Chapter Twelve
CHAPTER TWELVE
A nother rumble of thunder clapped as Haisley slipped into the suite she and Nash shared, her throat tight with unsaid words. The need to confess everything warred with the bitter reality that silence was their only safety against surveillance. Her revelation would have to wait until they were free of this gilded prison. Until then, the truth weighed heavy on her chest, along with the fear that, once spoken, it might shatter everything between them.
Nash glanced up from his laptop, tension carved into the planes of his face. His expression remained carefully neutral, but concern darkened his eyes. “Your hair looks nice. Good appointment?”
Her chest constricted. Even here, even now, his first thought was for her wellbeing. He’d crafted an elaborate deception and walked into hell to save her. And how had she repaid him? With doubt. With distance. With secrets and towering walls she’d built to protect herself from more heartbreak.
“The stylist was nice. And…very interesting.” Her voice caught. “We talked about books. That conversation really made me think.”
Lightning slashed across the darkening sky beyond their windows. In that stark white flash, she caught the way his eyes narrowed. His fingers tightened imperceptibly on the arm of his chair, betraying the tension thrumming beneath his controlled facade. “About?”
Her pulse thundered as she chose her words with excruciating care, willing him to read between the lines. “I’ve been…unfair. To you.”
Thunder crashed closer, punctuating her halting confession. Nash set his laptop aside and rose, all coiled power and restrained control. His eyes brimmed with questions that made her stomach clench.
“I don’t like riddles. Explain.” His demand sounded cold, almost cruel, but his thumb brushed her cheek so gently.
Her composure threatened to splinter. She was terrified of revealing too much to their watchers, yet desperate to bridge the chasm between them. “I haven’t fully appreciated everything you’ve given me here. Your protection… Your sacrifices. Your kindness. Everything.” Her voice cracked. “I’ve been too wrapped up in my own fear to give you what you’ve sought. What you deserve.”
His fingers tightened on her jaw. To the cameras, it probably looked like a warning. But his caress was full of reverence. Relief warred with lingering uncertainty on his face, hope battling doubt in those eyes that had always seen straight through her defenses.
Regret twisted her heart. While she’d hidden behind her fears, he’d risked everything to keep her safe. No more.
“And what exactly do I deserve?”
“Me.” Her whisper felt like stepping off a cliff without a safety net. A shiver raced down her spine as every instinct screamed at her to retreat, but she forced herself forward. “My body. My complete surrender. And any other part of me you want.”
Like my heart. Like my future. Like every truth I’ve kept locked away.
Raw hunger flared in his eyes, turning them nearly black. The heat of his body seared her through their clothes as his hand slid to her throat, an outwardly dominant gesture that let him feel her racing pulse. His thumb stroked over her thundering heartbeat. “ Any other part? Show me. Prove you mean it.”
Words would endanger them both. But she could speak with her body, with her heart.
Lightning illuminated them as she reached for him, no longer caring about their audience. The last of her defenses crumbled, leaving her stripped bare before him. Finally allowing her to bridge the distance she’d placed between them.
She curled her fingers into Nash’s shirt and lifted onto her toes, brushing her mouth across his softly. The kiss was a confession, an apology.
His hands flexed on her waist, and she felt his surprise before he deepened the kiss with both searing gentleness and dark hunger. She drew his lower lip between hers, telling him with each caress that she wanted him, that she loved him. That she was sorrier than he’d ever know that she’d kept them apart.
When she drew back, questions filled his eyes as his thumb traced her cheek. “Tell me what’s wrong.”
“Nothing. Everything.” Her voice fractured as she clenched her trembling fingers into fists. The weight of unspoken truths pressed against her. “I just need to…” She swallowed past the guilt lodged in her throat. “I need to give you everything I can. Everything I’m able to right now.”
Understanding lit his face. “I want it all.”
The secret she’d buried sat in her chest like molten lead, but she couldn’t voice it. Not here. Not now. Instead, she caught his hand and drew him toward the bed, willing him to read the raw honesty in her eyes. “It’s yours.”
“Baby…” He scanned her face as if his crowbar of an expression could pry answers from her.
