Chapter 51
CHAPTER 51
Zack forgot about the envelope still in his hand until he was at the top of the stairs. Reading it might wind up creating thoughts that Seamus overheard. Not reading it was going to drive Zack over a cliff of anxiety.
Thomas was an expert strategist. He wouldn’t give away secrets in a letter anyone could get their hands on. However, Seamus might question why Zack was suddenly thinking about his father so much. If he guessed where Zack had gotten a letter, then Roger could be in trouble. Then again, Roger was already an outcast.
“Screw it,” Zack muttered to himself and dipped into one of the rooms closer to the top of the stairs. He ripped open the envelope and unfolded the pages, nearly ripping them. His father’s handwriting was unmistakable. Zack leaned back against the wall, as even seeing his name in his father’s hand brought comfort.
Zack,
I’ve started this six times and can’t think of a smart way to begin so I’m just going to say what it is that I need to say.
I’m sorry.
A father should be a shield, a sword, and a light for his child. He should at the very least try to be those things. I should have been them for you. I thought I was, but my sword’s rusted, my light’s dim, and I forgot to lift a shield at all. You have always been brave and clever. I saw your courage and I committed the greatest crime, I stayed silent. When the family turned on you, I should have stood up rather than keeping my mouth shut and falling in line. You spared a girl who had been a victim. You let Roger into your life when you could have killed him.
He is a good man. Better than me. He never gave up on you or Takashi. He’s launching a war, and I’m going to help him. I know that a few good deeds can’t make up for the hurt I’ve caused you, but I’ve got to start somewhere.
In case I don’t get to say any of this in person, I love you. I know you’re a vampire now, and that doesn’t change the fact that I love you. I don’t want you to think that it ever could. I won’t lie and say I’m not worried. You are fucking smart, Zack. You see through people, you saw through the bullshit the family fed you, and you carved your own path. If you abandon your humanity, you could become the greatest of monsters and that fucking scares me because it doesn’t matter what you do, I will still love you. You are my son, and despite my and your mother’s failures, you’re growing up to be a good man. One I will continue to be proud of, no matter what.
I should have said those words to you long ago. Even in our line of work, we take our time for granted. I could have lost you altogether. But you get to keep on living and I get a second chance to make up for my fuck ups.
For the record, after your talk with Amber, she hasn’t stopped ranting about how awful the family treated you. Well, she’s stopped a little lately. We’ve been busy.
And this is poor timing and a shitty way to say it, but you should know that I’m divorcing your mother. Our marriage was never built on the kind of love I wanted to have in my life, but staying with her means supporting her and the bullshit she believes in. I can’t do that anymore. Not when it hurts you. Not when it could hurt Amber worse than it already has.
You should also know I approve of Roger. He is … well, I would have hoped you’d pick a mortal partner, but considering you now have forever, I like him for you. If this Takashi I keep hearing about is even a quarter of the man he is, then I approve of him, too. I don’t care that you have two boyfriends at the same time. If a million-person polycule worked for you—well, I’d ask that you make sure people stay healthy. All I have ever wanted was for you to be happy and healthy.
I’m sorry that I caused you misery. A father shouldn’t do that.
I love you.
Dad
Dots of red landed on the page, and Zack had to hold the papers away before more of his tears fell on them. He didn’t have to worry about Seamus reading his thoughts; his mind was blank as comprehension sunk in.
His dad, who had faced more danger than anyone Zack knew, had called him the brave one. There was no condition on it. No expectation to be different than what he was. His dad even knew he was a vampire and wrote him a letter anyway. His dad still loved him, no matter what. He always had.
Roger and Thomas were definitely planning something big. The letter had all the hallmarks of “in case I die” without saying the words explicitly. For all the doubt that had plagued Zack, for all the tears he’d cried thinking his family had completely given up on him, his dad was trying to make it right. Amber was trying to do the right thing.
Suddenly, Zack wanted the one thing he wasn’t sure he’d ever have again. He wanted a hug from his dad.
You’re distraught. What’s wrong? Seamus asked.
Fuck. Zack pulled out his handkerchief and dried his face of tears. Quickly, he folded up the letter and slid it into his back pocket. His hand brushed against his dagger.
Walking downstairs and attacking Seamus in the middle of a party full of people who should protect him was a bad idea. Zack entertained it anyway just to settle himself.
I thought we were past this , Seamus said.
Me wanting to kill you? Zack asked. We were. Then you threatened my boyfriend like the abusive fucking monster that you are .
In time, you’ll see I am right about him .
Zack rolled his eyes and left the room. He hurried down the stairs to the second floor. The party’s atmosphere had shifted from an early-how-do-you-do to the eager energy of a blast in progress. Live music was coming from one room off to his right. Thankfully, nothing was going on in the ballroom. Zack was sick of dancing.
