13. Killian
KILLIAN
My eyes fly open as something heavy lands on my bed.
“What the fuck?” I roll over and sit up, already reaching for the knife strapped to the side of my bedside table. It takes a second for my vision to adjust to the dark, but when it does, I freeze, my hand only inches from the handle of the knife.
Felix is sitting on the edge of my bed and looking down at me like I’m some sort of science experiment.
“Felix?” I ask stupidly. “What the fuck are you doing?”
Instead of answering, he grabs the covers and pulls them back.
I’m too stunned to stop him as he slides into bed with me and tosses the covers back over us.
“Sorry, Teddy,” he mumbles and rolls into my side and cuddles up to me.
“Teddy?” I splutter as he puts his head on my shoulder and throws one arm over my stomach.
My first instinct is to toss him to the floor and lay into him for whatever prank he thinks he’s pulling, but something about the tone of his voice and the way he’s moving stops me.
Is he sleepwalking?
“Shhhhh,” he whispers. “Go back to sleep, Teddy.”
“Teddy?” I repeat.
Is that some past lover or someone he has a crush on?
I might have known Felix since he was ten, but I don’t really know that much about his personal life, and that includes his sexuality.
In the nine years we’ve been part of each other’s lives, he’s never officially dated anyone, and has never been linked to anyone other than Eden.
I’m pretty sure Jordan would castrate him if he found out they were sleeping together, so I believe him when he says they’re just friends.
I’ve never even heard about him having a crush or being interested in anyone, not even celebrities or influencers.
But then again, he had no issues with me getting him off and definitely didn’t seem to mind having my dick in his mouth, so who the fuck knows what he is or isn’t.
“My Teddy,” he says dreamily and lets out a soft giggle that sounds completely out of place coming from him. “So comfy.” He nuzzles his cheek against my shoulder and sighs contentedly.
Yeah, he’s definitely asleep.
I give his shoulder a little shake. “Wake up.”
“No, thank you.” He throws one leg over me and presses it between my thighs. The move isn’t sexual, but the scrape of his leg hair against my half-hard dick is enough to encourage it to thicken to full mast.
“Of fucking course,” I mutter and give him another shake. “Wake up before I throw you across the room.”
He makes a snuffling sound, like he’s afraid, and buries his face in my chest. “Please don’t hurt me,” he whimpers. “Please. You’re the only one who helps me.”
What the fuck? Is he talking to me or this Teddy guy?
“No one is going to hurt you,” I say, even as my mind is spinning with questions. “Can you wake up for me?”
“I don’t want to,” he whispers, still talking into my chest. “Please don’t make me.”
I’ve never dealt with a sleepwalker before, but this feels different. Are they usually this hard to wake?
“I missed you.” He squeezes me tighter and shifts so he’s half laying on me.
Now the side of his groin is pressing into my cock, and I have to bite back a groan at the friction from his weight grinding down on me.
“Did you take any pills tonight?” I ask.
“Are you mad at me?” He sounds so young and scared it twists something inside me.
“No one’s mad at you.” Trying a different tactic, I wrap my arm around his shoulders and hold him against me. “I just need to know if you took any pills tonight.”
He sighs happily and snuggles into my embrace.
“Did you take anything?” I ask again.
“Maybe.” He sounds coy now, but there’s an innocence under it that doesn’t feel like he’s being vague or obtuse on purpose.
That tracks with him taking something. And now that I’m thinking clearly and have some context, it’s obvious he’s having an Ambien dream and has no idea what’s going on or what he’s doing.
“Why did you get into my bed?” I might as well see what I can get out of him while he’s so loose-lipped.
“Because I missed you.” He shifts and rubs his groin against my dick.
I can tell he’s not doing it on purpose, but my entire body reacts like he just dropped to his knees and begged me to fuck his mouth again.
I may not be into guys, but what happened with Felix was the hottest thing I’ve ever experienced, and it had nothing to do with it being the first time I’ve played with a dick that isn’t mine.
That part was a lot less weird than I thought it would be. Touching him, stroking him, wasn’t much different from doing it to myself, but the sense of power it gave me was next level.
Being in control of his pleasure like that, seeing his defiance slowly melt away until all that’s left is resigned acceptance and desperate desire, is almost as hot as having him on his knees. And the moment he chose to suck me off is going to live rent-free in my head for years.
He wasn’t just a willing participant. He was an active one. He got off on it, and he wanted it.
“Why did you miss me?” I ignore the mounting desire snaking through me and the nearly overwhelming urge to roll him over and fuck his mouth until I come down his throat again.
As much fun as that would be, I hold back.
Not for any altruistic reasons, but because it’s so much better when he fights back.
It would be too easy to take advantage of his drugged-up state, and he won’t even remember it in the morning.