Tears burned her eyes. She ached to spill her secret, her deep regret, take back every moment of their two years apart. But too much honesty now would only put them in danger. So she placed her palm over his thudding heart and urged him down to the mattress. She followed, capturing his mouth again, trying to show him with actions what she didn’t dare say with words.
Her kiss held nothing back. She infused every brush of her lips with meaning—her love, her remorse, her soul-deep need for him to understand that she was done letting fear come between them.
When she finally lifted her head, hope had softened the sharp edges of his expression. Something profound passed between them as she offered him a tremulous nod and smile heavy with promise.
“Seriously?” His whisper held wonder and disbelief in equal measure. “Oh, baby…”
Nash took over, rolling her onto her back and covering her mouth with his. He plowed past her lips, barreled through the fragility of the moment, smashing any defenses she had left. She opened to him, winding her arms around his neck, and allowed him deeper than he’d ever been.
Reality shifted until there was only them. Her head whirled. Need surged. Euphoria soared. Her heart took wing as he caressed a possessive hand down to her waist before pulling her impossibly closer.
Time lost all meaning as she fell into his kiss. Every brush of his lips tasted of hope. Every sweep of his tongue was flavored with his passion. Every beat of his heart against hers brimmed with devotion.
For the girl who’d grown up believing that love was a fairy tale, that promises were for suckers and that forever was a scam, she felt so humbled and blessed to be wrong.
Beneath him, she spread her legs and arched, silently begging him to give himself over to their silent vow of tomorrow.
Nash didn’t hesitate. Without breaking their kiss, he settled into the cradle of her thighs with a sound caught between pleasure and reverence. The weight of him, the heat of his skin against hers, felt like coming home. She hadn’t voiced the words burning in her throat, hadn’t confessed the truth threatening to crush her chest…yet somehow, he understood that she was laying her whole heart bare before him. She wanted everything in return—not just the solid strength of his body or the heat of his desire, but his unwavering dedication, his fierce protectiveness, his steadfast soul. Most of all, she craved the heart she’d been too afraid to fully accept until now.
“Take off your shirt,” she murmured.
He broke the kiss to stare into her eyes, scanning, looking for something… Their gazes locked. He threw open the shutters around his soul, letting her see completely inside. The moment was painfully honest, beautifully intimate. More tears stung her eyes and fell.
Nash thumbed them away before he reached behind him and tugged his T-shirt off, then tossed it across the room.
Haisley lurched up, planting her face in his chest, inhaling his musky pheromones and pressing her lips to the solid slab of his hair-roughened pecs in a worshipful gesture. Above her, he tangled his hands in her hair and kissed the top of her head as if he was determined to shower her in his love and devotion.
The gestured buoyed her heart. She skated her lips up his neck and across his jaw before she fused her lips with his. He delved inside again, reassuring her. Every sweep of his tongue was like throwing gasoline on her rising desire.
Before Nash, sex had been a lot of things—fun, awkward, a great diversion from real life. But it had never had real meaning until him.
Suddenly, he wrenched away from her and stood, powerful chest heaving. “You mean it.”
The wonder in his voice had her tearing up again. “I’ve never meant anything more.”
“Now.” Nash reached for his fly. “I want you naked. Bare yourself to me.”
Haisley lurched to her feet and set about exposing every part of herself. She fell into his hot stare as she slowly lifted her brief little sundress from her body, then peeled off her bra and underwear. She wanted him to see her naked—both inside and out.
He toed off his shoes and shoved down his pants. Then, breathing hard, they stood completely exposed in front of each other. Haisley felt the moment all the way to her heart.
“Beautiful,” he said hoarsely, cupping her neck and pressing his forehead to hers.
She closed her eyes, drinking in his sincerity, before he swept her into his arms and carried her back to the bed, slinging covers and pillows aside until nothing lay between them but the profundity of the moment.
“You are, too,” she whispered, her words nearly lost in the rumble of thunder.
He nodded, his expression so intense it stole her breath. As if in this moment nothing and no one else existed in his world but her. “No going back.”
“Ever.” The promise fell from her lips as he covered her body with his. She welcomed his weight, his heat, his strength. Here, now, only Nash existed. Only their love mattered.
