Chapter Thirty-Six
That evening Sarah prepared a simple meal of pork chops and salad, and Big Jim retired early, sauntering down the long hall to his room.
At last Ben was able to let down a little of his guard. The threat had been neutralized. He’d done his job.
Sarah put her hand in his and led him into her bedroom. A single, low wattage lamp cast long shadows in the room and provided only a soft, golden glow.
Ben went willingly. In the last twenty-four hours, he’d tried to stay close so she’d know she had his support.
She wasn’t a trained warrior, not a military leader, had no experience with violent criminals, nor ones who also happened to be insane.
He understood that as a civilian, she’d have much to deal with and would need time.
For him, when he’d seen the madman attacking Sarah, he’d had no compunction in eliminating the scum. He felt no remorse now.
But then, he’d spent years as an elite military warrior, years on the battlefield. He was hardened, experienced.
Sarah was an innocent.
With the eyes of an eagle, he watched her, observed everything she did, even when he was pretending to check his phone or help her wash dishes.
Clearly, she was struggling to process her ordeal in that cramped town square bathroom. He wished he could help her through the difficult period, yet he didn’t know how. Usually when presented with a problem, he was certain of his course. Now, he was at a loss.
Sarah seemed out of sorts, unhappy, scattered in her thinking.
Now closing the bedroom door, she turned her face up to him. In the low lamplight, her expression showed need and a tinge of sadness. She smoothed her palms up his chest to link at his nape. “Make love to me, Ben.”
“Sarah,” he whispered, thrilling to her words. Taking her into his arms, his fingers trembled. “I didn’t want to push you.”
“I need you,” she breathed, and offered her mouth for his kiss.
As tenderly as he knew how, he touched his mouth to her lower lip, her chin, her cheeks, all the while cupping her jaw with one hand and holding her anchored against him with the other. She needed him? Well, for him, her touch was essential. Urgency to join with her nearly overwhelmed him.
Forcing himself to go slowly, he undressed her, kicked his own clothing away. In moments, they were both nude.
He kissed her neck, made his way down her chest to draw one sweet nipple into his mouth. Her head fell back, and she groaned, a sound he loved. Unable to wait, he rose up again to kiss her.
Still standing, he placed his hands beneath her bottom and lifted her to him, fit himself to her, and entered her. Lost in pleasure, she helped him, wrapping her legs around his hips. She clutched his shoulders, ran her tongue up his throat.
The touch of her tongue on his skin electrified his senses. Still, this was not the time to rush.
He pivoted to the bed and lowered their joined bodies to the mattress. Neither bothered to peel back sheets, and they made love on top of the comforter. Neither spoke, letting their bodies do their communicating through breathy sighs, caressing strokes, kisses, and their intimate connection.
Time became a ribbon, a river they rode while unaware of its fluid passage.
Their unhurried lovemaking held a different quality than before.
As urgently as Ben wanted her, he couldn’t go fast. Not this time.
In his hands, he held her soft, warm buttocks, rocked her in agonizingly slow motion.
As though they drifted down a lazy river, he moved with her in a gentle, gliding rhythm.
All the while he kept his gaze locked with hers. There was nothing he wouldn’t do for her, and he tried to show her that without words.
She, too, didn’t speak. It was as though she needed him to communicate as only lovers could, in joined gazes and sweet touches.
For Ben, Sarah was a woman unlike any other. With her big heart, her connection to people, her lack of vanity, and her great beauty. They combined to form the exceptional person she was.
By degrees, he increased his thrusting, and soon she was gasping, perspiring, clinging to him.
As her orgasm built, he kept his gaze fastened to her face.
Ben loved her like this, because she was focused on him, only him, and jealously, he wanted all her attention.
All her affection. He wanted all she had to give and more.
He still couldn’t believe his amazing luck that she wanted him, too. It was his good fortune, and yes, his honor to hold her, to kiss her, to love her. And he did.
He loved her.
