Chapter 19
Lucy
A bittersweet sensation settles over me as the rest of my lobster sits forgotten on my plate. “Yeah, I’ve come a long way from stealing shoes and toothpaste, haven’t I?”
Callum’s gaze bores into mine. I can’t believe what I’ve just admitted, but there seems to be no way out of it other than sharing this story as quickly and unemotionally as I can.
“When I was in foster care, during the period when my sister and I were separated…I was placed with this one really awful woman.” I still remember her dismissive, disinterested, blank-eyed stare.
“She used to spend all the money they sent for me on herself and her own kids. Got so bad one fall that I didn’t have a single pair of shoes that fit or anything to brush my teeth with. ”
My body constricts beneath my skin at just the thought of that helpless desperation I lived through as a kid.
I see Callum’s shoulders tense a little too.
“I knew I’d be punished if I complained about it, so finally, I stole a pair of shoes…as well as some toothpaste from a kid with braces in my class. She kept a tube in her backpack because she was always brushing her teeth.”
Callum shakes his head, sympathy etched in every line of his face.
Instead of allowing him a chance to reply, I give us both a way out of this depressing detour into my past.
I shift a little in my seat, wishing the self-consciousness away. “Anyway, enough about that. You’ve told me about your sister’s dream. What about yours?”
Callum reaches for my hand and squeezes. Several seconds pass before he lets go. “My dream died a while ago.”
He doesn’t elaborate.
Now I’m the one who doesn’t know what to say.
I feel awkward as hell, wondering why I revealed a vulnerability of my own so easily, especially when he’s clearly not likely to do the same—
“I didn’t have grand ambitions.” He sets his fork down before crumbling a napkin in his fist. “I didn’t want my face on a billboard like you, and I didn’t want to shape the minds of the young like Deirdre. I just wanted to…be of help to those who needed it.”
My heart stutters. Behind Callum’s carefully guarded eyes, I catch a glimpse of an emotion I can’t place. Hurt?
“But I’m not like you or Deirdre.” His tone grows heavy. “Even when I did my very best, even when I put every single thing on the line, I still couldn’t protect the people who needed it most.” He glares at the table, like he’s seeing all his mistakes dancing there in front of him.
Empathy lurches in my chest. My hand crosses the small distance to his clenched fist and settles on top of it. On impulse, I gently squeeze, just like he did with me.
This small amount of contact causes Callum’s eyebrows to fly up his forehead. Maybe I should be offended by that reaction, but instead, warmth floods me from head to toe.
“You shouldn’t try to comfort me.” Callum’s voice roughens. Beneath my hand, his tenses even more. “I’m the one who lived while extremists killed the people I was tasked with protecting. A family. A father, a mother, and a little girl.”
My heart keels over just imagining the weight he’s been hauling around on his shoulders since this happened. No wonder he’s such a stickler about safety.
“I think you’re really brave.” I inhale a deep breath. “I know that it takes a lot of courage to get back up again and keep going after you’ve been through hell.”
He shakes his head. “After I failed that mission, doing the work I did…my dream…it lost all meaning. And in the end, I quit the military. So you see, your praise is wasted on me. I didn’t get back up.”
My attention snaps to his face. “Yes, you did.”
He meets my gaze, frustration in his eyes. “No, I didn’t.”
“Then what do you call this?” I pull my hand away to gesture to the space between us. “No, you couldn’t protect that family in the end, but that didn’t stop you from signing up to protect me.”
Callum’s expression opens up, like he’s never considered his actions in this light before. He doesn’t even respond.
I sip some water to ease my parched throat. “You remember that judge, the one who grabbed me? You think that was the first time one of the pervs in the industry crossed a line?”
Anger and recognition flash in Callum’s burning green eyes.
“The first time something like that ever happened, I was sixteen and up for a family print ad. The offending party was the model posing as my character’s dad.” I swallow down the disgust that memory yanks to the surface and shake my head a little.
“What happened?” Callum’s voice is laced with malice.
I fold my hands in front of my plate. “That middle-aged prick whispered something sexual in my ear, and then he grabbed me. It was horrible. I was young, scared, and vulnerable. I knew I wanted to model, but not if it meant dealing with men like that on a regular basis. After that, I realized I’d have to make a choice.
Give up on my dream or decide that I wasn’t going to let creeps like him win. ”
To my great surprise, something akin to admiration softens Callum’s expression. “You’re tougher than you look, aren’t you, Marlow?”
“I sure hope so.” A dry laugh bubbles up. “Otherwise, I’d probably be the world’s youngest hermit by now, hiding away in my apartment and never coming out.” A flash of darkness comes over me. “That or locked up in a psych ward.”
Shit. I need to get out of here before I confess too much. Before he learns what a mess I really am.
Without even attempting some kind of transition, I leap to my feet. “Anyway, I should be getting to bed. If I don’t get nine hours, I’ll have dark circles under my eyes tomorrow.”
I pivot for the exit. I need to hide before I say anything else stupid.
“Wait.”
Callum rises from his chair and coils his hand around my wrist with lightning speed.
My heart cartwheels between my ribs. When I pull back to face him, he’s right in front of me. I instinctively retreat but clip the chair leg and stumble.
He slides an arm around the small of my back and pulls me against his chest.
My heart’s hammering so viciously, I’m surprised he can’t hear it.
I’m caught beneath the paralyzing spotlight of his green-eyed gaze.
Air rushes from my lungs. “Thanks for…stopping my fall. Yet again.”
He gives me a solemn nod before slowly releasing me. “Thank you for thinking better of me than I deserve.”
I take one small step back from him, the heat and power of his body warming my skin like steam. “Well, good—”
“I’m glad you didn’t let your experiences turn you into a hermit.” Sincerity shines on his face. “Even if that would make my job much easier.”
My lips curve at his attempt at humor. And then all the stress of the last twenty-four hours melts right out of my system in a few hearty laughs.
We’re both just standing here cackling.
“Good night, Callum.” For some crazy reason, I lean forward to give him a quick peck on the cheek. It’s not until my mouth is pressed against his that I realize what I’ve just done.
Jerking back, I register that his surprise mirrors my own before he wraps an arm around my waist and pulls me close.
His lips find mine.
A real kiss this time, his tongue tracing the seam of my mouth. I part my lips, fisting my hands in his shirt as my knees weaken. He tastes like wine and sin. And though I might regret it in the morning, I kiss him back like tomorrow doesn’t matter.
He groans into my mouth, nipping my lower lip, then cups the back of my neck. His fingers twist into my hair and tug. My head tips, granting him better access. As the kiss deepens, my eyes flutter shut.
I haven’t kissed anyone in…I’m not sure how long.
Even so, I never remember a kiss feeling like this.
He splays his free hand across my hip, holding me close as he presses featherlight pecks across the corner of my mouth, my jaw, my neck.
When his mouth returns to mine, electricity zips through every nerve.
I gasp at the dizzying sensation, and the noise breaks the spell.
Callum pulls away as quickly as he yanked me in.
For several seconds, we stand here in silence, panting. Only a thin circle of green shows around his dilated pupils.
When I lick my lips and back away, he releases me.
“I. Um. I need to sleep.” My throat is so dry. “Good night, Callum.”
I flee to the bedroom, closing the door with a snap.
I prepare for bed and turn out the lights before nestling under my covers. My mind races, but I can’t muster an ounce of remorse for what happened. Kissing Callum was indescribable.
The most shameful part is…I want to do it again.