12. Felix
FELIX
Slowly, I blink my eyes open as I shake off the last remnants of sleep. With a low groan, I scrub my hand over my face and slowly sit up.
“Morning, sunshine.”
I jump at Killian’s voice and whip my head toward the voice so fast the world around me shimmers, and everything tilts dangerously to the left.
“Don’t pass out.” He gets off the couch and tucks his phone away. “Water.” He points to my bedside table.
I glance at it, surprised to see a silver tray laden with a tall glass of water, a small pitcher with a slightly cloudy liquid, and a pile of single-serving snacks.
Scooting closer, I pick up the water and take a few sips. The cool liquid coats my dry throat, and it’s only then I realize how thirsty I am.
I gulp down the rest of it, spilling some down my front in my haste. I expect Killian to make a crack about how he can’t believe I made it to nineteen when I can’t even drink from a glass, but he doesn’t.
Instead he comes to stand next to my bed and scrutinizes me intently.
“Easy,” he cautions when I reach for the pitcher. “You’re going to make yourself puke if you drink too much too fast.” He picks up a small pouch of applesauce, like the kind people give to kids, and hands it to me. “Try this and see if you can keep it down.”
Dutifully, I twist off the top and put the little spout to my lips. The applesauce is tart and a bit warm, and I finish the pouch in one long squeeze.
“How long have you been taking them?” he asks as I recap the pouch.
“I’ve had the scripts for years.” I toss the pouch onto the tray but don’t reach for anything else. He was right. I need to give my stomach a break, or I’ll puke all over myself.
“Not what I asked.”
“Since last Wednesday.”
He nods slowly. “Why then?”
“What do you mean?” I resist the urge to squirm under his intense stare.
“Why did you start last Wednesday?” He crosses his arms over his chest, making his muscles pop.
I look away. “Because I couldn’t sleep.”
“Why couldn’t you sleep?”
I shrug, still not meeting his gaze.
“Are you freaking out because you sucked my dick?”
My gaze darts to his involuntarily, and I do my best to keep the shock off my face.
This is the first time either of us has acknowledged what happened, and a part of me figured we never would.
That the whole thing was just a weird one-off triggered by heightened emotions and bad decisions that would stay buried in the past.
He smirks. “Why do you look so surprised? Did you forget you put my dick in your mouth?”
“No.” I shake my head. “And that’s not why.”
“Then why?”
I shrug and look away again.
“Do you know how stupid it is to knowingly incapacitate yourself when someone is trying to kill you?” he asks in his usual blunt way.
I shrug again, still not meeting his gaze. “At least I won’t see it coming if I’m passed the fuck out.”
Silence stretches between us, growing heavy and uncomfortable the longer it goes on.
Unable to take it any longer, I lift my eyes to his.
His expression is hard to read. It’s thoughtful and calculating, but still hard with an undertone of something I can’t place.
“What?” I finally ask.
“Text Eden and tell her you’re fine.”
“Eden?”
“She’s worried about you,” he says gruffly. “She was here earlier. Do you remember that?”
Slowly, I shake my head. She was here?
Most of the past week is a blur thanks to the copious amount of pharmaceuticals I’ve popped, and I have almost no memories of talking to her or even seeing her.
“What time is it?” I ask, needing to break the silence.
My phone is on the table next to the tray, but I’m pretty sure it’s been dead for hours at this point.
“Almost two.”
What? How can it already be two in the afternoon? How did I lose that much time?
“When was the last time you ate?” he asks, picking up the pitcher and glass.
“Yesterday,” I say as he fills the glass and extends it to me. “Maybe dinner? I can’t really remember.” I take a sip and almost start coughing from the burst of unexpected tastes. “What the hell is this?”
“It’s an electrolyte hangover mix Jace makes. I have no idea what the fuck he puts in it, but it’s saved my ass more than once. Make sure you eat something with it, otherwise it’ll tear your stomach up.”
I glance down at the glass in confusion. Jace is sharing his hangover cure with me? The same guy who coined the nickname little Fefe when I was eleven and has made sure it’s followed me ever since because he knows how much I hate it?
Or is Killian the one who’s sharing it with me and it just happens to be Jace’s miracle cure? Killian’s no stranger to party favors and prescriptions; he’s probably used this as much as Jace over the years.
A laugh bubbles up in my chest, but I force it back down.
Why do I keep trying to read between the lines and see some sort of deeper meaning in Killian’s actions?