That takes all the fun out of this game we seem to be playing.
He doesn’t answer; he just sighs and brushes his lips over my pec. It’s not a kiss, not really, but goosebumps erupt on my arms and chest as his stubble catches on my skin.
“Have I been gone for a long time?” I ask, still trying to figure out who Teddy is and why Felix wants to snuggle him.
He huffs out a disgruntled sound. “So long.”
“I’m here now.”
I’m not a cuddler, but I don’t hate having him wrapped around me like this. Maybe it’s the solid weight of his muscles and the hard lines of his body reminding me he’s big and strong and I don’t have to be careful with him that make it easier to relax.
I can push and pull as much as I want because he can take it. And more than that, he can dish it right back to me.
No one has ever been able to match my energy, and not only is he not afraid of me, he enjoys seeing just how far he can push me until I lose my shit.
After years of dealing with his passive-aggressive bullshit and that damn robot mask, it’s exhilarating to see him give in to his emotions and embrace the chaos that comes with accepting who you are.
And I can’t deny that there’s something incredibly satisfying about being the only one who sees this side of him.
“Yeah, you are,” he mumbles sleepily.
“Why do you need my help falling asleep?” I ask softly.
He shifts so his head is on my shoulder and he can press his nose against my neck. “You smell different.”
“Different?”
“It’s nice.” He sniffs a few times. “I like it.”
“Why do you need help falling asleep?” I repeat.
I have no clue how lucid he is or if anything he’s saying is actually an answer and not just word salad from being fucked up, but he seems responsive.
“Because they’re back,” he whispers.
“What’s back?”
“The dreams.” He throws himself over me and wraps himself around me like I’m his lifeline. “I hate them.”
His skin is warm, and it’s only then I realize that Felix is completely naked and I’m in a thin pair of briefs.
His cock is soft, but mine isn’t, and feeling all of him pressing against me like this isn’t helping my situation.
“It’s okay.” I rub circles on his back and press a soft kiss against his cheek. “You’re okay.”
I have no fucking clue where this tender side is coming from, but it’s hard to be mean to someone who’s literally clinging to you and begging you to save them from their nightmares.
He relaxes and grows heavier on me.
“Please don’t let go,” he whispers. “Don’t leave me.”
“I won’t.”
“Promise?”
“Yeah. I promise,” I say, my voice gruff.
He brushes his lips against my neck in a soft kiss.
A moment later, his breathing evens out and he goes limp on top of me.
“Felix?”
His only answer is a deep inhale.
Not sure why I’m being careful, I pull his arms from around me and shift him onto the bed so he’s lying next to me and not on top of me.
He grumbles something I can’t make out and throws one arm and leg over me, holding tight as he cuddles into my side again.
I try to get him off me twice more, but he just rolls back into my side the second I let go of him.
“Well, fuck,” I mutter at the ceiling.
What the hell am I supposed to do now? I can’t wake him, not until the drugs wear off, and I doubt I’m strong enough to drag his ass out of my bed and carry him over to his.
I could just dump him on the floor and go back to sleep while he deals with his high, but that doesn’t feel right either.
If anything he said tonight is actually true, then he’s been taking the pills to escape his dreams. And if they’re anything like the one he had earlier, I get why he’s been doping himself up to sleep.
His screams were bone-chilling. There was so much fear and anguish in his voice. They were as terrifying as they were heartbreaking to hear.
But why did they start on Wednesday? He said it didn’t have anything to do with us hooking up, but did something else happen that I don’t know about?
The solid weight of him on me is weirdly comforting, and the heat from his body, along with his rhythmic breaths, make it hard to think as they lull me back to sleep.
Felix lets out a soft sigh and nuzzles his cheek against my chest.
Whatever. It’s not like he’s going to remember this in the morning. Might as well let him cuddle me and see if it helps him on a subconscious level so I can get some sleep.
Something goes sour in my stomach. He kept calling me Teddy. Whoever that asshole is, he’s pissing me off, and I have no clue why.
I shouldn’t care who Felix has been with or crushed on or who he wants to run to when he’s scared. It’s not my business who he’s unconsciously thinking about while he’s high on pharmaceuticals.
It doesn’t matter if he thinks he’s snuggling this Teddy guy while he’s in my bed and holding on to me.
More of that ugly feeling twists my gut.
I need to get some sleep. I have no clue how long it’s been since I went to bed, but it can’t be more than a few hours, considering how dark it still is.
That’s the only reason I’m thinking like this. I had a long week, and instead of enjoying my Friday night like a normal person, the twins and I were doing damage control for the house until all hours of the morning.
That’s all this is. Exhaustion and a lingering bad mood.
Felix will probably wake up to go back to his own bed at some point. Then all this weirdness will be over, and I can forget about the night I cuddled my stepbrother through his high.