3. Lucia
3
LUCIA
T he sting of angry tears prickle the back of my eyelids—my frustration always turns into a wet response. “Piece of shit, scumbag, bully,” I mumble as I climb into my car.
A fancy black SUV sits behind me, blocking me in. Saverio sits smugly in the driver’s seat, his confident smirk never faltering as he watches me get in.
The door slams shut behind me with a resounding thud, my anger palpable. I glare at him through the rearview mirror, my eyes blazing with fury. “Bully,” I mutter under my breath, hoping he can hear the venom in my tone. But regardless of whether he hears me or not, he tips an invisible hat and begins to pull away, leaving me seething in his wake.
I drive home in a cocoon of silence, save for the soft hum of music playing through my car’s speakers. The words are muffled and indistinct, fading into the background as my thoughts take over. I find myself having a conversation with myself, thoughts swirling and emotions churning.
“This is all your fault,” the rational side of my brain chides. “You should never have slept with him when you turned eighteen.” My stomach twists and turns as memories flood back, each bringing a fresh wave of regret and self-blame.
That night was a nightmare that still haunts me to this day. My heart didn’t just break; it was brutally shattered on the dance floor at prom by a person who I thought loved me. Tears streamed down my face, my makeup ruined, as I ran out of there feeling like Cinderella after midnight, suddenly transformed back into a pumpkin with no hope of ever being whole again.
Luciano was inside the hotel with his date, and I didn’t want to ruin his night by telling him what happened. If I called one of my other brothers, they would have walked straight into prom and beat the shit out of Danny. Dante probably would have made him eat literal shit. Niccolo would have used Danny’s tie as a noose. And Salvatore would have run him over in the parking lot without a second thought.
Desperation gnawed at me as I frantically scrolled through my phone, desperately seeking someone to rescue me from this humiliating situation. The majority of my friends were inside the prom venue, no doubt reveling in their own perfect nights while I stood alone outside. Even the few friends who were not present weren’t viable options because they would have enjoyed the juicy drama of me being dumped on prom night too much. And I couldn’t call my parents because the news would inevitably get back to my brothers. As I scanned my contact list, it became clear that I had very limited options for salvation.
“So you chose Saverio fucking Castiglione,” I swear as I sit at a stoplight. “You called a monster.”
I didn’t just call Saverio to pick me up; I poured my heart out to him. Prom in Manhattan is always held at the mall. It would have taken him fifteen minutes to drive me home, but instead, I had him keep driving. For an hour, we circled Manhattan as he listened to me rant about my boyfriend and my high school drama. Eleven years older than me and on the cusp of turning thirty, Saverio couldn’t relate, but he didn’t judge me, either.
“But you needed someone.” My heart, always so quick to feel and empathize, speaks up to rationalize what I did all those years ago. “You needed a knight in shining armor, and he was there.”
My scornful, logical-brained side is quick to snort in derision. Her voice drips with sarcasm and disbelief as it retorts, “More like a knight in virgin-wool Armani.”
Eventually, driving around became boring and I asked Saverio to take me home. Even though a dozen prom after parties were about to start, my parents would commend me on coming home instead of attending. “After all, I don’t have anyone to attend with,” I told Saverio. “Luc probably doesn’t even know I’m gone. No one ever notices me.”
Saverio brought the car to a sudden halt, its tires screeching against the pavement. The empty street was cloaked in darkness except for the soft glow of the streetlight two houses down. With a gravity that matched the intensity of his expression, he swiveled in his seat to face me, his hand reaching out to gently cradle my cheek. In the moonlight, every line and angle of his face seemed to be etched in sharp relief, emphasizing his strength and determination. His touch was both tender and possessive at once as if he were claiming me as his own. “That’s not true, Lucia. I noticed you. I’ve always noticed you.”
I was putty in his hands after that. I was a heartbroken, hormonal teenager in a car with a handsome older man who made me feel like I was the only girl in the world. It didn’t take much to convince him to have sex with me. It took even less for me to fall in love with him.
As I turn onto my street, the familiar snarky voice in the back of my head comes to life. “You’re responsible for all of this. If you’d have just swallowed your pride and gone back into prom, you never would have gotten involved with Saverio.”
That’s what I try to convince myself of, but the reality is much more tangled and murky. Perhaps I could have held out for another year, possibly even two, but in the end, I knew deep down that my fate was always bound to intertwine with Saverio’s.
That day at my youngest brother’s funeral, we forged a bond that I will never be able to break. And as much as I loathe and detest the idea of being forced to marry the man who knows my deepest, darkest secrets, I can’t imagine winding up with anyone else.