He gave me the drink because I’m hungover from the pills and he’s trying to keep me alive.
That’s it. It has nothing to do with me and everything to do with covering his ass and keeping a scandal away from the house and his family.
I take another small sip of the drink and put it back on the tray. It’s not that bad now that I know it’s not water. It’s salty with a bit of sweetness and a hint of spice that’s a bit off-putting, but not terrible.
“Thanks,” I say awkwardly and put the glass on the tray.
He shrugs. “I have to go check on something. I’ll be back later.”
“Okay.” I tear open a protein bar and take a bite.
“Try not to be a dumbass while I’m gone.” He ticks his chin at my phone. “And text Eden so she doesn’t show up on our doorstep again.”
“I will.”
He gives me one last long look, then turns on his heel and stalks over to his side of the room.
I purposely don’t look at him as he digs around in his dresser and pick up my phone.
It’s dead, just like I suspected, and I search out the cord for the charger next to my bed. I’m just plugging it in when Killian leaves, not sparing me a second glance.
Still not fully with it and confused as fuck as to what’s going on, I wait for my phone to charge up a bit and choke down the rest of the protein bar.
Was Killian waiting for me to wake up? Or is it just a coincidence that he was here when the meds finally wore off? He doesn’t have any classes on Friday afternoons, so it’s more than likely he was just killing time and I just happened to wake up when he was still here.
Huffing out a sigh, I check my phone. It’s only at three percent, but I flash it up anyway. That’s enough to send a text.
I have multiple notifications from Eden and one from an unknown number.
I check Eden’s messages first.
Eden : how did you sleep?
Eden : do you want to get breakfast before class?
Eden : are you okay?
Eden : can you please answer me. the radio silence is freaking me out
Eden : where are you? Are you okay????
Eden : I’m going to ask killian if you’re okay if you don’t answer me by the time my class is over
Eden : I’m going to kill you myself if youre fine and killian gets mad at me for bothering him
I type out a quick reply.
Felix : I’m okay
Felix : I woke up about ten minutes ago
Felix : I’m sorry I freaked you out
She reads my messages just as I’m sending the last one.
Eden : oh thank god
Eden : what happened?
Felix : the pills just caught up to me. I’m fine
Eden : you told me you don’t like taking them because of the side effects and that’s why you stopped
Eden : but you’ve been doing them for a whole week and didn’t say anything?
Felix : It’s not a big deal. I just had trouble sleeping and thought they’d help me reset things
Eden : I really don’t want to dogpile on you while you’re obviously going through something but it feels like youre shutting me out and I’m worried I did something wrong
Eden : should I not have talked to Killian?
Eden : I didn’t mean to overstep but I was scared and telling him was the only way I could get in to check on you
Felix : you didn’t do anything wrong
Felix : I promise I’m not mad or upset about anything
Felix : we’ll talk more later. I’m still not feeling great
Eden : okay
I wait to see if she says anything more, then scroll through our week of texts, scanning to see what the hell we talked about.
Most of it is gossip, but there are a few moments where she tried to open the door for me to tell her what’s going on, but I didn’t take the opportunity and instead shut her out.
One of the side effects of the pills is that they dull everything and put me in a state of perpetual apathy.
I don’t feel sad or happy or scared, I just feel numb and like I’m not fully connected to the world.
It’s kind of like when people say they feel like they’re on the outside of something and looking in.
Like I’m observing my life instead of living it.
When I’m sure I haven’t completely messed things up with Eden, I exit out of our texts and tap on the thread from the unknown number.
Unknown : 00000000000000
I stare at the message for a few beats, then delete it and toss my phone aside. Whatever, it’s not the first time I’ve gotten a wrong number, and I’m sure it won’t be the last.
The click of the door unlocking startles me out of the daze I’ve fallen into. I have no idea what time it is, but the last time I checked my phone, it was almost two in the morning. I’ve been in bed and trying to sleep since just before midnight.
The door swings open, and Killian walks into the room. The dim light from the hallway creates an eerie backlight effect that makes him nothing more than a silhouette.
I keep still as he carefully closes the door behind him and creeps into the room.
That’s weird. Usually Killian makes a point to be as loud as possible when he comes and goes, no matter what time of the day or night it is. Is he being careful so he doesn’t wake me up?
I almost laugh at myself. Of course he’s not being careful because of me. He’s just acting like a normal person instead of being an insufferable jackass.