18. Will
CHAPTER 18
WILL
“ W ill, did you hear what I said?” Seth asks, bringing me back to the present. I’m doing my best to at least pretend to be interested in the conversation Seth and Brian are having beside me, but after watching Hannah spend the last few minutes flirting with Kent, I know I’ll say something I regret if I’m not careful.
“No, sorry, man,” I apologize, still watching the interaction across the bonfire and trying to ignore the intense rush of jealousy I feel when Kent holds out his jacket for Hannah to take.
What the fuck is wrong with me? She means nothing to me and she can wear whoever’s jacket she wants, I tell myself, but even I know I’m lying.
After everything that happened that summer, I’ve struggled to figure out how to coexist with Hannah. I originally hoped we could go back to being friends, but she has a way of bringing out the worst in me and my temper. I’ve thought about it and decided, at least for me, it’s probably a result of not being able to have her, but since she’s the one who shattered the future I had planned for us, I haven’t been able to figure out what the hell she has to be mad about.
And now, I’m forced to watch her as she flirts with my assistant coach, driving me fucking wild in the process. The rational part of me knows that I have nothing to be mad about, but with every passing minute, the less rational, jealous-fueled side of me becomes louder in my subconscious.
“Damn it, man. I don’t know what’s gotten into you,” my roommate says, and I try again to refocus on whatever he’s talking about. I shake my head and force myself to look away from the fire. I hate to admit it, but Seth’s right. Over the last few months, I’ve become more and more distracted by thoughts of what should have been, and I know if this keeps up, I’m gonna lose my damn mind.
I spend the next few minutes nodding as Seth talks about his plans for the baseball season with me and one of the guys who works with Theo at the fire department. I attempt to listen to what he’s saying, but most of my focus goes toward refusing to let my eyes wander across to the bonfire. I take a few sips of my beer, draining the bottle, before I throw it in the trash beside us.
“If you’re getting another, bring me one,” Seth says, finishing off his drink too. “I brought that cooler up and left it by that table.”
“Sure,” I murmur, steeling myself because the direction he pointed me in is directly beside where Hannah and Kent are still talking.
“Hey, Will,” Kent says, holding out his hand to shake mine. I paste on a blank expression and nod, hoping to make a quick exit.
“You still riding the high of that win, Will? I know I am. That state championship is ours this year, I swear,” he says enthusiastically, while Hannah just glares at me.
I grunt, leaning down to grab the beer from the cooler on the ground, desperate to get away. As soon as I have the thought I feel a flash of frustration with myself, knowing I’m being a dick. Kent’s a great guy and I’ve never had an issue with him. I don’t know what the hell’s wrong with me.
Deciding to say fuck it to whatever is messing with my head, I stand and pop the top off my beer before saying, “Yeah, I hope you’re right. If we can keep everyone healthy and execute the way we both know we can, I have high hopes.”
Hannah lets out a laugh at my statement and rolls her eyes at my statement.
“Something I said funny, Hannah?” I say, my voice tight.
“No, no. You just sound like you’re being interviewed on College Game Day or some shit. Relax, there isn’t anyone to impress here,” she says, and I glare at her.
“I swear, you’re fucking insufferable, Han,” I growl, my voice rising. “What the hell’d I say to you, huh?”
“You came over to where I was!” she yells, crossing her arms over her chest. “How the hell is this my fault?”
Kent’s eyes widen in surprise as he watches us bicker before asking, “Are the two of you always like this?”
I answer, “Yes,” as Hannah says, “No,” and the two of us continue to stare each other down.
“Okay,” he says skeptically, still looking between the two of us. “I’m gonna go grab another drink from the truck. Hannah, you want to walk with me?”
She nods in his direction, still glaring daggers in my direction as she replies, “Sure, I’d love that.”
With that, Kent holds out his hand, leading Hannah to the other side of the field where there’s a row of cars parked. I watch them go, scowling at the same surge of jealousy I felt earlier.
Why the hell do I care what she does? She’s not mine, and she hasn’t been in years. Whatever the fuck this is, I need to let it go, I remind myself for what feels like the thousandth time, grabbing both bottles of beer and heading back to Zach.
He takes it without looking, seeming deep into a heated conversation with Theo, Brian, and Zach. I listen for a few minutes trying to figure out what the hell they’re talking about. Eventually, Zach must catch my confused expression because he says, “Sorry, we’re just trying to decide which would win in a fight: Theo’s mean old donkey or that ostrich that lives out on old Mr. Walker’s farm. You know the one that was chasing down cars on the county road last year? They’re both wild ass animals, but my money’s still on Petunia though.”
I pause, trying to decide if he’s serious or not, before letting out a laugh at their antics and trying to ignore the nagging in my gut at the jealousy I still feel.
“Hey, can you do me a favor?” Seth asks later the following week. We’re spending the evening working on Hannah’s fence around the farm, and I’m pretty sure we all underestimated how big of a job this would be.
“Sure, what do ya need?” I ask, holding another piece of the new barbed wire tight as Seth loops the holder through it.
“Could you run inside and grab the big lantern light on the counter? It’s getting too dark and the last thing we want is to end up with one of these ties stuck through our hands. Hannah told me it was fine, and she pulled it out for us, but I can be finished with this line by the time you’re back.”
“Yep, I’m on it,” I say, thankful to have an excuse to stand from the crouched position I’ve spent way too long in as I tried to run the bottom line of wire. Grabbing the keys to Seth’s truck, I head to the edge of the field and drive down the winding driveway that leads to Hannah’s house.
As I walk the path to the front door, I let out a laugh as Leroy lets out a high pitched squeal from his pen and starts chasing his tail, obviously excited about the idea of having a visitor.
“I’m not here to play, bud,” I tell him, turning the handle of the front door and rolling my eyes when I find it unlocked. I know she told Seth to walk in, but the idea of her coming home to an empty unlocked house still makes my anxiety rise. Attempting to brush it off, I walk through the house until I reach the kitchen. Crossing the floor and grabbing the lantern, I turn to make my way out when a stack of papers catches my eye. I tell myself that whatever it is is none of my business, but I can’t help myself, instead, reaching out and thumbing through them.
I feel my eyes widen as I realize they’re all bills, taking in the amounts on each of them and the red “final notice” on the top two. There has to be at least six thousand dollars’ worth of bills here, ranging from farm equipment upkeep to Mr. Scott’s nursing home expenses.
My gut turns at the thought of Hannah taking all of this on in addition to all her other responsibilities before dropping the bills where I found them and heading outside. My head spins as I try to determine what to make of what I just found. I think back to all the times Caroline’s called us several times over the last few months despite Hannah’s insistence that she had it covered. I guess that alone should have given me a sign as to how bad things were. Hannah’s never been one to ask anyone for anything, and I feel like an idiot for not realizing what was going on sooner.
Shaking my head, I jump back in the truck and head back to where I left Seth, trying to figure out how to help the girl who doesn’t want to help—especially not from me.