He was also sick to death of Seamus fucking up his life. With a few words and an act of violence, Seamus had also ruined Takashi’s life.
As Zack passed a room, an idea occurred. Seamus wasn’t the only one who could spew the wrong words to the right people. The crowd was composed of influential vampires. All he had to do was find the right one.
He bypassed the room where he felt Seamus’s presence and scanned the others for a group of people who had the right attitude. They needed to be gossiping but not so self-important that they’d be patronizing to a newbie vampire in their midst.
Ah, there. Candide had introduced him to a couple of the vampires in a dimly lit room decorated in dark browns and golds. There were fewer mortals around, too, which was a bonus because the stimuli were threatening to cause another headache.
Dempsey was part of the crowd, and Zack strode over to him. With a raised brow, Dempsey motioned for Zack to sit beside him. A quick round of introductions and acknowledgments of acquittances were made. Then Dempsey said, “Did you get started early?”
Zack frowned.
Dempsey tapped his own collar.
“Oh. No.” Zack touched his collar and found a wet spot. His tears must have trailed onto his shirt. He snagged a glass of wine from a passing tray and swirled its contents, putting on his best brooding face and his grandest vampire persona. “Sometimes, having been murdered still bothers me. I was beaten to death, you see. Seamus offered to transform me, and I took it.”
The other vampires were practiced enough that no one shifted uncomfortably, but they did begin to still.
Ripping a page from Candide’s book, Zack put on a bright smile. “Some of you have to know how that is! Violence has brought many of us into this new life. I’m still adjusting, but I don’t regret taking the offer. Dying or living forever, I mean, who wouldn’t choose the forever, am I right?”
“That’s true,” Dempsey said slowly.
“I only wish I’d been smart enough to let my boyfriend Roger do it rather than getting murdered . Eh, but then I probably wouldn’t be as strong as I am.” Zack rushed from the couch he was sitting on, using every bit of speed that he had, and sat between two other vampires across the room. They jumped slightly.
The other chatter in the room died off. He had everyone’s attention.
“Was that fast? For a newbie?” Zack said. Shock was crossing more than a couple of faces. “I didn’t think I was until Takashi— sorry, Anton —made Katie. Ugh, it’s hard to keep track of all the pretenses you guys, well, we vamps, put on. As much as some of us are vampires. Did you know that that’s a fairly new word? I mean, how many of you are over two hundred years old? Only one? Well, then you know that when you were first a sireling, ‘vampire’ wasn’t a common word, huh? Anyway, what I guess I’m saying is ‘my father’ poured a lot of strength into me. He’s hoping to create a new generation of vampire, whatever the fuck that’s supposed to mean. Probably more supercharged fledglings like me. He’s got a whole fucking room full of profiles of people he wants to turn into his army so he can fight a war against dragons. Because somehow, they’re our worst enemies? I don’t know. Maybe he’s just jealous that they’re stronger than him.”
Zackery, what are you doing? Seamus asked mentally.
You want to take away what I love? I can ruin you, too . Zack sipped his wine.
Ruining me ruins you , Seamus said.
Hey, I’m a hunter turned vampire whose master just smashed his boyfriend’s reputation into rubble. Fucking bring on the drama .
Seamus was drawing closer. I am the one who should not be tested .
Says who? Zack finished off his wine and set the glass down. No one had picked up the conversation while Seamus was trying to rip him a new one in his head. “You know, I’ve got to ask. I spent a couple months as a mortal pet because that was the only way my boyfriends could bring me out in ‘polite society,’ but is that really the common practice in other covens? Should I be on the lookout for the urge to play out my violent desires on the unwilling? I mean, I haven’t managed to keep myself from killing my prey yet. Everybody keeps telling me not to feel guilty about that. Top of the food chain, apex predator bullshit. Oh, sorry, swearing’s ‘unbecoming.’”
Seamus was standing in the archway to the room, and a cold emanated from him.
“Oops, looks like I’ve pissed off daddy,” Zack said as he grabbed another wineglass. He stood and raised his glass in a toast. “If he should happen to ritualistically murder me and take back the gift of immortality he’s given me, it’s been real.”
Draining his glass again, he sought out the desires of the others in the room. The other vampires had better mental defenses. However, the mortals didn’t. A buzz of wanting to talk came from most of them.
Checkmate, motherfucker , Zack thought on his way out of the room.
Seamus grabbed Zack by the lapel and dragged him along the hallway, clearly seeking some sort of privacy. Zack waved to as many people as he could on his trek, including Katie and Anton.
With a snarl, Seamus shoved Zack into a bathroom and locked the door. He growled, “What the hell do you think you were doing?”