“I’m all yours,” she whispered, meaning those words with every fiber of her being.
Need twisted his expression before he captured her lips in another dizzying kiss. Her heart revved. Their breaths mingled as they exchanged another glance full of unspoken feelings. Then his eyes darkened and he made his way down her body, his mouth lingering at her breasts, nipping and sucking her swollen tips.
Sensation flowed over her like warm honey as she arched to be closer to him, whimpering for more when her nipples became tight and sensitive. Back and forth he dipped from one breast to the other until her ache grew unbearable. She shifted restlessly beneath him.
“Patience,” he muttered against her skin as a smile tugged at his lips.
He’d always loved reducing her to a beseeching puddle of aroused female. But today wasn’t strictly about pleasure, but connection. About beginning their tomorrows…as many as fate allowed them.
“Haven’t we waited long enough?” she murmured as she spread her legs beneath him.
Nash’s eyes turned black as he made his way up her body wordlessly and pressed another reverent kiss across her lips. Then he wrapped possessive hands around her hips and tunneled his way inside her gently but insistently.
Haisley wrapped her arms around him with a gasp, absorbing the bliss and naked honesty in their joining.
Slowly, he pressed in, then eased back, over and over, inching deeper each time. As insistent as he seemed to bury himself inside her, he seemed equally determined to make their lovemaking last forever.
Finally, he slid home completely, something between a groan and a growl falling from his lips. “Baby…”
She welcomed him with a fluttering sigh. The sight, the sensations, the purity of the moment made her head swim and her heart swoon.
He finally inched back and drove deep again in slow, smooth strokes. God, she’d never felt anything like this—her heart linking up with her body to produce a dizzying sensation. It was heady, euphoric, swoonworthy.
This was more than mere sex. They were making honest, pure-hearted love—maybe for the first time. Haisley clung to the moment, committing it to memory as she gave herself over.
Desire soared. Need climbed and clawed until she craved the ecstasy he heaped on her. As the power and pace of his thrusts picked up, his stare never wavered. She fell into his eyes as he gave his all to her body.
They rocked together. He grabbed her hands, lacing their fingers together above her head. Time seemingly stood still, as if the universe knew this act, spurred on by their two hearts beating as one, was sacred.
Danger still lurked, but Haisley committed to this moment with him. She lost herself in their shared pleasure, in the promise of the future she hoped they had the chance to share.
Nash filled her in every way—his hard shoulders under her nails, his manly scent in her nose, his salty taste against her lips. Their stares fastened and fused. He began chanting her name.
Pleasure spiraled up, spinning her toward a whirlwind of bliss like nothing she’d ever felt. Her heartbeat surged, pounding in her ears like the quickening beat of a primal drum.
He rocked against her, shuttling in and out, filling her with slow, powerful strokes. Blood raced. Bliss gathered. Everything in her life seemed to narrow to this moment where there was only him and her and their love.
Her body tightened as her climax coiled. She drowned in his stare, biting her lip to stop herself from crying out his name.
“Come for me, baby,” he gasped, his voice a desperate growl.
“Come with me,” she begged as the electricity in the room flickered.
“Fuck. Yes.” The rasp came from deep in his chest as the power surged on again. “I can’t stop it.”
She couldn’t, either. Her every sense reduced to him, her entire being alive and breathing for this man alone. The ecstasy wrenched her sensations into more than the culmination of pleasure. It exploded, and the wave of rapture took her heart with it into something beyond orgasm. Nothing mattered except him and the love they shared. This moment and this man had changed her life forever.
And as he shouted her name, erupting inside her, the power flickered off again, plunging them into darkness.
As thunder boomed outside their window, Nash held Haisley, savoring the cataclysmic satisfaction of their lovemaking. She felt so right in his arms, as if she’d been made to fit there.
The power cutting out left them in near darkness, save for occasional flashes of lightning that illuminated her beautiful, tearstained face. She’d cried after her climax, and he’d held her tight. No, she still hadn’t told him her secret, but she was going to. He’d seen that in her face, felt it in her touch. Somehow, the last wall between him and her heart had fallen, and he wished like hell they were anywhere else so he could hear what had been weighing on her. So he could finally understand what had torn them apart.
