Chapter 2
Chapter
Two
HARPER
T he chilly morning air on my bare legs should be uncomfortable, but I’m numb to anything at this point. I just want Banks. I have to get to Banks.
By the time I pull up to the small parking lot by his dorm and get off Cyrus’s bike, my legs are so shaky I can barely walk. I don’t remember any of the drive, I just slipped into autopilot and made my way here. People cast curious looks my way, but it’s probably because I’m leaving my helmet on.
I barely make it up the sidewalk when Banks comes running out the front door of the dorm with a hood up. He scoops me into his arms and carries me inside as I wrap my legs around his waist. Neither of us talk as he runs up the stairs, taking them three at a time.
“God Harper, everyone is so worried about you.” He pulls the helmet off my head as soon as my feet touch the floor. “You’re freezing.”
His hands rove over my body squeezing my arms and hands to help warm them. I still haven’t said a word. What would I even say? Tears prick my eyes as he pulls me into his bedroom and shuts the door behind us.
My breath hitches as he cups my cheeks and lifts my face until I look at him. “I’m sorry,” I rasp.
He shakes his head and pulls me into another hug. “You have nothing to apologize for.”
“People know we’re together. They’re going to think I cheated on you. If you stay with me, they’ll think you’re weak.”
“Fuck what anyone else thinks. I know the truth, and you know the truth.”
“I’m a whore.” Tears roll down my cheeks as my mind starts to race to all the dark and scary corners it can. “Everyone knows.”
“No.” Banks drops to his chair and points at the floor by his feet. “Sit.”
I follow his directions immediately. His fingers thread through my hair as I rest my head on his lap. The sound of laughter filters up from the street outside, but otherwise the room is quiet. I inhale the familiar and comforting scent of chlorine that has always clung to his skin. Silent tears continue to roll down my cheek, landing on his knee.
“Hey,” Banks says as he answers his phone. “Yeah, she’s here.”
It sounds like Declan.
“Let me ask her.” He tilts my head until I meet his gaze. “They want to switch to FaceTime, so they can see you with their own eyes. Is that okay?”
“Are they worried?” My brow scrunches.
“Yes.” The answer comes both from Banks and Declan.
I nod, and after a brief moment of searching my face for certainty, he switches the call to FaceTime. When I look into the screen, I see all three of them crammed together. Declan’s eyes are tight, Emerson’s lips are pressed into a straight line, and Cyrus looks sad. My chest tightens knowing I did this to them.
“I’m sorry,” I say through trembling lips. My watery eyes move from the phone to Bank’s face for comfort. “I didn’t think you’d be that worried. I just needed Banks. I was scared.”
“It’s okay, we understand,” Emerson says.
The looks on Declan and Cyrus’s faces say differently though. Before I can apologize again or try to address their sadness or disappointment or anger, Declan continues.
“I called my cousin and got everything sorted with the video. It’s already been reported to news agencies as a deep fake video and is being scrubbed from websites. I’ll tell Dad and Annabelle to pick you up.” His voice is flat. He disappears as he hands the phone over to Emerson.
“The most important thing is that you’re okay,” Emerson says, taking over. “You can trust us to be there for you when you need us.”
I want to tell him it’s not a matter of trust, I do trust them. My eyes meet Banks’s, and he mouths that it’s okay, that I’m okay. He tucks a piece of hair behind my ear and wraps his foot around my waist, tucking me closer to him.
“Thank you,” I tell Emerson. “I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay, baby.” His eyes soften as he hands the phone to Cyrus.
“Didn’t know you had it in you to steal my bike for a little joyride.” Cyrus gives me a cheeky wink and a smile. “Next time leave a note, asteraki mu.”
I nod and hand the phone back to Banks, who ends the call. All of a sudden I’m so tired, my whole body aches with fatigue. I wish I could melt into the floor.
“Let’s lay down until your mom and Cillian get here.”
“Don’t you have class?”
“Just intro to psych. Trust me, I can miss a class and be fine.”
He pulls me up and folds the covers back for me to slide in next to the wall. The bed sags as he gets in beside me and slides his arm under my neck. I turn into his body, sliding my arm over his chest and clinging to him while he runs his fingers over my scalp.
“Do you want to talk about anything?” he asks.
“Did you see the video?”
“Yeah, not the whole thing though. Who would do that to you?”
“I don’t know. I haven’t really thought about it, to be honest. I just woke up and saw your texts, clicked on some headlines and got sick in the sink. Coming here to you was just an impulse decision. I don’t even remember the drive.”
He sighs heavily and kisses my forehead. “That isn’t comforting to hear.”
“I’m sorry.”
“You don’t have to keep apologizing.”
“I feel bad for all this. Scaring everyone. Putting you in this position. Being an embarrassment. The world must think I’m a whore.”
“You’re not. Who matters more, the people who know and love you or a bunch of people who only know who you are because of the vile shit your dad did?”