Nothing would change how he felt. That morning, just after dropping off his men at the airport, he’d done some of the things he’d told Sarah he needed to do. And he’d tell her about it. As soon as the sun came up.
****
Sarah woke deliciously tangled in Ben’s arms and legs. Her head lay on his shoulder, and she felt his hand stroking her bare hip. His stirring woke her, and she still purred from their long night of lovemaking.
In the next instant, her eyes popped open and reality thumped her painfully in the chest. Within an hour, Ben would be gone.
He took her chin and tipped her face to his, lowered his mouth and gave her a long, luxurious kiss. At last, he pulled away. “I could stay here in your bed all day,” he said. “But it’s time to go. You’re driving me to the airport, remember?”
Her throat tight, she nodded.
Having already said his goodbyes the night before, Big Jim was presumably gone to town, so Sarah made them a quick breakfast of toast and fruit. Determined not to allow Ben to see her heavy melancholy, she pasted a smile on her face. Hopefully it didn’t look as fake as it felt.
Outside at the truck, he threw his bag into the back. “I’ll drive,” he said, holding his hand out.
“It’s my truck. I’ll drive,” she said, not really meaning it.
“Nope. Keys?”
With a pretend sign, she slapped them into his hand and he got in.
From the corner of her eye, she was surprised to see her father walking up from the barn. He wore a dark frown. “Hang on,” she told Ben. “Just give me a minute.”
He nodded and she hurried over to Jim. The truck was far enough away so that Ben couldn’t hear them.
Wondering why he was still home, she asked, “Dad, aren’t you going to breakfast at the diner?”
“No.” He stopped at the corral gate, which sagged on its post. He took a screwdriver and a hinge from his pocket. “Not hungry.”
“Not hungry? That’s never happened before.” She stood before the man who’d adopted her and raised her, studied him with compassion and love. There was something percolating here, bubbling beneath the surface. She cocked her head. “You’re miserable, aren’t you?”
He looked startled, but his frown didn’t ease. “I’m fine.”
“Tell her, Dad,” she rushed out. “Just tell Milly how you feel.” For some reason, Sarah felt passionate about this.
She wanted to drill down to the bottom of the issue, to whatever it was keeping her father and Milly apart.
Nonetheless, mostly she blamed him. What was it with men?
Couldn’t they see their own happiness when it threw itself into their faces?
Her heart hurt, ached in her chest as though someone had beaten it with a hammer.
“I’m not telling her anything.” Working off the old hinge, he set the new one on the fence post and turned a screw into the hole.
“Stubborn, stubborn man!” she burst out.
All at once she wanted to scream the ranch down.
Her fists balled. On some level she knew she was overreacting but was wholly unable to stop herself.
“Can’t you see that woman loves you? She’s loved you all this time, and you won’t reach out to her?
” Like rocks down a hillside, the words tumbled out.
“She did all she could to show you that love. My God, she cared for your children. She didn’t have to do that.
Doesn’t she make sure that your breakfast is prepared every day just as you like?
Your toast a little burnt? Your eggs runny? ”
Sarah felt her fingers shaking. Suddenly it occurred to her that she wasn’t really yelling at her father. She was yelling at Ben. Her shoulders slumped.
Mute, Jim only firmed his lips and attached the new hinge to the gate.
“In both big ways and small ones.” Sarah kept arguing, although much of the steam had gone out of her. “She’s made it clear you’re the only man for her. You’re over the moon for her, too.” When he didn’t react, she whispered, “What’s wrong with you?”
Because she knew he wouldn’t answer, she stormed to the truck and threw herself inside, blinking away tears. Sarah stared out the windshield.
“What was that about?” Ben asked.
“About Milly,” she said. He didn’t need to know the truth. “But let’s not talk about it.”
“Okay.” As Ben drove, he took her hand. She held it tightly, wished she’d never have to let go. All she wanted to do was throw herself at him, wrap her arms around his knees, and beg him not to abandon her.
In truth, she wasn’t altogether certain she’d be able to refrain from doing that. Why, oh why were men so obtuse?