Nash tried to think of a time in his life when he’d been happier. He couldn’t think of one. Yes, shit waited for them outside these four walls, but this evening, this moment, was theirs alone.
He didn’t want to move—ever. Slowly, he brushed damp strands of hair from her forehead and pressed kisses to her warm cheeks, reveling when she closed her eyes with a happy sigh, punctuated by a content little smile tugging at her lips.
“Happy?”
Her lashes fluttered up, and her stare was a two-ton brick to the chest, especially when her smile widened. “Hmm.”
“You look beautiful.”
“You don’t have to say nice things, hot shot. You already scored.”
He laughed. Haisley was always as witty as she was unpredictable. “That’s never going to stop me from saying them.”
“When we first met, I was convinced you didn’t have a charming bone in your body.”
“I probably didn’t.”
Her grin became a giggle that took his breath away. He had no right to be as happy as he was right now. But he wasn’t about to let Gray or Black Velvet or this investigation steal this contentment from him.
He pressed another soft kiss to her lips. The sat phone in his pants’ pocket buzzed. With a curse, he extricated himself from her embrace and rifled through his pockets until he plucked the device free and found a text from Kane:
Storm knocked out all power. Staff scrambling. Gray losing it. Surveillance down. Talk freely but stay alert.
Nash frowned. He didn’t want to interrupt this moment with Haisley, but business had to come first. Quickly, he typed back his reply.
Good time to call the office and make plans.
Not happening.
Came back Kane’s immediate reply.
Been trying. Storm is preventing connection to satellite.
That made sense, but damn it.
Good time for you and me to strategize on leaving this rock?
We can…but I think it’s better to make contact with some of my informants while no one is watching.
Valid point. Kane’s contacts might have intel they needed to bring this ring down for good—but he and the team weren’t ready yet. And while Nash would love to take advantage of this security lapse and leave the island, he had no plane. No boat. And no means of sidestepping this nasty storm. Besides, no way would he simply abort the mission now, not until they’d taken down every one of these assholes and ensured that they tasted the justice they deserved.
His thumbs flew across the keyboard in response.
Unless you need something, I’m staying with H. Keep me posted.
Kane sent back the saluting emoji, and Nash tucked the device away.
Heart thudding, he leaped onto the bed and drew Haisley to his side. “The cameras are down. We can talk.”
“Seriously?” She stiffened against him, then slowly lifted her head from his chest. “You’re sure?”
“Yeah. Don’t know how long it will last.” Surely, a place like this had backup generators waiting and ready to go at a moment’s notice.
“Okay.” In the next flash of lightning, he watched her suck in a shaky breath. “Good. I was praying for an opportunity. I didn’t think it would be this soon, but?—”
“What do you want to tell me, baby?”
“Why I left Lafayette—and you.” She pressed a hand to her chest like she might hyperventilate. Her voice trembled. “But I’m terrified.”
His arms tightened around her, and he shook his head. “Nothing you say will make me let you go.”
She let out a shaky breath. Then she opened her mouth before closing it. Her eyes glossed over with tears. “I—” She bit her lip, clearly digging for courage. “Two years ago, I left because I was pregnant.”
His stomach clenched. Blood pounded in his ears, drowning out the sound of the storm. Pregnant?
He tried to form words, to grasp what she was saying, but his mind was a wrecking ball slamming into every assumption he’d ever had. “What? You were carrying… my baby?”
“Yes. When we were together, there was never anyone else.”
“I know. I just…” He didn’t know what the fuck to say. To think.
“We were careful, but…” She wrung her hands in her lap. “When I realized… When the doctor confirmed, I panicked. You’d made it clear you didn’t want children. I knew you’d grown up with too many siblings and too much responsibility and?—”
“Oh, my god.” Emotions—shock, confusion, hurt, anger—crashed through him. But mostly a bone-deep ache as pieces of their past clicked into place.
The tears sheening her eyes spilled over as she sniffled. “I didn’t know how to tell you.”
