she starts but stops when we hear a loud sploosh sound on the other side of the trailer.
“What was that?” one of the other girls asks, but I’m already moving to lock the door of the trailer, and blowing out a groan of frustration.
“LEROY! You better get your butt back in your pen and stop trying to show off for our guests!” I bellow, as my students look at me in confusion.
“Umm, Miss Hannah, who’s Leroy?” Riley asks as a few of the boys pull their trucks into the drive, presumably to pick up the girls they left behind when they made a run for it to wherever they parked. As the truck pulls in, the headlights illuminate the side of my drive where my pig is happily rolling in a puddle of mud.
“Leroy! I swear, the digging has to stop! You’ve slipped your gate three times this month!” I say in exasperation, pausing when I notice that a piece of toilet paper is trailing from his hoof. “God, you’re such a mess,” I tell him with a laugh.
“Miss Hannah, that’s a pig,” one of the boys says as he makes his way over.
“Great observation, Trent,” one of the other boys teases, while the girls walk over to the puddle.
“Oh my gosh, he’s huge!” Jenny says with a laugh. “But he’s also really cute.”
“Yeah, I didn’t know you had so many animals,” Riley adds.
“Yeah, I have more than I know what to do with,” I tell them with a laugh. “So, since you’re here, who wants to help me get him back in his pen?”