“Sorry, was all of that stuff supposed to be a secret?” Zack asked sarcastically. “Like maybe you shouldn’t have blabbed that you knew Nell wants me dead?”
“You ran your mouth because you’re upset that I hurt Takashi’s feelings?” Seamus scoffed. “I thought you were smarter than that.”
“Don’t fucking downplay what you did,” Zack snapped. “You intentionally ruined his fucking life, and you threatened him for something out of his control.”
“Out of—he has been seducing Anton,” Seamus replied hotly.
“Maybe if you weren’t a fucking tyrant, Anton wouldn’t be falling for someone who’s been a little bit nice to him,” Zack returned.
Seamus’s fist struck like a sledgehammer wielded by a world heavyweight champion. The blow cracked Zack’s jaw. The pain was sharp. Brief.
And expected. Zack pulled his dagger. Seamus was already in movement for another strike, but Zack slipped past his fist. He shoved Seamus up against the wall and drove his dagger toward his heart. All his excuses for not killing Seamus fell away. He only needed one reason to follow through with it.
To save his lovers.
The runes of his dagger glowed with bright red light. The tip pierced Seamus’s chest.
Then Zack stopped. With a grunt, he tried to move his arm, but he was stuck. Words died in his throat because he couldn’t move his jaw either. His whole body was frozen. What the fuck?
“You are fast,” Seamus said smoothly. He had a laugh in the back of his throat as he spoke. Off to the side, he gestured.
Zack’s head snapped up so that his gaze was on Seamus.
The whites of Seamus’s eyes had been consumed by the black voids, and his pupils were maroon. Seamus’s smile had three sets of fangs, all long, and his nails had become claws. His skin stretched across his bones, making him gaunt rather than healthy-looking. The smell that rolled off him was acrid and overpowered the earthy notes of his grave scent.
“You almost had me, son. Almost.” Seamus chuckled. He brushed hair back from Zack’s forehead. “I wonder if you were intentionally dismissing the idea of killing me just so you could have this opportunity.”
Why can’t I move? Zack screamed in his mind.
“Because my blood, my power, runs through your veins. I must admit, I wasn’t certain this trick would work. You have to absorb quite a bit for me to be able to pull this off. Or am I lying about that?” Seamus patted Zack’s cheek. “Take a step back, would you, dear boy?”
Against his will, Zack did.
Seamus fussed over his own shirt, then tched as he examined the blood drops on Zack’s. “Crying? On such a joyous night? Why?”
The urge to answer brought words to the tip of Zack’s tongue. He tried to swallow them down, but the longer he resisted, the more he was sure he was going to vomit. The best he could do was limit them. “I miss my dad.”
“I’m right here,” Seamus cooed. “Oh, but you mean your mortal father. The one who disowned you.”
“He loves me.”
“It pains me that you still believe that.” Seamus sighed. “I could erase your desire to see him. I could supplant your entire will, if I wanted to. But I have hope that you will still see reason. Of course, what’s happened here can’t go unpunished.”
Don’t you fucking hurt Takashi . Zack felt like he should be crying, but the tears weren’t starting like they were supposed to.
“I won’t,” Seamus said with a malicious smile. “My beloved deserves the chance to redeem himself and to carry on his work. I’m certain Takashi will make a fine addition to his menagerie in our dungeon. Perhaps, if you’re good, I’ll let Takashi out. In a decade or so, assuming he still has his mind.”
I’ll tell him to run . Zack clenched his jaw.
“You will do no such thing,” Seamus said coldly. “Tonight will carry on exactly how it is supposed to. If you breathe a word of this, I will make you rip out his heart and eat it.” He snapped his fingers.
Zack went to his knees. No matter how much he screamed at his muscles to move to his orders, his body stayed put.
Seamus leaned down and murmured in his ear, “Have I made myself clear, son ?”
“Yes,” Zack managed.
“Yes, what?”
“Yes, Father .”
Seamus patted his shoulder. As he straightened, his more human-looking guise fell back into place. “There’s my good boy. Now, take a few minutes to compose yourself before you rejoin the party. And do take care not to spill any more secrets. I can conceive of worse punishments than taking away your favorite toy.”
Only after Seamus left the bathroom and shut the door behind himself did the tension forcing Zack to be on his knees cease. Shaking, Zack collapsed against the wall. His dagger was still in his hand, for all the good it had done him.
Takashi’s life was in jeopardy because of him again . Even if they did try to fight Seamus, Zack would be useless until he broke the bond that connected them. The only way to do that was through time and space, and Seamus wasn’t going to give him that.
He had one thin hope that he didn’t dare put much thought into for fear of ruining whatever was in the works. The name came anyway.
Roger .