Anger hit. Betrayal followed. Nash scrubbed a hand down his face, feeling as if he’d been blindsided. “So you left? You thought that was the fucking answer?”
For two years, she’d let him believe she hadn’t cared enough about him to even say goodbye. He shook with that rage, mentally unleashing a primal scream that plowed over his shock and ricocheted through his body.
“What the hell?” he shouted. “Did you think I was going to run out on you?”
She recoiled. “No. I-I don’t know. I didn’t… You were having fun. That’s what we’d agreed to. And…and we had rules. No emotions, no commitments. No future, no kids. I was already afraid to tell you that I’d caught feelings, but I was even more terrified to let you go. The positive pregnancy test… It almost killed me. I couldn’t risk seeing dread or rejection in your eyes. I didn’t want to give up that baby. So I panicked. And moved to California. I planned to raise the baby alone. I wasn’t ever going to burden you or trap you?—”
“Or even tell me?” Jesus, had she really thought he’d want nothing to do with his own child?
“Your face…” Her tears fell in earnest. “I’m so sorry. I was sure you d-didn’t want… And I was afraid. I spent that whole weekend trying to think and find the right words and…”
Her sobs swallowed the rest of her speech. Nash hurtled from the bed and stared in disbelief out the window, blocking out her obvious agony. He hated the decision she’d made to leave him. Part of him was fucking furious.
But as lightning flashed, illuminating his own haunted reflection, his rage collided with the sound of her crying—broken, wounded sounds that spoke of years of guilt and grief.
The storm inside him raged. She’d stolen his choice, denied him the right to know his own child existed. She had made assumptions about what he’d want, about who he was.
Yet she’d carried their baby alone, terrified and convinced he wouldn’t want either of them. The thought of her going through morning sickness, doctors’ appointments, feeling their child move—all while believing she had to hide it from him—squeezed his chest until he could barely breathe. He’d give anything to go back in time, swallow his careless words about not wanting a family, and show her that she meant everything to him.
But he couldn’t.
Thunder crashed outside as the warring emotions crashed inside him. He could hold onto his anger, let it fester between them like poison. Or he could choose to understand her fear, to share her grief, to heal together. The sound of her muffled sobs made the choice clear. Whatever mistakes she’d made, she had paid for them a thousand times over in tears and regret.
He turned back to the bed where she lay curled into herself, shaking with the force of her torment. His fury drained away, replaced by an overwhelming need to understand, to protect her, and to ensure she never felt alone again.
“Shh.” He pulled her closer and stroked her hair. “Deep breaths. I’m here. I’m not going anywhere. Where’s the baby, Hais?”
Her sobs came even harder. “Nash…”
He didn’t want to cause her any more anguish, but… “I need to know.”
“Twenty-two weeks along, I was in a car accident.” Her voice cracked, leaving behind an anguished whisper that twisted his heart. “They rushed me to the ER, but it…it was too late. Placental abruption. I miscarried.” She sobbed so hard, she stopped breathing except to gasp out, “I. Lost. Our baby.”
Pain hit like she’d shoved a blade through his chest. He couldn’t breathe.
His baby. Their baby. Gone.
“They tried so hard. Ten fingers. Ten toes. He was…beautiful.” Her voice squeaked between sobs. “But they couldn’t save him. I held him, alone in my hospital room, as he took his last breath.”
Nash’s heart felt like it was being ripped in two. His crushing grief cut deep, threatening to undo him. His eyes burned as he pictured Haisley pregnant with his child, their son growing inside her. The devastating loss she’d endured alone. He didn’t know how to process the fact that he’d almost been a father…and he might never have known.
And now his son was gone.
“I’m sorry,” she whimpered and curled onto her side, into a ball, away from him. “So sorry. I… God, you have no idea.”
Her heartfelt tears wrenched everything inside him. She’d hurt him. Stolen from them. But she’d suffered so much, carrying his child and grieving its loss, broken and lost and completely alone.
He caressed her taut back and tried to roll her close, into his arms. Some part of him still wanted to rail at her, but what would that do? She needed his comfort, and he needed to give it to her. “God, Hais. You should have told me.”
