Chapter 10
CHAPTER TEN
STASIE
“Hey, Josh, thanks for letting me do this.”
Josh smiled down at me. “No problem. I know you’ve been wanting to do this for a long time.”
Josh had been a travel buddy for a while now.
We’d meet up any place in the world, hang out, then part ways just to meet up again later.
But he’d stayed in Acapulco for a while when he found the unusual job of cliff-diving.
A few times a day he’d climb up to the highest point on the cliffs of La Quebrada and leap off in a grand show for the tourists.
I’d been wanting to do this for the longest time.
But now more than ever. The emptiness in my chest was all-consuming now. I could hardly breathe or function.
I felt like I was missing something deep in the pit of my soul.
Nothing I attempted to do would ease the emptiness.
It craved something I couldn’t put my finger on.
But in the past, any near-death experience would bring the vision of him.
If I could just see him again, this feeling would ease and I could focus on my life again . . . like I had before.
“I can’t wait.” I forced myself to sound as happy as I could.
Josh was just a few inches taller than me, with short dark hair and a lean muscular body.
His skin was a deep, rich brown, and his swimsuit was as small as mine.
He gave me a smile, flashing his straight white teeth.
“Just remember you have to jump out. If you go straight down, you’ll hit the rocks and turn yourself into fish food. ”
I swallowed. “Good to know.”
We marched up the last few feet toward the top of the cliff.
Across from this cliffside was another where spectators would sit to watch the show.
The cliffs were the most vivid browns mixed with light sand and deep red.
There was a winding, paved path on the lower cliffs with a smooth retaining wall that ran along the path.
Tourists leaned on the wall or sat on it just watching.
The ocean rolled between the two cliffs, pulling in and out with the tides.
I had to time my jump at just the right time so I wouldn’t get sucked under.
After being sucked into a cave and nearly drowning, I should’ve avoided this place.
But it was the most daring thing I could think of besides skydiving, which was next on my list. I stood beside Josh and tried to calm my breaths.
It was so very far down. I could barely make out the seafoam from the waves upon the rocks.
“I’ll tell you when to go. Don’t hesitate.” Josh took a step closer. “Then I’ll follow.”
I nodded and turned to face the narrow flow of water. I watched the water ease out and then start to rush back in. Josh lowered his voice to count down. “In three, two, one . . . Go, go, go!”
I bent my legs and pushed off, using my arms to launch myself out and away from the cliffside.
Wind rushed by my face and my stomach rose up into my throat.
I held my arms out wide and focused on the water below.
As I dropped I caught a glimpse of white-blond hair and flowing robes.
But it was too fast. He was there and gone in a moment.
I hit the water so hard it felt like smacking into concrete.
Stinging pain covered my skin and the air whooshed from my lungs as a bubble of air burst up from my lips.
The water swallowed me up, cooling my warm skin and pulling me closer to the rocks.
I kicked my legs and used my arms to pull myself to the surface.
I sucked in a deep breath and shoved my hair back from my face.
The tourists broke out into a loud round of applause.
I treaded water, trying to catch my breath.
Disappointment ate at me. I might’ve seen him for the briefest of moments, but it was barely a flash.
I glanced up as Josh held his arms up and the crowd went wild for him.
He bent his knees and leapt out toward the water.
His form was perfect, like a bird diving toward the water.
A smile played on his lips as he approached the water.
At the last second his form faltered and his arms began to pinwheel.
He smacked into the water flat on his chest. The sound was deafening, and I sucked in a sharp breath, waiting for him to resurface.
“Josh!” When the wave rolled out toward the sea, I saw him sinking deeper.
Though my muscles were heavy with exhaustion, I wouldn’t let anything happen to Josh.
I swam toward him with all my strength. Boats started toward us, but they wouldn’t be here fast enough.
I dove under the water and swam toward Josh’s sinking body.
I reached out and grabbed on to his bicep.
He was dead weight, and I fought to pull him up toward the surface.
I kicked my legs and fought the scorching need to breathe.
My nails dug into his skin, and we started making progress to the surface.
My eyes burned, but I could make out the small white boat hovering just above us.
I shoved Josh up toward it, and the momentum carried him toward the surface.
When I shoved him up, I sank lower. Hands wrapped around his arm and dragged him from the sea.
I tried to reach out toward them, to kick my legs, but I was too deep.
My lungs demanded air and my mouth flew open and sucked in a mouthful of water.
The salt hit my lungs, and I struggled to cough—only to take in more water.
Black dots swarmed my vision and my eyes slid shut.
My body went weightless, and I felt myself being pulled up from the water.
My soul rose from my body. I watched as I laid there lifeless.
