Chapter 23
Chapter
Twenty-Three
BANKS
T he sound of waves crashing against the rocks is all I hear as I step out of my car at Declan and Harper’s house. I’m not surprised to have received an invite here this weekend, but I was shocked when it came from Declan first. We’ve been getting along better, but I’m prepared for any progress we’ve made to be partially erased by my marriage proposal. I ring the bell and look out over the stormy sea while I prepare for whatever is coming at me.
Turns out what’s coming for me is a five-foot-four squealing brunette. Harper jumps into my arms like a little koala, squeezing me with all the love and strength she can muster. I hug her right back, giving her a kiss on the temple.
“I didn’t realize you were coming by,” she says as she drops her legs. “Did Mom invite you over?”
“I did.” Declan walks into the foyer with an unreadable expression on his face.
I’ll count it as a win because at least he’s not scowling. Baby steps.
“Really?” She turns from me to look at him trepidatiously, keeping her body between us just in case a fight breaks out.
“Calm down. It was a peaceful invite. I just want to talk.” He starts walking toward the stairs but holds out a hand when she starts to follow. “No, just Banks and me.”
Her eyes flit to mine. “I don’t know if that’s a good idea.”
“It’s fine.” I squeeze her shoulder as I pass her to follow him upstairs. “I’ll find you when we’re done.”
He leads me down a hallway past the room they gave Harper and into his bedroom. The walls are a deep blue with shelves lining the top full of soccer medals and trophies. His valedictorian stole and honors cords hang haphazardly from a hook on his closet door. A picture of him as a child in the cockpit of an airplane next to a woman sits on his nightstand beside a rosary. His eyes follow mine, and he picks up the frame.
“My mom.” He holds out the picture for me.
After a brief hesitation I take it. It feels like a sort of peace offering. Or maybe a test. Either way my curiosity wins out, and I look down, taking in the minute details. His mom was beautiful, I can see her smile in his, rare as it may be.
“You have her smile.”
“I know.” He takes it from me as I hand it back over to him, setting it carefully back in place. He takes a deep breath and turns to me. “Harper told me she loves me last night.”
My smile is immediate, that’s a big step for her. I remember how uncomfortable she used to be telling me. “That’s great. I’m happy for you guys.”
He narrows his eyes. “You’re not upset? Or jealous?”
“No.” I don’t think I need to be.
“Not threatened?”
“Again, no.” I lean against his desk and stretch my legs out. “You love her, so why should I be worried about her loving you? Are you jealous of me?”
“I have been, but not really anymore.”
“Threatened?”
“Yes.”
“Are you looking for me to ease your mind?”
“Fuck.” He drops to his bed and runs his hand through his hair. “I don’t know. I just can’t stop worrying about you changing your mind eventually. What if you wake up someday and want her to yourself?”
“Change my mind about being asexual and being in polyamorous relationship with the four of you?”
“Yes.”
“I’ve never had any desire to have sex, and I honestly don’t see it happening for me. I just don’t, and I wish I could explain it better so you’d be more at peace with it, but I can’t. As for changing my mind, I don’t want anything except Harper’s happiness, and hopefully that includes me in her life forever. Hell, I want to marry her. I’m not going anywhere.”
“That’s what worries me. You have so much history with her.”
“So? You’re creating your own history and memories, which I know mean as much to her as the ones we share.”
It hits me that what he’s actually feeling is insecurity, I can see it in the way his shoulders roll forward and how difficult it is for him to look me in the eye. My eyes are drawn back to the photo of his mother. I want to help him understand and feel at ease, but I’m not sure how far to push. Then again, he’s never shied away from being blunt nearly to the point of rudeness with me.
“What are you the most worried about?” I ask him. “What keeps you up at night about this situation?”
“That I’ll wake up one day, and she’ll be gone.”
“With me?”
He pauses to think. “I mean in general, but you’re the most obvious reason.”
I walk over and take a seat beside him. It’s probably not wise to put myself within punching distance considering what I’m about to say but fuck it. Someone needs to say it.
“Have you been to therapy?” I grab the photo and hand it to him. “To deal with the grief and loss of your mom?”
He snatches it from my hand and sets it back on the table. “Are you saying I have mommy issues?”
“Yes.” I brace for what I believe to be an inevitable strike. When one never comes, I turn my head to find him staring at his knees.