“I know.” Her voice sounded small and pitiful, like she was kicking herself black-and-blue.
Fuck, she probably thought he was blaming her, too.
He lifted her stiff, resistant body onto his lap and curled her against his chest. “Baby, I would never have abandoned you. I would have been there every step of the way.”
He could picture it now—the life he’d never had a chance to fight for. Haisley with a swell beneath her dress, his hand resting there, feeling the first tiny kicks. Their baby’s first breath. The baby’s first cries. And then… nothing. Just an empty space where something precious should have been.
The loss fucking decimated him
He fought for breath. “You should never have gone through that pregnancy, much less losing the baby, without me.”
She sucked in stuttering breaths between her sobs. “I was scared and so stupidly in love with you. I couldn’t risk you turning your back on me. It would have broken me completely. But then the accident… It felt like fate’s way of punishing me for wanting to keep even part of you forever. It’s so hard for me to even look at babies. I’m happy for Matt and Madison. I love them to death but?—”
“You wanted our son.”
“More than you’ll ever know. Leaving you broke my heart. But losing that baby destroyed me. I…I tried to pretend I was fine,” she whispered. “That I could move on. But then I’d pass baby stuff in a store window and feel like I couldn’t breathe. Every time I saw a mother holding her child, it was a fresh wound. I’d even bought a onesie,” she admitted brokenly. “I hid it in a drawer, never told anyone. After the accident, I couldn’t bring myself to throw it away. I still have it.”
And now she’d fallen into the hands of people who had intended to sell her to a callous bastard eager to breed her, then potentially sell her babies… Fuck, how had she managed to keep herself together here?
He’d first been attracted to Haisley for her sass. He’d always known she had backbone. He wasn’t less furious with her choice to run and take their child with her, but her absolute steel to handle these last few weeks impressed the hell out of him.
“I know you probably hate me,” she wailed. “Once we get out of here, you don’t have to?—”
“Stop. Don’t make any more decisions for me. I’m angry that you didn’t trust me enough to tell me. Fucking furious,” he scratched out hoarsely. “I should have been there. I would have been there. Baby, I could never hate you. Even after you’d gone, even when I tried, I couldn’t. I’m heartbroken that you went through all that alone. That we lost our son.” He cupped her face, thumbing away her tears. “And I need you to know something. I made a mistake, too. I wasn’t just having fun with you. I told you that the night before…you were brought here.” He let out a desolate sigh. “If I’d grown a pair back then and proposed, you would have known how I felt. You wouldn’t have had any reason to run.”
“You couldn’t have known that?—”
“You were pregnant, no. But I knew what I wanted. I was in love with you. Still am.” He swallowed hard. “I want it all with you, Hais. Marriage, babies, growing old together. I’ve never stopped wanting that.”
“Even after…everything?”
“Especially after everything.” He kissed her forehead and wiped away her tears. “We’re going to make it out of here. And then we’re going to build the life we should have had.”
She cupped his cheek, her gaze so open and honest. “I love you so much. I’m sorry I was such a coward.”
“You were protecting your heart and our baby the best way you knew how.” He exhaled, pressing his cheek to her wet one. His heart still ached. Maybe it always would for what they’d lost.
“No more secrets between us,” he said, voice raw with the weight of emotion. No more walls. No more blame. He cupped her face, brushed his thumb over her tear-streaked cheek. “We face everything together from now on.”
Haisley nodded. “Together.”
And just like that, the past loosened its grip.
They held each other as the storm raged outside, both aware that dawn might bring fresh danger. But for now, in the dark with their hearts laid bare, they were stronger than ever. Whatever came next, they would face it as one.
“As soon as I can, I’m putting that ring on your finger where it belongs.” Nash tightened his grip on her. “No more time lost. No more secrets. No more running.”
She pressed closer, her tears dampening his skin. “Promise me we’ll make it out of here.”
He wished he could. But in this hellhole, there were no guarantees. “I’ll do everything in my power to get us home safe. To give you the family we both want.”
Thunder crashed again as they clung to each other, their love stronger for having weathered the storm of secrets. The future was uncertain, but finally, their hearts were in perfect sync.