I stood on the deck of the small ship watching the men rush around Josh and me, one performing CPR on his lifeless body.
“Anastasia.” My name sounded like a whispered prayer.
I spun away from Josh toward that voice. Tears pricked at my eyes, and I hurried toward him . . . my Thanatos. I threw myself into his waiting arms and pressed my face to his chest. “I’ve missed you.”
“What have you done?” His voice was soft yet insistent.
“What do you mean? I am here. I am with you.” That hole in my chest finally closed, and the excitement made me feel like flying.
Pain exploded behind my eyes as a dozen different memories assailed me.
Centuries of love and loss. Each time I died and came back I would forget him until I once again came close to death or died.
It was a bitter cycle that we lived each time in the hopes that we would one day be free to love each other.
The dashed hope of finally being with the love I’d found and losing him all over again.
I’d died so many times it pained me to remember the families and friends I’d lost, never seeing them again in this life or the next.
I leaned back and turned my head to the side just as the men on the boat dragged my limp body onto the deck.
Josh’s eyes flashed wide open, and a fountain of water exploded from his lungs. He turned to his side, taking in my lifeless body. I glanced up at Thanatos. “Is this it? Is it time?”
This ghostly form was familiar. I was weightless, translucent, and once again by his side where I belonged. Even if I was now a ghost. He pressed those beautiful full lips into a hard line. “No, you’re not fully here.”
I turned toward him and rested my hands on his chest. “No, please let me die.”
“It is not my choice, love. It is fate.” He cupped my face in his hands, meeting my eye. “I would keep you with me always.”
I didn’t want to live anymore. This life was worse than death in his private cave. I’d rather live trapped in his tiny home for eternity than go without him for a moment longer. “Then let it happen. Let me die.”
“I cannot.” He growled as unshed tears filled his eyes. “This is but a moment for a perfect eternity.”
Frustration ate at me. “We’ve tried this before. I don’t want a perfect eternity. I want you.”
“Hades is watching.” Thanatos glanced around. “Even now he will come for you, and we will be parted. There is no other choice but life. Go and live. Do the right things and join me in Elysium.”
I nervously glanced around, waiting for the God of the Underworld to come and collect me.
This life wouldn’t get me into Elysium. We both knew it.
I would have to change everything and live a life of pure goodness, but I wasn’t pure or good.
Centuries of reincarnation had told me that.
“The second I go back, I will not remember.”
“No, you won’t.”
I squeezed my eyes shut. “It is a personal kind of hell to always miss you and never know why.”
“How can that be? You shouldn’t remember me at all.” He pulled me in closer to him, wrapping his arms around me and holding me closer to his chest.
“Stasie! Come on, Stasie!” I glanced down at my body as they did compressions on my chest and breathed into my mouth.
“I don’t know how it is so. But I feel this deep . . . yearning for something I can’t touch or hold.” I savored the feel of his arms around me and the way his chest felt under my cheek. “I need this . . . need you. This life is torture without you.”
He gave a pained groan. “I know this torture well.”
“Then let it be done.” The pleading in my voice was unmistakable.
“Put the paddles on her!” one of the men commanded, and they scrambled to lay white paddles on my chest and side.
“We cannot.” Thanatos bet down low and pressed his lips to mine. Connection sizzled through me and that feeling of completion overcame me. Something clicked into place and my heart nearly exploded with the touch of his lips.
“Clear!” Electricity shot through me and my body began to fade from him.
“No! No, keep me with you.” I wrapped my hands in his robes, holding on.
“Again!” Josh cried out. “Do it again!”
“Clear!”
The jolt shot through me and my body was yanked back from Thanatos’s side.
No! Blackness took me and I was shoved down a long dark tunnel until bright white light flashed behind my eyes.
My throat burned as saltwater exploded from my mouth and they rolled me to the side.
More water, more burning. Thanatos stood over me, watching as my body started to come back to life.
He slowly started to fade before me, and I tried to hold on to the memories of him, but those too slowly faded away.
They rolled me onto my back and Josh hovered over me. “You saved me, Stasie. You saved me!”
“Just try to take some deep breaths.” One of the men who pulled me out of the water patted me on the shoulder. “Nice easy breaths.”
I coughed and my throat felt raw as though blades of glass had scraped up and down it.
My mind began to clear and everything came back—swimming for Josh, diving under the water and forcing him to the surface, and then .
. . blackness. That empty ache returned to my chest, and I sucked in another pained breath. “Bit too close to death for me.”
“Me too.” Josh flopped down on the deck next to me as the boat sped away toward the hospital. “Let’s not do that again. It was terrifying.”
“Right. Yes.” But I wasn’t terrified of death. Now something deep in me welcomed it.