“Obviously the people who know me,” I mumble as my eyes drift closed.
“Exactly, so just hold onto us and screw anyone else’s opinions.”
The sound of murmured voices in the living room area of Banks’s dorm pulls me from my fitful slumber. I can’t make out the words, but I hear my mom’s voice. Checking my reflection in the mirror, I realize my hair is a tangled mess. I finger comb out the snarls as best I can before going to see Mom and Cillian.
Mom has her arm wrapped around Banks’s waist, giving him a little hug while Cillian stands stoic in the corner. My stepfather looks so out of place in a college dorm room in his expensive suit with a severe expression on his face. When he notices me that expression immediately softens into concern.
“Are you okay?” he asks, hesitating before opening his arms in invitation for a hug.
“Not really.” I surprise myself with how honest I am while I accept the comfort of a hug from him. He’s the antithesis to my father. It makes it easy to open up.
“I’m going to ruin whoever did this, in every way possible.” He releases me from the hug, and I go to Mom.
As soon as her arms wrap around me, I’m instantly transported to my childhood, before my father’s abuse became so severe, when she was healthy and strong. Her arms hold me tightly while she kisses my cheek. I try so hard to hold back my tears, but I can’t. They come pouring back out until some of hers mix with mine.
“It’s okay,” she shushes me lovingly. “Let it out, sweetheart. It’s safe, you’re safe.”
It’s safe.
That phrase makes me cry even harder. We’ve never been able to do this before, cry together. Anytime one of us cried, we’d be hit, so we learned to turn the tears off. To hold ourselves together until we were alone and could crack. Or, in my case, with Banks.
“We should get going so we can get you home,” Cillian says. “We’ll meet you down at the car.” He holds out his arm for Mom, wrapping his arm around her waist after saying their goodbyes to Banks.
I turn to him and rise on my tiptoes to give him a kiss. He pulls me against his chest and buries his head in my hair. We stay like that for a few minutes in silence until he cups my face and tilts my head back.
“I love you.”
“I love you, too,” I tell him. “Thank you for always being so strong for me.”
“That’s never going to change. I have a meet this weekend, but I’m open the weekend after next. I’m going to come spend it with you.”
“I’d love that.”
He walks me down to the Range Rover Cillian and Mom are waiting in. I look around for Cy’s Ducati, nervous when I don’t see it. It would be my luck that I didn’t turn it off properly or something.
Cillian rolls down his window. “If you’re looking for Cyrus’s bike, your mom’s bodyguard is already on the way back to Trinity on it.”
Bodyguard? I look questioningly at Mom, but she just looks straight ahead.
Banks opens the back door for me and gives me one more quick goodbye kiss before closing the door. I sneak a few furtive glances at my mom in the front seat while I buckle up. Banks gives me a wave, which I return as we drive out of the parking lot.
The silence in the car is stifling. I know I need to apologize, but it’s a delicate thing to navigate. Did they see the video? Do they think poorly of me now? I know exactly how my father would have reacted which makes not knowing what they’re thinking so much harder.
“I’m sorry you had to take time out of your day to deal with this. I know it’s embarrassing for you to have your daughter and stepdaughter known for something so scandalous.”
“Harper,” Cillian says. “I need you to do me a favor, alright?”
“Anything,” I quickly agree.
“I need you to acknowledge that you are a victim and your privacy was violated in the most egregious way. You were on privately owned property, under the impression no one was around, and nothing you did was illegal.” He pauses while he merges onto the highway. “Someone illegally gaining access to private property, filming you without your consent, and uploading it to the internet is most definitely illegal. You didn’t deserve that.”
My mouth hangs open as his eyes meet mine in the rearview mirror. I’ll never stop crying at this point. My limbs tingle while my mind works overtime to understand how he can be so open and understanding. It’s so far outside the bounds of anything I’ve experienced that I can’t wrap my mind around it.
“Mom, I’m sorry.”
“Sweetie.” She turns around and squeezes my knee. “You don’t owe me an apology either.”
“But what about everyone you know? Your friends? Surely they’re going to see or hear and then you’ll be known as the mother to a slut.”
Her eyes narrow to slits. “Don’t ever call yourself that again.”
My gaze drops to the floorboards. I don’t feel deserving of all the grace I’m getting from the people I love. Shame burns through my veins, pounding at my temples.
“By tomorrow morning the world is going to forget all about the video. Our family contacts have gotten it removed from most sites and several reputable agencies have reported it as a fake video.”
“But it was real, how can we just lie and people not know?”
“People will believe the wildest stories if they come from the right sources. I’m not saying that you might not face some laughter behind your back or whispered gossip but by and large, everything should work out okay.”
“We got you excused from classes for the next week, if you want.”
“No, I’ll go right back.” It’ll be better to face any backlash head on.
Besides, nothing is as scary as facing the three guys I left behind this morning.