“I haven’t been. Dad wanted me to go when I was younger, but I refused.”
“I’m shocked,” I say dryly.
“Fuck off,” he says with no heat.
“Hard pass.”
He snorts a laugh. “I wish you weren’t likable. No one’s ever told me I have mommy issues before.”
“I’m sure they’ve all thought it.” I look over at him. “Do you feel better about me? About her and I possibly getting married, but knowing it would never be conventional?”
He nods slowly. “As long as she and I can have a baby together.”
“I don’t want to have my own biological kids, so I’m fine with that.” In fact, knowing that he wants kids eases my own worries. “She’s always wanted a big family with lots of kids. It used to make me feel so guilty when she’d talk about it, knowing how I feel.”
“That had to be hard.”
I drag in a deep breath as my eyes sting. “It was so fucking hard.” But it feels good to be seen. You could fucking knock me over with a feather knowing that it was Declan Ambrose who finally gave me the gift of validation.
Harper shoots up from the couch as soon as we walk into the living room. Her eyes dart back and forth between us as if expecting bloodied faces and broken bones. But she doesn’t find anything out of place, except maybe Declan’s hair.
“You’re all in one piece, that’s good.”
“We just had a friendly chat,” Declan says innocently.
“Yep. He needed to talk through his mommy issues.”
Her eyebrows climb nearly to her hairline. “Mommy issues?” She looks to him, but he remains calm.
“Apparently, I need therapy.”
Honestly, I’m hoping if he starts going, she’ll be more open to the idea. If anyone needs it, it’s Harper. Although I’m not sure Cyrus doesn’t need it either. Fuck, maybe we all need therapy.
That topic takes a back seat as Declan suggests we all watch a movie. Harper settles in between us, leaning her head against my shoulder and twining her arm around mine. Declan grabs her feet and sets them in his lap. Hope grows within me that we can really make this work.
Harper asked me to stay the night, and Declan chimed in, saying I should stay anyway because of the storm. We’re laying in her bed listening to the wind howl and the rain blow against the windowpane while she tells me about Greece.
“I wish I could have been there. It sounds amazing.”
“It was. I’m sure there will be more trips you can tag along on. Especially if you’re really going to move in with us.” She looks up at me. “Are you sure that’s what you want?”
“Yes. Is it what you want?” I lift her left hand and look at the ring, sparkling in the flash of lightning outside.
“Absolutely, but only if it is what you truly want. I know how much you’ll be giving up.”
“I can swim anywhere.”
She props herself up on her elbow and looks down at me. “Swimming for Trinity isn’t the same, and you know it.”
“I’ll just be a big fish in a smaller pond now instead of a medium fish in a huge pond. It’s not like I’m planning on swimming professionally or trying for the Olympics. It’s just a sport. You’re the love of my life.”
She exhales deeply and gives me one of her beautiful smiles. “I love you.” She drops her forehead to mine.
“It’s mutual.”
She laughs and shakes her head. “Speaking of people I love.”
“Declan told me.”
She blinks. “Really?”
“Yeah, it was the first thing he said when we spoke earlier.”
“Like he taunted you with it.” She scowls in the direction of his room.
“Maybe, but also no. It didn’t upset me and that confused him.”
“Of course it did. He can’t even handle when I let a guy borrow a pen in class.” She turns her attention back to me. “But otherwise it really was good?”
“It was. I’m glad he asked me to come out today.”
“Want to hear something even wilder than that?”
“Always.”
“My mom is sleeping with Cillian and her bodyguard.”
“What?” That is truly shocking. More shocking than our big open relationship. “How do you know?”
“Declan saw them last night when he walked past the den.” She bursts into laughter. “You should have seen his face when he came back upstairs.”
“Were they hooking up with the door open or something? Did he actually see them?” I probably would have passed out.
“I think it was cracked open; he said he only saw enough to know everyone was participating.”
“Holy shit.” It’s hard to wrap my mind around Annabelle, who was always so prim and proper, a true southern lady through and through, doing that. More power to her, though. As long as she’s happy and safe, it’s all that matters.
After a few minutes, Harper drifts off to sleep. I watch her for a bit, just taking in how peaceful and happy she seems. It’s all I’ve ever wanted for her. To find a way for everything to work for us, a way to stay together but each be fulfilled by the type of life we envisioned all along. Everything is falling into place perfectly.