The long depressing days and nights ahead without him stretched out in a sea of loneliness. Ben would no longer be a part of her life. Ben, whom she’d grown to love more than she’d ever thought possible. Ben, whose babies she longed to bear.
It was the mightiest struggle of her life to sit silent at his side.
She could feel the violent sobs stacking up inside her chest, a domino effect of agony just waiting to fall.
He wouldn’t want to see her cry. It would make him uncomfortable, and she sure didn’t want him to see her humiliation.
So, it became her job to hold back the weeping torrent until she left him at the airport.
Mile after mile, as the truck rolled, she held her act together, exhorted herself to let Ben wing away in the waiting aircraft and keep her dignity.
As he drove them into the area just outside of town, they neared the acreage Old Man Turner had put up for sale. Sarah stared at the sign. Something was different. It said SOLD.
She pointed at it. “Someone bought Old Man Turner’s land.”
Surprising her, Ben jerked the steering wheel and crossed traffic lanes to veer onto the property. On unpaved dirt, the truck bounced, and he pulled to a stop beneath the sign. Opening his door, he got out, went around the hood, and opened hers.
“Come on,” he said.
“What are you doing?” She allowed him to take her arm and help her out. What in the world?
He bent to grab a handful of the rich Montana soil. Slowly, he let it fall through his fingers. “I bought it,” he said. “Yesterday morning.”
“You bought it?” She couldn’t have been more shocked if he’d told he was moving to China. “W-Why?”
“Turns out Mountain Wood, Montana, is the perfect place for a satellite location for Paxton Security. I’ll build it and from this new, second facility, start winter warfare training. Doesn’t snow in Austin like it does here,” he said. “My men need to know how to operate under all conditions.”
Sarah gaped at him. Her heart slammed to a stop, then sped up on the beating wings of a hummingbird.
“I cut a deal with a shooting range in Billings,” he went on. “They’ll contract lanes to us for practice. Down in Texas, Rio can run the other side of the business. I’m making him a full partner.”
“You’ve discussed this with Rio?” What could this mean? It appeared that Ben had been busy making plans without telling her. Making plans for a future. She couldn’t believe it, couldn’t trust her own ears. Her mouth went dry.
“Yep. If you give the go-ahead.” Holding her gaze, he gestured at the acreage. “We’ll build your feed barn right here. There’s room for both businesses.” His eyes clung to her face.
Lost for words, Sarah’s head buzzed so loud that Ben’s voice sounded like it was echoing. “You—you’re moving here?”
“Yes,” he said simply, “to be with you. It’s what I want. In fact, I long for it. I hope you want it, too.” The stark question in his eyes was open, honest, almost begging.
When she didn’t immediately answer, he cupped her elbows in the tender way she’d come to adore.
“You don’t have to go to New York. I’ll take out a business loan, make the feed barn construction part of it.
But if you go, no matter how long you’re gone—a year, two years, whatever—I’ll be here, waiting for you. ”
Sarah felt a sob rising from deep within. Afraid to find this was all a dream her wishful heart had conjured, she remained mute. Her eyes burned, filled with tears.
Seeing them, Ben raised her hand, kissed her knuckles. “I don’t have a ring. Yet. And you don’t have to answer me today. Think about it. I love you, Sarah. I swear I’ll make you a good husband. Marry me?”
“Think about it?” She blurted the words, and her voice gurgled with erupting tears. “Okay, I did. I thought about it. Damn you, Ben Paxton.” She gave him a fierce scowl.
“What?” He frowned, looking worried. His hands on her elbows tightened. “Tell me I didn’t mess up. I wanted to get everything settled, so that you’d see I’m serious. About you. About us. Tell me you want me, too, Sarah. I’m dying here.”
On her arms, she felt his grip shaking. That was okay. She was shaking, too.
“Oh, Ben,” she whispered, “couldn’t you tell?” She reached up to place her hands on his face. Her heart thundered in her chest and her fingers shook. “You had to know. Of course I want you. And I want us.”